‘I’m not like you, Julius . . .’
‘Ah, but you are. You are one of the Undead. Like me. Like your lover, Andrew.’
I shook my head, but smiled slightly to take the sting out of my words. ‘I only drink animal blood. I don’t kill people. I’m not like you or Andrew.’
‘You will be. It could be tomorrow, the day after, next week, next year. But you will kill. And once you have tasted human blood you will never turn back.’
Long moments passed as I studied him. ‘That’s why I came here. To get your help. Can we go upstairs to your room?’
‘Of course.’ Julius ushered me upstairs, following close behind me. What was I doing? Getting in deeper and deeper. My heart was about to burst out of my chest and I forced myself to breathe slowly, to try and slow down my heartbeat. Julius was no fool. He’d notice something if I wasn’t very, very careful. At the top of the stairs, I forced myself not to look at the other door. The sounds continued, louder and more frantic than before. Fearful sobs . . .
Once in Julius’s room, I couldn’t suppress the shudder of revulsion that ran through me. This was where it had all started. He had a small double bed pushed against the wall that hadn’t been present the last time Andrew and I had been here. The room was spartan to the point of being almost empty. Just the bed and a small bookcase crammed full of books. Shutters had been placed over the window in the room and nailed down. I hadn’t noticed that before.
‘Is that safe?’ I pointed to the window as I turned back to Julius.
‘Very. The shutters outside the window have also been nailed shut and the window has been painted black. All the windows and shutters in this place are nailed up.’
‘You aren’t taking any chances, are you?’
‘I like it here. I intend to stay a while.’
We regarded each other. The little hope with which I had travelled withered slowly inside.
‘How long . . . how long have you been a vampire?’ I asked.
‘Seventy-three years, four months, fourteen days.’
I stared at him, shocked. Whatever I’d been expecting, it wasn’t that.
Julius grinned at me. The grin of a boy in his early twenties. ‘Age to people like us is just a number. It means nothing.’
I hadn’t realized. ‘So I see. I bet . . . I bet you know more about what we are and what we can achieve than I can even imagine.’
‘You will learn.’
Silence.
‘Will you teach me?’ I asked quietly.
His grin faded. It took all my courage not to look away as he scrutinized me. ‘What about you and Andrew?’ he asked at last.
‘What about us?’
‘What happened to all that fire and passion?’
I hated his sneering words, his mocking tone. Yet there was something else underlying them. Something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Sadness? Regret?
‘Where is the undying love you told me you both felt for each other?’ asked Julius.
‘Those two people don’t exist any more, except as memories. They died that night in this room,’ I replied slowly. ‘It’s taken me until this moment to realize it, that’s all.’
‘The love you had for each other is the reason you and Andrew are still alive,’ he said harshly.
Alive . . . I breathed the word. Not living, just alive.
I’d taken on something I’d thought I could handle, something I’d thought I could control. Only instead of me taking control, Julius had. Like a fool, I’d really believed I could do this and win. I looked at the nailed-down shutters again. An inner sense told me the sunrise was fast approaching.
But not fast enough.
‘Do you mind if I sit down?’
Julius shrugged. I sat on his bed and he came and sat beside me. My heartbeat was speeding up again and I almost couldn’t hear the sounds coming from the room across the landing – almost.
‘The sun will be up soon.’ I looked straight ahead, too nervous to look at Julius.
‘Where will you stay?’
‘I was hoping you’d let me stay here for the day.’ I licked my dry lips.
‘My pleasure.’ He placed his hand under my chin and turned my head. Then he kissed me. It was like kissing an ice cube, cold and hard and flavourless. I wanted to puke. I wanted to push him away and drag the back of my hand across my mouth. I did none of those things.
Time. I needed more time. And a plan. Think of something, Jayna.
Julius drew away from me. He watched me silently. ‘You love Andrew still?’
‘I told you, what Andrew and I felt for each other before doesn’t exist any more.’
‘And you blame me?’ Julius’s expression was shrewd, calculating.
