“Perhaps...we should talk about this later.” I gritted my teeth, doing my best to stay rational.
I bloody hated the distance between us and the fact I was the one to cause it. But I wouldn’t take her bullshit quietly.
If she provoked me again...
Calm down. She’s pregnant. Hormonal. Don’t stress her out.
My pep talk did absolutely nothing as Estelle laughed coldly. “No. You know what? I want to talk about it now. You obviously have something on your mind. So spit it out, Galloway.” Her chin lowered. “Unless, you’re not man enough.”
Okay, that’s it.
Stalking toward her, I wanted to grab and shake the damn idiocy out of her. But I managed to keep my fists balled by my side. Just. “Stop it, Estelle. I don’t understand why you’re being such a bitch.”
“What?” Her voice screeched loud enough to wrench Pippa and Conner’s head up.
They paused, assessing the angry standoff between us.
I glowered down the beach. “If you two so much as move, so help me, you’ll have sore asses for a week!”
Conner held up his hands in surrender. “Not looking. Not our business.” Grabbing Pippa’s wrist, he hauled her from the sea and walked quickly down the beach.
Smart kid.
“Don’t you dare talk to the children like that!” Estelle pushed my chest. “Leave them alone.”
Red dripped over my vision.
I’d managed years in prison avoiding the taunting for a brawl. I could do this.
She’s mine. I love her. I don’t want to hurt her.
“I told them to give us some space to talk. I didn’t hurt them, woman.”
“Could’ve fooled me. What did you do in your past, huh? I’m guessing it was something to do with violence. How can I trust that you won’t hurt me or them?”
I. Couldn’t. Breathe.
Did she seriously just fucking go there?
My fingers clamped over her biceps, pinching her muscles hard. “What the hell is your deal, Estelle?”
“My deal? What’s your deal? You started this!”
“No, I didn’t. You’ve been strange for weeks.”
She squirmed in my hold, glaring at my fingers and her reddening skin. “Get your hands off me.”
“No.”
“Do as I say.”
“Not until we figure out what’s going wrong between us.” My fingers tightened. “I feel as if I’m losing you. Is that it? You’re pushing me away because you don’t have the guts to tell me you don’t want me anymore?”
She rolled her eyes. “Oh, my God, you’re bringing that up again? How many times do I need to tell you! I love you. I want you. I’m not going to leave you!”
“Strange way of showing it, don’t you think?”
“No, because you’re being an arrogant ass.”
“Me? You’re being the stuck-up shrew.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Well, I can’t call you what I really want to, so it will have to do.”
Flyaway strands from her plait blew around her cheeks, making me want her with an intensity that only grew the bigger she ballooned with my baby.
“What? What do you want to call me?”
Don’t go there, Gallo.
I hated this. We were both stressed and angry. Nothing ever came from nasty arguments. I wouldn’t be cruel.
Letting her go, I put a step between us. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is us. And I’m so damn confused about where I stand.” Dragging a hand through my hair, I sighed. “What is it, Stel? Why are you so angry with me?”
Something snapped in her gaze. “You want to know why I’m so angry?” She stormed toward me. “Fine, I’ll tell you.” Listing on her fingers, she shouted, “How about the fact that you don’t let me do anything anymore. You won’t let me swim. You won’t let me walk. You won’t let me scratch messages into the sand. And you won’t let me take home movies as you say the strain of holding the phone could hurt me and I should let you do it.” Her voice wobbled. “Dammit, Galloway, you’re suffocating me and I’ve had enough!”
“Wow, tell me how you really feel.” The sarcastic coolness I’d used to protect myself returned with a vengeance. Estelle had made me a better person and knocked down my safety crutches, but now, she was the one making me feel weak, insecure, and woefully overbearing when all I was trying to do was protect her, care for her, show her I loved her and hoped to bloody God that she forgave me for putting her in this awful, awful position.
