Fane smiled, his teeth very white and strong, the smile so tender she could barely breathe as he bent his head to brush a series of light kisses around her breast. Up over the swelling curve, down along the side, underneath and then up the other side. Worshiping her--claiming her--it felt just like that, and again she felt the burn of tears behind her eyes. No one had ever touched her like he did. No one had ever taken the time to bring her body to such life.
"I knew my lady would welcome me. Thank you, beloved. You cannot know how much your welcome means to me. I love that you have done as I asked, keeping your arms above your head. Thank you for that as well."
Clearly he knew how difficult it was for her to lie still under his heated gaze, giving her body to him when she had to struggle not to cover up. She was inexplicably pleased that he cared enough to notice.
His hand closed over her left breast and he pulled her right one deep into his mouth and suckled strongly. She cried out as fire streaked through her body, from her breast straight to her sex. Her channel rippled. Shuddered. She nearly had an orgasm just from his mouth.
So sensitive. So responsive. What man could ever expect such a gift?
He took his time, savoring the feast of her breasts. There was no other word for it. He savored while she gasped and clutched her fingers into the sheet above her head, through sheer will power, when she wanted to bury her fingers in his hair and hold him to her. Her body felt feverish. Empty. Desperate. His hands were everywhere, kneading her breasts, tugging at her nipple, sliding down to cup her mound possessively. He added his tongue and teeth until she began pleading with him.
"Fane. I have to touch you. I can't just lie here. It's too good."
He lifted his head. "Just another few minutes, han sivamak, let me have this for another few minutes."
She might die of a heart attack. Or heatstroke. Or another mini orgasm that came out of nowhere, but she would give him anything when he looked at her like that. Once again, because he seemed to need an answer, she nodded. He smiled again, so beautiful. So perfect. All hers. She would never, ever, forget that smile or the way he looked at her as if she was the only woman in the world. She would take that vision home, burned into her mind, and whenever she was alone, she would dream again. She would allow herself that. She would dream of him.
His mouth left her breasts and moved down her rib cage to her tummy. She squirmed a little, and it took a huge effort not to cover herself up. He had a twelve-pack, or maybe even a twenty-four-pack. Not a single ounce of fat. She was soft all over, especially her tummy. She was no young girl, but a woman . . .
Stop, Trixie. You are my lady.
Fane whispered the words into her mind. So intimate. She shivered at the intimacy, almost as intimate as when he was inside her body, maybe even more so. She loved that he called her his lady. Loved it.
My lady is beautiful and sexy. Everything about her is. I love your curves and your lush body. I love the way you feel against me. For me, you are perfect. I do not care about the rest of the world, nor will I ever care what their opinions or standards of beauty are. For me, you will always be the epitome of beauty in a woman.
Now the tears really did form. She couldn't stop them so she closed her eyes. There was no mistaking the sincerity in his voice. She heard truth from him. He really felt that way about her body. About her as a woman.
She felt his kiss like a brand on her belly button. A trail of kisses led down to her hip, first one, and then the other. He kissed her mound and the breath left her lungs. He smoothed his hands over first one thigh, and then the other, his mouth following. He pressed kisses to her legs and down to her feet. He lifted her legs and wrapped them around him as he moved up and into her, using his body to open her legs for him.
Her sex throbbed. Her channel pulsed. Hot blood rushed through her veins, calling to him. And then his mouth was there. Gentle. Not ravenous. Not crazy. Gentle. Light almost. Driving her crazy. He sipped at her as he might at the finest wine. He savored each drop of her honey. He used his tongue in a languid exploration of her body. An unhurried claiming. She thought she might go out of her mind.
Her body shuddered with anticipation at that first touch of his mouth, but then settled into a joyous, easy bliss. But he didn't pick up the pace. He didn't stop. He just kept on, using his mouth and fingers so that it became torturous, glorious but torturous. She began to think she might actually go crazy.
