He stood taller, his dark brows furrowed together, before he gave me a light shrug that basically conveyed he had no fucking clue that his sister was half-naked, in my room, probably still burning from the memory of us clawing at one another the night before, and that I was contemplating murdering him to do it again. “Because you’re friends.”
Friends.
I’d never hated that word more than I did then, and not because of the meaning behind it, but because I was lying to Jax, my good friend, a guy I respected, one of our team captains, my quarterback, because the hand he was shaking had just run down his sister’s naked body—and craved it more than it freaking should.
“Okay,” I choked out, hating the fact that the damn word even existed in the English language. “You know, maybe I’m not feeling so well. I think I’ll lie down before I talk with her.”
“Thanks.” He nodded. “I’m out to get some breakfast.”
I watched him leave.
And waited for the inevitable.
“So, friends, huh?” came Kinsey’s voice, and then those damn panties were tossed at my face, followed by one pillow and another and another, until all the pillows were on my side of the room. What the hell was with that woman and pillows?
“Best of.” I turned and tried my best at a cocky grin.
She didn’t fall for it.
“I’m not going.” Hands on hips, she stared me down. “Besides, I hate my ex. Jax has nothing to worry about.”
“When Jax worries, the team worries, because the team needs him not to suck, ergo, why not go to Europe for the summer? You’ll be back in time to get your cheer squad in shape for the season and everyone will be happy.”
Everyone but me.
I left that part out.
“Everyone?” She licked her lips as insecurity flashed across her face.
“Shit, Kins, you know what I mean.”
“So I should go?” Her voice was thoughtful but her eyes did that flashing thing they did when she was seconds away from either smacking her brother in the face or going for someone’s dick by way of a kick. “Yeah, Miller?”
I wanted her to stay.
I wanted to find out what was between us before it slipped away.
I craved what we’d shared. Hungered for some sort of tangible emotional connection.
What I didn’t need? Another broken heart.
Lame.
Stupid.
Weak.
Whatever.
I was done with relationships.
Done with the pain that came with them and the helpless feeling that always happened after they were over.
“Yeah, Kins.” I swallowed the sudden dryness in my throat, the ache in my chest, and the hurt look in her bright eyes. “I think you should go.”
Chapter One
KINSEY
Seven Months Later
Two Weeks Before Preseason
“You’re being ridiculous.” Jax, my brother, “America’s Quarterback,” and all-around Mr. Perfect with his baby-blue eyes and curly brown hair, wasn’t even looking in my direction!
I snapped my fingers in front of his face. With a sigh, he pressed pause on the TV remote and slowly looked at me. “You’re beautiful.”
“I gained ten pounds.”
He shrugged. “Where?”
“Where?” I repeated. “Where?” I was about to say it a third time when a knock sounded at the door.
“Good, Miller’s finally here.” Jax shot up from the lounge chair and answered the door while I stood immobile and nearly stopped breathing altogether.
Miller.
Freaking MILLER was here?
I hadn’t seen him since Vegas.
I had actually avoided him like the plague until I left for Europe, only to find out that he’d been dating nonstop since I’d left! Not that I’d stalked him, or paid attention to social media, including gossip sites, tweets, and stupid hashtags about his biceps. Nope, not even the ones that said he was the hottest tight end with a tight end made for sin. I especially ignored those, for obvious reasons. I’d seen that tight end up close and personal—they had no idea the type of sinning a girl would do when faced with that—and his perfect lips. I shivered then mentally strangled myself until my mental self lost all consciousness.
Hold it the hell together, Kins.
I’d been able to do it for years!
I’d been constantly surrounded by football players and good-looking men with enough muscles and money to keep any irrational human occupied.
He was just like every other stupid football player I’d ever known—I mean other than my brother. At least Jax kept it in his pants and didn’t wear his arrogance on his sleeve like a Cub Scout badge.
Miller’s badge would probably say something like “Most orgasms given by a smile.” And it’d be right.
“How was your run?” Jax asked all casual as the scent of Miller filled the air. I didn’t want to inhale, I didn’t want the memories that came with his scent, memories of our stolen kisses, the way his mouth met my every need before I even knew I had it.
“Great.” His voice was as sexy as ever, with a hint of a velvet rasp that drove me completely insane and made my legs weak right along with my self-control. My obsession with Grant Sanchez had never been this bad; that had been lust, nothing more. Which was why I’d never acted on it and was happy when he started dating Emerson, my teammate and now my friend.
I finally glanced up.
Our eyes locked. How long had he been staring at me?
I gulped.
He mimicked my movement, only for some reason it looked like his throat moved in slow motion. That damn throat, all smooth, muscular. Right. Like he had a reason to be nervous or even upset. He was a serial dater who’d basically told me to my face, mind you, after having sex with me twice, that I should flee the country and go to Europe for the summer!
Not the best way to make a girl feel secure. Add that to the fact that I’d gained ten pounds because Europeans ate a lot of bread, and I’d left the country with a broken heart mixed with the fury of a woman scorned. I was completely ready to throw myself off a cliff or at least put a paper bag over the pillowy half of my body that, since returning to the States, refused to drop the pounds I’d gained.
