What is this I hear? Our treasury in Chakua has been looted. Last night the estate taxes worth seven and a half thousand rupees were deposited there and it was supposed to leave for this office by boat at dawn today. The clerk, in order to facilitate sending it, had changed the money into tens and twenties and kept them in bundles. Late in the night a gang of robbers looted it with guns and pistols. Quasim Sardar had taken a bullet and was wounded. The strange thing was that the robbers only took six thousand rupees and left the remainder strewn on the floor. They could easily have taken all the money. Anyway, the robbers have left and now the police processes would start. The money has already gone, but there won’t be any peace either.
I went indoors and found they had all heard the news. Mejorani came and said, ‘Thakurpo, how terrible.’
I tried to make light of it, ‘Terrible is still a long way off. There’s still enough to clothe and feed us for a few more years.’
‘Oh no, don’t joke about this: why are you their sole target always? Thakurpo, why don’t you try to appease them a little? How can you fight all the people—’
‘For the sake of the people, I cannot let the country go to hell.’
‘Just the other day I heard they’ve done something by the river—it’s an insult to you. Shame on them. I am so scared. The little princess has studied with a British woman—she is quite fearless. I can only rest if you let me call the priest and do some pujas to ward off the evil. For God’s sake, Thakurpo, go away to Calcutta; if you stay here, they may do something any day now—’
Mejorani’s fears and concern were like a balm on my soul. Fair mother, your kindness will always be upon us.
‘Thakurpo, keeping that money next to your bedroom is not a good idea. Lord knows, they may hear of it somehow and eventually—I am not worried about the money, but who knows—’
I tried to calm her fears, ‘Okay, I’ll take out that money right now and send it away to our treasury. Day after tomorrow I’ll go and deposit it in the bank in Calcutta.’
I went into the bedroom and found the ante-room locked from within. When I knocked on it, Bimala answered from within, ‘I am changing.’
Mejorani said, ‘Early in the morning the little one has started her toilette—strange, that one. I guess today there’ll be one of those Vande Mataram meetings of theirs. Ahoy there, Devi Choudhurani, are you busy gathering the loot?’
‘I’ll come back later and straighten it all out,’ I came outside and found the police inspector waiting for me. I asked him, ‘Did you find anything?’
‘We have our suspicions.’
‘On?’
Quasim Sardar.’
‘What? But he has been wounded?’
‘No real wound that one: just a grazed foot, slight bleeding, he could have done it himself.’
‘I cannot suspect Quasim, he is trustworthy.’
‘Perhaps, but that doesn’t mean he cannot steal. I have seen such things like an employee of twenty-five years, totally faithful, has suddenly one day—’
‘If that is the case, I cannot send him to prison.’
‘Why should you send? It’ll be done by those in charge of the job.’
‘Why would Quasim take six thousand and leave the rest behind?’
‘Just so that you don’t suspect him. Whatever you may say, that man is shrewd. He guards your treasury, but I’m sure he’s behind all the looting and raids on the treasuries in this area.’ The inspector quoted many instances of how robbers can loot treasuries twenty to thirty miles away and come back the same night to report to the master’s office.
I asked him, ‘Have you brought Quasim here?’
He said, ‘No, he is at the police station; the deputy would be here any moment to investigate.’
I said, ‘I want to see him.’
The moment he saw me, Quasim fell at my feet, weeping, ‘I swear on my God, sir, I haven’t done this.’
I said, ‘Quasim, I do not suspect you. Don’t be afraid, I won’t let them punish you if you are innocent.’
Quasim couldn’t describe the robbers very well; he simply muttered away, ‘Four-five hundred people, such huge guns, swords, etc.’ I realized this was all rubbish. Either fear lent wings to his imagination, or the shame of defeat made him exaggerate. He was of the opinion that since there was bad blood between Harish Kundu and me, this was done by him. In fact, he believed that he had clearly heard the voice of Ikram Sardar, one of Kundu’s men.
I said, ‘Look Quasim, don’t you dare drag someone else’s name into this just on the basis of conjecture. You are not responsible for fabricating proofs of whether Harish Kundu is involved or not.’
