His cousin, a member of the same firm
Trafalgar, which was Nelson's last battle
Trafalgar, Nelson s last battle
As the active voice is more concise than the passive, and a positive statement more concise than a negative one, many of the examples given under Rules 14 and 15 illustrate this rule as well.
A common way to fall into wordiness is to present a single complex idea, step by step, in a series of sentences that might to advantage be combined into one.
Macbeth was very ambitious. This led him to wish to become king of Scotland. The witches told him that this wish of his would come true. The king of Scotland at this time was Duncan. Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth murdered Duncan. He was thus enabled to succeed Duncan as king. (51 words)
Encouraged by his wife, Macbeth achieved his ambition and realized the prediction of the witches by murdering Duncan and becoming king of Scotland in his place. (26 words)
18. Avoid a succession of loose sentences.
This rule refers especially to loose sentences of a particular type: those consisting of two clauses, the second introduced by a conjunction or relative. A writer may err by making sentences too compact and periodic. An occasional loose sentence prevents the style from becoming too formal and gives the reader a certain relief. Consequently, loose sentences are common in easy, unstudied writing. The danger is that there may be too many of them.
An unskilled writer will sometimes construct a whole paragraph of sentences of this kind, using as connectives and, but, and, less frequently, who, which, when, where, and while, these last in nonrestrictive senses. (See Rule 3.)
The third concert of the subscription series was given last evening, and a large audience was in attendance. Mr. Edward Appleton was the soloist, and the Boston Symphony Orchestra furnished the instrumental music. The former showed himself to be an artist of the first rank, while the latter proved itself fully deserving of its high reputation. The interest aroused by the series has been very gratifying to the Committee, and it is planned to give a similar series annually hereafter. The fourth concert will be given on Tuesday, May 10, when an equally attractive program will be presented.
Apart from its triteness and emptiness, the paragraph above is bad because of the structure of its sentences, with their mechanical symmetry and singsong. Compare these sentences from the chapter "What I Believe" in E. M. Forster's Two Cheers for Democracy:
I believe in aristocracy, though—if that is the right word, and if a democrat may use it. Not an aristocracy of power, based upon rank and influence, but an aristocracy of the sensitive, the considerate and the plucky. Its members are to be found in all nations and classes, and all through the ages, and there is a secret understanding between them when they meet. They represent the true human tradition, the one permanent victory of our queer race over cruelty and chaos. Thousands of them perish in obscurity, a few are great names. They are sensitive for others as well as for themselves, they are considerate without being fussy, their pluck is not swankiness but the power to endure, and they can take a joke.*
* Excerpt from "What I Believe" in Two Cheers for Democracy, copyright 1939 and renewed 1967 by E. M. Forster, reprinted by permission of Harcourt, Inc. Also, by permission of The Provost and Scholars of King's College, Cambridge, and The Society of Authors as the literary representatives of the E. M. Forster Estate.
A writer who has written a series of loose sentences should recast enough of them to remove the monotony, replacing them with simple sentences, sentences of two clauses joined by a semicolon, periodic sentences of two clauses, or sentences (loose or periodic) of three clauses—whichever best represent the real relations of the thought.
19. Express coordinate ideas in similar form.
This principle, that of parallel construction, requires that expressions similar in content and function be outwardly similar. The likeness of form enables the reader to recognize more readily the likeness of content and function. The familiar Beatitudes exemplify the virtue of parallel construction.
Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
The unskilled writer often violates this principle, mistakenly believing in the value of constantly varying the form of expression. When repeating a statement to emphasize it, the writer may need to vary its form. Otherwise, the writer should follow the principle of parallel construction.
Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method, while now the laboratory method is employed.
Formerly, science was taught by the textbook method; now it is taught by the laboratory method.
The lefthand version gives the impression that the writer is undecided or timid, apparently unable or afraid to choose one form of expression and hold to it. The righthand version shows that the writer has at least made a choice and abided by it.
By this principle, an article or a preposition applying to all the members of a series must either be used only before the first term or else be repeated before each term.
the French, the Italians, Spanish, and Portuguese
the French, the Italians, the Spanish, and the Portuguese
in spring, summer, or in winter
in spring, summer, or winter (in spring, in summer, or in winter)
Some words require a particular preposition in certain idiomatic uses. When such words are joined in a compound construction, all the appropriate prepositions must be included, unless they are the same.
His speech was marked by disagreement and scorn for his opponents position.
His speech was marked by disagreement with and scorn for his opponent's position.
Correlative expressions (both, and; not, but; not only, but also; either, or; first, second, third; and die like) should be followed by die same grammatical construction. Many violations of this rule can be corrected by rearranging the sentence.
