“So what…you’re just going to…going to melt away?” Her eyes were wide and wounded. “But that’s not fair, Shad! We did what we had to do! We killed the Sovereign! We defeated the Hive and changed the future. It’s not fair.”
“We always knew it was going to be this way,” Shad reminded her harshly. “We always knew we’d be separated at the end of the loop.”
“But this isn’t the loop,” Harper insisted. “She Who Alters put us down outside the loop, didn’t she?”
“I believe she did but it doesn’t seem to matter, the result is the same. You’ll stay here and I…” Shad sighed heavily. “Eventually I will be pulled back to my own time. I’m sorry, Harper,” he said more softly. “I never meant for this to affect you. I was the only one who was supposed to remember and regret. If we had reached the end of the loop as I planned, you would have forgotten me.”
“I don’t want to forget you. I don’t want to lose you!” She threw her arms around his neck and pressed hard against him, as though she could keep him with her through sheer force of will.
“I don’t want to lose you either,” Shad murmured. “Remember, I promised I would find you in the future,” he added, trying to make her feel better.
“I’ll be too old for you!” Her voice was a choked sob, muffled against his neck and her tears were hot against his skin. “And I don’t want to have to wait twenty years to see you again. Please, Shad—we have to find a way to keep you here. We have to.”
Shad didn’t know what to tell her. He had never felt more helpless than he did holding the woman he loved in his arms and telling her he had to leave her and there was nothing he could do to stop or prevent it.
“Talk to Sylvan,” Baird advised. He had been piloting quietly, not interfering in the volatile scene between Shad and Harper but now he spoke up. “If anyone can think of a solution, it would be my brother,” he said firmly. “Talk to him.”
“We have to see him anyway in the med lab,” Shad murmured. “We need to get Harper, uh, checked out.”
“Maybe he can help you,” Baird said.
As Harper’s arms tightened around his neck and her sobs shook him, Shad prayed to the Goddess his uncle was right.
Chapter Twenty-seven
“Now, then. Varin has informed me you were forced to ingest the Hive’s Blood Honey?” Commander Sylvan raised one pale blond eyebrow at her. He’d already taken blood samples and run several other tests, much to Harper’s impatience. She didn’t want to talk about herself—she was more worried about Shad.
“Yes, they gave me the Blood Honey stuff but that’s not the main problem right now,” she said earnestly. “Shad’s being pulled back into his own time and we need your help to stop it.”
A look of compassion came over the Kindred doctor’s face—probably the same look he got when he was telling someone they had a terminal illness, Harper thought.
“Harper,” he said gently. “I’m the head of the High Council and a doctor—but I’m not a manipulator of time or space. I’m afraid I can’t help you with that particular problem.”
“But there must be a way,” Harper insisted. “Maybe he’s too close to his younger self here on the Mother Ship. Maybe if we got far away—went back down to Earth—”
“We were just on Mars, Harper,” Shad reminded her, his voice a low, weary growl. “That’s a hell of a lot further from the Mother Ship than Earth is and I had two, uh, ‘fading incidents’ there. I don’t think getting further away from my younger self is the answer.”
“But there has to be something we can do,” she exclaimed. “There has to be, Shad. You can’t just…just leave me!”
“I don’t want to leave you, Kallana,” he murmured. “I just don’t see any way to stop it.”
Sylvan frowned. “If only there was a way to anchor you here…”
“Anchor him—yes, that’s it—that’s the idea!” Harper exclaimed excitedly. “Can’t we find a way to anchor him? To…oh!”
She doubled over suddenly as pain lanced through her.
“Harper? Harper, are you all right?” Shad’s voice sounded nearly frantic as he grabbed her by the shoulders, saving her from pitching off the exam table in the little private exam room they were in.
