...............................................
E S T E L L E
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My world changed from notes and quavers to flesh and sinew.
I’m no longer defined by music, but by the days I spend alive. I’m no longer afraid of stepping from the pages and living. Truly living.
I’m no longer interwoven with fear but standing free with my pockets bursting with possibility.
My heart is the drum, my feet are the chords, and my fate is my finest melody.
Taken from the notepad of E.E.
...
ONCE WITHIN A song, a woman who trusted in nothing finally found the strength to stop doubting everything.
“G?” I smoothed my gold negligée (the one piece of clothing not tatty and sea-faded) and cursed my fluttering heart.
This is ridiculous.
I lived with the man. I cooked, I laughed, I joked, I argued, I survived with him by my side. He knew what I looked like tired and cantankerous. He knew my smiles and tears. He knew me in torn t-shirts and boring bikinis.
Just because I’d dressed up and done my best to pinch some colour into my cheeks and plaited my hair with the same flowers he laid on my breakfast every morning didn’t mean this was any different to everyday living.
So why does it feel so completely scary?
If it wasn’t any different...why did my heart jackrabbit and my breath come shallow?
Because it is.
We’d had sex before. This wasn’t new. I’d seen him naked. He’d been inside me.
But this...it had a whole new level of romanticism and connection.
My flip-flops stopped making a sound as I drew to a halt in the bamboo grove.
Galloway had vanished after dinner, leaving me to tidy up and get the children to brush their teeth (with well-used toothbrushes), rinse their faces, and climb into bed.
He’d told me to meet him here.
I had no idea what to expect.
I jumped as a twig cracked in the dark. My eyes flared in the gloom, doing their best to see. “Galloway?”
He smiled, coming from the darkness to gather me in the tightest embrace. “You came.”
We shared a brief kiss. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know.” He let me go. “Lots of reasons.”
Stalking forward, he took my hand and guided me into the magical grotto he’d created. Not only had he layered a few of my flax blankets on the ground with a couple rolled up for pillows, but he’d also gathered coconut shells and captured fire in their half-round shapes for illumination. The flickering lights surrounded us with warmth while the wind-up torch from the cockpit wedged in the bamboo stems to create an up-lit effect. The spooky shadows of the skinny, sensuous leaves seemed like an intricately woven bed-head.
“Wow, G...this is amazing.”
He chuckled. “I had grander plans, but they didn’t quite work out. This will have to do, I’m afraid.”
Tugging his fingers, I wrenched him to a stop. “This is perfect. I can’t thank you enough.”
Spinning to face me, he met me in the middle of the flax blanket. My skin sparkled as his eyes glowed with lust. My breasts grew heavier and everything inside me awoke, stretched, and liquefied in preparation for whatever he’d planned.
I had no idea what he intended to do. But I was certain of one thing. I wasn’t leaving without pleasuring both of us. We would make love, we would orgasm, and I wouldn’t freak out like last time.
I’ll trust him.
Not being with Galloway would be the biggest mistake of my life.
He was the answer I was supposed to find. And that was far more important than the stressful words of ‘unwanted pregnancy’. Life was too short to refute happiness. Life was far, far too short to say no to love.
Galloway’s lips parted as his eyes drifted to my mouth. “I wish I had a fancy restaurant to buy you dinner. I wish I had a bottle of champagne to toast whatever dreams you chase. I wish I could take you out, Estelle. To spoil you like you should be spoiled.”
“You are spoiling me.”
He rolled his eyes. “All I see is hard ground, dark forest, and entrapment on an island in the middle of nowhere.” His fingers slinked into my hair, dragging me closer. “You deserve so much more.”
His head bowed; his mouth found mine.
My toes tingled as his tongue slipped dominantly but sweetly to taste me.
I expected a welcome kiss. An appetizer of a kiss.
But somehow, the chastity between us snapped and we lost each other.
He kissed me.
Oh, God, how he kissed me.
His tongue didn’t hesitate. His lips didn’t retaliate. He kissed with grace and passion all at once.
His arms bunched tighter. His erection throbbed harder. And his groan resonated in my ears like perfect thunder. His fingers tightened, drifting to my nape. His body pressed against mine and the heat between us billowed into sunshine.
For the first time, we were free to be ourselves. No children. No pretences. Nothing but time and desire.
Our heads tilted in a dance, our breath mingling, our souls dancing as our connection transcended that of a simple act.
This kiss was power.
This kiss was togetherness.
This kiss was everything I was looking for and everything I didn’t know I’d been missing.
It went on and on.
Our desire built and built.
I was seconds away from ripping my nightgown off, undoing his shorts, and begging him to take me.
But he stopped.
The open-mouthed connection severed as he kissed the corner of my lips, my cheeks, my eyelids, and ended on my hairline.
His erection stood upright in his shorts, straining against the material. He hadn’t changed his board-shorts (he only had one pair), but he’d slicked back his long hair and shrugged into a grey t-shirt.
To me, he’d never looked more handsome or more tortured.
