*****
‘Are you there?’ she knocked
‘Come in,’ I opened the door, ‘Have a seat’
‘Isn’t it ready?’ she asked
‘It is…’ I grew silent
‘Well?’ she said
‘You know, I don’t even know your name’
‘I thought you liked it that way?’
‘I do, it’s just that you’ve been such regular customer’
‘Becks’
‘Becks? Becks, do you remember why you came here?’
‘Not really,’ she said, ‘I just know I was really sad when I first came. But I’ve been happier. You’ve been making me better, right?’
‘Well, you could say that’
‘No, I mean it,’ Becks smiled for the first time, ‘I didn’t tell you this, but I was going to kill myself before I saw you. I must have been really depressed. You. You saved me’
I placed my hand across my cheek for a brief moment before sighing heavily.
‘Becks,’ I said ‘I’ve got the last pill. It’s the final one. If I give it to you, I think you’ll continue being happy’
‘Ok’ she smiled
‘No, it’s not ok,’ I said looking her in the eyes, ‘It really isn’t’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I can show you. What you’ve lost’
I pointed to my computer. I told Becks she had a choice. She could take the pill and go. But she would have lost something important to her forever. Or she could be brave. Be strong and take a look at what made her happy. What made her sad. She could take back what broke her heart.
She stared at me before standing up.
‘I knew something was missing,’ she started crying, ‘Even though I’m happy, I’ve never felt so empty inside. I’ve never felt so… so wrong’
‘I’m sorry,’ I told her, “I should have never done this to her’
I held her hand as I showed her the last memory. It was of a man. The man I was erasing. He was in a hospital bed, brain dead. He was in a car accident. There was a doctor and a form. There were tears as final words were spoken to the man who couldn’t hear them. And finally, they unplugged him. And finally, he was gone.
‘Adam’ she said under her breath
I held her as she wailed uncontrollably. I held her as if she was me, as if I was comforting myself. I felt everything I had tried to erase bubbled up with but a name.
‘Can you undo it?’ she finally spoke
‘Yes,’ I nodded, ‘it will take sometime’
I handed her a different pill. One I spent all night before making. One that would return to her what she lost. As Becks left, I cried to myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore. All I could see was Adam in his bed, and the forms, and the final moment he was taken off life support. I cried as I stared at the last pill I made for Becks. I cried as I took it. The next morning, Becks came back, and I had a new pill for her.
But for some reason, I couldn’t remember why I felt guilty every time I saw her. I couldn’t remember how I hurt her.
###
About the author
“Sometimes I think I wish I could forget. Because I’m so hurt when I lose people, I often think, isn’t it better to just forget them. But someone taught me otherwise. Those memories, no matter how tortured they make me feel, they are important. And I don’t want to run away from that.
I suppose what I’m trying to tell you is: be brave, and be strong. The world is a horrible place, so you’ll need those memories to help you one day. Even if they are tearing your soul apart right now.”
For those who are tragically obsessed, Nobo13 was born 1987 in Cambridgeshire. He spent four years doing a Physics degree but spend most of the time doodling and writing. Currently he is somewhat of a teacher.
Nobo13’s pen name is derived from using his surname, just look above! His more unusual hobbies are collecting headphones, yoyos, staring aimlessly out the window (which consumes much of his time) and messing about with musical instruments- at the moment these are ocarinas and ukuleles.
Please check out my website and my other works, thanks for reading!
More from this author
Please check out the following links:
The Man in the Desert:
Lost in the Painting
Fixing Broken Promises
The Empty Necklace
Time left over
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Be sure to check my website every now and then for news and updates!
Connect with me online
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