Every word she spoke tore into Leafpool like a badger’s fangs. Fury surged inside her. “You can’t possibly understand!” she spat. “You’ve never been in love!”
Cinderpelt’s blue gaze rested on her, unspoken thoughts flickering like minnows in her eyes.
“It’s easy for you,” Leafpool went on bitterly. “You’ve never wanted anything else.”
The medicine cat flexed her claws, and her neck fur began to rise. “How do you know what I want?” There was the hint of a snarl in her voice. “How do you know what hopes I gave up to follow the path StarClan laid down for me?”
Leafpool flinched. She had never seen Cinderpelt this angry.
“You’ll come back to camp with me—now!” Cinderpelt growled. “And stop this nonsense for good. It’s for your own sake, Leafpool. Meeting Crowfeather can’t be right if you have to lie and sneak around in the shadows. I haven’t spent all this time training you to be a good medicine cat for you to throw it away like this. Your Clan needs you!”
“No! I won’t come!” A gale of guilt and anger swept through Leafpool. “I’ll go on seeing Crowfeather whenever I want to, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me!”
Cinderpelt’s eyes flashed and she launched herself at Leafpool, claws out. Leafpool turned tail and ran. As she fled, all she knew was that she must escape from that accusing stare, those lashing claws. The forest whirled past her as if she were caught up in the wind, and when exhaustion finally forced her to stop she wasn’t sure where she was.
She was standing on the edge of a narrow valley with gorse and bracken growing on each side. In the distance it grew deeper, and very faintly Leafpool could hear the sound of running water. Suddenly relief flooded her heart. She had left ThunderClan territory behind, and was halfway to the Moonpool!
She could be completely alone there, without Crowfeather pleading with her to leave, or the fear that her secret would be discovered. The shining spirits of her ancestors would come to her and tell her what to do.
She padded on, more slowly now, until she reached the starlit stream that tumbled down from the hollow where the Moonpool lay. By the time she reached the barrier of bushes around the top she was staggering from weariness, but the sight of the glimmering water below gave her strength. As she followed the spiral path down to the water’s edge, her paws slipping easily into the marks left by generations of cats so long ago, her churning emotions grew calmer. She crouched down by the pool, lapped once from the water, and closed her eyes.
“Leafpool! Leafpool!” The gentle voice spoke in her ear, and soft fur brushed against her pelt. Leafpool opened her eyes to see the beautiful tortoiseshell, Spottedleaf, sitting beside her, wreathed in starlight.
“Oh, Spottedleaf!” she purred. “I’ve missed you so much. I thought you had abandoned me.”
“Never think that, dear one,” Spottedleaf mewed. Her sweet scent flowed over Leafpool as she bent her head to draw her tongue over the younger cat’s ears. “How could I leave you to struggle with your feelings alone?”
Leafpool felt her fur crawl with guilt. “You know about Crowfeather?”
Spottedleaf nodded.
“I love him so much. I can’t be a medicine cat any more!” Leafpool blurted out helplessly.
Spottedleaf pressed her muzzle against Leafpool’s shoulder. Then she murmured, “I know what it is to love, although my path was different from yours. Who knows—if I had lived, I might have suffered what you are suffering now.”
“Please tell me what to do!” Leafpool begged. “I can’t bear this! I don’t feel like I’m needed in ThunderClan anymore. Cinderpelt doesn’t want me; she has Brightheart to help her.”
“Brightheart needs a purpose just now.” Wisdom shone like moonlight in Spottedleaf’s eyes. “She has found it in helping Cinderpelt. Be generous to her.”
“But she’s always there,” Leafpool muttered. She knew she was being unreasonable. “I’ll try to understand,” she promised with a sigh. “But Brightheart isn’t the only reason I don’t think my Clan wants me. I’ve quarrelled with Squirrelflight, and we never quarrel.”
Spottedleaf gave her a gentle lick between the ears. “Your sister loves you. One quarrel will not change that.”
“And Crowfeather?” Leafpool mewed, feeling her heart beat faster as it always did when she thought of the WindClan warrior. “He wants us to go away together. I want to be with him so much, but should I really leave my Clan for him?”
