short rests, during which time Snowfoot would go off to hunt for herself. As midday approached, she felt herself getting hungry. Snowfoot had found her some wild mushrooms and more berries at one point, but she wanted something more substantial, and she felt thirsty as well. Right around noon, they emerged from the woods into a meadow, and close by the road, right at the edge of the trees, stood a largish, two story building, with a sign out front of a cow dressed as a jester.
"Ah, an inn!" Snowfoot said. "Just the ticket."
"For what?"
"You're hungry, aren't you? I can hear your stomach growl. And thirsty I'll wager, and you'd probably want to rest for a bit."
"Yeah, but we don't have any money."
"Pish. Let me worry about that."
She had to admit, a good meal and soft bed sounded real fine. She just dreaded what would happen if they got caught. "Okay. What'd you have in mind? Some singing, or storytelling?"
"Do I look like a minstrel? Besides, such a vulgar display would be beneath my dignity. No, but never fear, I'll figure something out." She jumped off her shoulders.
"Just follow my lead, and don't say a word." And she trotted off towards the building.
She sprinted to catch up and stayed on her tail. A patron exited as they approached the door, and he held it open for them, tipping his hat as they walked past.
She was no stranger to taverns, but it wasn't quite the same as the one she frequented in her home village. It was bigger, the decor more rustic, and the people looked rougher. Most turned to look at her as she entered, and more than a few gazes lingered. She felt naked all of a sudden. The cat, however, showed no apprehension as she strode into the common room. She paused and looked around, with an air of contempt.
"I suppose it will do." She spoke in a stage whisper, sounding haughty and dismissive. "It really isn't up to our standards, but I fear we have no choice. I shall find us a table, My Lord."
Eile started from shock. "Wha--?!"
Snowfoot stopped and turned. "My apologies, I forgot myself. Come, here is a likely booth."
She walked through the forest of tables as she followed Snowfoot to a back corner. It felt like every eye caressed her, and she heard murmuring all around, no doubt speculating about what the cat meant.
Snowfoot jumped up onto the table top as she slid behind it on the bench. "I'm sorry," she whispered, "I didn't mean to make an outburst."
Snowfoot purred. "On the contrary, you said the right thing at the right time. You lent weight to my 'slip of the tongue'. Just be careful from now on. Any step out of character could be dangerous."
"Yer trying to pass us off as nobles?!"
"Not us; you. I'm your cavalier."
"It'll never work!"
"On the contrary, it will if we act as if it's true. You're the weak link; just keep your mouth shut for now and act as if you're all alone. Ignore everything around you, except me. Understand?"
"Yeah." She felt like she had sunk in over her head.
A burly man with sideburns and grizzled hair walked up to them, bowing and scraping in an obsequious manner as he wiped his hands with his apron. "And how may I serve you fine gentlemen?"
"Two tankards of your best ale, Landlord," Snowfoot said, "though I doubt its quality out here in this wilderness."
"I promise you will not be disappointed, grand sirs."
"And something to eat. No soup or stew; fowl, if you have it, preferably quail, though squab is more likely in this rude establishment; venison if not, though beef will suffice, but no pork."
"You are in luck. A hunter passed by earlier this morning, and paid his tab with several fine pheasants."
"I suppose, if that's all you have; t'is better than pigeon, at least. And finally, your best room, though I imagine even that would not be fit for a scullery."
"On the contrary!--Ah, if I may be so bold, fine sirs...I have a room fit for the Grand Empress. She said so herself when she passed through, some twenty-five years ago."
"That will do splendidly. Arrange it!"
"Yes, grand gentlemen, yes, right away!" And he turned to leave.
"How are we gonna pay for all this?!" she hissed.
The Landlord paused and turned back. "Was there something else you required?"
"My...ahem, 'companion' asked if we might be able to have a bath this evening?"
"Why, yes, yes of course. I can have a tub placed in your room. Just ring when you wish it filled." And he hurried off to take care of everything.
"Not so loud!" Snowfoot growled. "If they even suspect we have no money, they'll tar and feather us, or worse, put us to work in the kitchen. Tavern rats; blech!" She shook her head in disgust and sneezed.
"I'm sorry, but this is all too much! What are we gonna do?"