“I…I don’t know,” Harper gasped. The pain was between her legs but it wasn’t so much a pain as an emptiness. An aching…a need to be filled. After a long moment, it seemed to ease and she was able to sit up again with Shad’s help. But though the sharp pain eased, she still felt wrong. Her breasts hurt—the nipples were too sensitive and the breasts themselves felt suddenly full and heavy.
Feels just like after I had that awful sex-milk, she thought dizzily. God, what’s wrong with me?
“What’s wrong with her?” Shad demanded, asking Sylvan exactly what she was thinking.
Sylvan was frowning.
“I’m afraid I’m not exactly sure. I did see evidence of the Blood Honey she ingested in her labs but I’ve only ever had one other patient who was subjected to it.”
“That would be Varin’s mate, correct?” Shad asked anxiously.
Sylvan nodded. “But I don’t believe her symptoms came on as quickly as Harper’s.” He looked at a vid-clipboard chart, staring at the figures there with a frown. “It’s almost like she already had something in her system—something that accelerated and exacerbated he Blood Honey’s effects on her.”
“The sex-milk,” Harper whispered and even as she spoke, she felt her breasts getting fuller. She remembered thinking that the Blood Honey was a poison like the strange purple liquid she’d been tricked into drinking back at the Thieves' Market. It seemed she had been right. But had the traces of the sex-milk still in her system actually made the effects of the Blood Honey worse?
Sylvan frowned. “I’m sorry—what? What kind of milk?”
“It was a kind of aphrodisiac Harper was given on Juno,” Shad explained in a low voice. “It had…side effects which were most uncomfortable for her. I thought she was cured of it but now…I’m not so sure.” He eyed the red Kindred uniform shirt Harper was wearing, the one Baird had loaned her to cover up with.
Following his gaze, Harper realized there were two wet spots on the front of the thick, silky red fabric.
Oh no—not again! Miserably, she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to hide the stains. God, what was she going to do?
Sylvan was frowning. “It’s possible I should run a few more tests—”
“Testing isn’t what she needs.” The new voice belonged to Varin, the Vision Kindred who had given her back her cloak. He was standing in the doorway of the exam room, a frown on his dark face. Beside him was a petite girl with pale skin and a long waterfall of black hair down to her waist.
“Varin?” Sylvan frowned. “This is a private consultation, I’m afraid.”
“Forgive us for barging in.” The Vision Kindred ducked his head in apology. “But my mate Brynn and I have dealt with the effects of the Blood Honey before.”
The girl spoke up in a soft, bird-like voice.
“We thought we might be able to shed some light on the situation.”
“It’s not just the Blood Honey we’re dealing with,” Sylvan objected. “Harper has been given another substance which greatly intensified and accelerated the Blood Honey’s influence on her.”
“All the more reason you need our help,” Varin said firmly. “Forgive me, Commander Sylvan, but you might have seen what the Blood Honey can do to someone but Brynn here has felt it. And I had a hand in helping to cure her.”
“So this is curable?” Shad asked eagerly. “How?”
Varin cleared his throat and shifted uneasily. “Perhaps it would be easier if you and I spoke in private,” he said to Shad.
“And I’ll speak to Harper—with your permission, of course, Commander Sylvan.” Brynn nodded her head deferentially to the blond Kindred doctor.
“As you wish. If you need me, I’ll be here in the med station.” Commander Sylvan di
dn’t look happy about it but he stepped out into the hallway and left Shad and Harper alone with Varin and Brynn.
“Look, I’m not worried about any of this…this Blood Honey stuff,” Harper protested uneasily as she watched the doctor go. “I’m worried about keeping you here, Shad—anchoring you to this time so you don’t fade away.”
But as she spoke, another bolt of aching emptiness shot through her, making her clench her thighs together and gasp.
“Harper, please.” Shad took her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes. “This is more important right now—curing you is more important. How do you think I’d feel if I was dragged back to my own time knowing you were still ill? Please, sweetheart—let’s get you healed first and then we can worry about my situation.”
