"You know I won't stop pestering you about it until you tell me," she said.
And she wouldn't. Not because she was nosey or gossipy, but because she wanted to help. She wanted to help him. It was a strange feeling to have someone care. His brothers did, but the testosterone code meant no touchy-feely, philosophical chats about feelings. But with Bianca? It seemed as natural as holding her naked body next to his and never letting go.
And because of that, he did the one thing he never did--he started to talk about the night he killed the man who'd been more of a father to him than his own had ever been.
"I had a shot at the championship belt. I was Vegas's odds-on favorite to win, but no one believed I would win more than me. I was young, cocky, and full of myself." The money, the fame, the trophy wife...they'd all been his for the taking. And he'd taken and taken and taken. "Freddie kept on me about being careful, not fucking things up at the last minute. That's what a good trainer does--he builds you up and then keeps you from screwing yourself over because your ego gets out of control."
He'd fought in the light heavyweight division, but his ego would have clocked in above the heavyweight limit. In a way, it had helped him get to the top of the bare knuckles world of professional boxing. Fighters can't get in the ring thinking they're going to lose. Without that I'm-the-best edge, fighters were just newborn kittens strolling into a dogfight.
"The night before the title belt main event in Vegas, I was antsy. Every time I turned around I saw something that made me think of the fight. My brain was on overload. I had to get out of my hotel room. Figuring a few rounds of Blackjack would calm me down, I went to the casino floor."
How many times had he wished he could take that decision back? A million? Probably that much each and every fucking day.
"A few hands in, this asshole and his girlfriend sat down. The girl had no idea what she was doing and kept making mistakes that messed up the cards for the rest of the table. Well, the asshole got snarky, then he got belligerent, and then he got threatening." The dealer had motioned security over, but it was too late. "When he nearly backhanded her at the table, I lost it. All I could think of was hearing my mom's body hit the wall after my dad had tossed her like a rag doll. I'd been too small to help my mom, but I wasn't too small that night at the casino."
He could still hear the crunch of the other man's nose and the hard thud of his unconscious body hitting the ground, still feel the rush of raw power and righteousness that had surged through him as he loomed over the man. He'd wanted the asshole to get up, to try to take a swing if only so he could batter him to the ground again. All the impotent fury from his childhood that he tapped into when he was in the ring had finally found a home outside of it and it felt good. In that moment, he was a protector. Finally.
"Next thing I knew, I was in cuffs with the cop reminding me that as a licensed boxer, my hands were considered lethal weapons. If the guy didn't pull through, I'd be facing a murder charge." Needing something to loosen the remembered panic twisting his spleen, he threaded his hands in Bianca's long hair, letting the silky feel of the strands smooth away the rough edges of fear. "He regained consciousness a little while later. No permanent damage, but he was black and blue and taped up all over. I don't know what the boxing commission did to cover it up, but they did. They probably paid the guy off. All I know was that before the sun was up, I was back in my room with Freddie tearing off strips of my hide. He was so mad his eyes were bulging."
The feel of her smooth hair looping in waves over his fingers wasn't enough to distance him from what had happened next, so he surrendered to it and let the guilt and shame press down on his lungs until breathing started to seem optional. As if sensing his misery, she snuggled in closer and wound one leg around his hip until he was wrapped up in her and his lungs remembered how to operate.
"Like the young punk that I was, I zoned out and started thinking about the fight. I worked my ass off to ignore him right up until the moment Freddie dropped dead in front of me." His throat closed up tight and he ground his teeth together as he tried to block out the image of Freddie's lifeless body so still in the middle of the hotel room floor while chaos erupted around them. His fault. All his fault. "The commission wouldn't let me cancel the fight. Not after everything they'd done to make sure the fight would happen after I'd knocked the asshole out. So I walked into the ring that night and never took a swing."
The fight had still gone six rounds before he went down. However, unlike Freddie, he got up again. He walked away from it all, which led to a quick divorce from a wife who'd loved his lifestyle, not him, and then he had come home to Ft. Worth, where he'd vowed never to make the same mistake again.
