Fifteen minutes later, after a decent feed, I allowed myself to fade out and started walking. Fading took a lot of energy but I didn’t want to be seen by anyone, not tonight. When I faded I became little more than a shadow in the dark. It meant I could come and go as I pleased, unnoticed and undisturbed. Somehow my feet found their way to Andrew’s. I stood across the street, looking up at the Harrison house and calling myself all kinds of a fool for even risking it. After twenty or thirty minutes, Morgan came out of his house and headed for the gate.
‘Jayna, I know you’re out there,’ he called.
I said nothing, but allowed myself to fade into view. Morgan spotted me almost at once. I tilted my head to look at him, wondering how I’d ever let him get to me. He was nothing. Insignificant. An ignorant bigot, led on by his brother.
‘Andrew’s not here. You’re welcome to come in and wait for him,’ Morgan suggested silkily.
‘No, thank you.’
We regarded each other. The hostility in Morgan’s expression bounced right off me. His hatred was his problem, not mine.
‘I just got a message from Andrew,’ he said. ‘He says you suggested a meeting place for tomorrow.’
‘What about it?’
‘Both of us will meet you, but not where you suggested.’
‘Where then?’
‘Right here.’
‘At your house?’
‘Yes.’
‘What about your parents?’ I asked.
Morgan’s eyes narrowed. ‘The house will be all ours. Mum and Dad have gone on a cruise while Mum recuperates from her . . . accident.’ He said the final word sarcastically.
Lucky Mrs Harrison, able to take off to warmer climes until she healed. Was there anywhere on the planet where I could go to do the same?
I shrugged. ‘Fine with me.’
‘Tomorrow, then. Ten thirty,’ said Morgan.
I’d had enough of Morgan’s presence. I started walking away.
‘And Jayna . . .?’
‘What?’ I didn’t look back.
‘If you don’t turn up then we’ll come and get you. Understand?’
I turned round. ‘Morgan, you mean absolutely nothing to me. I don’t want anything to do with you,’ I said evenly. ‘But don’t push your luck.’
I don’t know whether it was my words or my tone that got to Morgan, but something did and he backed away from me. I carried on walking and his front door didn’t slam shut until I was halfway down the street.
41
I AWOKE THE moment the sun sank below the horizon. I’d slept in the one place I’d thought Andrew wouldn’t try to find me: the wreck of my own home. The previous night, when I was sure that I wasn’t being followed, I’d gone back to what was now our charred and sopping wet house and crept into the cupboard under the stairs. I thought it probable that Andrew would get Morgan to try and find me during the day. That way they could jump me, but they wouldn’t succeed.
I’d meet with Andrew on my own terms.
They shouldn’t have burned out our house. They shouldn’t have put Teegan in danger. My sister was still in hospital and the doctors wanted to keep her in for another night – smoke inhalation needed careful monitoring, apparently. When I’d phoned to check on her progress, they’d promised me that she would be all right, but that didn’t even begin to lessen the relentless fury I felt at what had happened to her.
The first thing I did was feed. I needed strength. Then I hid in the darkest shadows of our garden, contemplating how my night would unfold. I knew what had to be done and where I had to be at every minute of every hour.
The second thing I did was pop round to use Mrs Tout’s shower. Mum was there. She put down the toilet lid and sat on it whilst I showered, and we talked awkwardly about everyday stuff and nothing in particular. Odd, embarrassed silences littered our conversation. There was so much I wanted to say but couldn’t. So much she clearly wanted to ask but couldn’t.
‘The police told me how the fire was started,’ Mum said after another of the pauses.
‘Oh yes?’ I poked my head out from behind the shower curtain. ‘How?’
‘Someone threw a brick through your window and followed it up with a Molotov cocktail. The moment the bottle smashed, with all your books and clothes on the floor, your room went up like kindling.’
‘I see. I thought it had to be something like that,’ I mumbled, returning behind the curtain.
‘Who would do such a thing? It’s so despicable!’
‘Don’t worry, Mum. They’ll pay.’
‘So you know who was responsible?’ she asked sharply.
‘I never said that,’ I replied.