“No cat can make this choice for you,” Spottedleaf replied, letting the tip of her tail brush against Leafpool’s shoulder. “Deep inside, you know what is right, and you must follow your heart.”
Leafpool sat up, feeling as if a bright light had shone straight into her mind. Surely her heart was where her feelings for Crowfeather came from? Spottedleaf did understand. “You mean it’s all right for me to love Crowfeather? Oh, Spottedleaf, thank you!”
The beautiful tortoiseshell began to fade, dissolving into stars. Her scent remained, hanging in the air with a few last words that died away into silence. “Remember, you know what is right.”
Leafpool blinked. Her nose was almost touching the shining water of the Moonpool, and her legs were cramped from lying on the cold stones, but when she sprang up, she felt as if she could run forever.
You must follow your heart.
Spottedleaf had told her she could do what her love demanded and leave the Clans with Crowfeather. It didn’t matter if she gave up being a medicine cat, because Brightheart was helping out. Besides, Cinderpelt was young and healthy; she had many seasons to train another apprentice. It didn’t matter that Leafpool felt as if her Clan didn’t need her anymore. Her destiny lay elsewhere, far beyond this territory, with Crowfeather beside her.
Her heart light as a leaf, she bounded up the spiral path, thrust her way through the bushes, and raced down the hill to find Crowfeather. The long journey between the Moonpool and the lake seemed to skim by in a few heartbeats, although by the time she reached the stream that divided ThunderClan from WindClan the sky was growing paler and one by one the stars were fading.
At first she was afraid she would have to wait for the next Gathering before she saw Crowfeather again. After all, she had sent him back to his camp to avoid a quarrel between him and Cinderpelt. Maybe he had been so angry that he wouldn’t even want to see her again.
Then she spotted him sitting in the shelter of a gorse bush a few tail-lengths inside WindClan territory. He looked so lonely, staring down at the lake with his tail curled over his paws. Leafpool’s heart flipped over. They were both loners in their own Clans, but now they could be together forever.
“Crowfeather!”
He spun around. Leafpool splashed through the stream towards him, and he met her on the far bank, his eyes shining as he pressed his muzzle into her shoulder and wound his tail with hers.
“I’ve thought about what you said,” she mewed. “About leaving.”
“You have?”
“I’ve been so scared, Crowfeather—scared about leaving my Clan and my kin. But I went to the Moonpool, and Spottedleaf came to speak to me.” Seeing Crowfeather look puzzled, she added, “She was ThunderClan’s medicine cat once, but now she walks with StarClan. She often visits me in dreams.”
Crowfeather still seemed bewildered; Leafpool wasn’t sure if he believed her, or if he thought that her encounters with Spottedleaf were nothing more than dreams.
“What did she say?” he asked.
“She told me to follow my heart.”
Crowfeather’s eyes widened. “You’re a medicine cat, Leafpool. Isn’t that where your heart has led you?”
“Once it was.” Leafpool’s heart thumped as she realised that Crowfeather thought she was about to reject him. “But ThunderClan has a medicine cat. Cinderpelt is young and strong, and she’ll serve the Clan for seasons yet. And Brightheart will help out for now. Cinderpelt can train another apprentice when I’ve gone.”
Crowfeather drew in a pai
nful breath. “When you’ve gone? Leafpool, does that mean … ?”
“Yes. I’ll come with you.”
Leafpool could hardly bear to look at the blaze of happiness in Crowfeather’s eyes. Did he really love her this much? Her belly twisted with fear. She couldn’t let him down now. She had to go through with this.
“I’ve been scared too,” Crowfeather admitted. “I don’t want to leave my Clan or my friends. I even hoped I might be leader one day. But more than that, I don’t want to lose you, Leafpool. And there’s no way for us to be together if we stay here.”
Leafpool pressed her side against his, the warmth of his pelt comforting her as she stared into a future that was suddenly dark and terrifying. “Where should we go?”
“Not back towards the forest,” Crowfeather decided. “We’d end up in the mountains, or places where there are too many Twolegs. There are hills beyond WindClan where we can look for a place to live. I’ll take care of you, Leafpool.” For a moment his gaze darkened and drifted away from her, filled with memories. “I promise I’ll take care of you,” he repeated more strongly. “Are you ready?”