“So what’s up?” Miller finally snapped his attention back to my brother, and again I was invisible. “Your text said family emergency.”
All the hairs on the back of my arm stood on end. Family emergency?
Jax looked uncomfortable as he ducked his head and then ran his hands through his curly hair. “He made the practice squad.”
“He?” I parroted. “Who is he?”
“He did?” Miller clenched his hands into fists. “That’s bullshit.”
“That’s what I said.” Jax swore. “I even went to Coach and explained that he’d be bad for team morale, that the reason he couldn’t stay in the league was because he was a selfish asshole who’d rather take all the glory than throw a damn pass, but he wouldn’t listen. Coach said that his stats were good and he was cheap, and after losing a few players after the championship, we should rebuild with players that don’t cost as much as us shitheads.”
I smiled at that.
Jax, Sanchez, and Miller were three of the highest-paid players in the league. It made sense that they’d try to find good players for less money, not that they needed it since those guys won games with their eyes closed, but whatever.
“Who’s this guy you speak of?” I wondered aloud. “Because both of you seem pretty pissed about it, and neither of you is the type to get your panties”—Miller arched a brow in my direction as I finished in a hollow voice—“in a, um, twist.” Cough, slap chest, cough. Why was he here again?
“Are you getting sick?” Jax was at my side immediately.
“Nope.” I couldn’t meet Miller’s eyes for fear that I’d confess everything to my brother and get one football player murdered and another locked in a prison cell to rot. “Anywa
y, this guy? Who is he?”
The room was silent.
And then a tension filled the air so thick that I nearly felt like choking. Jax was looking at me with anger, and Miller—pity.
Oh no.
“No.” I stood on shaky legs. “No.”
“I tried, Kins.”
“Andy.” The ex that Jax had sent me away from, it seemed, was staying. “How has he not gotten hit by a car yet? Or been chased off the earth by angry husbands and ex-girlfriends? Been eaten by dogs? Swallowed by a whale—”
“He’s not Jonah,” Miller interrupted.
I gave him a heated glare and threw my hands in the air. “So, he’s here. Big deal. I’ll avoid him, he’ll avoid me, and all will be right in the universe. If you boys will excuse me, I’m going to go see a man about a nap.”
“She has a man in there?” Miller asked Jax.
“It’s the only kind I let her have, especially after Andy.”
“The stuffed kind?”
I was already stomping away when I heard Jax call out my name.
Gritting my teeth, I stopped and turned. “Seriously, Jax, I’m exhausted.”
Miller’s gaze raked over me like I was the only hot meal he’d seen after surviving a ten-year blizzard. I shivered and tried to hold it together, and by hold it together I mean I tried not to run in his general direction and trip against his mouth.
“You guys are going to date,” Jax announced.
Miller’s stunned expression did not give me hope that he was already in on the stupidest idea of all time ever.
“No,” we said in unison then shared a glare.
“Why would you even suggest that?” Miller’s voice was eerily calm, his blue eyes wild. “Isn’t the point to keep guys away from your sister? Me included?”
Jax sighed, “I trust you.” His eyes searched Miller’s. “You know Anderson’s bad news. Look, I’ve thought it through—”
“I won’t do it.” I crossed my arms. “Jax, you can’t just control everything around you. Stick to football. You’re good at that. And I’m a grown woman!”
“You’re twenty-two,” he pointed out in a haughty voice that sounded eerily like my father’s when I had too much eggnog at Christmas. “And I don’t want to worry about you. If he sees you with Miller, he’ll back off, especially since he wants a spot on the team. He wouldn’t jeopardize that just for a chance to—”
I gasped.
Miller slapped him in the chest.
“A chance to what?” I took a step toward both guys, itching to give them matching black eyes. “Sleep with me? Is that what you were going to say? That I’m not even worth jeopardizing his career over? Thanks, Jax, you really know how to make a girl feel good!”
“God, for the last time, you’re not fat!” Jax yelled.
Miller held his hands up as if he wasn’t sure what to do.
“And you’re dating!” Jax shoved a finger in my direction. “I trust Miller, he wouldn’t touch you! And I need to focus this year. I just—”
“Jax.” I softened my voice. “What’s this really about?”
I’d never seen my brother so stressed out. His face betrayed his thirty-two years for the first time since he’d started with the league.
“I can’t worry about one more thing.” He stared down at the ground and his body trembled before he tugged at his hair and swore.
“One more thing on top of winning?” I reached for him. “Help me understand, because you’re acting more psychotic than normal.”
Tears filled Jax’s eyes, he paled and blurted in a hushed tone, “Dad . . .” He sucked in a breath. “He has cancer.”
And just like that, my world went from bright colors to gray. “Wh-what?”
“Mom asked me not to tell you while you were in Europe. She didn’t want to worry you and—” Jax’s voice cracked.
I had grown up with a brother who never wavered.
Who never cried.
Who always gave me the impression that, just like my dad, he was sent to earth to be some kind of football superhero.
I needed strength now, because I was never that person in the family. The pillar—my pillar—was currently crumbling before my eyes, and I didn’t know how to make it better.