“You asked!” Her cheeks blazed with fire. “Maybe you should stop being such a hypocrite and tell me what you really feel. Because it seems as though you have a thousand things you want to say but you’re being a wimp.”
A wimp?
I was a wimp?
After everything I’d done. After accepting that I’d be a cripple for the rest of my life. That I’d go to Hell for murder. That I would never have deserved Estelle if we weren’t thrown together on an uninhabited island.
She called me a wimp?
Fine!
We were really doing this.
I wouldn’t hold back for her pregnant ass’ sake.
She wanted a fight?
I’ll give her a fight.
Closing the distance between us, I stood to my full height, dwarfing her.
To her credit, she didn’t back down, only inflated more with rage.
“You’re treating me as if I don’t exist, Estelle. You’re making me feel like shit.”
“Oh, boo hoo. You can’t handle me wanting my independence.”
“You call hiding your cramps and discomfort and not asking for my help independence?” I snarled. “Whatever. I call that stupidity.”
“Don’t call me stupid.”
“Then stop acting stupid.”
“You stop acting stupid.”
“Christ, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”
“Like what, Galloway? Like a pregnant woman? Am I not allowed to be a little strung out knowing that in a few months’ time, I’m going to face the most horrendous ordeal of my life and I don’t know if I’m going to survive it? Am I not allowed to feel sorry for myself when I’m tired and sore and there’s so much to do just to stay alive, let alone prepare to deliver a baby I didn’t want? If that’s the case, then I’m sorry if it upsets your delicate ego, but I’ve got news for you. I’m so absolutely terrified that I’m not going to put on a brave face just to make you feel better. I’m not going to smile and kiss you when the baby is kicking my spleen like it’s a damn soccer ball. And excuse me if I don’t want to accept your help because it makes me want to burst into tears knowing that I can’t do it myself anymore, and if I don’t do it now, I might never get to do it because I could be dead in a few months.”
Fuck.
My heart flew out of my chest and landed in the sand by her feet.
“Estelle—” Grabbing her, I wrapped my arms around her shaking form. “Don’t you think I feel the exact same way—”
“Let her go, G.” Conner and Pippa appeared in the treeline. They’d doubled back on us from farther down the beach.
I glowered. “Leave it alone, Conner.”
“No. I was wrong when I said it’s none of our business. It is our business. So let her go.”
Estelle squirmed in my arms, forcing me to release her. I hurt so damn much that we were fighting because of the same thing.
Terror.
We loved each other, yet for weeks, we’d silently pushed each other away because of uncertainty and fear.
I felt the exact same way.
My fear killed me every hour of every single day.
I loved her, for Christ’s sake. I loved her too damn much, and I couldn’t survive if I lost her.
Pippa shot forward, her brother a step behind. “Stop fighting.”
“We’re not fighting,” Estelle said, brushing aside fallen tears. “Just a minor discussion.”
“Bullcrap.”
Conner strode to Estelle. “You’re crying.”
“No, I’m not. Just hormones,” Estelle joked. “Honestly, we’re fine.”
For the first time in a while, I fully took stock of the fourteen-year-old. Coppery fuzz decorated his chin, his biceps had grown, and his voice had deepened from cute falsetto to masculine timbre.
Somehow, the kid had cracked whatever chrysalis he’d been hiding in and turned into a young man overnight.
Never taking his eyes off me, Conner hugged Estelle. Unlike when I’d embraced her, she willingly sank into his arms and kissed his cheek. “I’m okay, Co. Don’t worry.”
He was an inch taller than she was now and lanky muscles encapsulated her. His brown eyes filled with worry as he placed his hand on her belly. “The baby’s kicking you?”
Her lips quirked. “That’s what babies do. They stretch and move. It’s natural.”
“But does it hurt?” Pippa asked, her face full of wonder.
Estelle shook her head. “It’s strange, and sometimes, I feel bruised, but it’s not like an ‘ouch’ kind of pain.”
The trio turned to face me, united once again to tell me off and cut me out.
