“Easy, lass. I’ll make a stretcher. Ye’ve only to get him on it so I can drag him the rest of the way to shelter.”
E I G H T E E N
Fagan came round when we were safely inside the cave. “What happened?” he said weakly. I told him, seeing how his gaze moved about the strange environs. The place smelled of cool earth, wood ash, and stone. Somewhere deep inside the cavern water dripped softly.
“Is this where he lives?”
“Aye.”
“Then where is he?”
“Gone awhile. Down the mountain to see about Bletsung, I reckon.” It was long past sunset, the crackling fire our only light and warmth.
“It’s raining,” Fagan said, the wet rush pounding the earth outside the cave opening. I added another stick to the fire. Fagan was shivering, and I was about to take one of the fur coverings from the bed, when a voice behind me stopped me cold.
“Don’t touch that!” The sin eater stood just inside the entrance of the cave. Fagan sucked in his breath, staring up at the tall, thin man wearing a leather hood. In one hand was a large, dressed rabbit. “Look away, boy.” Fagan did so quickly.
“He’s cold.”
“These’ll warm him.” The man swung a large bundle on a pole from his shoulder and set it down before me. “From Blet- sung. She said ye’ll have to stay awhile.” He nodded toward the bundle. “Put the blanket around him. It’s all right. I’ve not touched it.”
I untied the bundle quickly and handed Fagan the dry blanket folded inside. Bletsung had also sent three loaves of bread, a jar of honey, a small sack of dried apples, a larger one of dried beans, and a dozen long strips of dried venison jerky tied with some string.
Setting up the frame, he spitted the rabbit and set it over the fire to roast. Then he broke the pole over his knee. Taking one half, he broke it again and tucked the two pieces into the fire. Breaking the other half, he set the pieces aside for later.
“What about the Kai?”
“He must’ve gone back another way.”
“And my mother?” Fagan said in a tense voice, shivering.
The sin eater cocked his head slightly toward Fagan, careful not to look at him. “She’s at the cabin. Long as she stays with Bletsung, she’s safe.”
“Thank you, sir,” Fagan said.
The sin eater went to the back of the chamber and sat. The wind blew outside the cave, rustling the dark woods round about. Thunder rolled in the distance. The fire crackled, filling the cave with a soft, warm glow and the smell of roasting meat. My stomach cramped, and I knew it would be a long time before the rabbit was cooked enough to eat. Tearing off some bread, I dipped it in the honey and gave it to Fagan. Breaking off a larger piece, I poured honey on it and rose. “It must be cold back there, Sin Eater. Come sit by the fire with us?”
“It’s better I stay here.”
“Ye’re soaked through from the storm.”
“I have to keep my distance from ye.”
Some feeling stirred within me, melting away my fear of him, and I rose. Dragging the fur covering from the sin eater’s bed, I hauled it toward him.
“Leave it be!” The man half rose and yanked the cover away from me. “You know not what ye do!”
I stood my ground and held out the bread with honey.
“You’re hungry. Eat.”
“Ah, Cadi, dunna be so rebellious, child. Ye must shun the sin eater or be tainted by the blackness I carry.”
“I won’t shun you!” I stepped closer. “Now, take the bread and come sit with us.”
He grew frustrated. “If anyone ever finds out you’ve been here with me, touching my things, you’ll be an outcast like I am!
I will not have it so!”
“I don’t care what they say.”
“Nor do I,” Fagan said simply, gazing now without fear at the man.
The sin eater groaned in despair, sinking down onto the earthen floor near the stone wall of the cavern. He held his head in his hands. “Ye canna stay here! Ye canna!” He raised his head, his eyes tormented. “There’s no hope for me. I thought there might be, but with that poor man laid to rest on the mountaintop, all hope is gone. I am the sin eater and will be until my days are done. There is no deliverance for me.”
“But there is,” I said, aching for him, feeling his anguish as though it were my own.
“Nothing ye can tell me will make a difference. I’ve sins past bearing upon my soul, and when my time comes, God’s going to cast me into the outer darkness where there’ll be nothing for me but torment and the gnashing of teeth.”
Fagan leaned forward, his face intense in the firelight. “Not if another sin eater takes away your sins.”
The sin eater raised his head, cocking it slightly like an animal listening intently. “Is that what’s in your heads? I’d sooner die with the sins upon me than see another man suffer the same fate.”
“When you die, they’ll choose another. Like it or not, that’s the way of our people,” Fagan said. “You know it’s so.”
“Aye, but that’s a long time off yet. I’m strong and healthy. Ye’ve nothing to worry about. And besides that, ye’ve never done anything so bad the lot would fall to you.”
“How would ye know that?” Fagan said.
“I know because I’ve watched you. The lot always falls to the one deserving of it.” He hung his head. “God pierces and divides the soul and spirit like joints and marrow. He knows a man’s thoughts and intents of his heart. There is no creature on earth that can hide from God’s sight. I know that, too, for there was great evil in my heart that drove me to commit a terrible sin. I didn’t think what I did wrong, but then the Lord brought me to face myself and I saw the darkness in me. He made known to me the motives of my heart, and they were evil.”