There was no keeping her hands where he wanted them. She had to touch him. Her body couldn't keep still. Her hips bucked against his mouth, ground deep, trying to reach that explosive end, but his tongue circled her clit, flicked hard so that she gasped, reached, and then it was gone.
She caught his hair in both fists to tug him closer. "Fane." She could only gasp his name. He really was driving her mad. He stabbed his tongue deep and used his thumb on her clit. She came close. So close. Then it was gone and he was sipping at her. Eating her as if she were a leisurely meal. Before she could settle into that, his teeth scraped and his mouth suckled and she screamed and begged.
"Fane. Please. I need you." Her voice said it all. Ragged pants. Gasps. She could barely plead with him, unable to find enough air.
The moment she said that, he was up and over her. Blanketing her with his weight. With his heat. He caught her legs on his arms, planted his hands on the mattress and surged into her. Not slowly. Not leisurely. Hard. Deep. Fast. Perfection. Exactly what she needed. The wave took her on that first stroke. She fragmented. Dissolved. All the while, he stared down into her face as if she were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
He didn't stop moving, taking her while her body squeezed and strangled and pulsed, scorching hot around his cock. Already, the first orgasm was building into a second, not flowing easily, but building sharply. So hot. On fire. He leaned his weight into her, catching her bottom in his hands and urging her hips to meet his harder. Stronger. Deeper. Another wave took her. Shaking her. Consuming her.
She screamed his name, clutching his shoulders hard as he kept going, surging faster into her. Not stopping. Not allowing her to catch her breath. Already the third wave was building. Higher. Stronger. Coiling so tight she feared she might not hold herself together when it came.
She felt him swelling, impossible, but he stretched her even more. He had watched her through two orgasms, now he took her mouth. Hot. On fire. Then his face was buried in her neck and she felt his teeth bite down over her pulse. That erotic sting sent her careening over the edge, taking him with her. He thrust several times and then buried himself deep, staying still, his mouth still on her neck.
Her arms went around him and she held him to her. Strangely, she could hear their hearts beating in perfect mad synchronization. The drumbeats added to the perfection of their song. The musical notes exploded all around them, like silver and gold stars bursting in the air as their song crescendoed. It was beautiful. It was perfect. And she let the blinding tears track down her face. She had never known being with a man--the right man--could be so good.
15
Fane was a big man and his weight was entirely on her. Trixie found it a little difficult to breathe. Still, she didn't want him to move. She could feel him in her, his shaft pulsing, sending ripples spreading throughout her body. So good. So amazing. He swept his tongue over her pulse and pressed kisses into the junction of her neck before lifting his head. At once his gaze swept her face, noting the tears sparkling on her lashes and the fresh tracks on her face.
"Han sivamak."
Just that. In his voice. She knew what that meant now. Beloved. He called her beloved. She'd never had a man give her an affectionate or loving nickname. He'd given her two. She'd never had a man hold her as if he never wanted to let go or look at her with a mixture of tenderness and reprimand.
He bent his head and tasted her tears. Her body clutched his harder. His every movement sent more ripples throughout her body. She loved that they were still connected. She traced lazy patterns with her fin
gertips on his back.
"Tell me why you are crying."
She couldn't look away from the compelling blue of his eyes. "You're so beautiful, Fane. This is beautiful. I wish I could . . ." She broke off. "I have to go home. Back to my life there. It's a beautiful dream, but I don't think you could really live with someone like me, my attitude and my very strong opinions. I doubt I could live with a man. What you've given me is more than I've ever had in my life and . . ."
He kissed her. Instantly her thoughts scattered. She couldn't think with his mouth on hers and his body gently moving in and out of hers. So gentle. Soothing. And then he slid out and rolled off of her, but retained possession so that she was tucked close to his side, facing him. One knee slid between her thighs. One leg went over the top of hers to pin her there. His arm circled her waist.
Trixie looked up at him, afraid he might be upset. She was. She almost hoped he would be, but he looked down at her with something close to amusement.
