**
I sulked, leaning against Chris’ beat up SUV parked in the driveway. That’s one thing I could give Chris; even though his family had money, someone would never guess it with him driving that piece of shit around town. I liked that quality in a guy. Too bad he could be such a jerk. I finally met Jake’s gaze and his lips peeked with a smile. I went mushy inside.
“What are you staring at?”
“Oh, just a little raccoon.” He brushed my matted, sticky hair away from my forehead.
“Oh, my God,” I laughed. “I knew it! I thought the same thing when I got out of the pool.” I futilely rubbed the towel under my eyes. The mascara was already dried, like black tar.
“Oh, don’t freak out,” he chuckled, his eyes twinkling.
“You’re the last person I expected to see here,” I admitted.
“You told me to text, so I did. Then, I remembered you said you’d be here, so I walked over.” He took a step back from me, with his arms outstretched. “Everything okay?”
I watched the palms of his hands turn upwards. My head was swimming. I sighed deeply. “I just didn’t expect you here, that’s all.”
“I just came over here to apologize about Rachel and to tell you I told her to cool it, that hooking up with her was a mistake.” He huffed, backing away from me. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come here, but I thought we were on the same page. You know, no bullshit.”
“I’m not bullshitting,” I quickly affirmed.
“Aly, I’m not sure what’s going on here, this thing with us.” He shook his head, looking as confused as I felt.
“I know, I know.” I said, maybe a little too strongly. I put my face in my hands, speaking into them. “I just want to be alone with you, for a little while. This Rachel stuff is…she’s super territorial, and I don’t get it. And what do you mean by telling her it was a mistake?”
Jake stared back at me, blinking twice. He was silent for a long moment before speaking. “Okay, here’s the deal with Rachel. She’s been hanging around for years, literally.” He sighed deeply, stumbling with his explanation. “She’s best friends with Sienna. You know Dump, our drummer? She’s his girlfriend.”
“I know all this, Jake.” I reminded him.
“Wait, just listen. I knew she’d always liked me, and one night, we were drinking after a show, doing things we shouldn’t be doing, and we hooked up.”
I swore the earth shook when I heard his admission.
“Okay,” I said, trying to keep my cool. “So, here we are. We admit we like each other, and now you’re leaving on tour? I mean, when were you going to tell me?” I sighed, only able to stare down at my bare feet. I couldn’t look at him. “I don’t know what to think. I’m bummed to hear you’re leaving for, like…weeks. The whole summer, that’s all.”
I finally lifted my head and met his eyes.
“Try not to think about it, then.” He laughed and I gave him a tight stare. I didn’t think it was funny. “Aly, I have shows here all over LA and OC, so I’ll be home some of the time, and I’ll be back one week before school starts.”
Then I spotted more trouble bobbing and weaving in the distance.
“Great,” I muttered. He turned to see what I was looking at. Matt and Grant were coming toward us on their skateboards.
Jake threw his hand up. “Okay, well, are you coming? I don’t really want to hang out here, you know. Grant doesn’t think the best of me since I didn’t pick him to be in the band.”
“Why didn’t you?”
Jake shrugged. “Believe it or not, I actually do think he’s better, but it’s the age thing, with Grant being only 14. Notting, our manager, doesn’t want to babysit.”
“Really? Did you tell Grant that?”
“No, of course not,” he guffawed. “We just picked Mike because he was the oldest. He fit pretty much what we were looking for. Look, are you coming?”
As soon as he spit out his last word, I heard the slapping of the skateboard against the cement curb.
“Hey,” I greeted half-heartedly. Jake stepped away from me as Matt walked up. I felt as if I should have a sign on my head flashing Awkward. Matt still had no idea I’d had a change of heart. What if Jake had a change of heart about me while he was away? Then I’d be breaking Matt’s heart for nothing. I was so confused, but every fiber in me wanted Jake, not Matt.
“Dude, Aly, what happened to you?” Matt chuckled. “You look like shit.”
“Aww, did you get pushed into the pool?” Grant teased as he put his arm around my shoulders, giving me a squeeze. Grant stared at Jake, giving him a head nod. “Sup, Jake.”
“Hey, man,” Jake said a bit uneasy. “Alright, Aly, I’ll talk to you later.”
