***
“Girl, you’re crazy!” Tricia blared back at me on the phone.
I was swerving down the highway en route to Justin’s friend’s house. I decided I wasn’t going to tell her about the date until I was already half way there so that I couldn’t be talked out of it. She still didn’t know about James. Not that she should.
“Tell me again what you’re doing?” Tricia asked, like a teacher scolding an unruly child.
“I’m doing on a date with my husband. Calm down,” I snapped back.
“I know he’s your husband but don’t forget he almost killed you, girl. You have to be smarter about this. Does anyone even know where you’re going?”
She was right. Maybe I should have told someone but they all would have talked me out of it. It had been five months. I was lonely and possibly thinking out of desperation instead of using my brain.
“Fine, I’ll text you the address,” I said to oblige her.
I hung up minutes later and texted her Justin’s new address. His buddy lived in a quiet little neighborhood in the suburbs. All of the homes were one or two stories with perfect earth tone vinyl siding and at least two cars in the driveway. It was a regular upper middle class spot.
I cruised my little Civic down a side road and onto the street with the name Justin gave me. His buddy’s home was a one story white house, lined with a basketball hoop and several little shrubs. Justin’s black Mustang was parked outside, perfectly washed and detailed. I always wondered which one of his black girls he loved more, me or that darn car.
I dressed sexy for the occasion: Vans shoes, regular twill pants, and a body-hugging sweater to accentuate my figure. Though this was my husband, and he’s seen the goods before, it’s always good to remind him. Five months is a long time.
I hopped out and knocked on the door. The butterflies mounted. I couldn’t wait to see him. Wait, how should I greet him? Should I hug him? Kiss him?
There was no time for questions. The door immediately swung open and there was the man I loved.
He was much better looking than the last time I saw him. He grew out of the high and tight haircut, sporting more of a sophisticated civilian look, with a light beard, which was neatly trimmed. He smelled good too. His cologne was oaky but sweet at the same time. He was dressed in a white button up, khakis, and boat shoes. He was looking amazing. I flung into his arms and gave him a big warm embrace, the first one in a long time. It felt good. It felt right.
We got in the Mustang and headed to the mini golf spot. It was a quiet spot that high school kids would frequent. The clubhouse building had all the arcade games one would expect with cheesy cartoons painted on the walls. Oh well. It didn’t matter what we were doing as long as we were spending time together.
We grabbed our clubs and headed out to the course. It was the first time we had done anything together in at least six months. The moment had me thrilled and anxious at the same time. “You ready to lose?” Justin smartly quipped at me.
“If I lose, I’m going to do you like Tiger Woods wife,” I said as I jokingly swung the club at him. The joke hit a little too close to reality for him. He looked nervous I might actually club him in the head.
Ding! Ding!
My phone went off. It was Tricia with another text message.
“Are you okay?”
I quickly texted her back and put my phone on silent.
“You good?” Justin asked as I sent the text.
“I’m fine. That was just Tricia,” I said. “She was worried about… this.” The look on his face was one of disappointment. I could tell he felt he was on trial all over again. He was quiet for a moment before speaking.
“Give me your phone. I want to talk to her,” he said.
“Nah. You’re good,” I said. “I told her everything is fine.”
“I just want her to know I’m not some sort of monster,” he said. “I understand everyone’s concerns but they need to hear from me too. They don’t know that wasn’t me.”
“I understand,” I said. There was nothing more I could add. I wanted to change the topic as quick as possible. “Let’s talk about something else.”
We went around the course trading shots while I kept the conversation light. This was not the time to think about other people. This was supposed to be about us. After all, we were still legally married. Justin hit a shot that just missed a hole in one. I took the opportunity to playfully squeeze him on the bicep. The best way to get over the past was to get back under one another.
He lit up after that as we continued our night. I would make a good shot and he’d give me a congratulatory hug, lingering just a second too long. It was clear both of our minds were on how to get back to our physical relationship too.
Buzz! Buzz!
My phone went off as I aimed up a shot.
“You need to go?” Justin asked.
“I’m fine. Tricia can calm herself down,” I answered.
After completing the course, we sat down in the cheesy game room to spend more time together. It was good just to reconnect. I gazed into his big blue eyes, totally silent for a few moments. It felt like I was getting to know the man I loved all over again. We held hands as our conversation picked up off the course.
“So what do you think?” Justin asked.
“What do I think about what?” I answered.
“Us,” he said.
“I like this,” I said. “I don’t want to mess this up. Whatever this is.”
“What are we doing?” he said back. “It’s obvious we still love each other. I will do whatever it takes, Babe. Just give me a chance to show you I’ve changed. I’ve been doing my therapy, staying in my routine. I haven’t had any flashbacks or anything. I just want my life back. I just want my wife back.”
I hushed him. I wanted to be sure not to let him in that quickly. I wanted to enjoy the moment without making things even more complicated than they had to be. I just wanted him to understand that this was going to be a slow burn. Nothing good comes easy.
Buzz! Buzz! My cell phone went off again. I ignored it. Justin shrugged. He knew it was Tricia.
“Maybe I should get you home,” he said. “I don’t want your friend calling the police on me.”
“Stop it!” I told him. “She’s just overprotective, that’s all.”
“I really wish you’d let me talk to her,” he answered.
“I really wish you’d get a phone,” I said. “You know what. That’s a good idea. Maybe one day we all can go out and put everything out in the open. That way, everyone can say what they need to say. We can get everything off our chests then.”
I squeezed his large, warm hands as hard as I could.
“Ok,” Justin said. “That might work.” He was never one to go completely along with anything. He started to dart my eye contact. Something was on his mind.
“Are you alright?” I asked.
“Your mother…” he began, “…what am I supposed to say?”
“Nothing. I told her everything she needed to know,” I assured him. The truth was, I did tell my mother everything, but I also kind of hinted that I wasn’t going to see Justin again.
The game room started to close down. We decided to call it an early night. It was still before midnight, but these times were different. As we sped down the highway in the Mustang all I could do was reminisce on the old times, those times when we would go on dates and come back home to vigorous love making marathons. Despite how much I ached and how much I wanted to pounce on his Greek sculpture of a body, I knew that tonight wasn’t the night. The little girl between my legs would have to chill for now.
We didn’t say much on the ride back, just the kind of odd small talk you have with a distant relative, not your former lover.
We got back to his buddy’s place so I could pick up my car. It felt odd. Normally we’d rush in the house to handle our business but this time, we slowly walked to my car and shared a long, warm hug. He kissed me on th
e forehead. I looked him deep in his eyes, then said that hard goodbye and got in my vehicle. It was one of the hardest things I had to do but it was right to drive away.
Everything felt better. Things finally felt like they were making sense a little now. I felt real remorse from Justin. The possibility of a new beginning was there.
Until it happened.
5
I finally got a chance to check my phone as I headed home on the highway. I was shocked by what I read.
It was James, not Tricia, blowing me up all night. He finally got the nerve to call back. I was already high off all of the attention from Justin earlier, so I decided to see what the magic mechanic James had to say.