Careful, Jayna . . .
I shrugged. ‘I don’t blame anyone. It’s just one of those things. Now it’s time for me to move on, to find . . . someone else. Julius, if you don’t mind me asking, are there many others like us?’
‘It depends on what you call “many”.’
‘How many of us have you . . . made?’
Julius shrugged. ‘Andrew was the eighth.’
‘I’ll tell him – if I ever see him again. Eight is his lucky number,’ I said.
Julius moved closer. I didn’t move. ‘I am very careful about those I . . . change,’ he said silkily. ‘They need to have a desire to survive that surpasses all other things. I was not sure if your Andrew had this.’
‘He may not,’ I said softly. ‘I, however, do.’
‘So why are you here?’ Julius’s breath chilled my face as his lips were, once again, unbearably close to mine. ‘You still haven’t told me.’
‘I’d like you to teach me everything you know.’ I smiled into his eyes, forcing myself not to follow my screaming instincts and back away from him. ‘Julius, I know there’s so much you can teach me and I can’t wait years to get it right.’
‘I still get things wrong.’ Julius laughed harshly. ‘Like you and your lover Andrew.’
‘You didn’t get that wrong. It’s just that Andrew and I couldn’t get it right. And you still know far more than me,’ I said. ‘Tell me, how many times have you drunk fully from people? How many people have you . . . you . . .’ I couldn’t bring myself to say the rest.
‘I feed about three times a week. More in the summer when the tourists arrive.’ Julius laughed. A cruel, vicious laugh. ‘D’you know that each nationality has its own unique taste? I believe it has something to do with regional cuisine and the chemicals added to each different country’s water. I have become quite a connoisseur of blood over the years.’
‘Is that why you have the parties? To find strangers who can . . . service you?’
‘Why else?’
I closed my eyes and leaned forward to kiss him. In my head I concentrated on Andrew’s face before we’d ever met Julius, Andrew’s smell, Andrew’s smile. Julius’s arms locked around me as his mouth devoured mine. At last, with seeming reluctance, I drew away with a smile. I slowly stroked one hand up and down Julius’s arm as if I couldn’t bear to lose contact with him.
‘Your brother, is he a vampire too?’ I asked lightly.
‘Marco? Of course not! He stays away from this place. He loathes me.’
I glanced over to the window shutters again.
‘Why do you keep looking over there? That’s the third time in the last ten minutes.’
So he had noticed.
‘The sun will be up very soon.’
‘That’s the second time you’ve said that.’
I looked at him steadily. He didn’t miss much. I mustn’t make the mistake of underestimating him. ‘I’m worried.’
‘About what?’
‘About this house. Is it safe? Really safe?’
‘Of course. I told you. The windows—’
‘Not just the windows,’ I interrupted. ‘The door downstairs . . . is that safe?’
‘It has been – what is the word? – reinforced,’ Julius sought
to reassure me.
‘Yes, but reinforced to protect against . . . ordinary humans, or reinforced to protect against other vampires?’
Julius frowned at me. ‘What is the matter?’
I chewed on my bottom lip nervously.
‘Tell me,’ he ordered.
‘Andrew . . .’ I bowed my head. ‘Andrew is after me. I think he might have followed me here. I need somewhere safe to stay but I don’t want to put you in danger.’
‘From Andrew?’ Julius laughed contemptuously. ‘I do not fear him.’
‘I do. Your door downstairs doesn’t look too solid. I think, to be on the safe side, I’d better go and look for somewhere else.’ Head still bowed, I raised my gaze to look up at Julius through my eyelashes. I said softly, ‘How I wish I could spend the day with you. Today and every day for as long as you wanted me. A man like you could teach me so many things . . .’
‘You cannot go now.’ Julius frowned. ‘The sun will rise in only a few minutes.’
‘I can’t stay here unless I know there’s no way Andrew can get to us. I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you.’
