Nick’s temper uncoiled. He was across the room, his fingers closing around her arms, before he even realized he had moved. “You want to know what’s wrong with that picture, McNeal?”
She stared at him, surprise and a hefty dose of anger suffusing her face. “Let go of me.”
“DiCarlo isn’t some two-bit hood. He’s cunning and he’s ruthless. He’s got an army of mindless goons just waiting for the chance to cap a cop. Call me a Neanderthal if that makes you feel better and helps you justify your need to make amends with your conscience, but I’m not going to stand by and let you get yourself cut up into little pieces in the name of decorum.”
The color drained from her face, but her expression remained fierce. “I’m a police officer, Nick. I go after the bad guys no matter how scary they are.”
“You’re a powder keg, and you don’t have the good sense to know when you’re out of your league.”
“We’re not going to agree on this.”
“Evidently.”
She took a step back, but Nick went with her. “There’s a difference between courage and taking needless risks just because you’ve got a score to settle with your conscience,” he said.
“You can’t handle my being a cop, and you’ve let that affect your actions when it comes to me.” Erin’s back bumped into the wall with a thud, stopping her backward progression.
“Maybe I can’t handle it. But maybe you can’t, either, McNeal. Maybe you’re in this as deep as I am. Maybe we’re both in so far over our heads that we don’t know up from down.” He stopped just short of touching her with his body. The restraint cost him, but he didn’t let her know it. He desperately needed the upper hand, but knew with the certainty of a sailor watching his ship go down that he was about to lose that as well.
Never taking his eyes from hers, he reached for her hands and drew her to him. “I care about what happens to you, Erin. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want a lot of things to happen when it came to you. But they have. I’m not going to let you go after DiCarlo.”
She was so close he could smell the warm, enticing scent of her, feel the heat coming off her, the electricity jumping from her body to his. Slowly, he eased her hands to his mouth and kissed her knuckles.
“Don’t,” she said breathlessly.
“Don’t what? Worry about you? Don’t care about you? Don’t kiss you?”
He didn’t miss her quick intake of breath. Her eyes widened when he took her fingertips into his mouth, and Nick knew then he wasn’t the only one hanging on to control by a thread.
“Don’t do something you’re going to regret,” she said.
“I already have.” Reaching out, he trailed a finger down her throat, marveling at the silky feel of her flesh, wondering what it would be like to take the same track with his tongue.
She stared up at him, her cheeks suffused with color. “Funny, Nick, I never had you pegged as a risk taker.”
“That’s not the first time you’ve been wrong about me, is it?”
“I don’t want to get in over my head.”
“You already are.” He smiled at her. “But you’re not alone. But that’s what risk is all about, isn’t it?”
Her eyes darkened with the realization of what they both knew would happen next. “Why is it that getting any closer to you is the one risk that terrifies me?” she whispered.
“Maybe because we both know how good it’s going to be. Maybe because we both know things won’t ever be the same.” He barely heard his own words over the drumming of his heart. Desire and a thousand other emotions he didn’t want to deal with tangled inside him until he thought he would explode. He wanted her so badly he ached. He feared what it would do to him if he kissed her, if he totally lost his head and tried to seduce her.
Bracing his hands on either side of her, he leaned forward to kiss her. Just one kiss, he told himself, then they could sit down and discuss the problem like two adults. Cops, for Pete’s sake. Nick would convince her to go with the nice U.S. Marshals. Erin would agree. The feds would bust DiCarlo. It would be over.
But the instant his lips touched hers, his tidy plans flew into disarray. The contact stunned him. The power of the kiss shook him to his foundation. The world shifted beneath his feet when she opened to him. He dug deep, plundering the velvet interior with his tongue. Marking her. Possessing her.
“I’m pretty new at this risk-taking stuff,” he whispered. “Why don’t you show me just how good it is?”
Her body went fluid against him, and Nick forgot about control. He was tired of fighting what he’d wanted since the moment he’d laid eyes on her.
Moving against her, he kissed her hard. Her mouth. Her throat. He trailed kisses lower, his tongue lashing her flesh, tasting, savoring. He smelled the sweet, exotic scent of her perfume tempered with the heady aroma of sweat from her recent workout. The combination drugged him. Urgency heated his blood, burning him until he couldn’t bear it.
Reaching around her, he slipped the band from her hair and watched it tumble like fine silk over her shoulders. “I love your hair,” he said. “I want to see it, feel it. I want to get lost in it.”
His hands trembled uncontrollably as he tugged her T-shirt over her head. She hadn’t worn a bra, and her breasts were small and exquisite. Her waist was so narrow he could almost span it with his hands.
Awed by the beauty before him, he stepped back just to look at her, speechless and utterly humbled. “You’re incredibly beautiful, McNeal.”
Her nipples hardened to dark peaks. Nick drank in the sight of her, felt the desire cut him. Bending, he lowered his mouth to her and suckled.
Erin cried out, her body writhing against him. “This…is…too much,” she whispered.
Cupping her face with his hands, Nick kissed her, then pulled back to look at her. “This isn’t enough,” he countered. “I want more. A lot more.”