His breathing was fast as he rested his forehead on mine. “I’m—I’m sorry.”
“What for?”
“For getting carried away.”
“I liked being carried away.”
He smirked. “Oh, really? You’re happy to forgo the date and jump straight to the good stuff, huh?”
“What if I said I did? Would that make me too easy?”
Our eyes locked, humour and lust equal emotions. “I would never call you easy, Estelle.”
“Too forward then?”
“I wouldn’t call you that, either.”
“Even if I do...this?” My fingers latched around his erection, stroking him through his shorts.
His eyes snapped closed. A heavy groan fell from his lips. “Christ, that feels good.” His hips rocked into my palm, requesting more and giving himself up all at once.
A full body shiver took me as I pressed my thumb against his crown and kissed his chin. “I think we can forgo the date.”
His face lowered so I could reach his lips. “You sure? I don’t want you to feel taken advantage of.”
I laughed softly, squeezing his shaft. “I think you’re confused with who is currently getting taken advantage of.”
His chuckle landed in my hair as he squeezed me tight and guided me to the flax blankets. Spreading out, he splayed on his back, tucking me into his side.
I never stopped stroking, revelling in the way his muscles bunched and jaw clenched. “I love having this sort of power over you.”
“Woman, you’ve had this power over me all along.” His eyes closed as I squeezed a little tighter. “You just didn’t pay attention.”
“Are you saying I’m unobservant?”
“I’m saying you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.”
His confession froze my hand.
I struggled to know what to say to that.
You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, too. You’re everything I’m terrified of.
I loved him
. I was in love with him.
The words danced on my heart, desperate to be said. But was now the right time? Did I say them before sex and mess it up or during sex and turn it into something more than what he was ready for?
I swallowed hard as his large hand captured my cheek, guiding me back to him. “I want you to know something.”
His past?
His secrets?
Everything he kept from me?
I nodded, not saying a word in case he changed his mind.
Slowly, he exhaled. “If we were in a city, I would’ve tried too hard and probably turned you off by being a jerk. First date conversation would’ve included talk about the weather, travel, my architectural background, and anything I could pry from you. But that would be where my willingness to open up would end. I wouldn’t tell you how bloody gorgeous you are by firelight, moonlight, sunlight—hell, by any light. I wouldn’t tell you how much I wanted to talk to you even when we first met. And I definitely wouldn’t tell you that there’s something in my past that I’m not proud of, that I hate myself for, and that I’ll pay for the rest of my days. I’m not ready to tell you what that is, but I am ready to show you that it has shaped who I am. And who I am now is a lot different to the man you first saw on that plane.”
He never looked away as his voice slipped into a murmur. “I’m a different man because of you, Estelle. You taught me how to forgive myself for things I can’t control. How to step up and stop wallowing in self-pity, guilt, and hate. Those things will forever be a part of me, but with you in my life, I can have other things, too. Things like love and happiness and a family I never thought I’d deserve.”
His lips found mine in an urgent, viscous kiss. “I guess what I’m trying to say is I love you. I bloody love you. I’ve loved you for months and to finally be able to tell you. Hell, it’s the biggest weight off my heart.”
I couldn’t breathe. Tears shot to my eyes.
I didn’t know what he’d done but none of that mattered here. It didn’t matter because his actions had redeemed his past mistakes. He cared for us, protected us, and if that didn’t make him worthy of my trust and affection...then nothing did.
I wanted to speak but he wouldn’t let me interrupt. Pressing his finger over my mouth, he shook his head. “That isn’t some ploy to get you to repeat the words or a pity party to make you fall in love with me. I just had to tell the truth after living in lies for so long.”
I am.
I am in love with you.
Lying flat on his back, he sighed. “There, I said it. I hadn’t planned on dumping it all in one go, but so far, tonight isn’t going how I’d planned, so I don’t care anymore. I love you. I needed you to know that.” He gave me a shy smile. “And now, you do.”
“Galloway, I—”
Nerves shot him upright and he hovered over me. His eyes searched mine and then he was gone, sliding down my body to settle between my legs.
I stopped breathing as a half-smile decorated his face.
His hands slowly pushed my negligée up my hips. “Can I?” His fingers undid my bikini bows, releasing the swimwear protecting my modesty.
I never wore underwear anymore. There was no point. A bikini was much more practical, even in times like this.
“Don’t you want to hear what I have to say?” I whispered as his fingers tickled my hipbone, ducking to the soft, private flesh of my sex.
“Do you want to tell me?”
I nodded, biting my lip as the tip of his finger entered me.
His face darkened as he found how wet I was. His touch pushed upward, curling to press against the sensitive spot inside me. “Tell me after.”
“After?”
He smiled harshly, his face hovering over my core. “After.”
I cried out as his tongue slicked over my clit. My back arched, completely unsuspecting such hot, wet bliss.
His eyes pinned me down, licking me again. “I’ve been wanting to do this forever.”
I moaned.
Words.
What were words when his tongue adored me?
His mouth cupped me, warming, burning; his tongue drawing tantalizing circles on my clit.