"You are my lifemate. Your soul is bound to mine. We cannot be apart."
She frowned. He said it as if being lifemates was an everyday occurrence and she should know she couldn't be apart from him. She knew the idea of leaving him made her want to weep, but still, she had a life she had to get back to. At the same time, she couldn't make herself move. He held her close to him. So close, his hands smoothing over her body, rubbing and kneading, a gentle massage. Trixie had never thought, after all the years alone in a bed, she would like to snuggle--but she did--so much so that she stayed and listened when she should have run.
"You and Gabrielle both use the word lifemate as if I would know all it meant. She explained a little about you. That you can live in darkness until you find the right woman . . ."
He nuzzled the top of her head with his chin. His hand was smoothing the curve of her breast, his thumb sliding over her nipple, causing a shiver through her body and a distinct quiver in her feminine channel.
"There is only one woman or one man for a Carpathian, Trixie. We cannot make mistakes. The ritual words binding our souls together are imprinted on the male before he is born. Once those vows are spoken and the two are tied together, they cannot be apart for very long. Those ties enable them to speak telepathically on an intimate path."
Trixie took a breath and opened her mouth, but she had no idea what to say.
"Darkness does not describe the hell we live in waiting for our lifemates. The world is bleak, and we have only our honor to keep us from turning to the wrong path. Vampires are Carpathians who choose to give up their souls for the chance to feel a rush when they kill. That is how desperate it becomes living in that raw, ugly world." He brushed kisses over her ear and down to her neck.
Her heart accelerated. His hand was at her waist now, back to stroking soothing caresses over her skin, splaying his fingers wide to take in as much of her as he could.
"You have to have made a mistake, Fane. I'm not that woman."
"We lose our ability to see in color and to feel emotion. Both fade slowly so we do not succumb to the madness of our lives being slowly taken from us, but it is wearing after so many years. Each kill we make in the name of justice adds to the darkness. The longer we live, the more difficult it can become. When we find the one woman, our woman, our lifemate, she restores colors and emotions to us. We can feel how perfect and beautiful making love is. We can see her amazing silky skin and feel her hair sliding over our skin. When we kiss it's a kind of ecstasy, because every feeling is appreciated and felt intensely."
Trixie moistened her lips. She felt languid, so relaxed she couldn't move, but at the same time, unease had crept in. This would never be her home. At her age, she couldn't just drop everything and follow a man, no matter how much she might want to. More, how much the thought of leaving him made her crumble inside. "Fane, are you saying I've done that for you? I gave you back your ability to see in color and feel emotion?"
"That is exactly what you did for me."
She closed her eyes, sorrow sweeping through her at the enormity of his simple statement. She had always been intelligent, able to grasp a concept immediately, and she knew that what he just said meant they were tied together. Soul to soul. She might have scoffed at the notion or made light fun of someone believing such nonsense if she wasn't lying next to him, naked and sated from amazing sex. She didn't do this kind of thing. Ever.
"I'm so glad I did, Fane. You're a good man." She took a breath. "But I am human, not Carpathian, and I have an entire life in another place."
"I am aware of that, Trixie. I am in your mind. I have seen your life and your lack of dreams for yourself. You have given pieces of yourself to everyone you love all of your life and you held back nothing for yourself." He brushed another kiss along her temple, and now his hand moved lower, between her legs. "I was born to give you everything. To keep you safe and make you happy. Truly happy."
"I am happy, Fane."
"I know you love your family, but I found the emptiness in you. That place that feels just as alone as I was. You hold it away from everyone, deep inside where it only belongs to you. Now it is mine to fill."
She closed her eyes. Wanting him. Knowing she couldn't have him. She'd gone nearly a lifetime without a man. It was impossible to incorporate one into her life. Fane was sweet to her, but she could see he was a scary man. Dangerous. He wore that look in the lines of his face and the set of his shoulders. The way he moved. He was a man, meaning totally masculine. He would be bossy. She was bossy.
