Chapter Sixteen
Christmas Eve.
My father said I had to go to Hayden’s. So I dragged myself out of bed at noon, and followed my family dutifully out to the car.
Katy went on excitedly during most of the ride. “I can’t believe Christmas is tomorrow. Finally. It felt like it would never get here. I wonder if Grandma and Grandpa will get me the catcher’s mitt I told them I wanted—and the hangman’s game…”
I took to staring out the window, watching the Christmas trees in the houses pass by.
“Girls, you help carry in the presents,” my mother said, as my father parked the car in front of Hayden’s. “Your father and I will get the casserole and fruitcake.”
“Yes, Mother,” Katy and I said in unison. Katy looked over at me and laughed. I surprised myself with a shadow of a smile.
My father opened the trunk as I climbed out of the car and went to retrieve as many presents as I could carry. “Even you can’t be sad on Christmas,” Katy said to me as we walked up to Hayden’s house. “Think of all the presents you’re going to get.”
I nodded as my father pressed the doorbell, but I knew that no amount of presents would compensate for what I’d lost.
We were all surprised to see Emmaline when the door opened. “Hello, Roomers. Come on in.”
“Hello, Emmaline,” my mother said. “I thought you were leaving today.”
“I am. I’m just spending the morning with Hayden until my parents come pick me up. Then we’re going straight to Kansas.”
Hayden appeared in the foyer just then and came to take an armful of presents from Katy and me. “Let me help you with that. We’ll just set them under the tree. My parents are in the kitchen, Mr. and Mrs. Roomer.”
Emmaline, Katy, and I followed Hayden out of the foyer and away from the kitchen, where my parents were headed.
“You have five Christmas trees in this house. Which one are these going under?” Katy asked as we walked toward a possibility of three of these trees, the other two being in the dining room and just inside the front door.
“The one in the parlor. My mother said we’ll open these presents in there after dinner,” Hayden answered.
We slipped into the parlor, a smaller room in the house (still larger than most rooms in a regular sized house, though) and put the presents under the snow painted tree, beside the ones that were already there. Then we sat in the tall stately chairs with their round crimson backs against the hexagonal walls.
“This has always been one of my favorite rooms,” I said, looking around at the burgundy walls with little gold flowers painted here and there.
“Mine, too. We weren’t allowed in here very often when we were children, were we?” Hayden said, reaching out to hold Emmaline’s hand.
“Well I hate the color red, so it’s always been one of my least favorite rooms,” Katy said.
“To each their own, I guess. Emmaline’s parents will be here any second, but perhaps we could play a game of cards before she leaves.”
“Yeah, let’s play Hearts.”
“I haven’t played that one in a while. I’ll be right back.” Hayden got up and pulled the long coffee table in the middle of the room across the floor so that it was right in front of Emmaline before he left the room. Katy and I pulled our chairs closer to the table once he was gone.
“Are you two a couple now?” Katy asked Emmaline.
“Yes. Hayden took me out to dinner and we had so much fun. He took me back to my house afterwards and listened to a radio show with me and my parents, but we didn’t hear much of it since we had so much to talk about. When I walked him to the door, he asked me formally to be his girlfriend.
“And Hayden’s perfect. He’s such a gentleman, and he can’t seem to spend enough time with me. He took me shopping yesterday morning and got me this dress for Christmas. Then he had to help his father with something, but he said he had to see me again before I left. So I agreed to come by for dinner. And then he drove me home afterwards… and kissed me…” Emmaline stopped to sigh. “It was wonderful. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, Alexandra, but I’m so glad it didn’t work out between you and him.”
“I don’t mind at all. I’m really happy for you, Emmaline.” It did feel good to see her so happy.
And I noticed the ankle and elbow length red dress she was wearing for the first time. It was lined with silver sequins, perfect for Christmas. I had walked into the house so overwhelmed by my own grief, that I hadn’t even noticed it before. “Is that a Vimage dress?” I asked her.
“Mm-hm. The first one I’ve ever owned. Isn’t it something?” She smiled proudly.
“It’s gorgeous. Vimage always has the best dresses.”
The door opened behind her and Hayden walked in, looking a little sad. “What’s wrong?” Emmaline asked as he set the cards down on the table.
“Your parents just arrived.”
“Darn. I guess I have to go, then. Sorry we didn’t get to play cards.”
“That’s okay. We’ll just play without you,” Katy said.
“Katy,” I said reproachfully.
“What?”
“It’s all right,” Emmaline laughed, giving me her ‘we all know how Katy can be’ sort of look before she stood up.
