Tears come, and I don’t fight them. This is his brother’s camera—his most prized possession up until today.
I nod. “Okay. But it really belongs to your little boy.”
Blake types into his phone. Then you’ll have to teach him to use it when he’s older.
“Done.”
“You’ll still be here.” He doesn’t ask it as a question. Or maybe he did, but I’d like to believe it was a fact.
I bite down on a devilish grin. “You couldn’t stop me.”
“Annie.” His lips fall to mine before he dives into my mouth with relief, with fury, with passion that rivals a thousand romance novels. This, right here, is far more beautiful than the magical view of the snowcapped city.
This is the real magic.
And Blake and I have captured it.
* * *
The Hoover Ear Clinic in Los Angeles is unassuming in nature. It sits across from a lustrous well recognized hospital in a mostly residential neighborhood. We park underground and head up to a limestone mecca that feels more like an upscale shopping mall than it does an internationally renowned clinic.
The Excel Implant—the device dubbed as a wondrous miracle by my mother, has been placed in both ears since two days after Christmas. A double implant. All of my mother’s auditory dreams have come true. An entire month has drifted by, and now we’re back in Los Angeles to turn on the devices and see if my auditory dreams are about to come true as well. I’ll know within the hour if the implants work for me or not. I’ll either hear the world and all its rainbow of sounds or continue on in the cushioned tunnel of silence that I’ve lived in for so long. I’m not as excited as my mother. I guess you could call me pessimistic, pragmatically suspicious—or simply a little frightened of the unknown. The surgeon suggested we wait a month to give the scar tissue a chance to heal, and today is the big day. It’s time to flip a switch and hope for the best.
Mom leads the way down the long hall to the audiologist’s office. Both Bryson and Holt insisted on coming, and I’m more than thankful. They’ve weathered this hearing storm with me from the beginning. It’s only fair they should be here for the tail end, if it is just that. Or as an optimist might point out, a very loud beginning.
Blake tightens his grip around my hand as I bite down on the wild grin waiting to take over. Yes, Blake came, too. We’ve been inseparable since the day baby Ben was brought into this world. He’s the sweetest little miracle God ever did make.
Hopefully, in just a little bit, I’ll be able to hear Blake’s voice for the very first time. Hope. That’s the backbone of this entire operation which spanned the rejection of both of my parents’ health insurance policies, three time zones, and over twelve thousand miles when you log all the back and forth travel. The pessimist in me keeps rearing her practical little head, reminding me that there is a chance the implants won’t work. The surgery was risky to begin with. Being profoundly deaf didn’t exactly make me the most lucrative candidate for the procedure. It also didn’t help that insurance balked when we begged them to cover it. This was all cash. Cash. One Excel Implant for both ears. The price tag was daunting, but my parents generously insisted I get them both at once. They emptied their 401Ks of sixty five grand as easy as shaking out a few coins from a porcelain piggy bank. They did it with joy, with hope—there’s that tricky word again. If this doesn’t work, it will break my heart for far more reasons than just my inability to hear.
Blake was kind enough to fly out for the surgery last month as well. I don’t think I could have done it without him holding my hand right up until they wheeled me away. It turns out the nanny Wyatt hired is phenomenal. Not only that, but, it turns out Roxy, Baya, and Izzy all have a sweet spot for babies. But that little boy is all mine. I love Benji as if he were my own. And when Blake holds him, feeds him, changes his diaper like it’s second nature, my heart expands to the size of the universe. Just when I didn’t think it was possible, I fall in love with Blake Daniels even deeper than before.
We take a seat near the back in the busy office and wait for what feels like a thousand years before the receptionist calls me.
My phone vibrates. It’s a text from Kaya. Can you hear me now?
I text back. You’re not funny. And, no, we haven’t turned them on yet. Soon!
Finally, Mom signs that it’s time to go in.
“This is it,” I give it in an excited whisper, my hands just as animated as my heart.
This is going to be so great! I hop to my feet and twirl into Blake.