Snowfoot gazed around the room. "I'm thinking." Then she locked her gaze on the opposite back corner. A group of men were kneeling in front of it, and as Eile watched, one threw a pair of dice.
Snowfoot looked at her, grinning. "Like I said before, don't worry, I have everything under control. Excuse me; I'll be right back." And she jumped off the table, disappearing into the common room.
She waited for her to return for some time, during which first her ale, and then her dinner arrived. She attacked the pheasant like a ravenous fox, not only because she was so hungry, but also because she had never had pheasant before. She had just finished it when Snowfoot returned.
The cat looked at the plate. "You didn't leave me any!"
Remorse chilled her gut. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you wanted some."
"No matter, I didn't ask; my fault."
"Where'd you go?"
"I was off collecting these." She dumped a napkin full of coins on the table.
Her eyes bugged out as she choked on her ale. "How'd you get those!?"
"I took them off the tables, as the patrons left."
Stunned, she felt her heart race with anxiety. "You stole them?!"
"No worries, they are just the tavern girl's tips."
"That's monstrous! She worked hard for that! You give them back immediately!"
"Hey, let's get one thing straight here and now, Missy! If you want to become rich and powerful, you have to take some risks. It's not going to just fall into your lap."
"But stealing--?"
"It won't be stealing if we repay her two coins for each we took."
"But...well, I guess that's true."
"Good. Now, trust me, I've got everything figured out. Give me the dice."
Puzzled, she reached into her scrip and took them out. "What're you gonna do with these?"
Snowfoot took them and gave her a half-lidded glance with a sly smile. "Collect some seed money. Now, you go upstairs, have a bath, relax, maybe take a nap. I've got work to do. I'll see you later." She hopped down again and made for the men playing in the corner.
Eile watched her go with some trepidation. She had a bad feeling about everything; she felt certain they were going to land in trouble if they weren't careful. She also realized that she had only two choices: play along, and hope Snowfoot could pull off a miracle, or get out before the cat got them in any deeper. And unfortunately, she had already committed herself too far to take the latter option. If she abruptly left without her companion it would only call attention to herself, and even if she got away, she'd be worse off than she was, with no prospects whatsoever. She couldn't deny that the cat had come through for her so far, even if her methods were somewhat unethical. Maybe she did know what she doing. In any event, it felt safer just to do what she said and hope for the best. Besides, she had never eaten or drunk so good, and if the bed was the same quality, it would be a shame to pass it up.
She got up from the table and headed for the stairs. The Landlord intercepted her and led her to the southeast corner of the second floor. Though a single room, it was still quite large, with a canopied bed, a table and two chairs, and a dresser. A metal tub had been placed inside as well, and she asked that it be filled. The Landlord bowed a
nd hurried off, and presently returned with the serving maid, kitchen maid, and scullery, each carrying two buckets of steaming water, along with a bar of soap and scrub brush. They filled the tub and left, and she got undressed and stepped in. The tub was big enough that she could stretch out her legs while sitting up, and she spent the first several minutes just luxuriating in the hot water. The closest she had ever come to a bath was an occasional swim in the mill pond, on warm summer nights. The rest of the time she had to make due with a wash basin and pitcher. To her, a tub was paradise. If Snowfoot could guarantee she would be able to indulge herself like that whenever she wanted, she would gladly go along with anything the cat wanted to do.
She washed herself thoroughly, then dried off, and finally wrapped a towel around her body and pulled down the bedcover. She felt really clean for the first time in her life, and the bed beckoned to her, like a lover, offering warmth and comfort. She laid down and pulled the cover back over herself, and snuggled against the pillow, smiling with contentment.
A moment later she felt Snowfoot shaking her awake. She realized she must have dozed off without knowing it. When she opened her eyes, she thought at first there was an intruder in her room, but then she focused and got a good look at the cat. She wore a pair of soft leather ankle boots on her rear legs, which came up to her hips, and a tri-cornered hat with a white plume. Around her waist she had belted a smallsword.
"What's with the getup?"
"Well, I thought as long as I'd be playing your cavalier, I should look the part." She did a pirouette. "What do you think?"
"You look very authentic."
She swept the hat off her head and crossed it over her chest as she bowed. "Thank you, My Lord."