“I’m going to walk her to the door, so I’ll be back in a minute,” Hayden said, putting a hand on her back and following her out of the parlor.
“So you really don’t care that they’re dating?” Katy asked me once the door was shut.
“Why would I mind?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never really seen you ending up together. But it just seems like it’s always been you and Hayden.”
“It has. We’ve always been really close. But I’ve never thought of him that way.”
“Hm.” Katy picked up the cards and started dealing them out.
Hayden still looked kind of down when he reentered the room, taking the seat across from me. “Six days. She’ll be gone for six whole days,” he said, shaking his head.
“The time will pass by quickly,” I said.
“I know, but a lot can happen in six days. She could get caught in the rain with some dirty mechanic and fall in love with him in that time.”
My breath caught as I stifled a cry. I knew he hadn’t meant for them to, but his words poured burning salt on the deep cut from which my heart was still bleeding. “N, no.” I struggled to breathe, determined not to let the pain show. “You don’t understand how Emmaline feels about you. She’s been saying how much she wishes you would ask her out since she moved here.”
“Thanks,” he smiled. “So who’s going first?”
“I’ll go first,” Katy said, picking up the cards she’d dealt out in front of her.
The game was pleasant, drawing my thoughts away from Mason, as I watched Hayden and Katy finally getting along.
We played a few games before his mother came and asked us if we wanted to come decorate and eat Christmas cookies. We were all hungry, so we left the cards and the game we were in the middle of behind to go to the kitchen. Here we found our parents, already decorating cookies three times the size they should have been with the different colored frostings and candies filling the bowls all over the counter. Katy and Hayden both picked up star shaped cookies and set to work decorating their own. I picked up a tree and began painting green frosting over it. Then I picked up several of the brightly colored candies to make Christmas lights with. “This is really good,” I said to Hayden’s mother after taking the first bite. I hadn’t eaten anything all day, and my appetite seemed to come back all at once as I took another delicious bite.
“Thank you, Alexandra. You made a lovely tree,” Mrs. West said.
I finished the cookie before I decorated and began eating a gingerbread man. “It’s good to see you eating so well,” my mother said. For some reason this made me feel awful. I set down the only remaining limb, an arm, and tried to smile at her.
“Will y
ou go out back with me?” Hayden asked me.
“Yes.”
We walked through a sitting room and then through a door that led to the side of his house. “It’s freezing out here,” he said, hugging himself, as we took our first steps over the red brick path that wound to the left and right, taking you to the front or backyard of his house.
“I guess.” The frigid air didn’t really bother me, though. Whatever discomfort it caused seemed so trivial compared to the pain of Mason leaving me.
“I just wanted to thank you for suggesting that I ask Emmaline out on a date. It was difficult, but I decided to give it a try and see how things transpired. If I had ever looked past you to her, I might have noticed the wonderful woman she is sooner. We’ve had a lot of fun, and she seems to share my feelings. So, thank you.”
We turned around the corner of his house and entered his backyard.
“You’re welcome. And she does feel the same way.”
“Alexandra, you’re shivering. Let’s go back inside,” Hayden said as he put a hand on my back and hurried me toward the back patio door. I hadn’t even noticed.
Something tiny and cold fell on my cheek, halfway to the door. Looking to my left at the circular bushes lining that side of the back of his house, I saw the first powdery snowflakes falling on its branches. “It’s snowing,” I said, feeling a fragment of the joy I always felt when it snowed on Christmas or the day before.
Hayden stopped and looked up. “You’re right. Perhaps we’ll be able to make a snowman if we get enough of it.” He held up his arm to look at his wristwatch as he picked up walking again. “It’s only a quarter ‘til two. There’s still plenty of time before you have to go.”
Once we reached the patio, we took seats at the empty garden table inside. “Guess who called Emmaline this morning?” Hayden said once we’d sat down.
I shrugged, not really caring who had called her.
“Marcy.”
“Really?” Now I was slightly interested. “What did she have to say?”
“Well, she did a terrible impersonation of a man’s voice, insisting that she was an officer of the law and that Emmaline was a suspect in a crime. Emmaline knew her voice right away, so she called her bluff before Marcy could even get to the crime she was supposedly involved in.”
“Was Emmaline angry?”
“No, they both shared a good laugh about it before they hung up. Emmaline and I agree that it must be killing Marcy not to have anyone to push around. I’m glad Emmaline’s not taking it. It always killed me to watch Marcy being so mean you.”