It felt like a bomb had just been dropped in the room.
For more reasons than one.
I searched Jax’s eyes and what I found there made me want to protect him for a change.
It wasn’t a question.
Not at all. But before I could answer Miller spoke up for us both.
“I’ll do it.” Miller’s raspy voice filled the ache in my chest enough to cue my body to breathe. “We’ll date. It’s one less thing for both of you to think about. Consider it done.”
And just like that.
I was officially dating the tight end for the Bellevue Bucks, the guy who’d slept with me then shoved me out of the flipping country, my brother’s teammate and best friend—Quinton Miller.
Chapter Two
MILLER
I was fucked.
No other way around it.
The words fell from my mouth before I had a damn chance to stop them. But the minute they were released into the universe and I saw Kinsey’s pale expression color enough that I wasn’t afraid she was going to pass out, I felt better.
The best I’d felt in months.
Because I’d saved her.
And the last time I’d seen her?
I’d screwed her over.
Both times by way of her brother.
Shit, this season wasn’t starting so well.
“Great!” Jax exhaled and then breathed in and out again. He slapped my back and gave it a semi-awkward rub before jerking away and scratching his head. “I, uh, I appreciate it, Miller, I just—”
“Don’t mention it.” No, seriously. Don’t. Because every time the name Kinsey rolled off his damn tongue, my entire body buzzed with awareness and my eyes searched for her.
“Tell me more about Dad,” Kinsey pleaded, her lips pressed into a thin line before she crossed her arms and rubbed them.
Jax hung his head. “Not now, Kins.”
Her hands balled into tiny fists.
Unfair—that she was still gorgeous, that my mouth burned to graze hers, that I wanted to devour every single word that dropped from her luscious lips even if they were filled with bitterness and resentment. Her eyes were glossed over with worry—and even then she was still beautiful. Kinsey. The one girl that was off-limits—the one girl I couldn’t seem to get enough of.
The type of woman that made a man feel at his best—even when he was at his worst.
Tears filled her eyes and then she stomped toward me.
I wasn’t sure whether to back up or just let her hit me, get it over with, and pray to God that she didn’t expose what I’d done. If Jax ever found out, I’d be dead, and it would be on her conscience.
“Fine.” She poked my chest with one of her fingers. Her face was softer than normal, a bit more round. The weight she’d gained (not that I’d ever admit to her that I could tell) looked good on her, like she was finally healthy, gaining that ass she’d been comically obsessed with ever since my best friend Emerson joined the cheer squad and showed her how to survive off things that weren’t just green.
Like bread.
Pasta.
Life.
“But he’s not allowed to touch me.” She licked her full lips. “At all, especially—”
“Whoa!” Jax shook his head and then laughed so loudly that I was actually offended. “Miller? He knows I’d kill him and bury the body. It’s why he’s the only guy who can do it—he’s the only guy who would know to look the other way if you’re running around doing a naked striptease.”
Kinsey glared. “I was a kid.”
“Doesn’t matter.” Jax shrugged. “Naked is naked. Go take your nap.”
“No.” She crossed her arms. “I want to know more about Dad.”
And that was
my cue to leave.
I awkwardly checked my phone. Damn it, I would kill for a text message or missed phone call—even if it was from Sanchez. Then again, he hadn’t come up for air since proposing to Emerson a few months ago.
I briefly rubbed the spot on my chest that still burned after being rejected and then remembered—I was over it.
Not fully.
But getting there.
Just not as fast as I would have liked, especially since I was constantly surrounded by their inability to not scream while having sex.
I think Sanchez did it to piss me off.
And since I was their neighbor.
I was in hell.
Of course this led to me staying with Jax a few times a week, which led to this current bad life decision.
He’d trusted me.
Let me into his life.
Something he’d never done with any other teammate except Sanchez.
And all without knowing that I’d seen his sister naked—and she sure as hell wasn’t six at the time.
What the hell train of thought just occurred?
I blinked and saw Kinsey shaking in Jax’s arms. I missed a pivotal part of that conversation, I was still trying to figure out if it was a good thing or bad when she sniffled against his chest and then shoved away from him and ran into her room.
Slamming the door behind her.
Her luggage was still strewn around the living room, even though she’d gotten back last week.
And for the last seven days, Jax had asked me to come over.
I’d said hell no in my head and lied, told him I was busy, when I was really avoiding his sister like the plague.
And not because she was this psychotic clingy sexually frustrated cheerleader, but because I was legit afraid that I’d forget about Jax, and all the reasons I wasn’t allowed to touch her, and just fuse my mouth to hers until I passed out from oxygen deprivation.
“She took that well.” Jax hung his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I can’t win with her.”
Emotional heart-to-hearts—especially about things like cancer or impending death—weren’t my thing. It’s not that I couldn’t tap into that part of my heart, but I wasn’t ready to, because a part of me wasn’t ready to acknowledge that I still had a lot of shit still locked up on the inside that was trying to pry its way out. Talking reminded me of my own pain and I hated it. Besides, what the hell kind of encouragement did I even have to give? When I knew nothing. And it seemed like the worst possible idea to try to offer him hope—when I sometimes felt like I had none.