CHAPTER 17
I did as he said. Bolted the door and joined the horses, dropping to the floor of Sensible Sioux's stall and leaning against the wall. The hay was prickly but Sioux's presence was comforting. She came close and reached down to nuzzle my face, blowing gently the way horses do. I stroked her forehead. Then she went back to eating her oats and I closed my eyes, shutting out the dim light of the barn and letting the sounds tell me what was happening.
The horses were still restless but not as much as before, which meant Max was right and the rogue cat was gone. They smelled no danger so one by one, they dozed off. Except Sioux. She stayed close and nuzzled me softly every so often. I was grateful for her presence. Waiting for Max was incredibly difficult.
It seemed like hours before he returned but was most likely less than an hour. I left Sioux's stall and opened the door quietly so as not to awaken the sleeping horses. He slipped in just as silently, his flashlight pointed downwards. "There's a blood trail." He raised the flashlight beam halfway up my body. "You're okay now?"
I thought before answering. I'd never been as frightened in my life as after the cougar attacked me. But, yes, I was better if not truly okay. "Thanks to you." Honesty made me add, "And Sensible Sioux."
He marched right to Sioux's stall and, when she put her head over the gate to see what was going on, he patted her head a couple times. "Thanks, girl. She needed a friend." Yes, I thought in some corner of my mind, he has the instincts of a great horseman. Time and Carlos will hone those instincts until he can do what Carlos does and Carlos can retire knowing his work will be carried on. Green Forest Stables will be lucky to have him.
"Now where's that mattress you were sleeping on earlier? I'm tired." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Exhausted."
"I didn't think Rangers ever got tired."
"Rangers learn to sleep when there's time. When the danger is least. Like now. And if we don't get that mattress down here within a few minutes, I'll probably fall asleep on the floor."
We took a roundabout path through the tack rooms and a short hallway and ended up in the office section, where, instead of getting the mattress I'd used earlier because that would mean going outside, something we didn't want to do, we took the stairs to the bedrooms above where we chose a lightweight mattress that we kept for extra sleeping space in the rather large guest bedrooms. It slid easily down the stairs, after which we retraced our route through the hallway and the tack rooms to the barn, where now even Sioux slept. The silence that met me was familiar. I'd listened to it ever since coming to work for Green Forest Stables. But tonight it was much more than mere silence, it was a comforting blanket that warmed me through and through. And finally, wrapped in the healing silence of a much loved place, the last of my inner shaking stilled.
We didn't have blankets or pillows. We didn't care. We dropped to the mattress and lay down side by side and stared into the dark of the soaring stable ceiling. We listened to the silence. We closed our eyes, and then opened them again because we weren't ready for sleep.
"You're not sleeping," I said. "I thought you could sleep anywhere, any time."
"I will. Got some thinking to do first."
"About what?" I rolled part way towards him.
"You. Me. Horses. Cougars. Life."
"What conclusions have you reached?"
"None yet."
"Let me know when you do."
A low chuckle drifted through the night, a sound that was quickly becoming familiar, wending around the stables and into the air and then into me. Max's voice was warm and rich and, separated from his body because it was dark and I couldn't locate him, it had a life of its own. "Which conclusion are you interested in? Horses and cougars or you and me?"
"All of the above because they are all wrapped up together."
"How so?"
"First you and me. I like you, Maggie, and I think you like me too. At least you don't run in terror when I'm around. But this is a business and I work for you, which complicates things. As far as the business is concerned, it happens to be horses, about which I know next to nothing."
"You're learning fast." I remembered my earlier thought about his instincts being true. "You'll do fine."
"I hope so. I think I will though it's a big change from anything I've ever known." He turned, too, rolling halfway towards me until I could see the shine of this eyes and the outline of his face but nothing else. "The thing is, the you and I part depends on all those other things." One hand came out of the dark and touched my face briefly. "So that's what I'm thinking about." The hand returned to his side. "Trying to put everything together and it's hard. But it's what I'm trying to do. Boring, huh?" He rolled onto his back once more and disappeared into the blackness.
"Not boring." I didn't how to proceed. What to say. How to let him know that I didn't feel like a boss, didn't even know how a boss was supposed to feel or act. And that he had a place at Green Forest Stables for as long as he wanted. And that whatever he felt for me was reciprocated a hundred times over. How to say it all without giving the wrong impression?
I finally figured it out. Opened my mouth to say it. And shut it again as the soft sounds of sleep came from the man beside me. Max's Ranger training had kicked in. The danger was least, he'd gone to sleep.
I tried to do the same and failed completely until sometime before dawn. Knowing I'd not sleep as long as the memory of the cougar's attack prevented me from dozing off, I moved as close as possible to Max, my source of safety, and draped one arm over his chest and then snuggled into him until we were one body. One person, safe and secure. Then I let sleep take over.
The next thing I knew, I was staring at late morning sunshine behind and beyond Max, who was leaning on one elbow and looking down at me with a quizzical expression. "Don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way. I don't mind you sleeping all over me. It was kind of nice, like a living blanket. But since so far as I know we're not married or involved in any way, what prompted this closeness?" His eyes narrowed and his face turned sober. "Though I'm pretty sure I know."
I scooted away. "What do you mean, you're pretty sure?"
"Fear. I know it when I see it and, believe me, I've felt it more than a few times."
No sense in pretending. "So I was afraid. Because the cougar attacked me." I struggled to tell him. "But it didn't succeed."
He held up a hand. "Shush." Placed it softly on my mouth. "You don't have to explain. I said I understand and I do." Removed it, slid it lightly over my body. "When something like that happens… something so dangerous that you could die from it… then the world changes. It can and usually does happen in the blink of an eye, but that doesn't make the change any less earth-shaking." His brows drew together. "Do you know what I'm talking about? Even a little? Because, if you don't, then I'll shut up."
It had happened to me already, a life-altering mini-second. During that first light, unimportant kiss we'd shared, the one that was more a tribute to the morning than to us as a man and woman. A brief moment in time when life as I knew it had changed. "I do understand." Yes, this was different from that light kiss. This was frightening at a level I'd not ever expected to know but both experiences shared the same earth-shaking intensity. I met his gaze squarely. "Does the fear ever go away?"
"Enough." His eyes clouded. "Eventually. When things happen to push it out of your mind."
"How long will it take?"
He shrugged. "Minutes. Hours. Days." A grin slashed across his face, changing the line of his jaw. I was fascinated with the change. "If it doesn't happen soon, I promise I'll do something to hurry it along."
"What kind of thing?"
The grin grew. "The water in the horse tank is cold, right?" I nodded. "Being dumped in it unexpectedly would be enough of a shock to send anything and everything from your mind."
"You'd do that?"
"It was done to me once i
n a similar situation."
"How awful."
"It worked." He rolled over and, in one smooth movement, sat up and over me, draping his shadow across my body. "And I suspect it will work with you, too, when I drop you in. If it's necessary. If nothing else happens first to chase away the memory of what almost happened." He pointed a finger at me. "But it didn't happen and that's the important thing. That's all that truly matters."
I found myself grinning reluctantly. "A stock tank? Not going to happen."
His grin disappeared, like switching off a light even as his eyes retained a softness that was at odds with his fierce expression. "I think it's time to get that big cat. I guarantee that standing over his dead body will make a dunking unnecessary." His gaze bored through me. Read me. Knew that he'd succeeded and that the aftermath of terror that had rendered me dysfunctional had dissipated. So it was time to get back to business.