“Dead?”
“No, dearie. Except for his mother, that is. She died a few years after the lottery. Of a broken heart would be my guess. I dunna think there was a day after his leaving that she dinna weep for him and what he’d become. As for the rest, his father and brothers and sisters, they couldn’t abide one of their own being a sin eater. They was so ashamed of him, they went on to Kan-tuckee and we ain’t heard from ’em since.”
I felt the prick of tears and bowed my face so the old woman would not see. It seemed the more I knew of the sin eater, the closer I felt to him. Oh, I knew shame. I knew what it was to lose the love of those I held most dear. The lot had fallen upon that poor man, but it was my own sin that had fallen upon me and was crushing me still. Yet, the sin eater was more than I, for he knew and accepted his fate while I fought hard against mine.
Why had he accepted it so readily and just gone away to live on that lonely mountain? “I have to find him, Miz Elda.”
“I know, child, but I don’t know what good it’ll do ye. Or the rest of us. Except bring more trouble down on us.”
“You’ve never tried to talk me out of it.”
Reaching out, she ran her hand gently over my hair. “I’d go with ye if these old legs were strong enow to carry me past the meadow.”
I took her old gnarled hand and held it between mine. Her skin was so soft it felt like the thinnest leaf. The blue veins stood out. “Do ye think if he takes my sins away, Mama will forget?” When she didn’t answer, I looked up and saw the tears running down her wrinkled cheeks.
“No, child. She’ll never forget, but maybe she’ll be able to forgive.”
I couldn’t sleep that night and crept out of bed. Sitting on the steps, I looked up at the night sky with the sparkling stars and the full moon. An owl hooted and crickets chirped. There was no wind and the air was refreshing cool. I looked toward the valley where the man of God was.
“You want to go down there, don’t you?” Lilybet said, sitting down beside me.
“He’s probably sleeping.”
“No, he isn’t. His heart is as burdened as yours, Katrina Anice.”
“How do you know?”
“He hasn’t done what he came to do.”
“And what’s that?”
“He’ll tell you if you let him.”
“I’m afraid of him.”
“It’s not him you fear, Katrina Anice. It’s God.”
“Shouldn’t I be?”
“You can’t run from him forever.”
“Who ye talking to, Cadi?” Iwan said from behind me, startling me something terrible. I jumped.
“Easy, girl,” he said and sat down where Lilybet had been.
“I was just thinking.”
“It’s too late to be thinking out loud.”
“Can’t help it.”
He leaned forward and clasped his hands between his knees. With a sigh, he looked slowly around the yard and along the porch, his troubled gaze finally coming to rest on me. “Were ye talking to Elen, Cadi?”
“No.”
“Ye sure?”
“I’m sure.”
He frowned, searching my face in the moonlight. “Ye still looking for the sin eater?” he whispered.
I shrugged and looked away. A lie might have set his mind at rest for a time, but it wouldn’t have convinced him.
He was silent for a long time, looking off toward the valley.
I broke the silence between us. “Do ye ever think about hearing what that man has to say, Iwan?”
“I’ve thought about it, but I’m leaving well enow alone.”
“Because the Kai told everyone to stay away?”
He turned his head and gave me a sad look. When he looked away again, I could see the muscle working in his cheek. “Ye gotta have order, Cadi. The Kai’s only trying to protect us.”
“But the man’s from God, Iwan.”
“So he says. That don’t mean it’s so.”
I told him in a hushed whisper about the thunder and lightning. He looked less certain after that. “Do ye think the Kai would change his mind if he knew that?”
“It’s hard to say, Cadi. He’s set against him.”
“I don’t think that man’s gonna leave, Iwan.”
“He’ll leave, all right.”
“What if he doesn’t?”
“He’ll die.”
My heart dropped at his words, and tingles of gooseflesh rose on my arms and legs. Would they really go that far?
Iwan turned his head and looked at me. When his eyes met mine, he frowned. “Winter’s not so long away. He’ll go of his own by then. The snows’ll drive him away.”