He raised his head slightly, but kept his eyes averted from us, staring instead into the flames. “I asked God to forgive me and poured out reasons for what I’d done. But, you see, I fooled myself. My heart and soul were naked before God Almighty, and he saw into the blackness of my soul. When the lot fell to me, I knew the Lord God had cast judgment upon me.”
I hunkered down, wishing he would look at me so that I could see into his eyes. “What did you do that was so terrible?”
“It doesn’t matter now.”
“You matter.”
“No. Our people matter. Ye’ve got to understand. I have work to do and it’s important work. Someone has to be the living sacrifice. Someone has to take their sins away. Who can stand before God on the Judgment Day with their sins still upon them?”
“No one,” Fagan said simply.
“Just so,” the man said softly. “That’s why I do what I do. I’ve sorrow aplenty, ’tis true, but no regrets. It’s nobody’s fault but my own I am the sin eater. And in a way, the Lord has blessed me in it. For each time someone dies, I know I’m part of seeing them safely on. Your granny understood, Cadi. She stood in the graveyard once knowing I was there in the woods watching and said loud enough for me to hear that there’s no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for his friends. And I do love my people. And from a distance, I’ve been a small part of their lives. I’m willing to stand forfeit for their sins. Better that one man be cast into hell so that the others will have a chance of heaven.”
“One, yes,” Fagan said, “but not you.”
“Ye dunna understand, lad. It’s been done this way in Scotland and Wales since time immemorial, and it’ll be done just the same. The lot is cast into the lap, but the whole disposing thereof is of the Lord. It was God’s will I am what I am.”
“It was the will of men, not God.”
“Ye know not of what ye speak.”
“I know the truth, and you will have it! Do ye think ye can take the place of God?” Fagan asked.
“Never was it so! Not in all my born days.”
“And yet ye’ve tried. All these years you’ve been the sin eater, thinking to take the sins of others upon yourself, and ye’ve
done nothing but stand in the way of the Lord.”
I cringed, for Fagan’s words, though true, were like a hot iron on an open wound. I could see the man recoiling in pain.
“How can ye say that to me, lad? Someone’s had to be the living sacrifice. It’s ever been my desire to serve God.”
“Of myself, I’m saying nothing. I’m telling you what the man of God told us. There is only one Lamb of God, and he is Jesus Christ. We’ve no need of a scapegoat anymore. We need him.”
“I’ve eaten the sins of my friends so that they can have salva- tion.” I heard the anger in his voice. “Have I not done as God called me to do? Was it not my lot that was chosen?”
“It was Satan who cast the lot, and ye’ve served him well.”
“I’ve never served Satan! It’s only been in my heart to serve God and make up for what I’d done!”
“Then confess and repent! Be free of it!”
“To you, a lad? Not likely!”
“Do you really believe God needs you to fulfill his purpose?”
“Fagan, dunna be so cruel,” I pleaded, seeing the hurt in the sin eater’s eyes. His heart was tender and already broken. Wasn’t there a gentler way?
“Get behind me!” Fagan said to me, his eyes blazing. “He will know the truth, and the truth will set him free!”
“What is the truth?” the sin eater said. “Tell me! I want to know the truth! Before God, I swear it! Dunna spare a word of what the man told ye!”
“So be it,” Fagan said. “Hear it and be set free of sin and death. Hear and know the word of the Lord. In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Fa-ther,) full of grace and truth.”
The firelight danced upon the walls and my skin tingled as he spoke, for the voice of the One who spoke through the man by the river now spoke through Fagan as well.
“Our Lord Jesus is full of grace and truth. Jesus of Nazareth was God’s anointed sent to take the sin of the world upon himself so that we might be saved. He performed miracles of healing. He cast out demons. He raised the dead. And he was put to death, nailed to a cross because he alone is the Lamb of God. Only he, the Holy One, can wash away the sins of the world. And Christ did that day on Calvary. He died to set men free. And God raised him up on the third day and granted that men might see him so that they would know without doubt no power could hold him in the grave. And Jesus told those who believe on him to preach to the people and testify that he is the one, the only one appointed by God as judge of the living and the dead. For it was of this Jesus Christ that all the prophets of old bore witness that through his name everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins and eternal life. And even now, Jesus Christ sits at the right hand of God.”
My heart exulted and I rose, the Holy Spirit loosening my tongue as I raised my hands to heaven. “Surely our griefs he himself bore, and our sorrows he carried; yet we ourselves esteemed him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. He was pierced through for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the chastening for our well-being fell upon him, and by his scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on him.”
The cave was filled with light and warmth, and Fagan stood and spoke forth the word of the Lord that had been put in his mouth by the Holy Spirit. “God made Jesus who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in him. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and of death.”
The Spirit stirred within me. “Neither death, nor life.”
“Nor angels, nor principalities.”
“Nor things present, nor things to come.”
“Nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing . . .”
“Can ever separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Trembling violently, the sin eater hunched forward and covered his head with his hands. “I am undone!”
“You can be saved,” Fagan said. “You’ve only to accept Christ.”
