Guide her in this, Lord. Work this out for your good and hers.
Once the two separated, Meredith rose to her feet and began removing her own hairpins as she strolled toward the bureau. “You know what this means, of course,” she said, meeting Cassie’s gaze in the mirror.
“What?” Cassie stood and unfastened the buttons of her dress.
“We’re finally going to be sisters.”
Cassie gave a little squeal, and Meredith barely had time to turn before she was assaulted by her cousin’s spirited embrace.
The trials facing them seemed to fall away as the two cousins giggled and prattled like a pair of adolescent schoolgirls while they readied themselves for bed. Once they’d scrubbed their faces, changed into their nightclothes, and crawled under the covers, however, reality started to creep back in. At least for Meredith.
Curled up on her side, she stared into the darkened room, her thoughts centered on Travis. Somehow she’d imagined he’d be the first one to share this bed with her. Not Cassie. Scrunching her pillow to her face to muffle her sigh, Meredith closed her eyes and waited for sleep to rescue her from her discontent. But it didn’t come.
Frustrated, she flopped onto her back, careful not to flail her arms. When Cassie wiggled closer to her edge of the bed, as if trying to give Meredith more room, the urge to confide in her cousin grew too strong to ignore.
“Are you awake, Cass?” Meredith whispered, promising herself that if her cousin didn’t answer she’d just bite her tongue and roll back over.
“Yes.”
A staggering relief flowed through her at the quiet answer—followed by a rush of nerves.
“Umm . . . Can I ask you a question?”
“Mm-hmm,” came the sleepy reply.
Cassie made no move to roll toward her, and Meredith relaxed a bit. Staring at the dark ceiling somehow made it easier to voice her secret fears.
“When we were talking earlier, you said that if you had your preference, you’d rather have a normal courtship with Jim so the two of you could get to know each other better. But if you were to marry him tomorrow, would you still want that courtship? I mean, before the two of you . . . you know . . .” Meredith closed her eyes as mortification poured over her in a heated wave.
“I’m not sure,” Cassie said, sounding decidedly more alert. “I enjoyed his kiss, so I’m pretty sure I would enjoy other aspects of . . . well, of married life, but I imagine it would be easier if we didn’t feel so much like strangers.” She fell quiet for a moment or two, then cleared her throat. When she spoke, her whisper was so low Meredith had to strain to catch the words. “What was it like with you and Travis?”
Meredith bit back a moan. “I can’t tell you, Cass.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. It’s just that I don’t know what to expect, and Mama surely isn’t going to tell me anything. I’m not certain I’d trust her opinions on the matter, anyway.” Her words tripped over themselves trying to cover up her obvious hurt. “I just thought that since you and Travis were in much the same situation when you married that you might be able to give me some advice, but it’s much too personal, of course. I shouldn’t have—”
“Stop, Cassie.” Meredith rolled toward her cousin and laid her hand on her arm. “It’s not that I don’t want to answer your question. I wish with all my heart I could.”
“What . . . ?” Cassie squirmed sideways until she faced Meredith. “What do you mean?”
Meredith nibbled her lip as she summoned her courage. “Travis sleeps on a cot in Neill’s room.”
“Oh, Meri.” It was too dark to see, but it sounded very much as if there were tears in Cassie’s eyes. “I know how much you care for him. How awful. Why, I have half a mind to storm into that room and kick his sorry hide off that cot and onto the floor. The dog. How could he treat you so cruelly?”
A chuckle escaped Meredith’s lips as Cassie swung from sleepy little girl to sympathetic confidante to vengeful angel all in the course of a single minute.
“What are you laughing at?”
“You.” Meredith smiled into the darkness. “Travis hasn’t rejected me.” Although it was harder to believe that when she lay alone in the big bed with nothing but a spare pillow to hold. “He is trying to be chivalrous. To court me first.”
“So he’s kissed you?”
“Yes.” Meredith pressed her palm against her stomach as she recalled the heart-stopping kiss they’d shared by the creek.
“More than once?”
Warmth spread through her midsection as she thought about the kiss he’d given her that very afternoon. “Yes.”