I knew that wasn’t what he thought. Shivering, I shook my head, afeared what would happen. “You’ve got to talk ’em out of it.”
“He’s come to stir people up. The Kai’s just trying to keep us together. And he’s right, Cadi. No one’s got the right to come into our mountains and tell us what to think and how to live.
No one.”
“Is that what he’s doing?”
“The Kai says he’s come to set sons against fathers and fathers against sons, and we ain’t gonna let that happen. The Kai’s right. The old ways have held us together.”
“All he done is talk.”
“So far.His voice carries,” he said grimly. “Now, come on.”He took my hand and stood. “Time ye were back in bed and asleep.”
I lay awake on my cot, listening to the night sounds and thinking about the man of God down in the valley. What Iwan said was true. There was more to him than a loud voice. His words stuck like burrs on wool, pricking and making me uncomfortable. Nothing he had said had blown away with the wind and been forgotten.
Dreams plagued me, fiery dreams of men with torches surrounding the man of God. He made no effort to fight back or run away. “Ye’ve come out as against a thief with your weapons for to take me, and I sat here daily by your river trying to teach ye. Why did ye not listen to the word of the Lord?” The Kai struck him in the face. Blood trickled from a cut, and the man stood firm, looking back at him grimly. “This is your hour, and the power of darkness.”
With curses of rage, the men took hold of him and beat him and rolled his lifeless body into the river. I watched as he was swept into the currents of the Narrows and awakened just as he went over the falls.
It was barely sunrise. Papa was not in bed. Throwing off my quilt, I hurried outside, looking for him. When I didn’t see him, I ran straight down the mountainside through the forest to the meadow without a single thought as to what I was doing. Lungs burning, I ran on through the high grass. Birds burst from the ground and winged into the air, startled by my mad race. I didn’t stop until I reached the riverbank. Panting and holding my aching sides, I hid behind a stand of brush and peered over.
Smoke curled up from a small fire by the riverbank, but the man of God was nowhere in sight.
The terrible dream had been true. The man of God was dead and gone. I just knew it, in my heart, I knew. So sure then was I that Papa and Iwan had brought the blood guilt upon themselves that I cried out in despair, sat down, put my head in my hands, and wept. We were lost. We were all lost. I was not the only one on the road to hell, and it grieved me sorely.
“Who’s there?”
Fear and relief can marry in a start, and so they did when I heard the man call out from across the soft rippling waters. Heart stopping, my head came up and I saw him rising from the ground. Why had he been lying facedown in the dirt so far from the warmth of the fire?
Looking around, I saw there was no escape without being seen. Crouching lower, I kept myself hidden from his sight, wondering what to do now that sunrise was coming upon us. Would I have to sit here all day until night came again before I could creep away to the safety of the woods and mountains again? Oh, why had I come? Did I really think my father and brother could kill a man who was doing them no earthly harm?
“Who has come?” the man said again,
loud enough this time to make the hair stand on the back of my neck.
“’Tis only I, sir,” I said, afeared he would bring the thunder and let the whole valley know I’d gone against the Kai’s command.
“Do ye hail by a name?”
“I dare not tell ye, sir.”
He came closer to the river’s edge. “A child ye are by the sound of your voice.” He cocked his head. “Are ye the girl who ran from me when I was on the path above the falls?”
I hunched lower, face hot, heart racing. He was like a hound. Should I lie and throw him off the scent? I didn’t have the chance, for he spoke first.
“Cross the Jordan. Come into the Promised Land. Come hear the word of the Lord.”
“I can’t!”
“Can’t or won’t?” he called back without hesitation.
“I can’t.”
“What holds ye back?” He came closer still, his feet touching the cleansing stream, craning his neck from side to side trying to see me.
“Don’t look this way! Please don’t look for me.”
“Are ye afraid of God?”
“Yes!” Cringing, I lowered my head and covered my face.