“It’s happening.” My teeth graze over my lips as a sad realization hits me. If it doesn’t happen, there will be quite the ledge to fall from. I’d better lower my expectations in the event nothing happens at all.
Every one of those hearing aids, those strange barbaric devices I’ve tried in the past come flooding through my mind. We walk down a maze of hallways to the heart of the facility as I recall the dull roars, the low-toned warbles that I opted out of before. What if that’s all I get? Worse, what if the world sounded that way all along, and I had just painted some rosier picture?
“Take a seat in the chair, Dr. Vance will be right with you.” The nurse’s aid both signs and speaks. I watch as her lips move and wonder if it’s the last time I’ll have to focus so intently on someone else’s mouth—with the exception of Blake’s of course. His mouth I can stare at all day—preferably in bed with my fingers outlining his lips.
We try to file into the office as one giant mob, and she’s quick to hold up a hand.
“I’m sorry but only the patient is allowed inside during the adjustment. The rest of you can wait out here if you like.”
Great. I swallow uneasily as I follow her to my seat. After a small eternity and signing I love you to everyone at the door for the hundredth time, Dr. Vance comes in with that same easy smile he had right before the anesthesiologist knocked me out.
“You okay?” He dips his chin as if it were more rhetorical than anything else. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?” The deep baritone of his voice trembles through me. I can always feel when Dr. Vance is speaking. And now I’m hoping to hear him.
He busies himself with the computer in front of him, and my anxiety hits an all-time high. My palms sweat. My body temperature spikes so fast, I slip my hand over my forehead to cool me.
He reaches into a tiny blue box and pulls out a small, silver square.
“This is your remote, Annie. I’m going to position this to your ear to turn on your implants. And when I do, I want you to tell me when you hear three tiny beeps.”
My eyes flit to the door. My mother has managed to scoot herself inside, and I spot Blake standing between my brothers. His wide eyes look inviting as windows that I long to crawl into. If this doesn’t work—if I don’t hear the beeps, if I don’t hear anything—
Dr. Vance places the remote to my left temple, and I take a breath.
A short squeak emits, then another, and another—piercing and painful. My eyes squeeze tight in response. I gag on my next breath and hear a myriad of sound coming from my own throat.
I take in a quick breath and marvel at the roar coming from my own mouth. An entire series of crackling, mind-numbing, sharp bites of agony continue to claw behind my temples. Another choking sound comes from my throat, this time I choose to laugh. Laughter! My own laughter. Tears come unexpected as the joy transcends the pain.
“Annie?” A smooth, deep voice comes from my left. I look to the door as Blake takes a step inside. My skull vibrates and pops as sound and sight finally merge in one beautiful orchestra. It’s as if I step outside of the pain threshold, refuse my body one last grievance and simply soak in the world around me—soak in Blake and his beautiful voice.
“Blake?” My voice! I cry hard as I launch into his arms.
“Annie.” His chest bucks beneath mine, and we’re both in tears.
My brothers and my mom swarm around me in a tight huddle. It’s a choir of unfamiliar sounds, so per
fect and right, so beautiful and strong and lovely, just the way I imagined they would be.
I kiss and hug them all in turn. I cup my mother’s cheeks.
“Thank you for supporting me through this for all these years. I love you. I really am so thankful.”
“I know, sweetie, I know.” She sounds every bit as sweet as I knew she would.
I float into Blake’s arms. The world is new again.
Dr. Vance turns on my second implant, and it’s twice as exciting as the first time.
Everything is brand new to me. I can see, smell, taste, feel, and now I can finally hear the world.
* * *
After dinner, after soaking in every foreign sound and loving the living hell out of it, I sneak over to Blake’s room down the hall for a few minutes. Our flight leaves at nine in the morning, so we’ll be headed to the airport at the crack of dawn but I wanted to see Blake at least once in private before we left.