Cassie shifted to a sitting position an instant before her pillow collided with Meredith’s face. “I hear that dreamy, besotted sigh in your voice, Meredith Archer.”
Meredith grabbed the pillow and retaliated, smiling in triumph when it plowed into the side of Cassie’s head. “No more than the way you sounded when you talked about Jim.”
“But I haven’t been mooning over Jim for half my life the way you have Travis. You’re tired of the chivalry, aren’t you?”
“Yes.” She couldn’t believe she’d just admitted it aloud. Although, truth be told, it was possible Cassie hadn’t even heard her, so tiny was her whisper.
But Cassie had heard, for she sought out Meredith’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “On Tuesday, when Jim takes me back to Palestine, I think you should find Travis and tell him that you’re ready to be a wife to him.”
“Just tell him straight out?” Meredith pulled her hand from Cassie’s grasp and clutched at the neck of her nightdress as if trying to protect her modesty. “I couldn’t do that. I’d die of embarrassment. It’s highly improper for a lady to speak of such things. Why, there’s no telling what Travis would think of me.”
“Seems to me he’d be glad to know you’d welcome him in the marriage bed.” Cassie’s dry answer made Meredith cringe.
It sounded so simple. But what if she made her feelings clear and Travis still didn’t come? She couldn’t bear that. The rejection would be real then, and no clever argument could dismiss it.
The sheets rustled as Cassie settled back down on the mattress. “Do you have any married friends you trust enough to ask for advice? Seeing as how I have no actual experience in this area, it might be wise to seek another opinion.”
Myra immediately came to mind. “There is one lady,” Meredith admitted, her mind already spinning with ideas about how to convince her husband to let her leave the ranch on a Tuesday. “She’s the wife of one of the men Travis hired to help rebuild the barn. They’ve been married for probably twenty-five years, and she and Moses seem devoted to one another even after all that time. I could ask her.”
“Good,” Cassie said, a yawn distorting the word. “That’s what you should do.”
As Cassie’s breathing deepened, Meredith’s mind continued to turn circles. Her heart told her it was time to take action. But which action was the right one?
28
Tuesday dawned gloomy and gray. Meredith shivered beneath her cloak as she stepped away from the house and received the full brunt of the northern wind against her side. Crockett led a pair of saddled mounts out of the barn while Jim bundled Cassie into one of his old coats. The thing nearly swallowed her, but the added warmth would be a blessing on the long ride to town.
When Jim turned to fasten a pair of saddlebags behind the cantle of his mount, Cassie buried her nose in the collar, and Meredith imagined her inhaling his scent.
Meredith came alongside Travis and slid her hand down the length of his sleeve to let him know she was there without interrupting him while he instructed Neill on where to check for strays. When her fingers reached the back of his hand, she thought to taper away, but he twisted his wrist and captured her palm against his. Then he laced his fingers through hers and tugged her into his side in a motion so natural, it felt like a well-rehearsed dance instead of a spontaneous improvisation.
Meredith leaned her head against the
side of Travis’s shoulder and looked toward the ground, not wanting to witness Neill’s reaction to his brother’s show of possessiveness.
Possessiveness. The thought struck Meredith hard, and a delightful little shiver worked its way up from her stomach to her heart. Travis was acting possessive, wasn’t he? But did his behavior stem from a growing affection for her or was it simply an expression of his protective nature?
What she wouldn’t give to have something more substantial than intuition to guide her. She was afraid to trust hers. Roy might have stepped out with her a time or two, but she’d never had a true beau. How could she possibly comprehend the workings of a man’s mind? And now her only confidante was leaving. She had to see Myra today. She couldn’t wait for Saturday. The uncertainty was driving her mad.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Travis said close to her ear. “Are you worried about Cassie?”
Meredith drew her head back, surprised to see Neill had already mounted and was heading out to check on the stock. She hadn’t even noticed him leave. Giving herself a mental shake, she turned her attention to her husband.
“Jim knows to set a slow pace, right? Cassie’s not too comfortable atop a horse.”