‘Come! Quickly! I will prove it to you.’ Julius took my hand and stood up, pulling me after him. I let him lead me out of the room, pausing on the landing to look at the door of the other room. It was silent now. ‘You and I will feed together tonight,’ he said, looking from the door to me.
‘If you don’t mind sharing.’ I grinned.
‘Sharing . . .’ Julius said the word like he was savouring it. ‘It has been a long time since I have shared anything with anyone.’
‘I will share . . . with you,’ I told him.
We regarded each other. Julius pulled me to him again, his lips on mine, his hands roaming all over my body, my back, my breasts, my neck, my hair. ‘Andrew is a fool,’ he told me when at last he broke off our kiss. He stroked my cheek with his ice-cold fingers. ‘And his loss is my gain. I will protect you.’
I smiled gratefully but didn’t reply.
‘Quick. Before the sun appears,’ Julius said urgently.
We went downstairs. The door was a solid, polished piece of wood; it didn’t even have panels. On the inside were two bolts, one above head height, the other at foot level. The lock was a standard one, but good quality. He opened the door, looking warily up at the lightening sky.
‘See! I spoke the truth.’ Julius pointed to the gap between the door and its frame. I looked at the hinges. They seemed new and sturdy enough. In the door itself, above and below each hinge, there were steel bolts that sat in holes in the frame when the door was shut.
I shook my head. ‘Andrew’s strong now, like you. This door won’t shut him out.’
‘Of course it will.’ Julius was getting impatient.
The sky was even lighter now. It frightened me too. Every hair on my body was prickling and alarm bells were ringing in my head. Every instinct shrieked at me to get inside. I couldn’t let the sun find me.
‘No, I don’t believe it will. I’ll leave now, Julius. I won’t be the one to put you in danger.’ I stepped forward to move past him.
‘Look! Shut the door and I will try to open it from the outside.’ Julius was getting angry. ‘Will that satisfy you?’
‘OK.’
I went back inside. The moment the door was shut I slid the bolts home and set the lock.
‘Try now,’ I called out.
The door shuddered as Julius rushed at it. ‘See! See! This door will not move, not even for me. It is made of ash and oak which makes us night-dwellers weak. Andrew will not get through it. Let me back in.’
‘Try it again.’
‘No!’ Julius was shouting now. ‘Jayna, let me in.’
‘No. Try again.’
Julius pushed and kicked at the door again. ‘Jayna, the sun is almost above the horizon. Let me in.’
Slowly, I backed away from the door.
‘Jayna . . . Jayna . . .’
‘Try one more time,’ I called out.
‘Jayna, let me in!’ Julius was practically screaming his panic now. He kept charging at the door like a demented rhino, but it didn’t budge.
‘JAYNA . . .’
‘I hope the sun fries your arse, you bastard!’ I yelled at him. ‘This is for destroying my life. This is for destroying the lives of all your victims. You bastard!’
‘Jayna . . . Open the door . . . I beg you . . .’
‘No. Never.’ I rubbed my hand over my lips, trying to eliminate all traces of every foul kiss he’d given me.
‘Jayna, the sun! The sun . . .’
‘Did you really think I’d let you touch me? Did you really think I’d want you, after what Andrew and I had together? What you took away from us?’ I spoke softly. It was an effort to force the words out past the pain in my chest and the sizeable lump in my throat. There was no need to shout. Julius would’ve heard me if I’d been several metres away.
Julius laughed. Just that. He started laughing. And the sound froze what was left of my soul. ‘See you in hell, Jayna. I will wait for you . . . in . . . hell . . .’ he whispered. Then came a sound I had never, ever heard before – a howl, like that of a wounded animal. There came a whooshing noise, then silence. I waited to feel some change, some difference. A return to normality. The return of my humanity.
Nothing.
I couldn’t wait any longer. I scrambled upstairs. The noise from the other room had started again, but I couldn’t stop. I ran into Julius’s room, slammed the door behind me and fell onto his bed, exhausted.
The sun had come up.
