Chapter Three: The Bribe
Sara’s sandwiches hit the spot. She has potential to become a famous chef herself. The combination of peanut butter and Grandma Becky’s jelly into a single jar was downright genius. She was also right about peanut butter and jelly sticking together like glue. While Sara cleaned up in the kitchen, I sat outside on the front porch contemplating ideas to make Suzy become friends with the mailman. The half of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I just ate that was stuck to the roof of my mouth made it difficult to concentrate though.
“Did Suzy have a problem with Mr. Kelly when he was the mailman?” Sara asked as she stepped onto the porch.
“No, Suzy loved Mr. Kelly. He used to bring Suzy dog biscuits. Suzy knew exactly what time Mr. Kelly delivered the mail and would wait by the mailbox for him every day.”
“Why don’t you just get your new mailman to bring Suzy some dog biscuits?”
“That’s not a bad idea, but I’m afraid to ask him. Dad said that he was really mad yesterday and threatened to quit delivering our mail.” I also explained that we may have to go to court to pick up our mail and the possibility of getting a subpoena because I had been signing Serina K. on my homework. In addition, Dad had said that the dog biscuits were a bribe. I had read in my Social Studies book that bribery was against the law.
Suzy chasing the mailman, signing the wrong name on my homework, and bribery. The judge would probably sentence me to life in prison for all of those charges. I saw a movie once where prisoners broke giant boulders in half and then broke them into even smaller pebbles. That’s all they did all the time was break rocks. Even though I have archaeological experience, I wouldn’t want to break rocks all the time. I’m still excavating the field behind my house in search of a dinosaur bone or civil war relic, but I also need time to work on becoming a chef, scientist, and veterinarian as well.
“Why don’t we just send Suzy the dog biscuits in the mail? When the mailman delivers the mail, he will have to give them to Suzy,” Sara suggested.
“Technically, that won’t be a bribe. The mailman will just be delivering the mail and Suzy will think that the dog biscuits are from him. You’re a genius, Lady Sara!”
With that thought, we decided to ride our bikes to Wal-Mart to get the dog biscuits. Next to Paradise, Wal-Mart is my favorite place in the whole world. I’ve never been to Paradise, but I saw it on TV once. It was sunny there all the time and surrounded by the bluest water I have ever seen. I told my dad that I wanted to go there and he said that he did as well. I’m still not sure what he was laughing about though. The man on TV said it would only cost $549 for a trip to Paradise. I’m sure that if I kept saving my allowance and earnings from the veterinarian that we would have enough money in no time.
Wal-Mart is the closest place to paradise in Bradford. They have everything at Wal-Mart. I could stay at Wal-Mart all day just looking at stuff I’d like to have. My dad said that I’m the only person he knows that can spend so much time in Wal-Mart and not spend any money. I call it window shopping. By the time I save enough money for something I’ve had my eye on, the newness of the item has worn off and I don’t want it anymore. In a way, window shopping helps me save money.
After browsing around at the giant TVs, we headed to the pet supply department. Sara debated on whether she should get her cats a new scratching post, but decided it would be a waste of time since they weren’t supposed to be in the house anyway. From there, we searched through the different kinds of pet snacks before finally finding the dog biscuits Suzy likes, Bits O’ Beef Dog Biscuits.
“We should get these gift wrapped,” Sara suggested as we made our way to the checkout counter.
“That’s a good idea. He’ll be getting a present and it’s not even Christmas or his birthday. He’ll end up loving the mailman more than me.”
The cashier at the checkout counter sent us to the customer service department. The woman at the customer service department was reluctant at first because they usually only wrap gifts during the Christmas shopping season. She suggested that we go to the jewelry department since they wrap gifts on special occasions all year long.
“You want to wrap dog biscuits?” the lady in the jewelry department asked. “I’m sorry, but we only wrap items from the jewelry department.”
“Please. These are for my friend’s dog. If he doesn’t get these from the mailman, she might get a subpoena and have to go to jail,” Sara blurted out.
The lady grinned as she studied Sara in her Cat Lady outfit. “I guess we can make an exception in that case,” she said.