I was frozen. I wanted to say that I’d be right there, but nothing came out. I wasn’t ready to tell Matt, but I knew he was about to find out. Everyone on the other side of the house now knew about Jake and I. I felt guilty. But Matt took his sweet time figuring out if he liked me, so I shouldn’t feel bad, I told myself. I stood silent, watching Jake’s God-like figure walk away down the street. I felt a hard nudge at my shoulder.
“What’s he doing here?” Matt asked.
“Huh, what?” I responded, in a daze.
“I asked what Jake was doing here. Is everything okay?”
“Uh, yeah, everything’s fine. I need to go home and change. Just look at me.” I looked down at myself, holding my arms out to the side with a crooked smile. “Not my best look.”
“Alright, you comin’ back?”
“I don’t know,” I replied, distracted. “I need to go back inside for a sec.”
Dashing back poolside, I quickly unloaded a plan, and requested everyone not to let on about Jake to Matt. I wanted to do it myself.
They nodded back at me in understanding.
10
Alyssa
It was nearly dark and my stomach was in knots with the anticipation of the evening’s unknown events. I said goodbye to my parents and walked out the door, hoping they wouldn’t ask questions. I cut across our freshly-mowed lawns, looking around to see if anyone was watching me. I felt like I was doing something wrong—which I was. If my dad knew what I was up to, he’d lock me in my room with a dead bolt. I knocked softly on the door and waited. I was hoping it would be his mom who answered the door, but it was Jake, in all of his bright-eyed perfectness. My knees buckled.
“Hey,” he said, smiling, not too surprised to see me. As I walked past him, he leaned into me and sniffed my hair. “Strawberry girl.”
“Hey.” I giggled in return. “Where’s your mom?”
“She’s getting ready to go to Notting’s.”
“She’s seeing your manager?” I asked, curious.
“Um, well, not sure really,” he said, laughing. “I personally think so, but they keep it on the down-low, you know. They talk band strategy.” He sniffed, gesturing with finger quotations. “I know Notting’s in love with her, but she’s still stuck on who knows what. She has issues.”
“That must suck, for Notting, I mean.”
“Yeah, I’m sure it does.” He turned, the hint of sadness gone, staring at me for a moment. “Let’s go to my room. Unless you want to stay out here?” All I could do was shrug off the weirdness that filled me and follow him, wondering a bit more about his mom.
“Isn’t it weird for you, knowing that your manager is into your mom?”
“There’s so much to it, Aly,” he said, almost contrite. “Notting’s been around a long time. You don’t remember him?”
“Not really,” I admitted.
“Notting’s been like a father to me, and not just managing the band. Him and my mom, they work together as a team.”
“Oh, wow. That’s awesome.”
“Yeah, it’s been cool. I guess.” He shrugged. I felt as if he was trying to convince himself.
We settled into a conversation about his upcoming tour and the cities he was going to. This was a West Coast tour: California
, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon and Washington. Two dates were right here in the Hollywood and Orange County area. I was dying to be at each of them. I wondered if Rachel and Sienna normally traveled with them, and if they would this time, too.
“Jake,” I asked, hesitant. “I have a question.”
His eyes lit up cautiously. “Hmm?”
He cocked his head, waiting for me to spit it out.
“Okay, well, I just want to know what you meant by hooking up with Rachel.”
Jake’s smile disappeared from his face and he squirmed, bending his neck from side to side.
“Aly, look…”
“Did you sleep with her?” I whispered, looking him straight in the eyes.
Jake leaned way back and rubbed his hands over his face.
“Aly, it doesn’t matter what happened with Rachel.” His shoulders slumped. He looked ill as he continued. “Okay, look, I’m not gonna to lie to you. Yes. I did. But it was…it was something that shouldn’t have happened.”
“So what you’re saying is…you hook up with girls that you don’t care about, and it means nothing for you to do so.”
I knew that I was being unfair, but this is just what my sister warned me about. “Guys like Jake.” I thought my insides would turn into gravel.
“Look, Aly, I don’t want to make it more than it was, ‘cause it was nothin’…and no, I didn’t make it a point to hook up with her. It’s just something that happened.”
