Brushing sand from my jeans, I strode back into the forest. “I know where some food might be. Let’s go check the helicopter. You said you knew where it was?”
“I do. But the dead pilot is that way.”
I fought my shudder. “I guess that can’t be helped.”
“I didn’t tell Pippa this, but I hate seeing dead people as much as she does.” His breathing stuttered. “I really miss them. It—it doesn’t feel real.”
What rational answer could I give to such an awful sentence? I drew a blank so didn’t reply. “We won’t go close to the pilot. We’ll grab our bags and any other supplies we might need and leave.”
Conner scrunched up his face, swiping at a rogue tear. The heartbreak of his parents’ death never left his eyes. “Okay.”
I waved him ahead. “Lead the way, Mr. Explorer. Let’s go get lunch so we can tend to the other invalids.”
.............................
Tears, fears, disbelief, every gauntlet of emotion lodged all at once in my throat as the helicopter (or what was left of it) appeared before us.
“This way.” Conner led me forward, ducking under fallen trees and clambering awkwardly over others. Scars left on tree trunks and snapped limbs all added to the chequered disaster of our crash.
I couldn’t speak as I moved around the carnage. Without torrential rain and darkness, the aftermath of the helicopter astounded me. I was shocked we’d survived, let alone remained so intact.
The poor machine resembled a morbid form of entrails.
The detached rotor blades had landed not far away, spearing into the ground like javelins. The sides of the chopper were wrenched open and dust turned the machine into a relic. It hadn’t been too shiny and new to begin with, but now, it looked ancient. Tired and derelict and in no way ever majestic enough to take to the skies and soar.
I actually felt sympathy for the aircraft. We’d all suffered our own trauma, but this...it was destroyed.
Conner scrambled into the fuselage and disappeared.
“Hey, wait!”
I jogged and tripped, gasping thanks to broken ribs, wishing the blood on my chest would disappear so I didn’t have to explain my injuries to Galloway.
Clunking and the occasional bang came from the cockpit as Conner did who knew what. Skirting the torn fuselage, I stood on part of the skid and hauled myself up to see.
Conner bent over, bracing himself against flattened boxes and dangling seat belts. He kept his strapped wrist against his chest, rummaging with his healthy one. His coppery hair flopped over his forehead as he searched faster, throwing junk and paraphernalia out of the way. “I can’t find my father’s backpack.”
I was responsible for that. I’d been the one holding the luggage. I was the one who’d let them go. “Sorry, I lost them.”
“I wasn’t blaming you.”
“I know. But if I’d been able to hold onto them—”
“They can’t be far.” He made his way toward me carefully, stepping on an old magazine and ducking beneath some wiring that’d unspooled. “If we find his backpack, we’ll find food.” He swallowed as memories of his dad took him.
I didn’t speak as the air turned stagnant with grief.
I was as useless and soothing as a discarded tissue. How could I be brave when his misery reduced me to nothing more than helpless sentiment?
Sniffing, Conner forced his sadness away with the bravery of a man twice his age. “He always has a water bottle and muesli bars in there. He gets really jittery and hangry if he doesn’t have food.”
I flinched at the turn of phrase: has a water bottle. Not had. Doing my best to put a stopper in the pain in my heart, I was careful to stay on neutral topics. “Hangry?”
“Yeah, you know? Hungry-angry? Hangry.”
“How is it that I’m in the middle of the Pacific and learning a new word?”
Conner smirked, wisely focusing on easier subjects. “’Cause you’re shacked up with me.”
I studied him, slightly in awe. “You’re not like a normal thirteen-year-old.”
“Mum always said that.” His eyes dimmed. “Said I was an old soul.”
“I think she was right.” Prickles ran over my skin to talk of a woman I’d only just met but had sat next to and chatted. She’d been so nice—a great mother to have raised such decent children. A good person who didn’t deserve to die.
Conner clambered toward me and used the skid to lower himself to the forest floor. “It’s my fault they’re dead.”
He said it so quietly that I almost missed it.
Frissons of fear made me snap, “Don’t ever say something like that. This isn’t your fault. At all.”
He ignored me, jumping the final distance and pacing away.
I chased after him, tugging his elbow. “Conner, listen to me—”
He spun, his age-free face scrunched with tears. “I forced them to come. Dad had been so busy, and Pippa kept begging him to spend time with us, but he wouldn’t. Mum asked me what I wanted for my birthday—delayed by months, by the way—and I said a trip to Fiji.”
He grew angry, wrenching himself from my hold. “He said he couldn’t go. That this time of year wasn’t possible. I called him a pussy and told him he sucked as a father.” His eyes tightened with regret. “I didn’t mean it. But the next day, he cancelled his work trip and booked the hotel on Kadavu. He’s a bank manager. Always stressed. I think Mum chose the resort hoping an island with no internet or phones would help him remember us. We all got excited. I was so happy. Even if I did hate what I’d said to him.”
He hung his head, kicking at a fallen coconut. “I never told him I was sorry. I pretended like going away wasn’t a big deal when it was the best present in the world.”
My heart resembled a pickaxe, eroding me beat by beat.