I came around the fire and knelt close to him. “God loves you.”
“Get away from me!” He reared back from me. “This is the truth I’ve longed to hear? That in twenty-two years, I’ve never saved a single soul from damnation?”
“Only God can save a soul,” Fagan said.
“The man said we’ve only to believe and open our hearts to Christ to be saved,” I told him. “Why will ye not confess his name?”
“How can I? Now that I know—”
“You’ve longed for the truth, and ye have it now,” Fagan said.
“Too late! Too late!”
“All these years ye’ve lived an outcast, ye’ve cried out to God. Well, he is come. Receive him!”
“I canna! I canna!”
“Let him into your heart, mon,” Fagan cried out, “and it’ll no longer be you who lives, but Christ living in you.”
“It can never be!”
“He loved you so much he delivered himself up for you,” I pleaded. “Can ye not love him back?”
The sin eater raised his head. “I thought I was serving him. How can he undo what I’ve done? They’ve all been lost because of me!”
“Deliver yourself up to him and see what God will do,” Fagan said.
“All those people. My people . . .” He fled from us, rushing out into the storm.
“Wait!” I said, running after him. I stood outside in the pouring rain, crying out to him to stop. I ran back inside the cave, drenched and chilled. “Oh, Fagan, why won’t he listen?”
“He did. He knows, Cadi. He believes!”
“Then why is he running away?”
“He’s not.” Lightning flashed so close the hair on my arms and head rose. “He’s running to God for judgment.”
“But he’ll be killed!”
“Oh, ye of little faith.”
“Lightning always strikes the high places!” I bolted from the cave.
“Cadi, wait!”
I didn’t stop.
The thunder rolled like the mighty voice of God calling the sin eater to his mountaintop. I raced after him, dashing the rain from my face as I ran, afraid for him. The wind had come up, whipping the branches of the trees and whistling through the rocks. I felt each roll of thunder in my chest. Lightning flashed, and above me was the sound of a tree cracking. I smelled burning wood. As I clambered up the wet, slippery rocks, I saw the sin eater leap to the high point that jutted out above the purple mountains and night-cast valleys beyond. He stood straight and tall, head thrown back, arms outstretched, fingers spread.
“God! Oh, Lord God!” he shouted to the heavens. “They trusted me to take their sins away!” he cried into the wind. “They turned to me for salvation! And I am nothing! Oh, Lord, it’s because of me they’ve gone to their graves with their sins still upon them!”
“Come down from your high place!” I called out to him. “Come down before you’re struck dead!”
“Leave him be!” Fagan said from behind me. He set me aside as he moved past. “Not all have been cast into hell!” he called to the sin eater.
“Oh, God, they didn’t know!”
“The Lord is a God of mercy who judges the heart!”
The sin eater turned. “What of them?”
Fagan walked forward and stepped up to the stone shelf. “You know the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all unrighteousness. So did they! All are without excuse.”
“No one told them!”
“Those who have a heart for God have the eyes to see and the ears to hear! Not by your will, but by the will of God whose Spirit moves over the whole earth looking for those who love him. God has made himself known since the creation of the world
! God himself has set eternity in our hearts! Have you not seen? Have you not heard? You are witness to his eternal power and divine nature in the heavens and the mountains and valleys round about you! Have you not known his death each winter and his resurrection every spring? You saw! You knew! You hungered. You thirsted. You cried out. And he has answered.”
“Would that I could remain acurst for the sake of those I love.”
“Oh, Lord, forgive him,” I prayed feverishly. “He doesna know what he did.”
Lightning struck the shelf of rock at his feet, shattering it in a splash of sparks, and the sin eater and Fagan tumbled down. Scrambling over the rocks, I reached them. “Fagan!”
He sat up, hardly dazed, and raked the wet hair back from his face. “Where is he?”
“There,” I said, sure he was dead.
The wind died down. The rain softened. Fagan and I went to him and knelt down. “Sin Eater,” Fagan said gently.
“No more,” the man said softly, broken. Curling on his side, he gripped the leather hood that covered his head and wept. “God, forgive me. I’ll never stand in the way again.”
“What did you do?” Fagan said.
“I killed a man. I struck him down in anger.”
Fagan sat back upon his heels and looked toward the valley. I saw the grief in his face as the lightning flashed again, and I knew he was thinking of his father.
“Do you believe Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Living God?”
“Yes!”
“And do you accept him as your Savior and Lord?”
“Yes.”
“Then rise up.”
He did so. He stood still for a long moment and raised shaking hands to his covered face. He slowly drew the leather hood from his head and held it tight against his chest. Eyes closed, he raised his head so that the rain poured down over his face. I looked up at him with the faintest trepidation, thinking to see some kind of monster as we’d all been led to think he was.
He was an ordinary man.
“Jesus,” he said softly, mouth trembling. “Jesus, my life is yours. Do with it as you will.”
The three of us stood on the top of the mountain in the rain, waiting for something momentous to happen to him. Another flash of lightning. A roar of thunder. An earthquake. Instead, the storm lessened. The wind ceased to shriek and whistle.