Perhaps, it would be best if I moved to the other side of the island for the time being. Give Estelle a break from me and my emotional insecurities. She already dealt with so much of her own. It wasn’t fair for her to comfort me when I hadn’t been comforting her.
I stiffened as Conner pointed between Estelle and me. “Pippa and I are going to mediate. What’s the problem?”
Estelle laughed softly. “That’s very sweet, but seriously, it’s over now.” Her eyes tightened in my direction. “Isn’t that right, G?”
No.
“Yes.” I nodded. “Perfect.”
“Whatever,” Conner snapped. “We knew when our parents fought and we knew when it got so bad they wanted a divorce. It sucked. And they didn’t let us help. They said we were too young to understand. But we weren’t. Were we, Pip?”
Pippa dropped her gaze, scooting closer to Conner. “No, we knew. We were old enough to know why they were fighting and what it would mean for us.”
Estelle sighed heavily. “Darlings, we’re not getting a divorce.”
“You can’t get a divorce.” Pippa looked solemn as if such a thing could never happen. That she wouldn’t let it happen. But then, she shocked all of us as she added, “You have to be married to be divorced.”
Married.
God, I’d give anything to marry Estelle. Even after I’d screwed up completely and made an issue out of nothing.
Estelle froze. “What did you say?”
“Married.” Conner scowled. “Wait...is that what this is about? You guys were talking about getting married?”
Estelle’s chest rose and fell, her black t-shirt straining against her fuller breasts. “No, that wasn’t—”
“What if I wanted to marry you?” I couldn’t look away from her. “What if I apologise for being an idiotic moron and get on my knee right now? Would you forgive me?”
She sucked in a breath. “What—what are you saying?”
Shakes stole my body.
Anxiety and shock and hope and disbelief.
What am I doing?
This could royally backfire.
But after finally understanding that Estelle wasn’t shutting me out but merely entering self-protective mode, I couldn’t have been more of an idiot. I’d picked a fight when there was nothing to fight about.
Taking her hand, I sucked a lungful of sweet island air.
And dropped to one knee.
Pippa gasped.
Conner jolted.
And Estelle moaned a little.
Staring up at her, I fell even more crazy in love with her. Her belly shadowed the sand and her skin glowed as if she’d harnessed the sun and it shone through her skin.
She was majestic.
She was terrified.
She was mine.
If she’ll still have me.
“Estelle Evermore.” I cleared my throat. “I’m so sorry. I’m a bastard for being so insecure and putting it on you. I shouldn’t have made this about me. This was never about me. I shouldn’t have sulked and worried that I’d done something wrong and smothered you with the need to keep you safe. I see now that I was suffocating you and I’m so bloody sorry.
“I’m sorry I needed more than you were able to give. I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you as I should. But if there is any way you can forgive me, you’d make me the happiest man in the world if you said yes.
“I promise to be by your side always. I’ll keep you safe and cared for. I’ll fight nightmares and crash land with you anytime you want as long as it means we’re together.
“The reason I argued was because I feel the same way you do. I love you so damn much that the thought of you leaving me is too bloody much to bear. You own me, Estelle, and I can’t get rid of the guilt. The damn guilt that I did this to you. That I’m the reason you’re unhappy and afraid, and I’m making it worse by trying to make up for that.”
I couldn’t stop the verbal spewing, but Estelle squeezed my fingers. The anger in her eyes shifted to everlasting adoration and forgiveness.
My back crumpled in thankfulness.
Conner chuckled. “Way to be a pussy, man.”
I threw a handful of sand at him. “Hush it.”
Pippa swooned, hugging herself, her eyes bouncing between me and Estelle. “Well...say something, Stelly. Do you want to marry him?”
My back shot ramrod straight.
Don’t say no.
Please, God, don’t say no.
Estelle gave nothing away. I couldn’t tell what she’d say. If it were anything like the past few months, it wouldn’t be good.
However, her voice was gentle and kind, far different to the shrill yelling from before. “Say yes to what, G?”