“You mean, we’re leaving now?” Leafpool gasped.
“Don’t you think we should?”
But I want to say goodbye! Leafpool almost wailed out loud, but she knew that it would be impossible. Saying goodbye would cause anger and pain and confusion, and maybe their Clans would prevent them from going at all.
“You’re right.” She tried to sound brave and optimistic. “I’m ready.”
Crowfeather touched his nose to the top of her head. “Thank you. I promise I’ll do everything I can to make sure you won’t regret this.”
They turned their backs on the lake and padded side by side up the hill. Ahead of them the rising sun filled the sky with streaks of flame, as they left their Clans and everything they had ever known.
CHAPTER 18
Squirrelflight was on the dawn patrol with Ashfur and Thornclaw, checking the ShadowClan border. Everything was quiet. The ShadowClan scent markings at the foot of the dead tree were strong and fresh.
“Have you scented either of those kittypets?” she asked Ashfur as he came up to join her.
“Not a thing.” Ashfur’s blue eyes gleamed with satisfaction. “You must have scared them off for good.”
Squirrelflight twitched her ears. “I hope so. If I never see them again, it’ll be too soon.”
Ashfur waved his tail to summon Rainwhisker, who had been renewing the ThunderClan scent markers further up the border, and the patrol set off back to camp. The sun was rising as they emerged from the thorn tunnel. Golden rays slanted down into the stone hollow and the ground was dappled with shadows of fresh leaves. Stopping just inside the entrance, Squirrelflight arched her back in a long stretch and let the warmth soak into her pelt.
“Squirrelflight!” Cinderpelt called to her from across the camp; the medicine cat was limping rapidly towards her. “Have you seen Leafpool this morning?”
Alarm flared in Squirrelflight’s belly. “No,” she replied. “We were over by the ShadowClan border.” She almost added, and Leafpool only ever goes towards WindClan, but stopped herself in time.
Cinderpelt nodded, and Squirrelflight realised the medicine cat already knew what she had not put into words. “I saw her last night—” Cinderpelt broke off, twitching her ears. Squirrelflight stared at her. What was the medicine cat not telling her?
“When I woke up, her nest was cold,” Cinderpelt went on, “and her scent was stale. She hasn’t been here all night.”
“But she always comes back before dawn!” Squirrelflight blurted out.
Cinderpelt’s eyes narrowed and Squirrelflight flinched. Would the medicine cat be angry that Squirrelflight had known her sister’s secret all along? “I’m sorry, Cinderpelt,” she began.
Cinderpelt stopped her with a dismissive flick of her tail. “It’s all right. I know she’s been visiting Crowfeather.”
“Crowfeather?” Squirrelflight felt every hair on her pelt bristle. All she had known was that Leafpool had had some reason to sneak out of the camp at night. “That can’t be true! Crowfeather is in love with Feathertail.”
“Feathertail is dead. And it’s possible to love more than one cat in a lifetime. Squirrelflight, have you never noticed how they looked at each other at Gatherings? Where did you think she was going all these nights?”
Squirrelflight stared at her, speechless with shock. Leafpool was a medicine cat! Then she remembered sensing her sister’s chaotic feelings of guilt and excitement, and she knew Cinderpelt must be right. Guilt flooded over her; she had been so distracted by her new friendship with Ashfur that she hadn’t tried hard enough to find out what was troubling her sister.
“Do you think she’s gone to WindClan to be with Crowfeather?” she asked, her voice hoarse.
Cinderpelt’s whiskers twitched. “Perhaps.”
“Would WindClan accept her?”
“What do you think?” The medicine cat’s tone was dry. “Leafpool is a valuable cat for any Clan. But we can’t be sure,” she added. “Last night, when Leafpool left the camp, I followed her. She saw me, and we quarrelled. We both said things that should have been left unsaid. Perhaps she’s somewhere in ThunderClan territory, waiting until her temper has cooled before she comes back to camp.”
Cinderpelt spoke briskly, without betraying much feeling. Squirrelflight wondered if her coldness came from anger and disappointment at Leafpool’s betrayal. But as Cinderpelt turned away, Squirrelflight heard her mutter, “StarClan be with her, and bring her back safe!” The anguish in her voice revealed how much she had been torn apart by Leafpool’s disappearance.
