* * * *
Tyler’s mind began to focus, as if waking from a deep sleep. That’s it, he thought numbly, it was all a nightmare. I’ll wake up next to Linda and everything will be fine.
Except he couldn’t wake up. Although he felt conscious, everything remained total darkness. He could detect nothing, like he was adrift in a dark void, and only his mind remained. I truly am dead. He thought as he realized it was not a dream.
I am dead, and this is the nothingness I must endure for eternity. Though his despair deepened, he took stock of the situation and felt somewhat like a whole being. He felt minute pieces that were integrated into a single entity, but it was something different than the Tyler before.
It was strange and frightening, and he explored the wholeness, feeling the parts moving as one. He couldn’t see the movement, but he felt it nonetheless. It gave him something to cling to, and he held on hard. If he felt anything, then he must exist. The question was where?
He focused his awareness on the sensations and began to experiment with control. After a while, he could release tiny pieces of his essence, spreading them outward before reeling them back. It was a tiny victory but it occupied his time. It kept despair at bay, and alleviated the terror that threatened to overwhelm him.
In the distance, he sensed a flickering light. It flashed and pulsated wildly as though fighting an unseen force. As it intensified, it grew larger. But as quickly as it started, the flashing stopped. Tyler stared down a long tunnel towards a steady glow. Something pulled at his awareness, and he moved towards the illumination. His awareness gained speed as though seeking the light before it vanished. This was it, he was crossing into the afterlife. With a rush, he burst through the opening into a bright, white, room?
It was a sea of unbroken whiteness giving it the appearance of white space. Surely this was heaven. He felt whole and directed his awareness to see what parts of Tyler remained. He searched through the brightness and saw a shimmering gray cloud of his new existence. It moved with a million particles, never taking shape but clumping together.
It was small comfort and confirmed what Tyler already knew, he was dead. Was this his soul? His essence or spirit? He turned from his shimmering soul and directed his awareness to the featureless surroundings. The whiteness spread out into the infinity.
Although he sensed movement through his awareness, he wasn’t certain he was actually turning. Without a frame of reference, what was up and what was down? It was still better than the darkness.
Maybe this was heaven? Somehow he doubted that. Considering the life he’d led, he was quite certain the pearly gates weren’t opening for him. He’d never believed in God. But still, it never hurt to hold onto hope. Who knew what the Universe held?
In the distance, Tyler heard a soothing voice. He couldn’t make out the words, but they seemed familiar. Like before, he had difficulty understanding the language. It sounded foreign, but as it continued, Tyler caught small fragments. At least it didn’t repeat like the previous time.
A different voice broke in, similar to the first, yet unique. Words surfaced through the unintelligible speech, as the two voices spoke with each other. At least Tyler didn’t think they were talking to him. How would he know?
A third voice suddenly joined the conversation. This one was less soothing and more fervent. It spoke rapidly, often interrupting the other two. This voice was distressed, or was it anger? Tyler wasn’t certain. More words filtered through, building slowly as before. Tyler was quite certain neither was QeQulum.
As if a veil was lifted, Tyler suddenly understood everything being said. The angry voice, he had decided it was anger, dominated the discussion.
“I do not see the reason for this decision! Clearly he is a serious threat to all creation.” The voice was very persuasive and didn’t pause long enough for the others to address the concerns. “We believed it was not possible, and yet it has happened. It could easily happen again. Is this what you want?”
“What we intend or what happens are not yours to question,” one of the soothing voices began, “we see everything as opportunities, and this situation is no different no matter how unusual.”
The other voice picked up, “We do not agree with your assessment and believe the threat you fear is invalid.”
The other voice began again, “It has begun a new journey—a journey as something new and wonderful. We wish to see if it thrives or if it does not.”
The other soothing voice finished. “It will be watched, and your creations protected. Although we won’t interfere in its development, we will make sure it won’t interfere in yours.”
The other soothing voice started once more. “We believe your fears are unfounded and look forward to the new creations you will make. Do not fear, this being shall not threaten your domain. We are infinite and its place in us shall be but a tiny mote amongst your stars.”
Tyler heard finality in the words. There was a long pause of silence, as if the conversation had ended. At last, the angry voice spoke—this time more calm.
“I am devastated by the loss and angered at the senseless destruction, but I will console myself with the task of rebuilding—re-creating that which was taken.” The voice paused once more in thought. “Thank you for your words—I am humbled by your wisdom, and I leave you reluctantly.”
The angry voice faded, and Tyler heard one of the soothing voices speak. “What say you, Adanni? Or is it Tyler?” The other voice piped in. “Perhaps it is neither. You must find a new name, something to commemorate this momentous event.”
Tyler didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t understand anything he’d heard. Were they talking about him? Who was Adanni? They’d definitely said Tyler. He gathered himself. “I do not understand. Where am I? Better yet, where are you?”
He was fearful about questioning them, especially if they were the voice of God, or gods? Did he have a right to question them?
In answer to his question, two shapes formed in front of his awareness. They were basically round yet shifted irregularly. Various colors flowed through them, especially when they spoke. “We are here, same as you.”
Small comfort, Tyler thought.
The other voice spoke. “We will not harm you if that is your fear. Are you Tyler then? I believe you must be since you do not know us.”
Tyler wrangled with their words. “Yes, I am Tyler.” He answered truthfully. “Who is Adanni?” Again, he was nervous about being so bold.
One of the voices responded. “Adanni is you!”
Okay, that didn’t help. Tyler didn’t understand the answer and remained quiet.
“You are something new,” the voice said as if sensing his confusion, “you are something unexpected. We look forward to your journeys with great anticipation.”
The other voice took over. “We will let you discover yourself—answer your own questions, and find your place within us. Do not despair, you are not dead.”
The voice was warm and soothing. “You are beginning a new stage of your existence—a stage of discovery and exploration. We will watch you grow into something new and distinct.”
The other voice intruded. “Indeed, you will become something wonderful!”
Tyler didn’t feel wonderful, but held his tongue. They were far more optimistic than he felt. He wanted to ask more questions but the white space around him disappeared, leaving him drifting in outer space.
He blankly watched galaxies spin slowly around him, and swarms of questions filled his mind. Who were those beings? What had he become? What or who was Adanni?
He suddenly wished he were dead. Whatever he’d become was far worse than any hell he could have imagined.
Where do I go? What do I do?
The questions hung in his awareness, filling him with the realization he was utterly lost. Never before had he been so alone. He needed a drink.