I didn’t know what else to say. There was a sick and twisted part of me that wanted to know what it was like. I wanted him to give me a play-by-play. “Why did you do it, then?”
Jake looked at me blankly for a long moment, searching my eyes, and all the sound went from the room. All I could see was his beautiful face as I waited for him to give me details.
“Aly, what am I gonna do with you? Seriously, you make me crazy.” He took a breath. “A good crazy.”
He laughed nervously and moved closer to me. My heart pounded so hard I could feel the blood rushing through my veins.
“I thought I explained this,” he said with a bit of edge. “We were all hanging out and one thing led to another. She came onto me and I just kinda went with it. Then it was over. Rachel obviously feels…”
“Feels what, Jake? If you were to sleep with me and blow me off, I would feel the same way,” I interrupted, slightly hostile. I was angry at hearing the truth and more so that I felt a tinge of pity for her.
“Aly, wait a second,” he said, beaten. He’d had enough of my verbal assault. “It’s not like that with you. It sounds so cliché, but one day you’ll understand.” He sniffed. “The thing is, I don’t really want you to understand.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Jake cradled his head in his hands for a long moment. Finally, he turned to face me. “Aly, it’s a physical thing with Rachel. That’s what it was that night.”
Vomit. Flashes of them together made my stomach lurch.
“And what does that have to do with you not wanting me to understand?”
He shook his head and closed his eyes, frustrated. When he returned my gaze, his eyes roamed my face. “I like you, Aly. I feel comfortable with you. I know you care about me for me for the right reasons, with us knowing each other forever, and all. That’s what’s so legit. And the fact that you feel free to question me without reservation…it’s strong.” He shifted, moving closer to me. “Not to mention I’m attracted to you, more than conversationally.”
Every word echoed and etched itself into my brain.
“Who talks like this?” I marveled, blown away by his honesty.
Fidgety, I began to fluff the pillow next to me.
“What? You asked. I’m attracted to you.” He pointed at his chest. “I felt it right away, but because you’ve been like family, it’s made me think twice about the way I’m feeling. I know how your dad feels about you dating, considering what your sister went through.” He took my hand into his and it sent chills up my arm. He noticed and rubbed my forearm softly. I couldn’t feel any other part of my body, only the caress of his hand. He let out a huge sigh. “And this, this is what makes me want more, because I know you’re for real.”
“Do you just lay here at night thinking how to be clever with words?” I asked, enamored by his admission.
He laughed, embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t mean to sound lame.” He put his arm around my neck and kissed my temple. I felt his chest rise. “I dig the way you smell.”
Yeah, and I dig a million other things about you.
“Jake.” My voice cracked. A big lump formed, choking me. I gulped. Being so full of emotion, the tears came knocking, without warning. I kept my head hung low. “Um, thank you.”
He pulled me to him and our skin touched. My forehead dissolved against his neck. The scent of him was so overpowering that the lump in my throat liquefied like it’d never been there. Now I was fighting the urge to kiss him.
“Hey, you’ve been nothing but honest about your feelings. You deserve the same.”
As much as I wanted to stay glued to him forever, I was anxious to get going.
“So what’s up with this party? I need to get over to Nicole’s if we’re going.” I said softly.
“You’re really coming?” he said, surprised. “Aren’t you worried you’ll run into your sister?”
Jolt.
“Oh my God, don’t remind me. Do you think she’ll be there?” Dread spread over me.
“Not sure, I don’t see her around all that much anymore.”
“Will you text me when you get there, let me know if she’s there?”
“How you gettin’ there? I can drive you guys,” he offered, sweetly.
“That’d be cool, but I think we have this thing going on with Nadine and Chris. He is supposedly driving us, so we’ll meet you there.”
“Chris who?”
“Chris Hamilton, Nicole’s brother.”
“Ah, yeah, that’s right. Really? Those two?” he said in disbelief.
“Yeah. I guess I was worried about us for nothing. Apparently she’s been really crushing on him forever and he’s finally paying attention to her. Who knows,” I said, laughing. “It gets a little weird with girls, Jake. We have these unspoken rules, you know.”
“Ah. I see. Cool.”