"Fane, I've lived alone for a very long time, making my own decisions, not only for myself but for my children. I have attitude. Sass. I wouldn't suit you. Eventually we'd fight all the time because you wouldn't be able to live with me."
His hand smoothed over her hair. She'd never liked anyone touching her hair. It took forever to put those cornrows in and then braid the entire mass. Somehow, she didn't mind when Fane stroked caresses and massaged her scalp. His touch felt good. So good. She could get lost in his touch. Forget all her objections and just want to stay right there with him forever.
Forever. The word reverberated through her mind. These people slept in the ground. They lived for a very long time. What else did they do?
She moistened suddenly dry lips, trying not to stiffen, but she must have because his fingers stopped moving along her skin and instead, bit deep, as if he was holding her to him. "When you said you had to feed the ancients, what did that mean?"
"It is not safe for them to leave this monastery and go hunting."
She felt everything in her go still. In her mind, as erotic as it was, she knew just how often Fane's mouth had been on her neck and she'd felt the bite of his teeth.
"Blood? Like a vampire? Do you exist on blood?"
"Yes."
She closed her eyes again and held herself tight. Heart pounding. She'd asked, although she'd already guessed his answer. It was no wonder the humans who knew of vampires got Carpathians mixed up with them. "What is the difference?" she asked in a low, unfortunately shaky voice.
"We do not kill when we feed. We are respectful and we ensure it is not traumatic and not remembered."
"Teagan?" she asked softly. "She is with one of you?"
"She is Andre's lifemate." Fane framed her face with both hands and looked into her eyes. "He is totally devoted to her, as I am to you. He will never allow harm to come to her, and he will move heaven and earth to bring her happiness. He intends to relocate to the United States."
He brushed her mouth with his. Her lips were trembling. Her Teagan. Her beloved granddaughter. These men took her blood. She tried to roll away from Fane. She had to get to Teagan, somehow find a way to protect her.
"Han sivamak."
Fane uttered the endearment in the voice that always tore her up inside. His arms locked her in place and she knew it was useless to fight him.
"I have taken your blood and you enjoyed it. You were never in any danger from me. Not ever. I could never harm you or see you come to har
m. You hold my soul. You are light to my darkness and you light the way for me. You are susu. Home. Mine at last."
She shook her head. "Teagan . . ."
"Is happy. We will see them soon. Very soon. It takes three full blood exchanges for a conversion to take place. We have exchanged blood twice."
She didn't like the sound of that. "I really need to sit up. To put some clothes on." She needed armor. She needed space. Two blood exchanges? What did that mean? The word exchange inferred that she had taken his blood. Images rose, hazy, but there, of her mouth on his chest, of the taste she couldn't get out of her mind. The moment she thought of it, the craving began all over again.
Once again she fought for breath, gasping and choking. He leaned down and took her mouth, breathing for her. Breathing for both of them. He forced air into her lungs, his hands strong and sure, holding her close, comforting her even as he tore apart her world.
When he lifted his head, his eyes blazing down at her, moving possessively over her face, she shook her head. "I can't have this. I can't, Fane. It's not right."
"Do you hear yourself, sivamet? You are saying 'cannot.' You want this. You know it is right. We are right. You feel it, I know you do because I am with you. You are afraid you will lose your family, but you will not. I will see to your happiness, Trixie, and the thing that makes you who you are, the one thing that makes you happiest is your family."
Why did he sound so confident? Why did he make sense when none of what was happening to her made sense?
"Gabrielle told me that few women have children and that is why everyone is working to allow that possibility. My childbearing days are long over. I'm too old. I wouldn't be of any use." Even as she admitted the truth to push him away, she felt like she'd shredded her own heart. Children were important to Carpathians. She'd gotten that from Gabrielle, but because Fane was sharing her mind, she picked up things about him. And children meant a lot.