“It killed me, too.” I sighed as tears began to blur my vision. Everything made me cry, or maybe it just gave me an excuse to cry some more about Mason.
I heard Hayden’s chair scrape against the ground before I felt his arm go around me. “Things will get better.”
I took in a shaky breath and let out a broken cry. “Mason always said that.”
His hand went up and down over my back as I wiped at my eyes. “If I can find happiness with someone after you, you can, too.”
I shook my head. He just didn’t understand. No one did.
The door we came in through opened and Katy walked inside. “There you two are. Christm—um, Christmas carolers are at the door and our mothers want everyone to come hear them. Should I tell them you’re not coming?” she said, seeing how terrible I must have looked.
“No, I’m coming,” I said, forcing myself to stand and stop crying.
As we all moved toward the door leading into the house, I stopped to look through a side window and saw that the snowflakes were coming down more heavily.
After moving through the hall and back to the foyer, we found a small party of merry looking men and women, pink in the nose and cheeks, brimming with Christmas cheer. They wore the most beautiful caroling costumes I’d ever seen. The women were all wearing red felt dresses with enormous skirts and white fur trimmed shawls, while the men wore thick emerald green suits with matching silk top hats.
“It looks like we’re all here now,” Mr. West said.
A man in the back counted them off. “One, two, three, four,”
The harmonious voices filled the air, singing ‘Angels we Have Heard on High”, creating that wonderful Christmassy feeling. My father took his handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to my mother as the carolers began singing ‘Joy to the World’ so she could dab at her eyes. For some reason, carolers always got to her. It was sad to see them go after only two more songs. The atmosphere they’d created seemed to leave with them, to me, at least.
We moved into the living room to listen to Hayden’s father as he stood by the fireplace and read the same Christmas story he read every year, and I began to appreciate these traditions. Knowing what was coming at the turn of every page and sharing it with the same people I’d shared it with my entire life was consoling, even though I still suffered.
“Katy!” my mother said when the story was over. We all turned our attention to my sister, who was sitting beside me on the sofa with her sleeping head lying on the armrest. “Katy, wake up. I’m so sorry about this,” she said to Hayden’s father.
But he and Mrs. West both began laughing. “That’s all right. It used to put them all to sleep when they were little, remember?”
“Katy,” I whispered as I patted her knee.
She picked up her head and stretched, but froze when she looked around and realized everyone was staring at her. “Did I fall asleep?”
Everyone laughed at the look on her face, the mixture of innocence and guilt.
Hayden stood up and looked out the window at the front yard. “There’s plenty of snow for a snowman now. Do you want to go build one?” he asked me.
“Why not? Would you like to come, too?” I asked Katy.
“Yeah, let’s make it a contest. You two against me and Father. Will you build a snowman with me, Father?” Katy asked.
“That’s not fair. We both know he can build one better than the rest of us all put together.”
“Hey, it was my idea. Will you help me?” she asked him again.
“Sure I will,” he said with a smile. “I haven’t built a good snowman since the winter before last. The rest of you could be the judges.”
Everyone agreed, so we went outside while our mothers went to the kitchen to get started on Christmas dinner. I knew there was a lot to do and that they would need my help, but it would have to wait.
Hayden and I worked quickly on the north side of the front yard while Katy and my father worked on the south side.
It wasn’t quite as cold outside as it had been before, even though the snow was now falling so heavily. I hoped we would be able to drive home okay.
Once we had the snowman’s body built, Hayden ran inside to get the hat and scarf while I searched for sticks and rocks for arms and a face. As we assembled everything, I looked over and saw Katy and my father huddled in front of their snowman so that we wouldn’t be able to see what they were doing. “What do you think they’re hiding over there?” I asked Hayden.
“I don’t know, but we finished first. That has to count for something.”
“No, we didn’t. He needs a nose. I’ll be right back with the carrot.”
Katy turned around and hurried to the house at the same time I did, reaching the front door at nearly the same moment as me. I looked back and saw that my father was still doing an excellent job of blocking my view of their snowman. “What’s he trying to hide?” I asked Katy as I went through the front door.
“Obviously we don’t want you to know, so why are you even bothering to ask?”
“Fine.”
We both walked into the kitchen, where I took a carrot from the fridge and Katy asked Mrs. West to help her find a few things, refusing to tell her what they were until she was sure I couldn’t hear them.
I headed back outside and stuck the carrot on our snowman. “He needs one more thing,” Hayden said, taking off his coat and draping it around
him.
“You’re right. That’s much better.”