The camp was stirring around them. Daisy appeared at the entrance to the nursery, blinked lazily in the sunlight, then called her kits out. The three little scraps tumbled happily on the ground in front of her, squealing and batting each other with soft paws. On the other side of the clearing, Sandstorm slid out of the warriors’ den, calling to Cloudtail and Dustpelt for a hunting patrol; the three cats loped across the clearing and out through the tunnel, waving their tails at Squirrelflight and Cinderpelt as they passed. A few moments later Whitepaw and Birchpaw emerged from the apprentices’ den, arguing about whose turn it was to fetch mouse bile for the elders’ ticks.
Squirrelflight knew it wouldn’t be long before some cat noticed Leafpool’s absence and started asking questions.
“I’m going to tell Firestar.” Suddenly Cinderpelt sounded exhausted.
Squirrelflight ran after her. “No, don’t tell him or any other cat just yet. I’ll go out and look for Leafpool. Maybe I can bring her home before any cat notices she’s gone.”
Cinderpelt hesitated. Then her eyes seemed to focus again and she nodded. “Thank you, Squirrelflight. It’s very important to find her. She’ll lose so much—her Clan, her kin, her life as a medicine cat—if she doesn’t come back.” She looked away and added more quietly, “I don’t think she understands how much her Clan needs her.”
“I’m on my way.” Squirrelflight whipped round and plunged back into the thorn tunnel.
She headed straight for the WindClan border. In spite of what Cinderpelt had said, she didn’t believe Leafpool was sulking somewhere in ThunderClan territory. Leafpool never sulked … but maybe Squirrelflight didn’t know her sister as well as she thought.
She paused to taste the air, searching for a trace of Leafpool’s scent. “If I don’t find her on the border, I’ll have to go into WindClan territory,” she decided out loud.
“Go to WindClan? Why?”
Squirrelflight jumped. “Brambleclaw! You nearly frightened me out of my fur,” she gulped, spinning round to see the tabby warrior stepping out from the shelter of a hazel thicket.
“What were you saying about WindClan?” Brambleclaw persisted. “We don’t want to stir up trouble with them. Onestar’s prickly enough as it is.”
“I’m not looking for trouble!” Squirrelflight retorted.
She was too shaken to lie about where she was going. “I’ve got to find Leafpool. Cinderpelt thinks she’s gone to WindClan so she can be with Crowfeather.”
Brambleclaw’s ears twitched. “But she’s a medicine cat.”
Squirrelflight glared at him. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Brambleclaw still remained infuriatingly calm. “You’re right, we have to go after her,” he meowed. “We don’t want Onestar to think we’re driving our cats away.” As Squirrelflight let out a furious hiss, he added, “And we want Leafpool back. She’s making a big mistake, leaving her own Clan.”
“She’s lost her mind!” Squirrelflight tore at the ground with her claws. “I’ve got to find her before Firestar finds out.”
“Do you think she’ll come back?” Brambleclaw’s amber gaze was serious. “We can’t force her.”
“She has to!”
“If she has really gone to join WindClan, it must have been a hard decision for her,” Brambleclaw pointed out. “It won’t be easy to change her mind.”
“But I have to try,” Squirrelflight protested. “And even if I can’t convince her, I need to know where she is.”
“Can you sense anything?” Brambleclaw asked. “You know, like when we were on our journey?”
Squirrelflight reached out with that strange sense she had always shared with her sister. She tried to picture Leafpool, and for a heartbeat she thought she picked up a trace of wind on the moorland, but then it was gone, leaving nothing but emptiness.
“I can’t see her anywhere,” she mewed wretchedly.
Brambleclaw straightened up. “Well, standing here won’t solve anything. Let’s go.”
“You’ll come with me?” Squirrelflight stared at him in surprise.
“If you’re going to WindClan, you’ll need some cat with you,” Brambleclaw replied. “ThunderClan cats aren’t exactly Onestar’s favourite guests these days.”
Gratitude flooded over Squirrelflight like a warm wash of sunlight. Whatever she felt about Brambleclaw’s private ambitions, or his willingness to trust Hawkfrost, she couldn’t think of any other cat she’d rather have beside her right now.