Harper wanted to protest but the aching emptiness inside wouldn’t let her. She felt like a black hole had opened up inside her—a hungry need that demanded to be filled. For an intense moment it was nearly unbearable and she squeezed her hands into fists, her nails digging into her palms, and bit her lip until she tasted blood. Slowly, the ache began to ease and the pain gradually left, although her breasts were still as full and heavy as ever.
“All…all right,” she finally managed to get out. “But please, let’s try to move quickly.”
“You can be cured pretty quickly,” Brynn promised her. “Let’s talk—girl to girl, all right?”
“Shad and I will go out into the hallway,” Varin growled.
Harper wanted to object—she was frightened to let Shad out of her sight, even for a moment. Frightened he might fade away and disappear while she wasn’t looking. She somehow had the irrational idea that if she saw him starting to fade she could grab him and keep him in her own time.
But that’s ridiculous, she told herself. He was holding you in his arms the last two times he started to fade and you couldn’t do anything to stop it.
Still, she couldn’t help the feeling that she needed to keep her eyes on him every minute. To her relief, when he stepped outside the room with Varin, she could at least still see their silhouettes against the curtained windows of the exam room. She kept her eyes trained on Shad’s shadow as Brynn spoke.
“You feel like you have an emptiness inside, don’t you?” she said in her soft voice. “You’re aching and you feel you’ll die if you aren’t filled soon.”
Harper looked at her in surprise, forgetting for a moment to keep her eyes on Shad’s silhouette.
“How did you—”
“Know how you’re feeling? It’s because I had the Blood Honey forced on me too.” Brynn came forward and took one of Harper’s hands in her own small, pale one. “You’re going to need your male very badly very soon, Harper. It’s going to feel like if you don’t have him in you, you’ll die. It might feel shameful or wrong but you have to overcome those feelings and ask him for what you need.”
Harper bit her lip. “Why…why are you telling me this?”
“Because I wish someone would have told me,” Brynn said gently. “Of course, no one really knew. But it would have saved me a lot of grief and guilt if they had and could have told me.”
“What exactly are you saying?” Harper asked softly. “What should I do?”
“I’m telling you that the effects of the Blood Honey can only be cured one way,” Brynn said. “A deep breeding.”
* * * * *
“You have to breed her hard.” Varin spoke in a low, intense voice, his eyes fixed on Shad’s face, as though to gauge his reaction. “A lot harder than you probably want to. It might even feel like you’re hurting her but that’s what she’s going to need—it’s the only way to get over the Blood Honey.”
“Gods…” Shad raked a hand through his hair. “We…we’re not even completely bonded.” Nor could they be. Now that he was certain he was being pulled back to his own time, it was a bad idea to complete their bond. It would be hard enough to lose Harper when he had a partial bond with her—if they sealed the bond and then lost each other, it was going to be painful on both sides. More than just painful—the ache of an empty bond was excruciating, or so he’d heard.
“I’m sorry about that.” Varin shook his head. “Slow and gentle is better for the first time. But I’m afraid it’s the only way to get her over the Blood Honey. You have to breed your female and fill her with your seed.”
“I’ll…take your words into consideration,” Shad said formally. “Thank you.”
Varin seemed about to say something else, but then he only shrugged.
“May the Goddess see you through it,” he murmured.
Just then there was a muffled cry from inside the exam room and Shad recognized Harper’s voice.
“Excuse me!” He pushed past Varin and went back in to where Harper was doubled over on the exam table.
Brynn was holding her hand, a worried look on her delicate features.
“I’m afraid she’s having a hard time,” she told Shad. “She needs you now—very badly.”
“I understand.” Shad scooped her into his arms and Harper curled against him like a wounded creature.
“Shad,” she whispered. “Shad, please…I need…need you so much.”
His heart squeezed in his chest.
“I know, sweetheart,” he growled softly. “And I’m going to help you, I swear it.”