‘Jayna, I’m not an idiot, so please don’t treat me like one,’ sighed Mum.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I just . . . this is something I need to sort out for myself.’
‘Does this have something to do with you and Andrew?’ asked Mum quietly. ‘And the fact that you cry tears of blood?’
A lie or the truth? ‘Yes, Mum, it does.’
Silence.
‘What exactly happened to you, Jayna?’ asked Mum.
‘Whilst we were on holiday, Andrew and I went somewhere we shouldn’t with someone we shouldn’t’ve and this is the result.’ I tried to be flip but that was a spectacular failure.
‘So what you told me before was . . . the truth?’ Mum whispered. ‘Oh, Jayna, w-when was the last time you s-saw the sun?’ She was barely able to get the words out.
‘Too long ago to even remember.’
Turning off the water, I pulled a bath towel down from the shower curtain rail and wrapped it firmly around myself before drawing back the shower curtain. And then I sat down on the edge of the tub, my towel wrapped around my body, and told her more – told her how Andrew had changed me to be with him, of all the things I could no longer do. She’d worked out most of it for herself, but found it so incredible that she still hadn’t truly believed me – well, not until she’d seen my lack of a proper reflection in the bathroom mirror and a few more of my ruby tears . . .
‘And . . . Pete? Was that . . . Andrew?’ Mum’s voice was barely a whisper. At the look on my face, she shrank back. ‘Jayna, let me go to the police . . .’ she urged.
‘What would you tell them, Mum?’ I said with a sigh. ‘How would you explain what Andrew and I are now? How would you keep me safe when the police would insist on questioning me well into the morning? And nothing can bring Pete back now. All I can do is try and make sure it never happens again . . .’
Mum and I looked at each other, and she was more than unhappy; she was heart-broken.
‘I made this mess, Mum. I thought I knew what I was doing and I didn’t have a clue, but it’s my mess to clean up, not yours. That’s where I’m going tonight. To sort it out.’
Wearily, Mum rose to her feet. ‘Oh, darling, I hope you know what you’re doing.’
‘I do, Mum. Trust me, I finally do.’
Eventually, she left the room, misery hanging around her like a shroud. After moisturizing my skin, I slipped on the new black T-shirt and black jeans that I’d asked Mum to buy for me during the day when she was shopping for herself – as almost all of our clothes had been destroyed in the fire. At last I was ready. I headed downstairs. Mum was waiting for me in the hall.
‘Where will you be sleeping tonight?’ she asked.
‘I’m not sure, but don’t worry, I’ll find somewhere safe.’ I opened the front door.
‘Oh, Jayna, don’t go seeking revenge. Revenge has a habit of rebounding.’
That was a lesson I’d learned the hard way, but there was no going back now. ‘I’ll remember that,’ I said, forcing a smile. ‘See you, Mum. Say hello to Teegan for me. Tell her she’s a ratbag. Tell her I love her very much.’
Unexpectedly, Mum hugged me. ‘Please take care of yourself, Jayna. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
‘Mum, I love you too.’ I spoke quietly.
I didn’t wait t
o see her face or hear her reply. One look at her and my resolve would vanish. I stepped out onto the front path, closing the door firmly after me.
Behind me, very softly, with an innate stillness, I heard my mum begin to cry. I bowed my head. I wanted to go back into the house and hug her and never come out, but I didn’t. Instead I walked through the gate, forcing myself not to look back. I headed for the station, for the train to take me into town. I had things to buy and prepare before I could do anything else. Then I’d go and see Diane. I needed her help too. One way or another, tonight would see a resolution to the mess I’d made of my life.
42
DIANE STOOD OUTSIDE the Harrison household listening to the sound of heavy footsteps approaching across the hardwood floor of the hall. The door opened.
‘Hi, Morgan. Is Andrew home?’
‘He’s busy at the moment,’ Morgan replied tersely. ‘It’s . . . it’s Diane, isn’t it?’
‘That’s right. Could you tell Andrew I’m here, please. It’s really important. About . . . Jayna.’
‘Who is it, Morgan?’ Andrew came down the stairs.