I knew the feeling of wanting to retract words spoken in heated moments. I would take back many things said to my own parents and sister before they died a year ago. However, life didn’t work like that. And regret and guilt only hurt the living with no power to bring back the dead.
I didn’t touch him or try to hug away his pain. “He knew, Conner. He booked that trip because you were right and he loved you.”
He wiped his running nose on his forearm. “It doesn’t change what I said.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it was a reminder to him that work isn’t important. That his family was. You did the right thing.”
“How can you say that? That’s the point. I didn’t do the right thing.” His grief rose again. “If I’d kept my mouth shut, he’d still be alive. My mum would still be alive. We’d be at home, together, and none of this would’ve happened.”
I had no response to that. I wouldn’t lie and say that wasn’t true because chances were it would be. His parents would still be alive but who knew what might’ve happened in return. “You can’t torture yourself with what-ifs. You and Pippa are alive. That’s enough to be grateful—”
“Shut up. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He sliced his hand through the air. “Forget I said anything, okay?”
An awkward silence fell but I nodded. “All right.”
Conner stormed back to the chopper and hauled himself inside. A few moments later, his voice sailed back. “Do you think we could use this?”
Hoisting myself into the cabin, I winced with pain from my ribs.
Conner held up a metal panel that’d come unscrewed. “Can we use it for like, I don’t know, digging or something?”
I smiled. “I guess.”
Passing me the piece of metal, Conner made his way into the cockpit. I stayed in the cabin but narrowed my eyes at the smashed front window thanks to a palm tree spearing through. Something red and sinister trailed down the jagged glass, leading to...
I slapped a hand over my mouth. “Oh, my God. Is that—”
Conner looked up. “Oh, yeah. The pilot’s outside. I wouldn’t look if I were you.”
Legs bent unnaturall
y while foliage hid the rest of the pilot’s mangled body.
A rush of nausea hit me. I’d never seen a dead body until I had to identify my family after the car wreck. I still had nightmares about their ice-cold skin and waxy faces. Some things you just couldn’t unsee.
I looked away. Spidery horror crawled over my flesh. “Let’s grab what we can and go. We’ll come back later to collect more supplies.”
The thought of returning to the crash site and dealing with a decomposing body after a few hours in the hot sunshine did not appeal. But depending on how long we were stranded, the helicopter would become a great asset.
“They’ll rescue us, right?” Conner climbed toward me, a black rucksack in his hands labelled with the same registration number painted on the tail of the helicopter.
I didn’t want to lie, but I also didn’t want to be pessimistic. “I’m sure they will. Fiji is a popular tourist destination. There’ll be countless boats and planes around here.”
Conner shook his head. “I wouldn’t be so sure. I researched when dad told us where we were going. A friend of mine mentioned he’d been to Bali and bragged about an awesome waterpark in Kuta. I wanted to know if Fiji had one.” He smiled wryly. “It doesn’t, by the way. All it has is over three hundred islands and only one hundred and ten are inhabited. I think it said there are over eighteen thousand, three hundred square kilometres that make up the archipelago of Fiji.”
Frigid terror melted down my spine.
Eighteen thousand, three hundred square kilometres?
Three hundred islands and only a hundred with people on them?
Crap.
The hope I clung to popped like a helium balloon. The police would search for us...I mean why wouldn’t they? I was important. Conner, Pippa, Galloway, we were all important in the citizenship of earth.
But really...we weren’t.
We were just four people in four billion. Just four people thrown into four different compass directions while four people died every second around the globe.
Why would they come for us?
Why should we expect them to?
Madeline will try. She’ll look for me.
Would she?
She was expecting me home. She didn’t know I’d been stupid enough to hitch a ride without thinking. I was never spontaneous. Why would they think to search for me in a helicopter disappearance?
My cat. The house sitter. My freshly signed record deal. What would happen to all of that? Who would be there to issue the paperwork when my life suddenly ended?
I laughed out loud as I remembered the final nail in our coffin. The Emergency Locator Beacon wasn’t working when we crashed. Akin had warned us, and we all believed we were invincible to require it. We’d willingly charted a helicopter when commercial airlines had refused to fly because of the weather. We’d walked right into death with so much blasé stupidity we didn’t deserve to be found.
We’d done this.
Our past was over. Our lives before the crash...deleted.
This was our reality now, and we had no one else to blame but each other.
Chapter Fourteen
...............................................
G A L L O W A Y
......
THE ANSWER I didn’t want blurted the moment Estelle and Conner arrived.
The starkness of our circumstances plastered all over their faces’ as they morphed from the forest with their arms full of junk.
I met Estelle’s gaze. I didn’t want to believe it. My heart thudded with frustrated rage; I looked away just as quickly.
We’re alone.
My shoulders rolled while increasing pain in my ankle drenched my skin with a mixture of sweat and nausea.
Pippa slept soundly on my chest. I hugged her closer¸ finding comfort in her warm body. I hoped the kid had good dreams...she’d need them to get through reality.
Taking a deep breath, I looked up again. Estelle moved with decision and purpose, but her hips still swung in an intrinsically feminine way.
Why did she have to infuriate and beguile me all at once?