It was both a long ceremony and very tedious.
The ceremony was both long and tedious.
A time not for words but action.
A time not for words but for action.
Either you must grant his request or incur his ill will.
You must either grant his request or incur his ill will.
My objections are, first, the injustice of the measure; second, that it is unconstitutional.
My objections are, first, that the measure is unjust; second, that it is unconstitutional.
It may be asked, what if you need to express a rather large number of similar ideas—say, twenty? Must you write twenty consecutive sentences of the same pattern? On closer examination, you will probably find that the difficulty is imaginary—that these twenty ideas can be classified in groups, and that you need apply the principle only within each group. Otherwise, it is best to avoid the difficulty by putting statements in the form of a table.
20. Keep related words together.
The position of the words in a sentence is the principal means of showing their relationship. Confusion and ambiguity result when words are badly placed. The writer must, therefore, bring together the words and groups of words that are related in thought and keep apart those that are not so related.
He noticed a large stain in the rug that was right in the center.
He noticed a large stain right in the center of the rug.
You can call your mother in London and tell her all about George's taking you out to dinner for just two dollars.
For just two dollars you can call your mother in London and tell her all about George's taking you out to dinner.
New York's first commercial human-sperm bank opened Friday with semen samples from eighteen men frozen in a stainless steel tank.
New York's first commercial human-sperm bank opened Friday when semen samples were taken from eighteen men. The samp
les were then frozen and stored in a stainless steel tank.
In the lefthand version of the first example, the reader has no way of knowing whether the stain was in the center of the rug or the rug was in the center of the room. In the lefthand version of the second example, the reader may well wonder which cost two dollars—the phone call or the dinner. In the lefthand version of the third example, the reader's heart goes out to those eighteen poor fellows frozen in a steel tank.
The subject of a sentence and the principal verb should not, as a rule, be separated by a phrase or clause that can be transferred to the beginning.
Toni Morrison, in Beloved, writes about characters who have escaped from slavery but are haunted by its heritage.
In Beloved, Toni Morrison writes about characters who have escaped from slavery but are haunted by its heritage.
A dog, if you fail to discipline him, becomes a household pest.
Unless disciplined, a dog becomes a household pest.
Interposing a phrase or a clause, as in the lefthand examples above, interrupts the flow of the main clause. This interruption, however, is not usually bothersome when the flow is checked only by a relative clause or by an expression in apposition. Sometimes, in periodic sentences, the interruption is a deliberate device for creating suspense. (See examples under Rule 22.)
The relative pronoun should come, in most instances, immediately after its antecedent.
There was a stir in the audience that suggested disapproval.
A stir that suggested disapproval swept the audience.
He wrote three articles about his adventures in Spain, which were published in Harper's Magazine.
He published three articles in Harper's Magazine about his adventures in Spain.
This is a portrait of Benjamin Harrison, who became President in 1889. He was the grandson of William Henry Harrison.
This is a portrait of Benjamin Harrison, grandson of William Henry Harrison, who became President in 1889.
If the antecedent consists of a group of words, the relative comes at the end of the group, unless this would cause ambiguity.
The Superintendent of the Chicago Division, who
No ambiguity results from the above. But
A proposal to amend the Sherman Act, which has been variously judged
leaves the reader wondering whether it is the proposal or the Act that has been variously judged. The relative clause must be moved forward, to read, "A proposal, which has been variously judged, to amend the Sherman Act…" Similarly
The grandson of William Henry Harrison, who
William Henry Harrison's grandson, Benjamin Harrison, who
A noun in apposition may come between antecedent and relative, because in such a combination no real ambiguity can arise.
The Duke of York, his brother, who was regarded with hostility by the Whigs
Modifiers should come, if possible, next to the words diey modify. If several expressions modify the same word, they should be arranged so that no wrong relation is suggested.
All the members were not present.
Not all the members were present.
She only found two mistakes.
She found only two mistakes.
The director said he hoped all members would give generously to the Fund at a meeting of the committee yesterday.
At a meeting of the committee yesterday, the director said he hoped all members would give generously to the Fund.
Major R. E. Joyce will give a lecture on Tuesday evening in Bailey Hall, to which the public is invited on "My Experiences in Mesopotamia" at 8:00 p.m.
On Tuesday evening at eight, Major R. E. Joyce will give a lecture in Bailey Hall on "My Experiences in Mesopotamia." The public is invited.
Note, in the last lefthand example, how swiftly meaning departs when words are wrongly juxtaposed.
21. In summaries, keep to one tense.
In summarizing the action of a drama, use the present tense. In summarizing a poem, story, or novel, also use the present, though you may use the past if it seems more natural to do so. If the summary is in the present tense, antecedent action should be expressed by the perfect; if in the past, by the past perfect.