“Hey, beautiful.” He answers the door with that happy to see me, deliriously drugged smile still tucked on his face. His eyes beam as if a light went off somewhere behind them as soon as he opened the door. I swear, Blake Daniels glows in my presence, and, as narcissistic as that sounds, I’d bet everything I own, including my new implants, that it’s true. Blake gently pulls me toward him before slow dancing me to the bed. Lying over the mattress is a brown, glossy guitar with a pearl face around the opening in the center.
“You didn’t bring your guitar, did you?” I cock my head trying to recall him tucking it into the car on the way to the airport yesterday.
“Nope. I handed the concierge a roll full of bills and told him what I wanted. He ran out and picked it up for me this afternoon while we were gone. I have a little cash stashed away, and I thought what better time to buy a souvenir.”
“Souvenir, huh?” My suspicions are aroused.
“For Ben.” His smile expands just enough to annunciate that devilish look in his eye. “And you.” Blake lets out a soft laugh, and I drink it down. Those familiar vibrations trickle through me beautiful and familiar. My entire body warms at the feeling. It’s as if the old me were flagging the new me down, saying don’t worry. I’m still here. Things are better but, at the core, you’re still the same.
“I bought it because I couldn’t wait to do this.” He takes off his shirt achingly slow, and that never-ending want blooms in my chest. Blake’s fingers run down the front of my blouse, unbuttoning it at record pace. “Sound travels best without all this cotton between us.” An animalistic growl comes from his chest, and I lay my hand over it, old school, to feel him pulsate through me.
“Play for me.”
“I thought you’d never ask.” Blake kisses me just below my ear, and I hear it. Hear it! I hear that precious kiss. I can’t stop marveling at the beauty life held back like a well-kept secret, but now I’m in on it. And I’ll be eating it up the rest of my days, one delicious sound at a time. The audiologist ran his test once things calmed down this afternoon and said I have moderate to good hearing. It’s not perfect, but it is to me. A part of me still prefers to read lips if I can. Everything sounds so foreign, so ironically difficult to process.
Blake and I snuggle up on the bed as he pulls the heavily veneered guitar over his lap.
Blake strums his fingers over the strings, and the room explodes with a heavenly light. “Oh, Annie—” His voice is melodic and low as tears spontaneously blur my vision. I’ve melted. I’ve drowned in that sweet, curling melody. “Look who’s in love with you…”
I close my eyes and lay my head to his chest, hearing, feeling, absorbing the notes as they plume from Blake’s mouth. Perfection. Blake Daniels is just that—perfect.
“This old boy thought he lost his mind when you got up and left, but you’re back in my arms where you belong. Oh, Annie—look what you do to me. My heart is racing—can’t catch my breath. Forever isn’t long enough, but it’s all that’s left. Sweet Annie.”
I pull his face to mine as he carefully places his guitar to the floor. “That was by far more amazing than I ever could have imagined. You sound like a god.” I shake my head, overwhelmed hearing his voice configure into a thing of beauty like that for me. “When we went out that first night at the Black Bear, I thought how could this gorgeous creature possibly be interested in me? And then later I wondered why on earth a musician would care to have a deaf girlfriend. But you kept coming for me. You kept showering me with attention—with those heady kisses—and it all became real. You wanted me. I couldn’t understand it, but I could feel it.”
“I still want you, Annie.” He pulls me into his lap. “I know I have my hands full with Ben, but I want you by my side for the rest of my life. In fact, if you weren’t in it, my heart would grieve for you just as much as it does for Benji.” His chest pumps with a quiet laugh. “Okay, more.” He raises his hand a moment. “Sorry, Ben.”
“Well, then.” I twist until I’m lying in his lap, pulling him down by the neck. “Good luck trying to get rid of me. In fact, I was thinking that on weekends I could spend some extra time at the carriage house with you and the baby.”
He cocks his head to the side, hopeful. “As in spend the night?”
“As in spend the night.”
“Yes.” He closes his eyes in victory. “You’re welcome anytime.” Blake pulls me up and works off my jeans. “There’s a special thank you I’d like to give, but I think I can say it best if we’re both naked.”
“Really? I guess this is my chance to hear it for the first time,” I tease. “Do you know what I do best when we’re both naked?”