Bianca squeezed, giving him a full body hug. "Taz, I'm so sorry, but it wasn't your fault."
"Yes, it was." The need to move, to dodge, to jab surged through him. He tossed off her hold and bounded out of the bed. Balancing his weight on the balls of his feet, he swung his arms in a wide arc as sweat slickened his overheated skin. He needed the heavy bag. He needed twelve rounds inside the ropes. He needed to get the hell away from Bianca and all the ways she made him remember everything he'd fought so fucking hard to forget. "I only wish the punishment had been more severe."
She swung her legs off the bed and sat up, wrapping her arms around herself and rubbing the outside of her arms as if she'd just turned ice cold at the same time the temperature inside the room went to molten lava levels. "I remember that fight. The other guy almost killed you."
A broken nose, probable concussion, cuts, bruises, and an eye that was so swollen even the cut man got woozy. Still, it hadn't been enough. "I was hoping he would. It was what I'd deserved. I'd stuck my neck out for a total stranger and ended up giving a heart attack to the man who'd been more of a father to me than my own."
There it was, the butt-ugly truth of it all laid out as bare as his own ass right now. He'd never told anyone, not even his brothers. Oh, they knew; how could they not? But saying it out loud instead of just knowing it was understood was something totally different. The fact that he'd slit his deepest and most painful scar down to the bone for Bianca said more than he could process at the moment.
"And do you think refusing to help others is how he would want to be remembered?" she asked, her voice quiet but not soft.
"Considering the way he died?" The hairs on the back of his neck stood up, but the memories had too strong a grip around him to stop now. "Yes, I do."
"Really?" A dark red flush crept up her skin, from the deep V of her cleavage to the high shelf of her cheekbones, and she shot off the bed. She planted her hands on her generous hips and glared at him. "The man who ended up basically adopting a group of kids who had broken into his gym would want to be remembered by you turning your back on the people who need help the most? Those who are going to have their families and neighborhoods ruined by the Genie's Wish? Or Gidget, who is probably being used as a human guinea pig?"
Her words were a hard slap across the face that made his ears ring. How dare she say that? He'd opened up to her, shared his darkest failing, and she'd used it as an opportunity to push her own agenda. She wasn't right. She didn't even know Freddie. He did. He knew the proper way to mourn the man and pay for his own failings.
The iron nugget of doubt dropping anchor in his stomach was something to be ignored, just like he'd done every night since the fight. But instead of dissolving, it grew along with the frustration and rage already swirling through him. Unsure of what to do, he fell back to instinct and let the fighter he was at his core take over, striking with the viciousness that had made him millions and left other men broken and bleeding.
"You don't even know for sure that the Davies-Smythes have her. All you have to go on is your gut and a blurry Instagram photo of some artwork. And if by some miracle she is there and we manage to get her out, what are you going to do after that?" He gave his anger free rein to turn the statement into a twisted, snarly mass of mocking disgust. "Are you going
to start your own private investigation company like the MacKenzies to help out all the underdogs out there? Are you going to become the avenging fairy godmother to the poor masses out there, saving them from their shitty lives? How fucking generous of a pampered rich princess like you."
"You can call me whatever you want." She jerked her chin up. "It doesn't matter because that's exactly what I'm going to do."
All it took was one look at her wide brown eyes to see the bitter surprise and know he'd hit her right in the softest, most vulnerable spot. That was it. That was her secret plan. That's why she'd shown up at his gym and had worked her ass off for the past six months. That's why she'd shown up at the Bisu Manor determined to find a woman she hadn't spoken to in years.
"That's crazy," he muttered.
"Oh really?" She crossed her arms and narrowed her gaze. "Care to explain why?"
"Gladly," he said, inwardly wincing at the cold cruelty in his voice even as he couldn't stop it. She needed to hear the truth. Reality was a bitch that way. "It's crazy because, Kitten, you aren't trained, you don't have any experience, and you don't have the first clue about what it takes to do the job."