Chance prevents Friar John from delivering Friar Lawrences letter to Romeo. Meanwhile, owing to her fathers arbitrary change of the day set for her wedding. Juliet has been compelled to drink the potion on Tuesday night, with the result that Balthasar informs Romeo of her supposed death before Friar Lawrence learns of the nondelivery of the letter.
But whichever tense is used in the summar tense in indirect discourse or in indirect question real unchanged.
The Friar confesses that it was he who married
Apart from the exceptions noted, the writer should use the same tense throughout. Shifting from one tense to another gives the appearance of uncertainty and irresolution.
In presenting the statements or the thought of someone else, as in summarizing an essay or repor not overwork such expressions as "he said," "she stated,' "the speaker added." "the speaker then went on to say," "author also thinks." Indicate clearly at the outset, once for all, that what follows is summary, and then waste no words in repeating the notification.
In notebooks, in newspapers, in handbooks of literature, summaries of one kind or another may be indispensable, and for children in primary schools retelling a story in their own words is a useful exercise. But in the criticism or interpretation of literature, be careful to avoid dropping into summary. It may be necessary to devote one or two sentences to indicating the subject, or the opening situation, of the work being discussed, or to cite numerous details to illustrate its qualities. But you should aim at writing an orderly discussion supported by evidence, not a summary with occasional comment. Similarly, if the scope of the discussion includes a number of works, as a rule it is better not to take them up singly in chronological order but to aim from the beginning at establishing general conclusions.
22. Place the emphatic words of a sentence at the end.
The proper place in the sentence for the word or group of words that the writer desires to make most prominent is usually the end.
Humanity has hardly advanced in fortitude since that time, though it has advanced in many other ways.
Since that time, humanity has advanced in many ways, but it has hardly advanced in fortitude.
This steel is principally used for making razors, because of its hardness.
Because of its hardness, this steel is used principally for making razors.
The word or group of words entitled to this position of prominence is usually the logical predicate—that is, the new element in the sentence, as it is in the second example. The effectiveness of the periodic sentence arises from the prominence it gives to the main statement.
Four centuries ago, Christopher Columbus, one of the Italian mariners whom the decline of their own republics had put at the service of the world and of adventure, seeking for Spain a westward passage to the Indies to offset the achievement of Portuguese discoverers, lighted on America.
With these hopes and in this belief I would urge you, laying aside all hindrance, thrusting away all private aims, to devote yourself unswervingly and unflinchingly to the vigorous and successful prosecution of this war.
The other prominent position in the sentence is the beginning. Any element in the sentence other than the subject becomes emphatic when placed first.
Deceit or treachery she could never forgive.
Vast and rude, fretted by the action of nearly three thousand years, the fragments of this architecture may often seem, at first sight, like works of nature.
Home is the sailor.
A subject coming first in its sentence may be emphatic, but hardly by its position alone. In the sentence
Great kings worshiped at his shrine
the emphasis upon kings arises largely from its meaning and from the context. To receive special emphasis, the subject of a sentence must take the position of the pred
icate.
Through the middle of the valley flowed a winding stream.
The principle that the proper place for what is to be made most prominent is the end applies equally to the words of a sentence, to the sentences of a paragraph, and to the paragraphs of a composition.
* * *
III A Few Matters of Form
Colloquialisms. If you use a colloquialism or a slang word or phrase, simply use it; do not draw attention to it by enclosing it in quotation marks. To do so is to put on airs, as though you were inviting the reader to join you in a select society of those who know better.
Exclamations. Do not attempt to emphasize simple statements by using a mark of exclamation.
It was a wonderful show!
It was a wonderful show.
The exclamation mark is to be reserved for use after true exclamations or commands.
What a wonderful show!
Halt!
Headings. If a manuscript is to be submitted for publication, leave plenty of space at the top of page 1. The editor will need this space to write directions to the compositor. Place the heading, or title, at least a fourth of the way down the page. Leave a blank line, or its equivalent in space, after the heading. On succeeding pages, begin near the top, but not so near as to give a crowded appearance. Omit the period after a title or heading. A question mark or an exclamation point may be used if the heading calls for it.
Hyphen. When two or more words are combined to form a compound adjective, a hyphen is usually required.
"He belonged to the leisure class and enjoyed leisure-class pursuits."
"She entered her boat in the round-the-island race."
Do not use a hyphen between words that can better be written as one word: water-fowl, waterfowl. Common sense will aid you in the decision, but a dictionary is more reliable. The steady evolution of the language seems to favor union: two words eventually become one, usually after a period of hyphenation.