“He’ll watch out for her.” Travis rubbed the pad of his thumb over the top of her hand, but she sensed a strange tension coiling beneath the surface.
Meredith searched her husband’s face as he turned to watch his brother make final preparations for the journey. A muscle ticked in his jaw, and all at once insight dawned. “You’re worried about Jim.”
Travis tightened his grip on her hand. He said nothing for a long moment, then dipped his head and spoke in a low voice. “None of us has left since Pa died.”
“Except for you,” Meredith gently reminded him.
He finally met her gaze. A small smile curved his lips. “Only because of a pretty little trespasser.”
Warmth spread through Meredith’s chest. She reached across her body, clasped his arm, and hugged it close to her side. She’d been so consumed with her own worries, she’d never even considered what this day would mean for her husband.
“I’m proud of you, Travis.”
His eyes widened a bit at her words.
“I am,” she confirmed. “Letting Jim go can’t be easy for you, yet you never once tried to talk him out of it.” A gust of icy wind blew across her face, whipping tendrils of hair into her eyes.
He dragged his finger along the edge of her cheek, collecting stray hairs and tucking them behind her ear. “You’re the one who gave me the courage, Meri.” He grew silent again, and Meredith simply leaned into his side, enjoying his closeness. Yet instead of relaxing as she expected him to, Travis stiffened. Meredith lifted her head.
“Pa died because I left the ranch.” The stark statement hung in the air between them like the fog of their breath. “I was supposed to be at home watching out for my brothers, but I left. Snuck out to meet a group of boys down at the swimming hole. I don’t even remember why now. All I know is a fierce storm blew in, and Pa came looking for me. A clap of thunder spooked his horse and he fell. He died later that night.”
Meredith clung to Travis, blinking away the sudden moisture that blurred her vision. She wanted to weep for the young boy who had watched his father die, for the boy who carried such a heavy burden of guilt so unnecessarily.
Give me words to ease his burden, Father.
“He died because he fell from a horse, Travis. Not because you left the ranch.”
Her husband tried to release her hand, but she refused to let go. “He wouldn’t have fallen from that horse if I hadn’t disobeyed him.”
“It was an accident, Travis. A tragic accident. One you are no more responsible for than I am for the sickness that struck my parents.”
“It’s not the same.”
“No?” She kept hold of Travis’s hand but shifted her body to stand partly in front of him. “Why not? I disobeyed my parents many times. Maybe their death was my punishment, too.”
“That’s ridiculous.” He shoved his hat back and rubbed the lines of his forehead.
“Yes. It is.” Meredith stretched up on her tiptoes and laid a slow, tender kiss on her husband’s tanned cheek. “God forgave you long ago, Travis. Your father, too, I imagine. It’s time to forgive yourself.”
As she settled back onto the flat of her feet, Travis’s eyes met hers. The intensity shimmering in his eyes was so intense, Meredith couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. He slipped his arm from her grasp and wrapped it around her waist, his hold so strong she wanted nothing more than to melt into him. Travis angled his head. His gaze shifted to her lips.
Meredith lifted her face to him, the love inside her swelling.
Then Crockett strolled up with Travis’s horse, and cleared his throat. “You send Neill up to the north pasture?” he asked, completely unsuccessful in his feigned innocence. The rogue knew exactly what he was interrupting and wasn’t the least bit repentant.
Travis cleared his throat and released her. He adjusted the way his hat sat on his head, angling it more sharply over his eyes. “I plan to join him out there in a bit,” he said, gravel in his voice. “I didn’t figure you and Moses would need me on the barn. With the roof done, all you’ll need to do is bring in the hay and add those two extra stalls we talked about.”
“I figured as much.” Crockett handed Bexar’s reins over to Travis and climbed aboard his bay. “I’ll ride with Jim to the gate and wait for Moses there. He and Josiah should be along shortly.”
The mention of Jim brought Meredith’s attention back to her cousin. They’d already said their good-byes in the house, but Meredith couldn’t resist one final word of farewell. As Jim gave Cassie a leg up into the saddle, Meredith quietly approached.