"Bullshit. I'm not there yet, but I've been training--with you, with arms experts, with the fucking MacKenzies. In a few months I'll have my license," she said, her voice deadly calm in a way that only women who had been pushed too far had. "I will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I owe it to them."
That stopped him. "You owe who?"
"What's it matter to you?" She shrugged and turned away, but not before he caught the angry hurt in her eyes. "You don't believe in helping people, remember?"
And he thought he was the one with the killer emotional jab. She'd only flung his own words back in his face, but it sounded different when she said it with more than a hint of quashed hope. Unable to stop himself and not knowing what to say, he let his body do the talking. He grabbed her arm and whipped her around to face him.
She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. The betrayal written all over her face said it all.
Bianca pulled out of his light grasp and walked away. Her dismissal was made even worse because of the loft's open design. He couldn't help but watch as she strode across to the couch, wrapped a blanket around her lithe form, and laid down.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Coffee and residual anger killed the hunger that usually had Bianca's stomach growling by daybreak. So instead of reaching for a bagel, she poured a third helping into the mug shaped like a boxing glove. If she didn't need him to get into Bisu Manor this morning, she sure as hell wouldn't be standing in the middle of Taz's home, dressed in the soft cotton T-shirt that still managed to smell like him even after she'd slept in it. She watched the closed bathroom door which he'd disappeared behind twenty minutes ago right before she heard the shower turn on.
Taz emerged from the bathroom dressed in jeans and a crisp white button-up that contrasted with his inky hair and light brown skin. He smelled of cotton, soap, and all the good things that came with muscles, testosterone, and confidence. It was almost enough to make a girl see him as the man he could be instead of the guy he'd convinced himself he was. Not that it made a difference. He couldn't have been more clear about how he saw his place in the world if he wore a neon sign.
Too distracted to pay attention, she added a heaping spoonful of sugar to the coffee she always drank black. Shit. It wasn't fair that he always affected her like this. Some girls had no luck.
He stopped a foot from her and dragged his fingers through his still damp hair, exposing the worry creasing his forehead. "About last night..."
"Let's just forget it, okay?" She sipped the coffee, trying not to gag on the bitter regret lingering on her tongue.
His jaw tightened. "Bianca--"
"Look, we want different things." She sucked in a deep breath, keeping her gaze locked on the spot just to the left of Taz's head. Looking him head-on wasn't an option, not if she didn't want to make a total ass of herself and let loose with the tears she'd been fighting all night. She shouldn't be hurt. She didn't really know him well enough for that but the truth was, she couldn't help it--and if that wasn't just the sign she needed to get away from him as soon as this morning's appointment was over then she didn't know what was. "I appreciate that you're going through with the meeting this morning with the Davies-Smythes, but let's just leave it at that. It was probably just the residual affect of the drug, nothing to worry about."
The lie tasted worse than the disappointment of his words.
He opened his mouth, but the bing announcing the elevator's impending arrival stopped whatever was about to come out. Bianca sent up a quick prayer of gratitude to whoever was manning the line this morning.
The elevator doors parted and Vivi and Keir strolled into the living area. Vivi held a black duffel bag and made a beeline right for her.
"I brought you something to wear from your apartment so you didn't have to go to Bisu Manor in stud boy's workout gear," she said, her neutral tone doing a lot more to cover her curiosity than the look in her dark eyes as they bounced between Taz and Bianca.
She crossed over to the newcomers, glad that Vivi had been thinking ahead even as all she could think about was Taz. "How'd you get into my condo?"
Vivi winked at her. "It's amazing what a badge can do for a girl, even if it's only for a few more months."
"What do you mean by a few months?" Taz asked.
"Doesn't matter." She held out a duffel bag. "Go change and I'll go over the plan as soon as you get back."