‘Hi, Andrew. It’s me.’ Diane smiled. ‘Can I speak to you in private?’
‘Can’t it wait?’ Andrew said impatiently.
Diane shook her head.
‘Oh, all right.’ Andrew took his brother’s place at the door. ‘What is it, Diane?’ he asked warily.
From my position on the roof of the house three doors down from Andrew’s home, I could hear everything but I could only see Diane. I didn’t want to risk getting any closer in case Andrew heard me.
‘I’ve got a message from Jayna,’ Diane began slowly.
Get it right, Diane, I prayed silently. I’d had a real job getting her to help me in the first place, especially since I’d refused to tell her what was going on. That was for her own protection . . . the less she knew, the better. How could I tell her what I was now? What Andrew was? After explaining it to Mum, I couldn’t bear to go through it all a second time. And I felt I’d never be able to tell my friends the truth about Pete’s death.
Finally, reluctantly, Diane had stopped asking me to tell her what was happening and agreed to help me. But it had taken a lot of persuasion.
Now Diane said to Andrew, ‘Jayna wants to meet you at the original rendezvous – she said you’d know where that is. She wants to talk to you. Just you, and just talk. She wants to call a truce.’
Silence.
‘And if I say no?’ Andrew asked at last.
‘You have to take that up with her.’ Diane shrugged. ‘I’m just delivering the message. Are you two having some sort of trouble?’
I would have laughed except I was annoyed with her. I hadn’t told her to add that question.
‘Just a minute. I’ll get my jacket,’ Andrew said after another pause.
I didn’t even dare to breathe a sigh of relief. Andrew went back indoors and as Diane walked down the path to the gate, he emerged from the house, now wearing his black leather jacket over a light-grey T-shirt, dark trousers and trainers.
‘Morgan, I’m going out. I’ll be back soon,’ he yelled over his shoulder.
Morgan emerged from wherever to stand on the doorstep. He grabbed Andrew’s arm and pulled him back. ‘You can’t go out now. What if Jayna turns up here?’ he whispered. The anger in his voice couldn’t hide his fear – and I was glad of it.
‘She won’t. She wants me to meet her in the office building she talked about in her letter,’ Andrew replied softly.
‘You’re not really going, are you? It’s obviously a trap.’
‘I’ll take that chance.’
‘And if she does come here?’
‘Why should she? It’s me she wants. I just want all this to be over.’
‘You didn’t see the way she looked at me yesterday,’ hissed Morgan.
So, not quite as brave as he liked to make out. I hadn’t credited him with that much sense.
‘Relax, Morgan. I promise you, Jayna wants only me,’ said Andrew.
‘You two are being very mysterious. What’s going on?’ Diane called from the gate.
My God, but she was nosy. No one answered. Andrew shrugged out of his brother’s grasp and headed for Diane.
‘I wish someone would tell me what’s going on,’ Diane complained. ‘Jayna didn’t explain and you two aren’t saying much either. Honestly!’
‘Andrew, let me come with you,’ Morgan said insistently.
‘No.’ Andrew shook his head, heading back to him. ‘I didn’t want you to stay in the house anyway. This is between Jayna and me.’
‘I have to look out for you. You’re my brother.’
‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine,’ said Andrew. ‘I’ll see you later.’
‘If anything happens to you . . .’
‘It won’t.’
‘If anything does, I’ll find her. If it takes the rest of my life, I’ll find her and make her pay,’ Morgan said, but for his brother’s ears only.
‘You fuss too much.’ Andrew pushed his brother’s shoulder. ‘You’re turning into Mum!’ Morgan made a face but didn’t say anything. ‘I’ll see you,’ Andrew said.
Not at all happy but unable to do anything about it, Morgan went back into his house, closing the front door behind him. I watched and waited as Diane and Andrew turned right and headed along the street.
It was time for me to make my first move.
43
I WATCHED ANDREW walk away, an inexplicable sense of loss clutching at me. He’d been mine once, we’d been good together. But that was over now.
‘Shall I come?’ Diane asked.
‘To where?’ Andrew asked lightly.
‘To wherever it is you’re going.’