“Nick, this is crazy—”
“Insane,” he agreed, and kissed the sensitive area just below her ear. “Do you want me to stop?”
“Uh…maybe we could just…slow down and think about it for a while.”
“I can’t seem to think straight when I’m kissing you, McNeal. What do you suggest we do about that?”
“Maybe we could wait until we’re finished kissing.”
He laughed, realizing that whatever bond had drawn him to her had just tightened another notch. “We’re going to finish it this time,” he said.
She gazed at him, her green eyes sparking with uncertainty. “I’m afraid we’re going to make things really complicated.”
“They already are.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“Catastrophic would be an understatement.” Nick smiled anyway.
“I was afraid you were going to say that.”
“I can’t fight this any longer, Erin.”
“Maybe we could stop fighting and just see what happens.”
Never taking his eyes from hers, he slipped his fingers in the waistband of her jeans and worked them down until she was standing before him in nothing but her panties. Her legs were long and slender, with just the right amount of muscle definition. She was delicate and feminine and totally incongruous with anything cop.
He’d forgotten how beautiful a woman could be, and what that kind of beauty did to a man. His need for her was urgent and torturous, and for the first time in his life Nick refused to consider anything even remotely related to good judgment. He refused to consider the fact that he was about to venture beyond the point of no return.
Tentatively, she reached out and cupped him through his slacks. Setting his jaw, he moved against her, aware that the world had started to crumble beneath his feet. Fighting to slow his body, he stilled, trying to remember how he’d managed in the past. It had been so long since a woman had touched him. Since he’d even considered making love. He knew a moment of panic when he considered the possibility that it would all be over if he didn’t slow things down.
Easing her hand to her side, he slipped his fingers beneath the waistband of her panties and eased them down her hips. His heart beat in an ever-increasing rhythm at the sight of her curls, dark against the pale flesh of her pelvis. He felt her hands at his zipper, but he didn’t stop her this time. He didn’t have that much control.
He kissed her languidly. Simultaneously, she tugged his slacks down his hips. Pulling away slightly, Nick fought off his shirt, then stepped out of his boxers. He kissed her neck, aware of his arousal nudging her belly, feeling every touch like a jolt of electricity.
Erin started toward the bed, but Nick swept her into his arms. Kissing her deeply, he crossed the room and lowered her to the mattress. She moved against him. The sensation of her flesh against his made him breathless and weak.
“It’s been a long time for me,” he murmured huskily.
“Me, too,” she whispered. “Are you…okay with this?”
He knew what she was asking and suddenly it was important to him that she know he wasn’t still mourning his wife. “You’re the first since Rita,” he said. “But I’m okay. I’ve had enough time, Erin. I don’t feel like I’m cheating on her or anything.”
Her smile dazzled him. “I’m glad, Nick. However this turns out, whatever happens between us after tonight, I want you to know I’m incredibly glad we’ve had this time together.”
Her words elicited a smile—and a lot more emotion than he wanted to admit. He wanted to say more, but something made him hold back. He wasn’t sure where this would lead. There were still too many issues standing between them. The only thing he knew for certain was that he cared for her, and he wanted to make love to her more than he wanted his next breath.
He touched her cheek, loving the softness of her flesh beneath his fingertips. He touched her eyelids. Her mouth. Her lips. He groaned when she suckled his fingertips. The sweet intimacy of it made his heart race. His restraint slipped another notch. He began to shake. Slowly, he withdrew his fingers from her mouth. Leaning forward, he kissed her lips, her neck. He drank in the taste of her, wanting all of her and more, knowing in some small corner of his mind that he would never get enough.
She gasped when he laved kisses over her breasts, then down her belly. She tensed when he reached her navel, but Nick didn’t stop. One by one, his senses shut down until all he knew was the need raging through him.
“Let me kiss you here,” he whispered, moving lower.
For a moment, he feared she would resist. Something broke free inside him when she opened to him. Her cry barely registered when his mouth found her. He savored her, knowing the moment was fleeting, telling himself that was the way he wanted it. Emotion blended with physical sensation, but he ruthlessly shoved it aside. He didn’t want emotion. He wanted sex. His body craved release. Pure. Simple. Uncomplicated.
He didn’t stop when she cried out his name. Her nails raked through his hair when she crested. Nick didn’t relent, but took her to the precipice a second time, knowing that very soon he would go over the edge with her. He could only hope they would both survive the fall.
* * *
Erin had never dreamed lovemaking could be like this. Never dreamed her body and heart could be so intricately entwined—or so at odds. Never dreamed both could betray her so thoroughly.
“Nick…”
Fierce waves built low in her belly, shaking her from the inside out. He was making her lose control again. He was making her feel things she didn’t want to feel. Physically. Emotionally.
“McNeal.”
She opened her eyes to find him gazing down at her. The intensity of his gaze devastated her. She tried to hide what she knew in her heart to be true, what she felt in her body, but he’d somehow stripped her bare with those dark, knowing eyes, and looked into her soul, where all her secrets lay in a neat, endless row.
“That’s never happened to me before,” she whispered. “I mean, I’ve never…lost control like that.”