“Oh, God—”
His voice was muffled, but his commanding growl arrowed my heart. “Touch me.”
His order bypassed my brain; my body obeyed instantly.
My hands dove into his thick dark strands, looping them tight. Even with months of seawater and sunshine, the texture was soft and smooth. Different colours shone in the fire around us: sable and chocolate and bronze.
My hands petted hungrily as his tongue worked faster, harder, stronger.
My mind shot to white noise. He became the most important person in my universe.
Him.
His tongue.
The tornadoeing pleasure conjured by his touch.
My spine tickled with euphoria, warning a release could explode within seconds.
I was lost in the shocking sensation from his devilish tongue lapping with determination and skill.
His one finger became two, turning to masters of ecstasy.
He wanted one thing from me.
He’d given me his truth, and now, he wanted mine.
He wouldn’t let me speak. But he would let me show him.
And I would show him.
I’d show him again and again and again...
And...
Oh!
I came.
My shoulders flew off the ground as my hands yanked on his hair. My body quaked, his fingers thrust, and his control over me never ceased.
His tongue soothed me as my tremors became spasms and spasms turned to aftershocks and aftershocks diminished to tormenting ripples.
I hadn’t come in so long (unless I counted my own ministrations), and I doubted I’d be coherent for anything but lolling on the blanket and fading into heavenly obscurity.
His chin glistened as he prowled up my body. My pleasure marked him, and for the first time, I noticed he didn’t have a beard anymore.
He’d shaved.
How did he shave?
I hadn’t noticed.
How did I not notice?
Probably because I was more in love with him rather than what he looked like. I saw past physical and saw only spiritual.
I adored him no matter what fashion statement or wardrobe he wore.
“I love how wet you are for me.” He hovered over me, his arms bunched with his weight. “I love everything about you, Estelle.” His tongue swept into my mouth, sharing my flavour, telling me animalistically that he owned me now and I couldn’t do a thing about it.
Not that I would argue.
Ever.
“Will you let me tell you now?” I stretched, taking advantage of being pampered like a queen.
Galloway’s eyes dropped to my chest where my nipples indented the gold silk of my nightgown. “Tell me what?”
“Tell you that I love you.”
He sucked in a harsh breath. “You’re not just saying that?”
“I’m not just saying that.”
“You love me?”
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I fall more for you every day.” I fanned myself dramatically. “And after that...well, I think you own my heart completely now.”
His face shattered. That was the only way I could describe it.
He stole my lips, kissing me with ferocity and kindness. Brutality and tenderness. He accepted what I said but doubted it at the same time. “You’ve just made me complete, Stel...but...do you think we’re stupid? Stupid falling in love here, now, with no idea what our future holds?”
I blinked. “You’re saying falling for each other is...inconvenient?”
“No, I’m saying it’s the only thing keeping me sane.”
“Well then, I think it’s a perfect time.”
His eyes turned to furnace-hardened sapphires. “I’ll never hurt you. Ever.”
“I know that, G.”
“And
I’ll never stop loving you, now that you’re mine.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
He kissed me again, teasing me into temptation where I forgot how to speak or move. However, I grasped a tiny bit of coherency to reach between us and rip open the Velcro of his shorts. Grabbing his hard heat, I stroked him.
I wanted to repay the favour.
I wanted to taste him.
But something delicate and fragile existed now. Almost as if he struggled with accepting my heart and desperately wanted to claim it forever. Even if our circumstances weren’t ideal.
Some might say finding love in disaster was doomed for failure.
I believed it only made us stronger.
And besides, he didn’t have a choice.
I was his.
I think... I’ve always been his.
“I want you inside me, G.”
His gaze was so intense it hypnotised me. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
“And you trust me?”
“I trust you.”
“I promise I’ll pull out. You don’t have to be afraid.”
“I know.”
Nodding as if accepting my conditions, he sat up and ripped off his t-shirt. In the same fluid movement, he shoved down his shorts and kicked them away.
Naked.
Galloway was a beautiful man. His height, his bearing, his face and smile and body, even his intensity was mesmerizing.
But naked.
He was as sublime as a god.
My eyes drank him in as he reached for my nightgown and pulled it up my body. I didn’t say a word as he waited for me to arch and help him slide it over my arms.
Once the gold silk was tossed to the side, he bit his lip and gently rolled me onto my stomach. “You’re so beautiful, Estelle.” His mouth landed on my shoulder blades, kissing each bead of my spine.
The first suspension of my bikini top around my neck untied, followed by the one around my ribcage. Leaving the slaughtered triangles on the ground, he rolled me back to face him, capturing me in his gaze.
His large hands drifted from my collarbone to my breasts.
Cupping both, he breathed heavily as I moaned beneath his touch.
He touched me hesitantly, but somehow, it was perversely erotic, as if he were a virgin touching a woman for the very first time.
I knew differently. I knew by the mastery of his tongue and magicianery of his kisses that he wasn’t inexperienced. And yet, he shed every inch of his past to meet me unencumbered and pure. Giving himself completely to me.