At home, I sent for Chandranathbabu. He shook his head and said, ‘Now there is no peaceful way. We have moved aside ethics and placed the country on that pedestal; now all that is bad in the land would shamelessly raise its ugly head and reveal itself.’
‘Do you think this was done by—’
I don’t know. But crime is on the rise. Go ahead, send them all away from your area.’
‘I have given them another day’s time. Day after tomorrow they will all leave.’
‘Listen, let me tell you just one thing: you take Bimala with you to Calcutta. From here, she is getting a narrow vision of the world, she cannot place every person, every object in their right perspectives. Let her truly see the world; let her, for once, see man and his space of work in its true magnitude.’
‘I was thinking the same thing myself.’
‘But don’t wait any longer. Look Nikhil, human history has evolved along with all the races and all the countries and that’s why even politics shouldn’t sell out on ethics to establish itself or the country. I know that Europe doesn’t truly believe this, but neither can I accept that we have to look to Europe for our guidelines. Man dies for Truth and gains immortal fame and if the same is done by a country or a race, it will have the same results. We must strive to let that perception of Truth become all-important and the ultimate in this India of ours, amidst the roaring laughter of the devil himself. What is this foreign failing that has taken the whole nation by storm?’
The whole day passed in taking care of all these problems. Exhausted, I went to bed at night. I decided to take out that money from the iron chest the next day.
At some point in the night I woke up. The room was pitch dark. I could hear a noise, like someone weeping. Every now and then, a tearful sigh floated in the room, like gusts of wind on a cloudy night. I felt the room was sobbing its heart out. There was no one else in my room. For some time now, Bimala slept in another room. I left the bed. Outside, on the veranda, I found Bimala lying on the floor.
These things are difficult to write. It is known and felt only by Him, who sits amidst the kernel of the universe and absorbs all the pain of the earth. The sky was mute, the stars silent, the night was still—and in the midst of it all, this sleepless weeping.
I could perhaps take all my joys and sorrows, compare and contrast them to the world at large, to the written word, and give it a fancy name, thereby ending the matter. But could I give a name to this source of pain welling up and flooding the bosom of this darkness? That solitary night, when I stood in the midst of those millions of silent stars and gazed upon her, a voice fearfully asked me, ‘Who am I to stand judgement?’ Oh life, oh death, endless creation and the Lord of it all—I salute the mystery contained within you.
For a moment I thought I should go back. But I couldn’t. Silently I sat near her and gently stroked her hair. At first her entire body stiffened up and the next instant it began to break apart and disintegrate into sobs. I could scarcely comprehend how the human heart could hold so many tears.
I stroked her head gently for a while. And then, at some point she groped around and took my feet in her hands. She pressed it so hard to her heart that I felt it would break from the burden of my feet.
Bimala
AMULYA WAS EXPECTED BACK IN THE MORNING. I INSTRUCTED THE BEARER to inform
me the minute he arrived. But I couldn’t sit still. Finally I went and waited in the living room.
When I sent Amulya to Calcutta to sell my jewellery, I had no thought for anyone but myself. It never occurred to me that he was so young and if he went to sell such expensive jewellery anywhere, he’d be under suspicion. Women are so helpless that we seem to have no other option than to pass our problems on to someone else. When we die, we drag five other people with us.
I had said with great pride, ‘I shall save Amulya.’ But how could one drowning person save another? Oh Lord, perhaps I have already pushed him into hell—little brother of mine, I am such an unfortunate sister that the day I prayed for you in my heart must have been the day Yama smiled to himself. Today, I was a burden of ill omens.
I feel sometimes a plague of crime grips people and its sudden arrival brings death that much closer. At these times isn’t it possible to keep it far, far away from the world? I could clearly see how damaging its claws were. It was like the torch of danger, burning away merrily only to set the world alight.
The clock struck nine. I began to feel Amulya was in trouble, he was in police custody: my jewellery box was raising a storm of questions, whose was it, how did he get it, questions which eventually I alone could answer. What would I say in front of the whole world? Mejorani, I had really held you in very low esteem all these years. Now it’s your turn. Today, you’ll take the form of the whole wide world, and have your revenge. Dear God, please help me now, I’ll quit all my pride and lay it willingly at Mejorani’s feet.