Wanting to follow up on Taz's question, but knowing now wasn't the right time, Bianca took the bag without comment and made her way into the bathroom. Shutting the door behind her meant trapping her inside the room with all of the manly smells and mental images of Taz naked in the shower. It was miserable bliss. All she wanted to do was wallow in it, but she couldn't let that happen. There were more important things in life than her own heart breaking because she wanted a man who could never be a part of her life, not the new life she was building. Suck it up, buttercup. Taking her own advice, she blinked back tears and got dressed.
Needing to do something before he chased her down in the bathroom and begged her to reconsider today, Taz snagged Bianca's coffee mug, took one drink and poured the rest down the sink. No one should drink something that tasted as bad as he felt.
"What in the hell happened last night?" Keir asked, oblivious to the fact that one of Bianca's long-lost friends was standing in the kitchen with them not even bothering to pretend not to listen in.
Even if he was the type of guy to get all touchy-feely and talk about his emotions--damn, the word made him gag almost as hard as Bianca's mostly sugar coffee--he wasn't about to do it in front of Vivi. "This isn't the place."
Keir shrugged and grabbed a mug from the cabinet before pouring himself half a cup of coffee and filling up the rest with milk he'd grabbed from the fridge. "Freddie would like her."
"What makes you say that?" He regretted the question as soon as it was out of his mouth. Really, he should consider investing in mouth staples.
Follow-up questions were his brother's best weapon for finding vulnerabilities. All he could do was blame the fact that his brain had moved out and not left a forwarding address the first time he'd laid eyes on Bianca.
Keir handed the mug over to Vivi without a word and she accepted without a thanks, her attention too focused on Taz. Her curiosity about how he'd handle whatever his brother was about to say next was written in all caps over her face.
"Just the obvious. He always enjoyed a hot chick." Keir grinned, no doubt enjoying the way the knife blade slid in smooth between Taz's ribs. "Not to mention anyone who can make you pull your own head out of your ass and make you remember the kind of men we were raised to be as opposed to the kind you've turned into would have made Freddie's day."
Yep. He'd hit an artery with that one. "Shut it, Keir."
A curious smile curled Vivi's cherry red li
ps. "Sounds like there's a story here."
He sent Keir a scathing look before his brother could open his mouth. "No story."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the bathroom doorknob turn. Shutting down this conversation before Bianca emerged became priority number one. The door swung open.
"I mean it," he said, blood rushing in his ears. "No story."
"Whatever you say, brother." Keir shrugged and poured himself a cup of coffee.
"Are you two always like this?" Bianca asked as she strutted out of the bathroom in head-to-toe black, from her ebony heels to her inky leather pants to the coal-colored V-neck shirt that clung to her curves. Her hair was pulled back in a low ponytail that only highlighted her cheekbones and the lush fullness of her bold hot pink lips.
"Most people find me totally adorable. I don't know what his problem is," Keir said.
Vivi rolled her eyes. "The only thing adorable about you is the panda tattoo on your ass."
That shut his brother up and even put a red stain on his cheeks. Now, that was interesting.
"You brought the devices you need us to plant?" Bianca asked as she settled down on the barstool farthest away from where he stood.
She didn't glance his way, but still he felt her attention on him like an invisible rope binding them together.
"That and the plans for the house." Vivi nodded, her whole demeanor changing as Bianca's relaxed, smart-mouth friend was gone and iron spine Agent Yang had taken over. "You confirmed the meeting for this morning?"
Taz nodded. "We need to leave in thirty minutes."
"Perfect." She set down a handful of what looked like clear marbles filled with a bundle of thin wires. "These are the listening devices. I need one of these in each room you can get into. The clear design helps them melt into whatever the room's design. They're motion activated and will pick up even quiet conversations in a midsized room. Anything bigger, you make sure to leave two of these suckers." She took out a small diamond broach. "This is for you. It's got a camera embedded in it." She handed a pair of glasses to Taz. "Same goes for these. You don't have to worry about turning the cameras on. We'll do it remotely."