37
I WOKE THAT evening with a pounding head and a heavy heart. The memory of what had happened – what I’d done – came flooding back. I sat up slowly, then buried my head in my hands. Killing Julius hadn’t changed me back. It hadn’t changed a thing. I was still an abomination, a vampire.
And I’d killed someone.
‘You had no choice,’ I told myself, over and over.
It didn’t help. I told myself all sorts of things. Julius was a merciless killer, and yet he’d spared Andrew and me. Julius would have killed again if I hadn’t stopped him; nevertheless he was capable of compassion. Julius was me in twenty years or two hundred or two thousand years’ time. Maybe Julius was me in a matter of weeks, not years. Maybe. Was it really just a matter of time? And what then? Would someone put me out of my misery too?
Julius . . . There had been a time, after Andrew had left me to head home alone, when I’d really believed that Julius wasn’t my problem. Let someone else deal with him, I’d thought. Was that also what those who’d come into contact with him in the past had thought? Let someone else deal with him. Is that why the decades had passed and he had still been able to destroy lives?
Not my problem . . .
Really not my problem . . .
My problem now . . .
Wearily I stood up. I desperately needed to feed and even more desperately wished I didn’t have to. Pain, like a concrete block, sat in my chest. I longed to go back, back to before our holiday. Back to peace.
I stumbled out of the room and onto the landing. The door to the other room was locked, but the key was in the lock. I turned it and pulled open the door. A girl and a boy, both about my age or slightly older, threw themselves out of the room. If I hadn’t been so weak from hunger, I would have seen them coming from a kilometre away. As it was, I only just managed to step out of the way.
‘I’m not your enemy,’ I said quickly. ‘I’m not.’
The boy straightened up, pushing the girl behind him. I smiled at the gesture, then at them. The boy had light-brown hair and dark-brown, terrified eyes. He wore jeans and a sweatshirt, as did the girl. Her hair was darker, her eyes grey. I recognized the panic-stricken look in her eyes at once, just as I’d recognized their cries and pleas for help the previous night when I’d entered Julius’s house. He’d ruined my life. I couldn’t let him do the same to anyone else.
‘Are you all
right? He didn’t hurt you?’ I glanced down at their wrists. No marks. I examined their necks. No marks, at least none that I could see.
Their necks . . .
I was hungry. So hungry.
‘You let us go?’ the boy asked incredulously.
‘Of course. Go on! Leave!’
‘Before he returns?’
I nodded. I was starving. And they were so close . . . and weak.
‘Quick! Before he returns. Go to the police. Now!’
Without another word they tore down the stairs and out the door. I followed. I had to feed before I passed out. Once outside, I looked up at the dark sky. It was going to rain. What was I thinking? The rain had started already, but I just hadn’t noticed until too late.
38
COMING BACK TO London after almost a fortnight was a mistake. I knew that from the onset, but it was the closest I’d been to happiness since I had travelled abroad to see Julius. It was my eighteenth birthday, but I had nothing to celebrate. What was the point when so many more of them stretched out before me like a never-ending road? Besides, I had more important things on my mind. There were so many things to do and so little time to do them in. After seeing Mum and Teegan, the first thing I would do was find Andrew. We had to establish a truce. I had to persuade him that we were dangerous. Too dangerous to be permanently around humans. Would he see things my way?
What if he didn’t? I asked myself. What then?
So many things had gone wrong already, but this wouldn’t. We didn’t have to be together – I knew it was too late for that – but Andrew must see that we should go somewhere where we wouldn’t be a threat to those around us. Being with Julius for that short period had cleared my head on a number of things. It was time to face the truth. For the sake of what we once had . . . for the sake of what we’d once been, I couldn’t and wouldn’t let Andrew turn me into another Julius.
But I was scared . . . No, petrified! I could admit that without feeling like a coward. I had to make Andrew understand. Julius was a warning, a live warning of how much further there was to fall. It was time to take control. We both needed to say ‘this far and no further’. Andrew was mine to persuade and I couldn’t afford to fail.