I wanted her but she’d never reciprocate.
No one wanted a long-term commitment with a guy like me.
The moment I’d set eyes on her, I couldn’t explain the sudden rush and confusing link tugging me to know her.
I’d never had that before.
With anyone.
And I didn’t want it now when she was the only woman around and I had no way to give her what she deserved.
My temper rose again at the flush of her skin and obvious pain in her eyes from carrying such heavy items. I should be the one exploring and carting bloody bags, not her. I should be the one taking charge and keeping everyone safe. I should be the one tending to stuff and making this disaster easier...not her.
Damn her for caring.
Damn her for being a better person than I was.
While she’d been off playing explorer, I’d replayed the glance I’d earned down her top. I’d concluded that the scratch on her chest had been from the helicopter harness. And if the cut was that bad, it probably meant she had broken ribs as well.
My suspicions were validated as Estelle dropped her armful of gear, unable to hide her wince and the quick way she wrapped arms around herself.
Christ, what I’d give to be able to leap to my feet and take over.
Conner dropped his armful and came to squat beside his sister. Pippa didn’t move in my embrace as he stroked her hair, his eyes bloodshot from tears and stress. “She okay?”
I somehow managed to plaster a smile on my lips, hiding my rage at not being able to help. I was a glorified bloody babysitter. All I was worth. “She’s fine. Been sleeping the entire time.”
My throat scratched with thirst; I hated the hollowness in my stomach. If I was hungry and all I’d done was sit here, Estelle and Conner must be starving.
I’d done my best to come up with a plan, eyeing the foliage, pretending I knew what I was looking for.
But I had to face facts. I knew crap all about that sort of thing.
“That’s good.” Conner stood. “Sleep will make it easier.”
I pointed at the supplies they’d brought. “Been shopping?”
Estelle half-smiled, thanking me wordlessly for not asking hard questions like ‘what did you see?’, ‘where are we?’, and ‘just how screwed are we truly?’. Those questions would come later—when we weren’t in front of two scared children.
Moving toward Conner, Estelle draped an arm over his shoulders. They almost matched in height. In another few months, he would be eye-level with her. “Conner found a convenient helicopter supermarket, didn’t you?”
He grinned. A rudimentary splint shackled his wrist; he fiddled with the black ties holding it together. “Sure did.”
Pippa’s head shot up. I let her go as she squirmed out of my hold and ran to him. “You’re back!”
Conner grunted as she wrapped stick arms around him, tears spilling down her cheeks. “I dreamed you were sleeping, too. Never go to sleep, Co. Never. Promise me.”
Estelle’s face crumpled with sadness. I wondered if she had the same thought: that it would’ve been kinder if they hadn’t survived. Was a quick death better than a slow one? Or was the hope of being found justified to warrant starvation and uncertainty? Because we couldn’t deny it longer.
We were alone.
Chances of being found were slim—not because of location or remoteness but because of our ability to stay alive until that day happened.
It might only take a few days to locate us...but a few days were too long when we were already hungry and dehydrated with no skills at sourcing food or water.
Shut up.
I swallowed hard, quelling those unhelpful thoughts.
Conner squeezed his sister. “You just went to sleep and woke up. Not everyone falls into the forever kind of sleep, Pip.” He brushed aside the hair sticking to her cheeks. “I’m going to sleep a
t some point. Estelle and Galloway, too. You can’t freak out if you wake up and we’re resting, okay?”
Pippa sniffled. “But what if you don’t wake up? I’ll be all alone. I don’t want to be all alone. I want to go home!”
Conner looked at me for help.
I splayed my hands. I didn’t have experience in child psychology. I didn’t know how juvenile minds dealt with death.
However, Estelle saved me once again.
Bending over, she collected two rucksacks and painfully slung them onto her shoulders while somehow managing to hold her ribs. “How about we get out of this shady place and enjoy some sunshine? Fancy going to the beach? We can have a picnic there and see if we can spot any boats.”
Christ, she was awesome.
She was a natural and so genuine even I wanted to go to the beach.
My eyes locked onto her mouth again. Her bottom lip was plump and pink, drugging me better than any painkiller. If I could stare at her, I could forget the discomfort and our shitty situation. If I could talk to her, get to know her, let her see I wasn’t the bastard I pretended to be...I might survive this place.
Conner kissed Pippa’s cheek. “Sounds cool, huh? A perfect start to a holiday.”
Pippa burst into tears. “I don’t want a holiday. I want Mummy and Daddy!”
Conner dropped his stuff, hugging her. “I know. Me too. But we’ve got each other. And I’m not leaving you.”
How old was this kid?
His capacity to hold back his own horror and support his sister astounded me. Estelle too by the way her eyes misted and pride shone on her face. She gawked at the two children as if wishing someone could hug her the same way and utter comforting things.
Come here, I’ll do it.
I would gladly hug her, stroke her, kiss her until she forgot where we were.
But that was out of the question and I couldn’t make it worse by letting her know just how attracted I was to her. We were the adults here. We had to set the example.
Leaving the two siblings to talk, Estelle came toward me. Her skin paled with pain. “Are you okay?”