Seeing her, Jim nodded once and backed away, allowing them a private moment.
“I’m going to miss you.” Meredith reached her hand up, and Cassie grasped it, her gloved fingers tightening around Meredith’s bare ones.
Tears glistened in Cassie’s eyes and her chin wobbled slightly, but she pulled her mouth taut and managed to keep her emotions under control. So proud of her, Meredith raised her other hand and cocooned Cassie’s between both of hers. It was one thing to plot and plan when safely removed from a threat. It was another matter entirely to ride out to meet that threat. Yet her little Cassie was doing exactly that.
“Whatever comes, God will see us through.” Meredith punctuated her words with a squeeze to Cassie’s hand. “Trust him, Cass. Lean on his strength.”
“I will.” Her voice quivered, but when she pulled free of Meredith’s grip, she sat erect on the rented livery nag and even found a tiny smile.
As Jim led her down the path, Travis came up behind Meredith. The welcome weight of his arm settled atop her shoulder. He didn’t say anything, just hugged her to his chest and let her rest her head against him. As she watched Cassie enter the trees, Meredith sank into Travis’s strength, comforted by his solid presence.
“Thank you for staying with me this morning,” she murmured once Cassandra had completely passed from sight. “It would have been much harder to say good-bye alone.”
He tightened his hold on her, and she felt the gentle pressure of his lips against her scalp as he pressed a kiss into her hair. Meredith’s eyes slid closed.
“Travis?”
“Yeah?”
She turned to face him, his arms loosening to accommodate her movement. Immediately she missed his warmth. “Would you mind if I rode out to Beaver Valley to visit with Myra for a short while this afternoon? I won’t be gone long. I promise. I just . . . Well, I feel the need of a woman’s company. I think it would help me adjust to Cassie’s leaving and give me a chance to talk to her about something besides teaching.”
Something like husbands.
Travis stared hard at the sky. “I don’t like the look of this weather. It could turn nasty if the temperature keeps dropping.”
“Or it could be sunny by
noon. One never knows in Texas.”
He resituated his hat and blew out a quiet breath. “Visiting with Mrs. Jackson is that important to you?”
No, having a marriage filled with intimacy and love was that important to her. But since talking with Myra was her best chance to achieve that . . . “Yes. I really think it will help.”
“All right.” He grumbled as if he would have much rather given a different answer. “But only if it’s not raining. Rain can turn to sleet in an instant on a day like this, and the ice would make the roads treacherous. Promise me?”
Meredith nodded, unable to hold her grin at bay.
Never had she flown through her morning chores so quickly. So far the weather was holding, but the clouds were turning an ominous shade of gray. If she didn’t leave soon, she might not be able to leave at all. After adding an extra flannel petticoat beneath her skirt, Meredith dug out her woolen mittens and matching scarf. She wrapped the scarf around her head to protect her cheeks and ears from the bitter wind blowing out of the north and fastened her cloak over her shoulders. The ride wouldn’t be long, but she’d be facing the wind much of the way. Coming home would be easier.
Having told Crockett her plans when she’d taken sandwiches out to the barn a few minutes ago, she wasn’t surprised to see Ginger saddled and ready at the end of the porch. With anticipation dancing in her chest, Meredith descended the steps and hurriedly untied the lead line from the porch pillar.
“Need a leg up?” Crockett emerged from around the corner as if he’d been waiting for her.
His sudden appearance startled her, but Meredith managed to greet her brother-in-law with a smile. “Thank you.” She fit her boot into his laced fingers and soon found herself on Ginger’s back. “I’ll return in time to fix supper.”
“If I were you, I’d return long before then.” Crockett hesitated before handing her the reins. “There’s a storm coming. It’ll do you no good to be caught in it.”
“I’ll be careful,” she assured him.
And she was. She held Ginger to an easy canter on the road and didn’t even take the shortcut across Beaver Creek. She stopped by Seth Winston’s store, but only long enough to give the crotchety old man a dozen of the oatmeal cookies she and Cassie had baked yesterday. He might have won their first skirmish, but she was determined to win the war.