Although he still didn’t know how he could do it without forming a permanent bond between them and condemning both of them to a lifetime of misery when he actually did fade away.
Chapter Twenty-eight
“We’ll start with a bath,” Shad said, laying her gently on the couch of the guest suite Commander Sylvan had sent them to. “Let’s get you all clean and warm—I think it will help.”
Harper was fairly certain that the only thing that would help her was his shaft deep inside her giving her what Brynn had described as a “deep breeding” but Shad hadn’t seemed willing to talk about that on the way to the guest suite they were staying in. She was pretty sure what was holding him back—he didn’t want to complete the bond between them when he might get taken back to his own time at any moment.
But what else could they do? How else was she going to get over this when Brynn and Varin, the only people they knew who had any experience with the Blood Honey, had told them making love—breeding—was the only way to overcome its effects?
“You need penetration—deep penetration,” Brynn had told her. Her pale cheeks had gone pink with a blush as though this kind of frank talk about sex embarrassed her but she’d forced herself to go on anyway, for Harper’s sake. “And you need his cream—his seed—inside you. It’s the only way.”
Harper had no reason to doubt the other girl—especially when her own body was telling her exactly what Brynn had said. But she didn’t know how to broach the topic with Shad.
Also, it wasn’t just the place between her legs that was aching. Her breasts seemed to be getting fuller by the moment. Had that damn Blood Honey brought back the effects of the sex-milk? Harper was afraid there was no other explanation for the fullness of her breasts and the wet spots on her shirt, but she had to see to be for certain.
Now that she finally had some privacy, she dared to unbutton the red uniform shirt she was wearing and look down at her swollen breasts. She groaned at what she saw.
Sure enough, her nipples and areolas had turned from their normal light brown to the deep, blackberry shade they’d been after she had the sex-milk. And when she squeezed one puffy nipple, a tiny droplet of pale purple appeared on its tip.
“Ah, I was afraid of that.”
The sound of Shad’s voice made her head jerk up and Harper tried instinctively to hide her breasts with her arms.
“No, sweetheart.” He shook his head and knelt beside her. “No, don’t hide it. The Blood Honey brought back the sex-milk effects too, didn’t it?”
“I…I think so,” Harper admitted, allowing him to uncross her arms and pull them away from her body so he could study her bare breasts,
now swollen with nectar.
“Then we don’t have much time to fix this.” He sounded decisive. “Let’s get you all cleaned up and I’ll help you like I did last time.”
Harper knew he meant he would suck the nectar out of her overfull breasts and then use his own body fluids as a kind of antidote for her illness. The question was, would he use his saliva as he had last time…or would he make love to her and come in her to solve the effects of both the sex-milk and the Blood Honey at the same time?
The emptiness between her thighs cried out for him but she didn’t want to push—didn’t want to demand he form a bond with her when it would condemn both of them to pain and anguish later if…
If the future takes him back, she finished lamely to herself.
Still, he hadn’t had a fading episode since they’d been sitting together in the spaceship on the way back from Mars, she reminded herself hopefully. Maybe he was getting more stable here—maybe he was going to stay with her after all.
Need to find a way to anchor him here, like Commander Sylvan said. But how? she wondered to herself.
By this time Shad was stripping the red uniform shirt and the tattered remains of the green fringe dress off her, making her naked. Harper didn’t even try to resist, though she still felt self-conscious about her swollen breasts. But he’d seen her like this before, she reminded herself, and he hadn’t seemed to mind.
“Shad…” she whispered as he scooped her off the couch and carried her into the bathing room. There was a wide, deep tub set almost flush with the floor so that it looked like a small swimming pool. The water inside was a pale, crystal blue and steam was rising from its surface.
“Sweetheart.” He kissed her forehead tenderly. “I’m going to put you in the bathing pool now so we can get you all clean.”
“Will you come in with me?” Harper begged softly. “Please, Shad—don’t leave me alone.”