Chapter 15
Mono No Aware
The moon was bright and high above the dark gray sky. It was quiet and peaceful, and Sebastian stood there gazing out of his bedroom window, deep in thought. In the distance across the garden, he could see the slight figure of a woman. It was Sakura, and she was walking along the dragon bridge that stretched across the pond. Her gait was slow, as if she were strolling through a park, enjoying and appreciating the scenery. Then once she got to the middle of the bridge, she stopped and turned her eyes to gaze up at the moon. A moment later, she leaned both her elbows on the railing of the bridge and gazed down at the pond instead. He could sense her smiling even though he couldn’t see her face from this far, and he imagined just how beautiful she’d be. His heart glowed with delight at the thought.
He noted it was quite breezy outside, with petals of cherry blossoms floating around her, and Sebastian felt his blood warm. She looked so at peace, and he felt his heart radiate with love toward her. Then before he changed his mind, he turned on his heel and headed out the door. In an instant, he was outside and rushing down the pathway that’d lead him to the pond—to her.
He stopped at the base of the bridge, his heart thumping hard—not from the rushing, but from the sight of her before him.
Sakura was enjoying herself watching the many carp swimming in the pond. Then she felt as though someone was watching her, and by instinct she turned.
She gasped in surprise. “Sebastian!” she whispered under her breath. She didn’t expect him to be out here of all places and at this time of night too. This was after all her sanctuary, a place where she’d come to think and be alone. A place where it reminded her of her birth, of the woman who had given her life, and of the name she’d been given.
“Hi,” he said, strolling across the bridge toward her.
“Hi,” she replied uncertainly, cocking her head to one side. “What—what are you doing here?”
He stopped only inches from her—his tall, masculine body overpowering her small frame. Sakura took a step back, her heart suddenly pounding in her chest.
Up close and at this time of the night, under the bright moonlight and with the pink glow of cherry blossoms around them, Sebastian realized that she looked even more alluring than ever with her black hair, flawless skin, luscious lips, and brown eyes.
Sebastian reluctantly moved his gaze away from her breathtaking face to look at his surroundings.
“It’s beautiful here,” he said, noting the bright cherry blossoms that hung so low they almost touched the glassy water of the pond, the bright moon in the distance, and of course Sakura herself standing there before him. She blended into the scenery perfectly, almost as if she were a part of them, born within them.
“What about you?” he asked. “What are you doing here this late at night?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she murmured softly. “I always come here when I can’t sleep.”
She reached over to pick a branch containing a few flowers and then gave it to him. Sebastian glanced at her, and when he saw she nodded, he reached his hand out to her. As he took the branch, his fingers brushed hers.
Sakura sucked in her breath and hastily moved her hand back. “Smell it,” she said.
He brought it to his nose and inhaled—his eyes on her. Then his pupils dilated at the sweet scent rushing into his being. It was then he realized it was the same sweet scent he’d smelled on her that first time they’d met at the road.
“It’s nice, right?” she asked.
He nodded. “So what does it mean?” he asked, snapping the flowers from the long, thick branches. “Sakura.” He moved closer to her.
Sakura sucked in her breath and became tense. She could feel the heat of his body radiating to her. Suddenly she felt all warm and tingly and lightheaded.
He chuckled, and Sakura tilted her head back to look at him, noting his hair was glowing like white gold and his face shadowy dark under the moonlight.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I won’t bite.” He reached out and stroked her hair back—gently. Then he inserted the flower on the side of her left ear. “There. It looks perfect on you.”
Sakura blushed and cast her eyes downward. “Err, thanks, I think,” she said, frowning, her stomach fluttering intensely.
“So what does it mean?”
“What?” She looked up at him again, confused.
“Your name,” he said. “Sakura. You said it means cherry blossom.”
“Oh.” She wanted to take a step back to get some space between them, but it seemed her legs were too weak to move. “Yes, it means cherry blossom in Japanese.”
“And?”
She wondered why he thought her explanation wasn’t enough. She noted that he was waiting for her to elaborate on her answer. She cleared her throat, fully aware of his closeness and the fact that her heart was pounding hard within her chest.
Well, he wanted the long answer after all, and so he’d get one whether he liked it or not. Not that he could blame her after that, of course.
“In Japanese,” she began, “sakura symbolizes the transience of life—the extreme beauty and quick death, which in turn represents our own immortality. Our life could be taken away just like that, like in the olden days when sakura also represents the life of a samurai, ready to be sacrificed for his master in a blink of an eye. It’s the Buddhist teaching of mono no aware.”
“What does that mean?”
She cocked her head to one side, wondering why he was asking her so many questions. Why he wanted to know. Why he was so interested.
“Mono no aware in Buddhist teachings means that one should be aware of the transience of things. Once you realize that, you appreciate it more, and it evokes within you a gentle sadness once they’re gone.”
“That’s very poetic,” Sebastian said softly, his warm breath fanning the top of her head.
“Not very poetic at all. It’s the truth,” she said.
“So I should learn to appreciate and love the things I cherish most before it’s too late?” he queried.
She nodded her head. “Yes. You should.”
“What other meanings does it have?”
She widened her eyes at him.
He chuckled. “Surely if the Japanese really love these sakura…” He said the word so softly and so gently that it caused Sakura’s stomach to flutter deliciously. “Then there has to be more than one meaning.”
Sakura cleared her throat and tried to concentrate. “It also means hope, a new beginning.”
They both stood there, motionless, as the breeze and cherry blossoms danced around them. Suddenly, Sebastian moved fast. Sakura felt his hands cupping her face—gently. She held her breath as she gazed up at him, her heart pounding away like some noisy steam train.
Sebastian moved his face closer to hers. They were almost nose to nose and lips to lips when he said, “Then let this be a new beginning for us, Sakura.”
Sakura blinked, confused, lost, and totally not in control of her own mind right now. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she think? What did he mean? Oh, Lord! His lips were so sensual. And those sky-blue eyes of his.
She could feel the heat rising within her womanhood, and she softly groaned.
“I apologize for my incompetence in protecting you when we were younger,” he said. “But from now on, I will never let anyone or anything hurt you ever again.”
Sakura stared up at him, long and hard. Suddenly she was in full control of her mind once again, and that was when everything about the younger Sebastian Princeton flashed before her eyes.
He had always been there, hadn’t he? Always somewhere in the close distance, not presenting himself before her, but had always been there nonetheless. He’d secretly helped her, hadn’t he? Hadn’t it been he who had stood there watching her crying in the distance after she’d had that horrible nightmare? Hadn’t it been he who had called upon Daddy James to come and comfort her?
Yes, s
he remembered that, remembered him standing there at the door, a small figure of a boy, watching Daddy James soothe her with his kind words and gentle hands, watching her begging Daddy James to please love her only in secret because she didn’t want her new siblings to hate and hurt her.
Sakura closed her eyes, tears burning within them, threatening to pour out with a vengeance. Her mind flashed back to that day—the day she nearly died.