“‘The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.’” Shuddering, I raised my head slightly, peering through the branches, hungering and thirsting to hear what he had come to say and yet afraid to do so, knowing I was not worthy. “I want to come. I do. But I can’t. Not yet.”
“Don’t wait. You never know what the morrow will bring.”
“I have to find the sin eater first.”
“Who did ye say?”
Sniffling, I backed away. “Look away. Please look away so I won’t die.”
“Child . . .”
“Please don’t call down the lightning on me.”
“I’m not God.” He said more, though I couldn’t hear clearly enough to make out the words. Lowering his head, his shoulders slumped, and I thought for an instant he was crying. I stayed no longer than that. Before I had gone far into the forest, someone grabbed me from behind and yanked me around.
“I saw ye out there,” Brogan Kai said, his dark eyes glowing like hot coals. “Going against me. Going agin’ your pa.” He slapped me, holding my arm so I’d not fall.
“I dinna—”
“Liar.” He slapped me again, harder this time, so that I tasted blood in my mouth. “Deceitful child. Vile. It’s you who’s brought this upon us!”
“No!” Struggling to get away from him, I screamed. Grabbing my throat, he cut off the sound.
“Cadi!” Papa’s voice shouted from somewhere higher on the mountainside. “Cadi, where are ye?”
The Kai leaned down, his hot breath in my face. “If ye go out there again, I’ll kill you. I swear it on me own soul. Better one should die, than all suffer.” His hand tightened, cutting off my air, cutting off the blood. When blackness started to pull me down, he let me go and disappeared into the woods.
“Cadi!” Moments later Papa turned me over and held me in his arms. “Who did this to ye? Who did this?”
Crying, I clutched his shirt, my throat hurting so much I could scarcely draw breath let alone tell him anything. Nor did I dare. I had never seen such a look on my father’s face before. Death was in his eyes and hell coming after. “It was the stranger, wasn’t it?”
“No,” I croaked out, shaking my head, crying harder.
Papa looked toward the valley floor and then dismissed the idea. Even I knew the man could not have come so far so fast and returned again to his place across the river. Papa looked at me again. “Was it the thing who keeps ye company?”
Thing? What was he talking about? What thing did he mean? Dizzy and feeling the shadows closing in, I shut my eyes, drifting in pain.
Lifting me in his arms, Papa carried me home. “Go for Ger-vase Odara,” I heard him say as he came through the door.
Vaguely, as in a dream, I saw Mama rise from her spinning. “What’s happened?”
“Do as you’re told, woman, unless ye’d like to lose another child!”
I heard nothing after that.
N I N E
"Drink, Cadi. Come on now, child, drink. That’s it.”
My throat ached.
“Tell me what happened, dearie. Tell your old friend, Ger-vase.” She dabbed a cool cloth on my forehead and smiled down at me tenderly.
“It wasn’t him,” I whispered hoarsely. It hurt to speak, but I had to make her understand. “It wasna the man of God.”
“We know that, my dear. He has not moved from his place by the river.” She continued to dab my face gently. “Tell me who it was.”
If I told her, she would tell Papa, and Papa might want to do something. He might even try. If I said anything, I knew something terrible would happen, and it would be on my head. I looked away from Gervase Odara’s all-too-seeing eyes.
“You’re safe now, Cadi. You con tell me what happened.”
Safe? Who could be safe from a man who held power in the palm of his hand? Everyone bowed to the will of the Kai. Everyone did as he told them to do.
Except me, and I hadna been thinking.
And Fagan.
Fagan! What had become of Fagan? I hadna seen him in days.
“Ease now, my dear. Lie back and rest awhile.”
“I want to go.”
“Go where, child?”
I couldn’t tell her. If I blurted out Fagan’s name, she’d wonder why I wanted to see him now, what had brought him to mind. And then the truth would come out, and disaster would follow. Weeping, I sank back onto my cot. Gervase Odara leaned over to me, speaking gently, stroking me with the cool cloth. My head felt fuzzy and my eyelids so heavy I could scarcely keep them open.