I couldn’t be still. I rushed indoors and went towards Mejorani’s room. She was fixing herself some betel leaves, sitting in the veranda with Thako beside her. At the sight of the maid, I hesitated for a moment; but I brushed it aside and bent down to touch Mejorani’s feet. She exclaimed, ‘Hey there, little one, what’s the matter with you? Why the sudden surfeit of respect?’
I said, ‘Didi, it’s my birthday today. I may have done you many wrongs—please bless me, that I may never hurt you again. I am so mean-minded.’
I quickly touched her feet again and left. She started saying, ‘Listen, little one, if it’s your birthday why didn’t you tell us earlier? You’re invited to lunch in my room. Sweet sister, don’t forget.’
God , please do something so that it really becomes my birthday today. Can I not be born anew? Wipe the slate clean and test me afresh, oh Lord.
As I was about to enter the living room again, Sandip appeared. Hatred burned acrid in my soul. The face that I saw in the bright light of day today, didn’t hold an ounce of genius. I said, ‘Please go away from here.’
Sandip laughed and said, ‘Amulya is not here. Now it’s my turn to talk business.’
Hell and damnation. How could I refute the very rights that I once granted him? I said, ‘I need to be alone.’
‘Queen, the presence of another person doesn’t get in the way of being alone. Don’t push me into the throngs of other people. I am Sandip, alone even in a crowd.’
‘Please come another day; today I am—’
‘Waiting for Amulya?’
Irritated, I was about to leave the room when Sandip fished out my jewellery box from the folds of his shawl and placed it on the table.
I was startled, ‘So Amulya didn’t go?’
‘Go where?’
‘To Calcutta?’
Sandip smiled a little, ‘No.’
Thank God for small mercies. I am a thief and the punishment should stop at me—let it not harm Amulya.
Sandip saw my expression and mocked it, ‘So thrilled, Queen? Is the jewellery box worth that much? Then how did you promise all of this to the goddess? You have already given it away—are you going to take it back from the deity’s feet?’
Pride doesn’t quit, even when you’re gasping for breath. I felt like showing him how little those jewels were worth to me. I said, ‘If you have your eyes on these jewels, you’re welcome to take them.’
Sandip said, ‘I have my eyes on all the wealth in the whole of Bengal. There is no greater virtue than greed. For the lords of this earth, greed is the vehicle. So then, all this jewellery is mine?’
Sandip picked up the box and covered it with his shawl. At this point Amulya rushed into the room: his eyes were bloodshot, face pallid and hair dishevelled. He seemed to have shed his youthful innocence in a single day. My heart was stricken at the sight of him. Amulya didn’t spare me a second glance, walked up to Sandip and said, ‘You have taken that jewellery box from my valise?’
‘Does the jewellery box belong to you?’
‘No, but the valise does.’
Sandip laughed out loud. He said, ‘I can see you have a strong sense of possession where your valise is concerned, Amulya. I guess you will also turn a moralist before you die.’
Amulya dropped down on the chair, covered his face and rested his head on the table. I went up to him, stroked his hair gently and asked, ‘Amulya, what’s the matter?’
He shot up on his feet and said, ‘Didi, I wanted to bring this jewellery box to you myself and Sandipbabu knew that; so he quickly—’
I said, ‘What use is that box of jewellery to me? Let it go, who cares?’
Stunned, Amulya said, ‘Why should it go?’
Sandip said, ‘These jewels are mine—it’s a gift from the Queen.’
Amulya went crazy, ‘No, no, never. Didi, I have brought it back for you—you cannot give it away to anyone.’
I said, ‘Dear child, your generosity will stay in my heart forever, but let the jewels go to those who lust after it.’