I stood up to leave. I wanted to kiss him, like really kiss him—but I was too chicken to be that bold. I had no idea what I was doing and I didn’t want to embarrass myself.
“I’m gonna go. I’ll see you later.”
He grabbed me by the hips and my knees buckled. “You’re awesome, you know that?” He paused, his impossibly perfect blue eyes looking intensely into my own. “Please, don’t pay any attention to Rachel. This’ll blow over. She’ll get over it.” he stood up and took my face into his hands. “I promise it’ll all work out.”
He gently kissed my lips and my eyes fell shut. I opened my eyes and his face remained close to mine. I didn’t want the moment to end. His hands moved down my neck to my shoulders and he rested his forehead against mine.
“Aly, I care about what happens with you. I’m sorry if I’ve made some fucked up impression.”
Jake pulled me close and held me snug. I ran my hands up his back, and for the first time, I really hugged him back. I pressed against him, wanting to smell like him when I left. I breathed him in so deeply. I felt him respond, holding me tighter.
“I’ve been hearing the vibration of your phone for the last half hour. I guess you’d better get goin’.” He looked at me tenderly, like he wanted more. “I’m sure your girls are gonna want the low down.”
“I’m not sharing everything with them,” I said, curtly. “I don’t need my sibs finding out anything. I mean Kyle would be cool about it, but Allison is so lame. You have no idea. Not sure what her deal is. You should have seen her face when I told her I’d hung out with you.”
“Really?” His brows knitted together.
“Yeah…on th
e down low is all I gotta say.”
“Yeah, my mom would probably shit a bowling ball.”
**
Taylor Swift’s upbeat melodic tune - ‘I knew you were trouble when you walked in…shame on you…’ - Trouble was the dominant sound coursing through Nicole’s house. I could also hear a TV battling for attention. It was loud and bright. I would have guessed every light was on in the house, another contrast to my darkened cave of a home. Nadine was already there. I could hear her singing along to the music, beyond badly.
Oh God.
I didn’t know how Nicole’s parents tuned it out. I hardly ever saw Nicole’s father, Jerry. He owned some sort of building or development company, hence the robust lifestyle they were able to live. I envied Nicole and all of her stuff. She got everything she wanted and shopped at all the most exclusive boutiques. She was always loaning Nadine and me her clothes and shoes, which helped my pathetically unfortunate wardrobe. I barely had a sense for fashion.
I walked up the thickly padded stairs and Nadine’s voice grew louder. She was so off-key that I wondered if she was tone deaf. How embarrassing. I laughed to myself as I cracked open Nicole’s bedroom door. The music was so loud they didn’t hear me. They were standing in front of a wall of mirrors, putting on their make-up, already dressed the part for our first high school party. I was giddy with excitement.
“Hello!” I said loudly. There was no way my parents would ever allow this much madness swirling around. Nicole’s mom had to be either deaf or on meds to be so mellow. I walked over, turning down the music. “Hey, where are those black biker boots? I wanna borrow them.”
“In my closet.” Nicole pointed. “Boots, huh? That’s a bit different.”
“Good for you, Aly,” Nadine said approvingly. “Let’s see the outfit.” She spun around, stuffing the mascara wand back in its hole.
“I had to raid Allison’s clothes. If she finds out, she’ll kill me,” I warned, pulling out my sister’s shorts and the blousy black low-cut top. With my hand still in the bag, I paused for effect. The devil inside me cheered me on, and with theatrical flair, I pulled out the lace bra-vest.
“Shut up, hooker!” Nadine yelped, grabbing it out of my hands. She looked at me with animated fire. “Gahh, I wanna wear this! You’re gonna look hot, and Rachel will have to step off!”
We all squealed in unified excitement. I begged for Nicole to do my hair. She was the one who subscribed to every fashion magazine and had every beauty product known to man. She’d know what to do.
“Sit there and put your makeup on,” Nicole instructed, pointing to the Asian-inspired throw rug lying in front of her wall of mirrors. “You are gonna wear makeup, right?”
“Uh, duh, of course,” I said sarcastically. “It’s now or never.”
I stared at myself for a long moment, wondering where to start.
To continue
FIRST KISS
A Heavy Influence Novel
By Ann Marie Frohoff
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