“Rest awhile, my dear. That’s it. Close your eyes and sleep.”
“Did she tell ye who attacked her?” I heard Papa ask softly.
“No, but I think I know what it is,” she whispered and stood, moving away from my cot. “Summat tried to choke her to death.”
“The taint?”
“It’s a child keeps her company. The bruises on her neck weren’t made by a child, but the child’s master.”
“The devil himself, ye’re saying?” Mama whispered fearfully.
“Who else could it be? Nothing like this has ever happened in our valley before.”
“What about Macleod?” Papa said, almost hopefully.
“Long since departed, and Rose O’Sharon with him. No, their souls was put to rest years ago by the sin eater. This canna be laid at their doorstep. Nor even Laochailand Kai’s. Summat dark is at work upon your Cadi.”
“What’s to be done about it?”
“I con make her a talisman, but I’ll need Gorawen’s hair. Fia?”
I thought of the necklace of hair Mama had braided with Granny’s white hair. She wore it every day, touching it now and then in fond memory. Maybe it took her back to better times, times long before I was born.
“Could ye not use summat else?” Mama said. “It’s all I have of her.”
“And ye’d not spare even a strand of it for your own daughter?” Papa said. “A curse on ye, Fia! A curse on ye for your unforgivin’ soul.”
I heard a door close with a hard thud and Mama crying. “He doesna understand what I feel and I canna tell him. I canna tell anyone . . .”
Gervase Odara spoke soft words of comfort, but they did no good.
It was several days before I was allowed out of the house, even to do chores. Mama had given up her mourning jewelry after all, and the beautifully braided white-hair necklace now hung around my neck. With a child’s wisdom, I knew it would do me no good against the Kai. Or anything else for that matter. And it had not kept Lilybet away, for she had come to me each day and sat on the cot with me, keeping me company while Mama was out and about her chores.
“Do not be afraid of the truth, Katrina Anice. The truth will set you free.”
“The truth will get Papa killed.”
“Oh,
my dear, trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding.”
“It’s ye who dunna understand. The Kai . . . the Kai is all powerful.”
“The Kai is but a man. A poor, broken, frightened man who needs the truth as much as you do.”
I remembered the look in his eyes, the feel of his hand gripping my throat. I did not understand where she got such foolish notions.
“Seek and ye shall find, Katrina Anice. Ask and the door shall be opened.”
“Go away. Ye’re giving me a headache.”
And she went, quietly, just as I asked her to do.
The first place I went when I was free again was down the mountainside to the edge of the forest so I could look across the meadowlands to the river. The man of God was still there. And, like a pestilence, avoided by all.
Except Fagan, perhaps.
What of Fagan?
I went looking for him, and found Glynnis and Cullen instead, picking blackberries near the creek. “Ain’t seen him since yesterday,” Glynnis said, popping several plump berries into her mouth and picking another to drop in her bucket.
“He was fishing,” Cullen said.
“Where?”
“In the river,” he said with a smirk.
Rolling my eyes, I looked at Glynnis.
“Down where Kai Creek runs in.” She picked another blackberry and ate it.
“Quit eating ’em or we’ll be here all day!” Cullen yelled at his sister. Turning, she gave him a simpering smile, spilled the contents of her bucket into her hand, and ate them all. Uttering a growl, he started after her as she shrieked with laughter. She hopped out of the blackberry briars and raced for home. “I’m telling Mama you made me spill ’em!”
Fagan wasn’t at the creek. Climbing a tree, I looked toward the copse of bushes near the man of God, but he wasn’t there either. At least my mind was at ease about some harm coming to him. If he was out and about yesterday fishing, it was a sure thing his father had not killed him yet.
After wandering around for the better part of the morning looking for him, I gave up and went to visit with Miz Elda, and there, plain as the nose on my face, was Fagan sitting on her front porch, chewing straw and passing the time of day. “I’ve been looking for ye hither and yon!” I said, fit to be tied and locked away in a woodshed.