Katy walked outside just then with a bag full of something we couldn’t see, frustrating me even further. “At least we get to get out of the cold,” Hayden said, walking away from our snowman toward his house.
“That’s true. And maybe if we go back to the living room, we can see what they’re doing through the window.” They were working almost right in front of it.
But when we got there and went to open the drapes, Mr. West, who was sitting in a shiny black rocking chair right in front of it, said, “Sorry, kids. I’m not supposed to let you near this window or any other one.”
“Come on, Father. We’ve finished ours already. It’s not like we’ll replicate theirs,” Hayden said.
“I know, but it seemed really important to Katy that no one, not even me, sees it until it’s finished.”
So we sat down on the couch to wait. “Maybe I should go help out in the kitchen,” I said, standing up.
“They’ll be all right. You two just stay right here. I’ll even turn on the radio to keep you occupied,” Mr. West said, setting the newspaper he’d been reading down in his chair as he stood up and flipped the radio on. After he’d found a station playing Christmas music, he picked his paper back up and sat down.
I felt like a child in time out, sitting there, but what really bothered me was listening to the radio. It was something I hadn’t done since the Friday night interview. What if someone mentioned Mason or his father? Hearing about either one might have caused me to relive the whole thing. But I dealt with it, sitting tensely and trying to think about what Katy and my father might be creating instead of what I was hearing, until they were finished. The waiting felt endless.
And then finally, the front door opened and I heard Katy running to the kitchen. “It’s ready, come on!” She ran to the living room. “We’re done. Come on, it’s freezing out there and I want to get this over with.”
We all stood up and walked outside, where we had to wait another minute for my mother and Hayden’s. Katy’s snowman was covered with a sheet and my father was still standing beside it, rubbing his gloved hands together and stamping his feet to keep warm. “Oh, an unveiling, how exciting,” Mrs. West said when she walked outside.
“We want you to see ours last, so look at the other one first,” Katy said.
“All right.” Mr. West led the way.
“That’s adorable. You even gave him your coat,” Mrs. West said, walking around our snowman.
My mother gave me a hug. “I love your snowman, Alexandra.”
“Thank you, Mother.”
“Wait till you see mine, come on.” Katy ran across the lawn back to hers and shouted, “Hurry up,” to us until we got there. She was really excited. “Okay, the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” she said dramatically. “The most fantastic, incredible, original, first ever…” She grabbed one side of the sheet and my father grabbed the other. “…snowwoman!” They both yanked it off at the same time and I stared at their creation. Dark purple cloth had been draped around it and a straw hat with a purple ribbon tied to it set off-center on the snowwoman’s head. Food coloring had given her bright red lips, pink cheeks, and wide blue eyes with twigs for eyelashes. Beads were placed around her neck and two were where her ears would have been.
Hayden just looked at me and shook his head. There was no way ours would win.
“It’s beautiful. How on earth did you come up with this?” my mother said.
“It was Father’s idea, but Mrs. West helped me come up with an outfit and the beads. So I guess I can’t take too much credit, but our snowman won, right?” Katy said.
My mother looked at Hayden’s parents. No one answered right away. “Give us just a second,” Mr. West said. They took a few steps away and huddled together to whisper.
“What? But ours is the obvious winner,” Katy said.
“Now, now, they get to make that decision,” my father said.
She waited impatiently with the rest of us for the other three to come back.
“Well, I liked ours better,” Hayden said with a smile.
The three judges turned back to us and Mr. West gave us our answer. “Considering how a man and a woman just aren’t complete without each other, we’ve decided that there cannot be a better one of Mr. and Mrs. Snowman. Therefore, we’re declaring a tie.”
“A tie? That’s not fair,” Katy said, looking thoroughly offended.
My father put his arm around her. “Come now, Katy. We had fun putting her together. What does it matter who wins?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Let’s go back inside. Lillian and I made hot cocoa for everyone,” Mrs. West said. So we all made our way to the kitchen to warm up.
Half an hour later, it really was time to make dinner, since we always had Christmas Eve dinner early. That way we would be sure to have plenty of time to exchange gifts before we left.
So Hayden, his father, and mine left the kitchen to give the rest of us space to cook in. The kitchen was blazing hot with the stove burners and oven going, but we had a stuffed turkey with all the trimmings on the table by five o’clock.
The dining room was filled with the sounds of laughter and forks and knives clanking against fine china. The Christmas spirit filled the air. The happy, familiar sounds, and the sight of the people I loved so much being so happy together made me smile, really smile. I still felt the deep open wound my heart was suffering, but I was grateful for the people surrounding me. Even if I never healed, and I was sure I never would, I would still have them.