"But, uh, aren't they a bit big for you?"
"Actually, I'm surprised they fit at all." She placed the hat back on her head. "Fortunately, the cavalier I won them from was a small man."
"Won?"
"Yes, with these." She handed the dice back to her. "They're very well crafted. I suspect your father was a gambler in his younger days. That may be how he acquired his mill, mule, and fortune. I think that's why he bequeathed them to you, so that you could make your own fortune."
She hadn't thought of that. If true, though, she realized it could explain a lot.
"But how do you know how to use them?"
"My dear, as a cat, I have a certain, shall we say, dexterity with small objects. Haven't you seen me playing with such often enough?"
That was true, she did seem to be rather adroit with whatever piece of flotsam she found.
"You should have won us some money."
"Oh, but I did!" Snowfoot presented her with two gold coins.
She took them, and her jaw dropped, her eyes bugged out, and her heart raced with excitement as she stared at the yellow discs lying in her hand. That was more money than she had ever had in her entire life!
Snowfoot reported with a purr. "I won his entire purse before I took his clothes. There were three, but I already gave one to the serving maid."
"How'd you explain it?"
"I told her I saw a ne'er-do-well take her tips and run. I chased him down and forced him to surrender his ill-gotten gains, and returned them to her as a gallant act of chivalry. She was so grateful, she gave me a bowl of cream. Do you know how it's been since I last had cream? Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever had cream!"
She couldn't help grinning. Snowfoot had turned out to be a regular scoundrel.
"Well, in any event, keep these safe. They'll pay for your room and board for several days while I run an errand."
She felt panic creep over her. "Yer going away?"
"I have an idea, and I want to chase it down. Don't worry, I'll be back before you run out of money. Just, keep a low profile. If you haven't figured it out yet, you're pretending to be a lord traveling incognito. That should excuse any unsociability on your part. Stay calm, and everything will work out."
"Do you hafta be gone so long?"
"I don't know how long it'll take, but I don't have much time before the week is up, so I've got to move now."
"Hey, I was only kidding about eating you--"
"But I wasn't. I gave you my word, and I plan to fulfill it. Now, relax and take it easy. I'll be back before you know it." And she ran off before Eile could say anything more.
She got up and closed the door after her, then decided to get dressed. She didn't know what kind of game Snowfoot played, and she didn't like sitting around doing nothing while the cat held her future in her paws, but she had made her choice, and she had to follow it through.
She just hoped Snowfoot knew what she was doing.
From "The Adventure of the Book of Shadows"
"How would you girls like to take a trip to Ireland?"
Eile and Sunny looked up from their meals in unison. Across the table sat Maumee Oldebucks, one of the wealthiest people in Denver. She had sent them an invitation to dine with her at Aintín Labhaoise, the swankiest, most expensive restaurant in the city. Sunny naturally wanted to accept immediately; Eile had been more cautious, but she saw no harm in it, and the thought of eating at a place where it cost a hundred bucks just to walk in and breath deep titillated her. Besides, lately she had been feeling bored and restless. The invitation seemed just the ticket to some excitement, if for only a few hours. The only real obstacle was that they had no dresses elegant enough for the Labhaoise. The ones they were wearing had been almost too expensive to afford, and they were the cheapest they could find.
"Ah, we had never given it much thought," Eile said in a hesitant manner. She glanced at Sunny, who nodded back.
"Well, then, let me elaborate." Mrs. Oldebucks crushed out a cigarette. Eile couldn't guess how old she was. Though obviously a mature woman from her speech, manner, and deportment, what with makeup, hair coloring, and plastic surgery she had an ageless look that could have placed her anywhere between thirty and sixty. Other than her sumptuous outfit, the only things that stood out about her were her chestnut-brown hair, tarnished ivory complexion, and cobalt blue eyes. She was otherwise non-descript in both face and figure.
"I am a collector of unique objects; one of a kind items that exist nowhere else. Recently, I have acquired the only known copy of The Book of Shadows, an ancient grimoire of demonology and black magic written in Old Irish. I purchased it from a bookseller in the village of Kilfenora in County Clare. I would like to hire you girls to go to Ireland and pick it up for me."
"Why can't he mail it to you?"