“You’ve never…”
Embarrassment washed over her, but the need to tell him, to confess that she’d never before experienced her full sexuality, was stronger. She wanted him to know he’d just taken her to a beautiful, elusive place she’d never ventured. “I’ve…never… I mean, I’ve never…”
His eyes darkened with sudden understanding and he smiled. “Well, I’m honored to be the first.”
Even through her embarrassment, she felt a smile emerge. “Don’t let it go to your head.”
“Ah, I already have.”
“Why did you…I mean, why did you…make it happen for me that way?”
“It’s been a long time for me. I think this is probably going to end…quickly. I didn’t want it to be…one-sided.”
His openness and his willingness to share something so very personal with her touched her deeply. “It hasn’t been one-sided.”
She could feel his rock-hard erection against her hip, and her own body clenched with anticipation. She knew getting involved with him was a mistake. She knew what it would cost her both personally and professionally. Her job. Possibly her career. She tried to convince herself those were the only things nagging at the back of her mind. But Erin knew her heart was at risk as well.
Nick Ryan was the kind of man she could fall in love with.
The thought terrified her. Thrilled her. Sent slow fingers of panic climbing up her spine.
So what if she admired and respected him? So what if she was attracted to him beyond reason? None of those things constituted love, did it? Toss in his inability to accept her being a cop, and she had a disaster on her hands.
As long as she didn’t fall in love with him, she would be just fine. As long as she could walk away when this was over, she’d survive.
So why didn’t that make her feel any better?
Her thoughts scattered when he kissed her. Shutting her eyes against the emotion closing in on her, she kissed him back with everything she was worth. She didn’t want their relationship to get any more complicated than it already was. She’d already compromised a staunch personal rule by getting this close to him. She couldn’t afford to let her feelings get tangled up, too.
“I’ve got to get inside you,” he whispered. “Now.”
Erin barely heard him for the pounding of blood in her ears. Her heart fluttered when he moved over her. Her entire body quaked when she opened to him.
“You’re shaking,” he said.
“This—what’s happening—scares me, Nick.”
“And to think I had you pegged as a risk taker.” A tentative smile softened the hard lines of his mouth.
“Maybe this is a bigger risk than either of us bargained for.”
“I’ll never hurt you, Erin.”
“I know.” She knew he meant it. Just as she knew he couldn’t keep that promise.
“Look at me,” he said. “I want to see you when we become one.”
His gaze burned into her. She couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t look away. His eyes were dark with passion and shockingly beautiful.
He protected them both, and then every pleasure center in her body exploded when he entered her. There was an instant of discomfort as she adjusted to his size, then blistering heat, blinding sensation. She accepted him, rising to meet him. Slowly, he began to move within her. Pleasure screamed through her. She cried out his name. Once. Twice. Then her mind simply went blank. The powers of speech left her. She couldn’t think for the sensations streaming through her. The waves built endlessly, crashing over her, through her, until she was tumbling out of control.
She had never imagined it could be like this between a man and a woman. Two human beings, joined together as one, sharing intimacies, trading hearts, maybe even their souls.
Nick moved her as no other man ever had. As no other man ever would again, she knew. He took her senses to the limit. Shattered all the barriers she’d so carefully erected. Broke her self-control. Claimed her heart.
And as she tumbled into another
earth-shattering free fall, she knew her life had been changed forever.
* * *
Nick assured himself this was just sex. Mind-blowing, brain-numbing, body-jarring sex. The clenching in his chest every time he looked into the green depths of her gaze was nothing more than affection. Dammit, he didn’t want it to be anything more.
He figured they both knew it was more than either of them had bargained for.
How on earth was he going to handle this?
Gritting his teeth against the pleasure building inside him, clenching his jaw against the crushing emotion in his chest, he took her to another climax. Erin cried out and shuddered beneath him. Sweat slicked their bodies, sealing him to her. She gazed up at him, pleasure glazing her eyes. She was incredibly responsive, so exquisite he didn’t want it to end. But he couldn’t stave off the inevitable.
Closing his eyes, he crushed his mouth to hers. She accepted him, and he went deeper, kissing her, filling her, touching the deepest, most intimate part of her. And he knew nothing would ever be the same.
Physically spent, emotionally shaken by the sheer power of their lovemaking, he eased onto his side and pulled her into his arms. She felt so good against him, he thought he might just stay like this forever. He fully intended to make love to her again—as soon as he could move. But he wasn’t sure when that would be, considering every muscle in his body had turned to mush.
The wetness of tears on his shoulder sent a spike of concern through him. “McNeal?”
She tried to turn away, but Nick put his hand beneath her chin, forcing her gaze to his. Alarm quivered through him when he saw her tears. “Hey, honey, what’s wrong? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“I’m fine.” She blinked, and another tear rolled down her cheek. “I never cry like this….”
“Honey, if I hurt you—”
“No, it’s just…”
“Something I said?”
She shook her head.
Nick suppressed the swirl of panic in his gut. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t know. I just…am.”
Like that made any sense. “All right.” It seemed like the right thing to say, but he didn’t have a clue what was going on. “Look, Erin, if I said something, or hurt you in any—”