‘Diane, stop rubber-necking! This is between Jayna and me.’
‘She’s my friend too,’ Diane said stubbornly. ‘And there’s something not right going on here . . .’
‘Diane, go home. I’ll see you tomorrow night.’
‘Oh, all right, then,’ she said reluctantly. ‘If you need me, you know where I live.’
‘Yeah! The Burger Bar.’
Diane laughed. ‘Got it in one!’
I waited for them to turn the corner. Then I ran and jumped until I was on the Harrisons’ roof. As the skylight was shut, I tiptoed down the sloping slates towards the back of the house, swinging myself down to the window ledge of one of the back bedrooms, a room which Mrs Harrison used as a sewing room. I tried the window but it was locked.
So what now? I wasn’t going to let a locked window stop me. I could easily crash through it but I wanted to keep the element of surprise on my side. I shifted my position slightly and studied the window. With each movement, the weapon slung across my back rocked into me. I tried re-adjusting its position but it made little difference. Pursing my lips, I forced myself to focus on the first task before me: opening the window.
Holding onto the guttering with one hand, I tried to push slowly against the glass. It creaked ominously. I clenched my fists with frustration, my fingernails digging into my palms. Fingernails . . . It was worth a try. Still using my left hand to hold onto the guttering, I used the fingernail of the index finger of my right hand to draw around the window lever. It made a definite impression, like a glass cutter. I worked around my semicircle again and then a third time. It was just about ready to drop out now. I took a deep breath. The next bit would take fast work. I pushed the glass, and as it gave way I dropped my hand under it to catch it before it could shatter on the floor. It had worked.
And I hadn’t made any noise. I slipped my hand through the hole in the glass and opened the window, then stepped silently inside.
Now to find Morgan.
Andrew’s brother was in the kitchen, drinking beer from a bottle. I stood still in the doorway and watched him as he drank, his back to me. Halfway through a gigantic swig, he lowered the bottle suddenly. Every muscle in his body tensed and his head turned just ahead of the rest of his b
ody. I thought the look on his face when he realized that he was alone in the house with me would bring me something. Satisfaction. Gratification. Something. But I felt nothing.
‘Hello, Morgan,’ I said quietly.
‘Andrew isn’t here.’ Morgan’s tone was sharp.
‘I know. I’m here to see you.’
Morgan’s lips thinned, his face grew pale. When would I start to enjoy this? He suddenly made a break for the cutlery drawer. I didn’t move.
‘I like your BFK, but do you know how ridiculous you look?’ I said as he brought out a big, frickin’ carving knife with a blade at least twenty-five centimetres long.
Morgan sprang, obviously deciding that attack was the best form of defence. He swung the knife, but to my eyes he was moving in slow motion and I saw the knife coming with no trouble at all. I grabbed his wrist and squeezed until I heard bones crack. He howled in agony and dropped the knife. It clattered onto the tiled floor.
‘This is the part where you run . . .’ I instructed. ‘Go on. Run!’
And, like the coward he was, he did. Had our roles been reversed, I would never have given him that satisfaction. I listened. He was at the front door now, trying to open it, and I waited until I heard it open before I moved. I was there in a second – Morgan wasn’t even aware of my presence until I shoved the front door shut before he had it even halfway open.
‘Oh no, you don’t,’ I told him. ‘You didn’t open the front door when you tried to burn my mum and sister alive in our house.’
Morgan shrank against the wall behind him. ‘We . . . we thought your mum was out at your neighbour’s house. I rang the doorbell, there was no answer . . .’ His voice was uneven now, panic-stricken.
‘So you were involved. I wasn’t sure. Thanks for letting me know.’
Morgan stared, realizing what he’d just revealed. I grabbed hold of the front of his shirt and lifted him up until his feet were way off the ground.
‘So it was my sister you wanted to kill?’
‘No! Andrew was furious. He wasn’t listening properly. He just wanted your attention. We didn’t know your mum and sister were in the house, I swear. It was a mistake.’ Morgan’s words tumbled over themselves in his panic. ‘We thought the house was empty or that only you were in there. It was just meant to be a warning. We thought—’