"He claims the book is too fragile to survive a trip to the States by parcel post. It must be delivered by hand, so that it can be properly handled and cared for."
"Well, we're not really couriers."
"But you advertise that Team Girl will go anywhere and do anything."
"True, but we take assignments that are fun and interesting."
"Fair enough. What if I made this essentially an all expenses paid vacation? You can stay as long you like, tour the country, see the sites, or just relax and have fun. The town of Lahinch is only an hour away from the village. It has a resort and a spa, a beach, restaurants and discos, everything two vibrant young ladies such as yourselves would enjoy, and at this time of year, the weather is gorgeous. Or you can stay in the cities of Ennis, Limerick, or Galway, whatever you like. I only ask that at some point you travel to Kilfenora and pick up my book. I will contact the bookseller so he knows to expect you."
Eile felt flabbergasted, and she could see from the expression on Sunny's face that she was just as shocked.
"You'll pay for everything?" Sunny asked. "Air fare, hotels, meals, everything?"
As if to prove her point, Mrs. Oldebucks took out a cheque book. She scribbled on the top leaf, tore it out, and handed it to Eile. She nearly dropped it in her stroganoff when she saw the amount.
"Holy shit! Is this for real?"
Mrs. Oldebucks gave her an indulgent smile. "Of course it is, my dear."
"EE
EP!" Sunny squealed when she leaned over to look for herself.
"I suggest that you split the amount between the two of you, and that you use it to purchase traveler's cheque cards, for safety. And you may keep what you do not use as your fee. Of course, I do not expect you to move until the cheque clears, but once it does, I would like you to leave within a week."
"And we can stay as long as we want?" Eile asked.
"I would expect you to stay for at least a week, and I would not object to two or even three, but I would consider it an overindulgence to stay more than a month."
"W–we wouldn't think of it."
"What if we run out of money?"
"Sunnyyy, geezus!"
"If you do, just call me, and I will wire you additional funds, but I would consider it an imposition to have to do so more than once."
Eile stared at the cheque again. She felt almost speechless when she asked, "Can we think about it first?"
"Why, of course, my dear. But I would prefer that you make a decision before five tomorrow. If you have not noticed, the cheque is post-dated to the day after tomorrow. If I do not hear from you by five, I will stop payment. Is that understood?"
"Yeah."
Later that night, after the girls had gone to bed, their pillow talk concerned Mrs. Oldebuck's offer. Snowshoe Kitty lay at the foot of their bed, happily asleep with a tummy full of filet mignon scraps Sunny had brought home.
"It sounds like a good deal," she said.
"Yeah." Eile spoke in a subdued tone. She didn't disagree, she just tried to anticipate the downside.
"What's wrong?"
"Ah, nothing, it just sounds too good to be true."
"Like when you got your first design commission?"
"Uh, yeah." She had forgotten how suspicious she had been then. She had taken the chance only because she had been desperate for money. She counted herself lucky it had worked out so well.
"Things like that happen sometimes."
"Twice in a lifetime?"
"Maybe this is my lucky break."
Eile only grunted. She knew Sunny badly wanted to go, and she felt sorely tempted as well. She just didn't want to walk blindly into anything.
Sunny turned over on her side and snuggle up against Eile, laying a hand on her stomach. "Come on, it'll be fun."
"Yeah," Eile said in a more animated tone. Sunny was right, it did sound like it would be great fun.
"And imagine the adventures we could have," she pressed, as she moved her hand up to Eile's bosom.
"Yeah." Eile felt her excitement building.
"Maybe, we could catch a Leprechaun and make him surrender his pot of gold," Sunny added in a mock Irish accent, as she grasped one of Eile's breasts.
"Yeah!"
"After all, what could go wrong?"
Eile felt her enthusiasm pop like a burst balloon. She turned her head to give Sunny an exasperated look. "Every time you say something like that, we end up in hot water."
"Oh, now you're just being superstitious."
"Maybe, but...oh, what the hell. Let's do it!"
"Yippee!" Sunny cried, clapping. She leapt up and started dancing a jig on the bed.
"Aaahhh! Careful!" She tripped Sunny, who fell on top of her.
"ERF!" Eile gasped, and they started laughing.
"Alright, now calm down. We can't cash the cheque until after tomorrow,