I frowned. “What?”
“You said...in your rather large speech...‘if I said yes.’” She bent forward, her plait dangling over her shoulder. “Yes to what? I need a question to give an answer.”
Sunrise replaced my heart, slowly filling my body with orange and gold and happy, happy yellows.
Glancing at the kids, Conner gave me a thumbs-up, and Pippa nodded happily.
I slipped back into my world, realigned myself in Estelle’s gravitational pull, and expelled every fear I’d been holding.
Estelle wouldn’t die because there was no death where love was concerned.
And I loved her.
To Pluto and back.
“Estelle...would you do me the honour of becoming my wife?” I kissed her knuckles. “Will you marry me?”
She took her time.
She made me wait.
But her reply made it all worthwhile.
“Yes, Galloway. Of course, I’ll marry you.”
.............................
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Conner scowled, pulling at the neckline of the orange t-shirt we’d found in his mother’s tote bag.
We’d rationed our clothing, living in one wardrobe at a time because once the cotton disintegrated, we had no way of getting more.
But tonight was a special occasion and demanded new apparel.
Pippa had chosen her frilly purple sundress and threaded yellow flowers through her hair.
I’d shrugged into my khaki trousers designated for work (but still had the shopping tags on) and topped it with a plaid shirt with the cuffs rolled up.
Estelle had struggled.
She didn’t fit her shorts anymore and her belly stretched almost everything she wore. However, she’d found a few muslin scarves in Amelia’s tote and somehow knotted them together into a dress-like sarong. She looked as if she’d walked from a Grecian painting with her hair coiled and decorated with hibiscus flowers.
No, she looks like a gypsy, a wanderer.
A hard to capture dream.
She’d smeared some aloe on her lips (fro
m the small crop we’d found) and the glistening invitation against the dark honey of her skin made her eyes explode with browns and priceless greens.
I’d never craved my glasses more. I’d give anything to see her in lucent clarity.
Conner tapped my arm, dragging me from my obsession. “Dude, I can’t remember my lines.”
My heart stuttered as Estelle giggled. Ever since she’d appeared on the shore at dusk, I’d been besotted.
We’d all agreed that there was no reason to wait.
We wanted to get married.
Tonight was the perfect time.
The rest of the afternoon had been spent preparing, and afterward, we’d arranged to ransack our larder and have a gourmet dinner of smoked squid with some coconut milk clams.
It wasn’t a flashy wedding. It wasn’t a fancy feast.
But it was on our private beach with the people we loved the most.
It’s perfect.
“Just say whatever you want, Conner. But at the end, make sure you ask the question I told you.”
“Oh, man. That’s the part I can’t remember.”
I snorted. “Perhaps, Pippa can help.”
Pippa elbowed her brother. “Yeah, Co. I’ll do it. I’ll be better at it anyway.”
Conner stuck out his tongue. “How do you know, smarty pants?”
“Because I could read before you could and I’m smarter. So there.”
“Are not.”
“Are too.”
“Hey.” I held up my free hand (the one not glued to my bride). “Wedding over here...can we focus?”
Estelle clutched my fingers. “Thank you, G. I feel like we didn’t resolve everything this afternoon, but I’m so sorry for how I treated you, for not being more understanding of how my quietness would make you worry. I just—I needed to say I’m sorry and remind you how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you.”
I didn’t have a heart anymore; it’d turned into a cupid-shaped balloon and floated to the moon. “No more misunderstandings, okay?”
“Agreed.”
We leaned forward at the same time, meeting for the briefest kiss.
“Hey, no kissing the bride until I say so.” Conner crossed his arms. “Now, do you have the rings?”
Pippa’s hand shot up, holding the knotted vines I’d done as a temporary measure. If by some miracle we got off this island, I’d buy Estelle the best ring I could afford (which admittedly wasn’t much after spending most of my life in prison) and if we didn’t get rescued, then I’d carve her the best jewellery I could from a coconut shell.