Amulya looked at Sandip as a wild animal surveys its prey, ‘Look here Sandipbabu, you know that I’m not afraid of capital punishment. If you take this box of jewellery—’
Sandip tried to give a mocking smile, ‘Amulya, you should also know by now that your threats do not scare me. Queen Bee, I have not come here today to take these jewels. I came to give them to you. But I couldn’t tolerate the injustice of your accepting something that belonged to me, from Amulya’s hands and hence I made sure you accepted they were mine first. Now I am gifting my possession to you—here it is. You may sort things out with that child, I am going. For some days now you two have been discussing special matters and I want no part in it. If something “special” happens, do not blame me. Amulya, I have sent your valise, books and all other belongings to your rooms in the market. You may no longer keep your things in my room.’
Sandip rushed out.
I said, ‘Amulya, ever since I gave my jewellery to you for selling, I have lost my peace of mind.’
‘Why, Didi?’
‘I was scared you may be in trouble because of this, they may suspect you of stealing it and take you away. I do not need the six thousand rupees. Now, you must obey this one instruction: go home, go back to your mother.’
Amulya brought out a bundle from under his shawl and said, ‘Didi, I have brought the six thousand rupees.’
I said, ‘Where did you get it?’
He didn’t answer me. Instead he said, ‘I tried and tried to get guineas but I couldn’t. So I brought notes instead.’
‘Amulya, for pity’s sake, tell me where you got the money.’
‘I cannot tell you.’
I felt the world was drained of all light. I said, ‘What have you done Amulya? Is this money—’
Quickly Amulya broke in, ‘I know you will say I have got this money by crime—all right, I’ll accept that. But you pay the price of your crime and I have paid that price. Now this money belongs to me.’
I had no wish to hear all the details about getting the money. My nerves were cringing and my entire body felt as if it was wilting under pressure. I said, ‘Take it back, Amulya, put it back wherever you got this money from.’
‘That is very difficult.’
‘No, child, it’s not difficult. Cursed is that moment when you came to me. I have done you more harm than even Sandip did you.’
Sandip’s name seemed to
set something off in him. He said, ‘Sandip. It’s because I came to you that I could recognize him for what he is. Do you know, he hasn’t spent a single paise of the six thousand rupees that he took from you the other day? He went from here, locked his room, poured out all the guineas on to the floor and stared at them in bemused wonder. He said, “This isn’t money, it is heavenly wealth, notes from the eternal flute that hardened as they fell to earth—these cannot be changed into banknotes. They desire to adorn the throat of a nymph—oh Amulya, don’t you boys cast your visceral eyes on these—the smile of the goddess, the grace of the deity; no, oh no, these weren’t meant to fall into the uncouth hands of that head-clerk. Look Amulya, he has been lying, the police have no news of any boats being stolen and he wants to use it to his own purposes. We must get hold of those three letters from that man.” I asked him, “How?” Sandip said, “By force, by threats.” I said, “I’m game. But these guineas must be returned.” Sandip said, “We’ll see about that.” How I threatened the clerk and got those letters from him and burnt them is a long story. That same night I came to Sandip and said, “The danger is past. Now give me the guineas, I’ll return them to Didi tomorrow.” Sandip said, “What is this foolishness that has gripped you? I suppose now your motherland is shrouded under Didi’s anchal. Say Vande Mataram, let your illusions go.” You know Didi, how Sandip works his magic. The guineas stayed with him. I spent the dark night sitting by the pond and chanting Vande Mataram.Yesterday, when you gave me the jewellery to sell, I went to him again in the evening. I could tell he was furious with me. But he didn’t show it. He said, “Look, if I have those guineas anywhere in my belongings, you are free to take them.” He hurled his bunch of keys at me. They weren’t there. I asked, “Tell me where you have kept them?” Sandip said, “I’ll tell you only when you are free of your trance. Not now. I realized he wouldn’t give in and so I had to take another way. Even so, I tried to give him these six thousand rupees in banknotes and get back the guineas. He said he’s getting them, kept me waiting, went to his room, broke into my valise and brought the jewellery box to you. He didn’t let me bring this box to you. And he claims these jewels are his gift to you? How can I say how much he has cheated me? I will never forgive him. Didi, I am totally free of the hold he had over me.You have done it.’