“Maybe they’ve read Uncle Roland, the Perfect Guest,” said Mary Anne, and the rest of us laughed. (It’s a really funny picture book for little kids.)
“Did any kids show up uninvited?” I asked Kristy, with a mouthful of ham and cheese. (I’ll never again take junk food for granted.)
“Nope,” Kristy answered. “I think there may have been a change in pool rules.”
“Well, Amanda and Max realized they couldn’t buy friends,” I said. I paused. Then I said, “Hey, you’ll never guess what happened this afternoon.”
“What?” asked everyone.
“Rachel called me.”
“Rachel?” cried Jessi. “That toadhead?”
“Yes. Rachel the toadhead. You know what? She’d heard about our party tonight and she didn’t exactly come out and ask to be invited, but I know that’s what she wanted. I think Valerie might have been with her. Rachel kept covering up the phone and whispering to somebody.”
“What did you say to her?” Stacey wanted to know.
“I made it very clear that the party was for my friends. And Rachel got all sweet-sounding and said something about our silly fight and how it was all in the past. And I said, ‘Because my father has a job again?’ and Rachel didn’t say anything, so I told her to go call Nan or Janet. Then I hung up on her. I actually hung —”
“Hey!” Kristy interrupted. “I just got an idea. Let’s goof call Nan White and Janet O’Neal later. They deserve it.”
“Okay,” I said, giggling. “Should we do Sam’s favorite?”
“Yes,” was Kristy’s immediate reply. “And then we’ll do a pig farm call.”
“A pig farm call?” Jessi and I repeated at the same time.
“You’ll see,” Mary Anne told us.
We finished our supper, cleaned up our trash, and then stood around the phone in the kitchen. We all knew what Sam’s favorite goof call was.
“Who should call first?” asked Dawn. “And who are we goofing?”
“We’re goofing Nan,” Kristy replied immediately, “because she’s worse than Janet and this is a more annoying call. And anyone except Mallory can call her first. I think Mal should make the last call.”
“I’ll go first, then,” said Jessi, and she picked up the phone and dialed Nan’s private number. “Hello, is Sissy there?” she asked. She paused. “There isn’t?” she said innocently. “There’s no Sissy there?” Then she hung up and we doubled over laughing.
During the next half an hour, Kristy, Stacey, Mary Anne, Claudia, and Dawn each called Nan and asked for Sissy. Dawn reported that Nan sounded especially angry after her call.
“Good,” I said, and picked up the phone.
“What is it?” cried Nan when she answered.
“This is Sissy,” I said. “Have there been any calls for me?”
“Mallory Pike?” exclaimed Nan. “Is that you?”
“No, it’s Sissy,” I said. I hung up and exploded into laughter.
“All right, now it’s Janet’s turn,” said Kristy. “Who’ll make the pig farm call?”
To everyone’s surprise, Mary Anne said, “I will.” Then she added, “I’ve got Logan’s southern accent down pat.” (A southern accent seemed to be crucial to a pig farm call.)
We had to look Janet’s number up in the phone book. When we found it, Mary Anne dialed it and said (in her regular voice) to whomever had answered the phone, “Hello, is Janet there, please?” A few moments later, Mary Anne put on her accent. “Hello, Mizz O’Neal?” she drawled. “This is Mizz Patterson from Atlanta Pig Farm. The two hundred piglets you ordered are ready. How would you like them shipped to you?”
Well, of course, Janet must have said something like, “I don’t know anything about pigs from a pig farm.”
So Mary Anne, who ordinarily is a terrible, unconvincing liar, made her voice all trembly and insisted, “But you did order them. I’ve got the form right in front of me. Two hundred piglets for a Mizz Janet O’Neal in Stoneybrook, Connecticut.”
I don’t know what Janet said to that, but for the next ten minutes or so Mary Anne became more and more upset, saying that her boss would fire her if she didn’t put through the order and collect the two thousand dollars that Janet owed Atlanta Pig Farm. When Mary Anne finally got off the phone, having told Janet that she was sure to lose her job, she was actually crying, and the rest of us were laughing so hard we’d had to run to the rec room and get pillows to put over our faces, so that Janet wouldn’t hear us.
“Well, I guess we got them back,” I said, referring to Nan and Janet, and feeling deeply satisfied.
The seven of us returned to the rec room.
“Make-over time!” announced Stacey.
“No, let’s raid the refrigerator,” said Claud.
“Raid the refrigerator! We just ate,” Jessi pointed out.
I was about to suggest phoning Nan again and asking if there’d been any more calls for Sissy, when Dad appeared in the rec room. He handed me something. It was the Power-X Slime-Master Gun.
“Here, my enterprising daughter,” he said. “I found this hidden under the sink in the upstairs bathroom. See if you can put it to good use.”
I grinned. “Thanks, Dad.” Then I said to my friends as Dad was leaving, “Well, I guess we know what to do with this.”
“Yup,” said everyone.
So we staged a sneak slime attack on the triplets in their bedroom. Then we returned to our sleeping bags. We talked and ate and told each other our dreams and fears. I didn’t sleep a wink.
It was one of the best nights of my life.
* * *
Dear Reader:
In Poor Mallory!, the Pike kids think of all sorts of ways to earn money after their father loses his job. Vanessa even styles her schoolmates’ hair on the playground! When I was young I found plenty of ways to earn money, too. I did lots of baby-sitting, of course. But I also weeded gardens, watched neighbors’ houses while they were on vacation, and even dog-sat. If you are too young to baby-sit or are not interested in it, but would like to earn some money, there are lots of things you can do. Start an odd-job service like the Pike triplets did. Are there pets in your neighborhood? Try dog-walking or pet-sitting. If you have a special talent like Vanessa does, you could make and sell your own jewelry, or your own hand-sewn creations. The possibilities are endless — use your imagination!
Happy Reading,
* * *
About the Author
ANN MATTHEWS MARTIN was born on August 12, 1955. She grew up in Princeton, New Jersey, with her parents and her younger sister, Jane.
There are currently over 176 million copies of The Baby-sitters Club in print. (If you stacked all of these books up, the pile would be 21,245 miles high.)In addition to The Baby-sitters Club, Ann is the author of two other series, Main Street and Family Tree. Her novels include Belle Teal, A Corner of the Universe (a Newbery Honor book), Here Today, A Dog’s Life, On Christmas Eve, Everything for a Dog, Ten Rules for Living with My Sister, and Ten Good and Bad Things About My Life (So Far). She is also the coauthor, with Laura Godwin, of the Doll People series.
Ann lives in upstate New York with her dog and her cats.
Copyright © 1990 by Ann M. Martin.
Cover art by Hodges Soileau
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc. SCHOLASTIC, THE BABY-SITTERS CLUB, and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
First edition, September 1990
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
e-ISBN 978-0-545-69030-0
Ann M. Martin, Poor Mallory!
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