***
Our first test was with Rael, and we had to go in one at a time. We had no idea what the test would entail, so Alice and I were rightfully nervous. We were split into groups of twenty-five, and even though spirits were high as we all sat around, waiting to be called into the room with Rael, neither Alice or I lost the foreboding feeling in our chests. We sat on the floor against the wall, and her arm was linked around mine, and her head was on my shoulder. We talked quietly about random things to keep our minds off of our nerves, but we didn’t see anyone as they came out. If we had, I am sure that we would have thrown in the towel right there.
Finally, it came down to her and me.
“I’ll go first.”
“No. You two will go together.” Rael said, and he helped us onto our feet.
He led us into a darkened study. There were three chairs in the room, one facing the two others. Alice and I sat in those, squinting because the solitary light-bulb that was hanging directly over our heads was so bright that it cast a painful haze in that vast darkness all around us. Rael sat across from us, his huge body, ripped from hundreds of years of lifting weights that were almost as big as he was every day, causing the chair to creak. In the dark, the whites of his eyes stood out against his dark skin.
“I want to preface this to you two with an agreement between the three of us. This will not change our relationship outside of this room. This is very important to me, as I have enjoyed meeting with you two once a week and discussing our Gift.”
“Of course, man.” I said, “It’s not like you want to do this.”
“Yeah, Rael, it has to be done. Whatever it is.”
“Alright. It is easier to agree now than it will be later. But let us begin. What I want you both to do right now is think of your deepest, darkest secret. We have discussed much in our meetings, but there are things that you have never told me. There are things that you have never told each other.”
“That’s not true.” Alice said, “I’ve told him…”
“No. There are always things that we do not share. There is always something so shameful that we cannot bring the words to our lips. Every person has such a dark thing inside of them. Every person holds such a secret. Right now, I want you to find yours. Look into your minds, search your hearts, and find that dark secret. Hold onto it. Keep it at the forefront. If you cannot find it now, over the next few weeks, you will. In all of these tests, you will want to tell this secret to make the pain stop, but know this, if you speak it, you will be disqualified from these proceedings and from Security. These are times of war, as we all know, and those protecting us must be able to suffer all things and still keep our secrets.”
“Of course.” Alice said.
“Yup.” I agreed. “Of course.”
“Alright, then. Here we go.”
Before I could even blink, I was doubled over, grasping my chest as pain seared through every inch of me. I could feel grief inching outwards from my heart to follow after the physical pain. My parents were dead. They were lying on the ground outside of my door. They had died protecting me. Alice was screaming, no doubt picturing her parents inside of those creatures, being tormented in Hell until she had shot them and set them free. But she could not see that part, and if she did, all she could think was that she had killed them, not that she had saved them. They were not with her; she would never see them again.
I had wanted to leave my parents behind. Tears fell from my eyes as I remembered how I had told Alice that we would not be able to convince them that the world was ending. We would have to leave them behind. How could I ever have considered doing that? I should have tried to make them see. I should have tried to convince them the night I went home. The night Alice called me to tell me that she had let the creature in…
The grief gave way to rage. It really was like fire, burning through my veins; they were dissolving in the heat, and my blood was running through me, hemorrhaging out of me, red, redder than my eyes that were burning into her red eyes. We were roaring at each other, our fangs out, and if I could only stand, I would rip her to pieces for letting me think that I couldn’t convince my parents. I would rip her to pieces over the fight we had had the year before, when she had killed that Pangaean man, even though I had killed people since. I would kill her over the slight disagreement we had had over Caspar…
“Tell me your secret, Quinn. Tell me what you have told no one else.” I heard Rael tell me. “I will stop if only you tell me your secret.”
I wanted to, even though I didn’t know what my secret was yet. I had no idea what it was that I had never told anyone, not even Alice. But whatever it was, I would tell him.
No, I thought, remembering how he had said I would immediately be disqualified, You have to fight it, Quinn.
“NO!” I shouted at him, and his grip on me released.
Alice was still fighting, but after a second, she looked up and shouted the same, and he released her, too.
“Well done.” Rael said. He was still sitting in his chair, looking down at us as we picked ourselves up off of the cold, concrete floor. “Very well done!”
“I know! That lasted for like, twenty minutes!” I said excitedly.
“I can’t believe we lasted that long! I was expecting to last five minutes!”
“I thought we’d make it to eight at the most!” I said, “You have to admit, Ray, that was pretty awesome. Did we last the longest? Come on, twenty minutes has to be a record.”
“Yes.” Rael said with a smile, “Twenty minutes would be a record.”
“Yes!” Alice and I high-fived, laughing in pride.
“It is a record that has never been reached. You did not set a record, because you were not under my siege for twenty minutes. You were under for two.”
Smiles gone. Hearts dropped.
“Well, shit.” I muttered.
Alice only nodded, and Rael laughed.