Blake unhooks my bra, and it sails across the room. We share a laugh as he pins me with his limbs.
“I think I know firsthand what you do best when we’re both naked.” His cheeks twitch. Blake redefines gorgeous on an alien level.
“Oh, yeah?” I pull my legs over his back as he reaches for a condom. “What’s your guess?”
“Me.”
He dots my lips with a juicy, loud kiss, and the pit of my stomach quivers with lust. This man has me, so thoroughly, so completely I don’t care to know the world without him.
“I was going to say you, too. But that’s because you make me feel like a woman, Blake. You’ve never made me feel less in any way, and I want to thank you for that.”
“The only way to thank me is by landing those perfect lips over mine every single day until I’m no longer on this planet. It’s only fair.” Blake’s expression grows serious as he lies over me with the weight of his chest. He leans in and whispers right into my ear, “I’m going to marry you someday, Annie Edwards. I’m going to make you mine.”
My heart gives a wild thump at the quasi-proposal.
“I’m already yours.” I outline his lips with my finger. “And I can’t wait to be a family with you and Ben.”
“You already are. We wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Blake rolls on his condom, and I hear it. It’s the strangest gurgle, and it makes that incessant giggle go off in my chest again. It’s amazing that every little detail, every little thing gives birth to a sound. I marvel as he crumples the wrapper, and it sails off the bed right into the trashcan.
“He shoots, he scores.” A devilish smile rides on his lips as he guides himself into my body.
“He scores indeed.” I take a bite out of his lip.
“That’s what I’m talking about.” His chest vibrates over mine, and it feels like home. Blake pushes in deep and moves inside of me slow and easy as if it were our first time, and, in a way, it is. Blake and I make love until well past midnight. Our moans, his wild thunderous groans, sound just as incredible as it’s always felt. He dives down and loves me with his mouth until I’m right there with him. The sound of my panting catches me off guard as I climax into him. A shrill cry escapes my throat as my body shakes over the bed. I cage him between my legs a moment before pulling him up by the hair.
“Is that what I’ve sounded like?” I’m curious
because I never thought I made a squeak.
“Nope, you were a bit toned down.” He peppers my face with hot, wet kisses. “I like this new version. I love hearing you come for me. Never stop making that beautiful sound.” He pushes a careful kiss against my ear. “I love you so much. I thank God for you every day, Annie.” I pull back, and my mouth falls open.
It’s that last part that feels familiar. I’ve felt those same vibrations against my ear each time we finish, and now the last piece to the puzzle has fallen into place. Mystery solved.
“Did I say something wrong?”
“Nope, it’s just that I’ve always wondered what you said when you whispered in my ear, and now I know. I never wanted you to stop, so I never asked. I loved that you felt the need to do that. It made me feel like a part of your world. And now, tonight, I am.” I pull him back over me and blink back tears. “I thank God for you every day, too.”
Blake and I lie in bed and whisper sweet nothings to each other for hours.
And I hear every beautiful word.
* * *
Once we get back to Hollow Brook, Blake takes me on one adventure after another—a listening tour of the world he calls it. We drive to the four corners of the earth while Blake holds the final location close to the vest.
“Why is it such a secret? Just give me one hint.”
“Okay.” He winces in his reluctance. “It’s something I promised you that first night we went for coffee, and I still haven’t made good on it.”
My mind tries to reel back our conversations from that night, but I keep coming up empty. However, I trust Blake, and I love surprises so this is win, win for me. I lean into my seat and giggle to myself, closing my eyes, letting the warm sun penetrate my lids. This, right here, is heaven—and I can’t believe this is my life. I’ve finally heard all those things I used to have my brothers describe—the slam of the door, the babble of the brook. I’ve yet to hear the angry thunder, but, while holding Blake’s hand, I heard the happy wind, the surprised doorbell—and, of all things to hear this morning, I heard the tired trash truck that used to wake my brothers up early. I no longer sleep like a log. As soon as baby Ben so much as begins to mewl, my eyelids spring open to that sweet melody.