Something diiiiinged in the kitchen. “That’ll be the pies. I’ll be right back,” my mother said. She returned holding two steaming apple pies in oven mitted hands and set one on each end of the table beside the serving knives that were already there waiting for them. “Anyone ready for a piece?”
“I am,” Katy said at once. She had been the first one to finish eating and only my mother and I had food remaining on our plates.
My father and Hayden held out their plates as Mr. West reached for another piece of turkey. Mrs. West stood up at one end of the table to serve the pie closer to her, and my mother served slices on our end. More than half of each pie was gone before we were through. Then six people sat back in their chairs, stuffed nearly to overflowing. Six, because I’d found it difficult to eat and only had one helping of turkey and stuffing, along with a buttered roll.
“Should we move on to presents?” my father asked when he was sure everyone was finished.
“Yes! I’ve been waiting for that all day,” Katy said, jumping up and running out of the dining room.
“Katy,” my mother called after her, but she was already gone. “I’m really sorry about her. She always gets so keyed up for Christmas.”
“It’s all right. People like her were made for this holiday,” Mrs. West said.
As everyone got up and left the dining room, my mother came to walk behind them with me. She put her arm around me and gave me a little squeeze. “I love you, Alexandra. I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time,” she said.
“Thanks. I love you, too.” I put my arm around her waist and we made our way to the parlor.
My mother stopped just before entering the room. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” she asked me.
I just shook my head. No one could help me.
So she took my hand and led me into the room, where Mr. West was sitting on the floor beside the tree, handing the presents out. Katy and I got matching dresses that Mrs. West had made for us herself. They were pink and lacy with a thick pink ribbon running along the waist and tying in the back. Katy was polite about it, even though I knew she hated it. I, however, thought they were wonderful. Mrs. West opened a flowery, yellow spring hat from my mother as Hayden opened the Civil War book my father and I had picked out for him. Everyone was thanking someone else as the present opening continued.
After my father opened the last p
resent, a royal blue Vimage tie from the entire West family, I helped my mother and Hayden’s pick up the torn pieces of wrapping paper scattered all over, before Mr. West read the story of Christ’s birth to us from ‘The Holy Bible’.
Then my parents, Katy, and I each put our presents in a bag and carried them to the front door, where we stopped to wish Hayden and his parents a Merry Christmas.
My father opened the trunk so we could put our presents in, and then we began the terrible ride home. I felt the walls of hopelessness pressing in on every side. Soon I would be back in my room…all alone…with only painful memories for company.
By the time we pulled up in front of our house, I was sniffling and failing to hold back the tears. Katy reached out to pat my hand. “I’ll carry your presents in for you,” she said.
“Thank you, Katy.”
No one else said a word as I climbed out of the car and made my way to the house and up the stairs. Once I was in my bed, I couldn’t seem to control my sobbing. All I wanted was Mason.
My head and heart pounded with the overwhelming pain. He would be getting home to her right then…The girl he truly loved…He’s probably holding her right now. My shoulders trembled with the heavy sobs. “When will this end?”
I rolled onto my back and looked up at the night sky. My chest rose and fell as I struggled to make myself calm down. I could force the crying nearly to stop, but the pain refused to. I would never stop hurting.
A star shone brighter in the sky than all the rest, the Christmas star I wished on every year. My wish was always granted because it was always something I wanted enough that my parents were aware of it and had already gotten for me. But this year was different.
I stood up in my bed and stared at the shining star. “You’ve never failed me yet.” My voice caught and I choked back a cry. “But this year I have to ask you for something my parents won’t be able to give me.” I looked down for a minute, crying silently into the night, knowing it couldn’t be done, and then lifted my head back to the star. “I just want Mason. Even if it costs me everything I have, I want him. That’s my wish this year.”
The star stared back at me unblinkingly. It couldn’t hear me. It didn’t care. So I knelt down, keeping my arms on the window sill, and laid my head against them to cry. I’ll never see him again.
Something lit up the dark space my arms were wrapped around, so I lifted my head to see the headlights of a car driving in the direction of my house. A streetlight revealed its navy blue paint as it drove right under it. I began to lay my head back down, but stopped when it parked under the streetlamp right in front of my house. The only people I could think of that might be coming over that late were my grandparents, but their car was tan.
The car stayed motionless for a minute, and then the door opened. A broken scream escaped me as I leaned forward way too quickly and slammed my head against the window—Mason was climbing out of the car.