He left the room and I heard him run down the stairs. I was about to sit down on his bed until he came back when I realized that I wasn’t alone. Mrs Harrison was just inside the doorway, watching me. I regarded her, determined not to look away first, even though she had every hair on my body standing up and prickling.
‘Is something wrong?’ I asked.
‘Yes, and I think you know what it is. Whilst Andrew is downstairs, I think you and I should have a little chat.’
4
‘A CHAT ABOUT what?’ I asked, feigning ignorance.
Mrs Harrison carefully shut the bedroom door behind her. Why was I reminded of a spider’s web? She straightened up to look me over, up, down and sideways.
Jayna, don’t lose your temper.
‘I don’t want you to go on holiday with my son.’ Mrs Harrison wasn’t mucking about. She was in shoot-to-kill mode.
‘Why?’ I tried to keep my tone even.
‘I don’t want Andrew to get hurt.’
I counted to ten. Then counted to ten again. ‘I don’t understand. How is Andrew going to get hurt by going on holiday with me?’
‘You’re not right for . . . each other. And suppose you get into trouble? I don’t want Andrew’s life ruined.’
Get into trouble . . .?
It took a second or two to realize what she meant by that. How quaint!
‘What trouble could I possibly get into if Andrew’s with me?’ I feigned yet more ignorance.
Mrs Harrison’s lips were so thin as to be practically non-existent. I smiled enquiringly at her, wondering if she’d have the guts to just come out and say what was on her mind.
Then I asked, ‘Which prospect bothers you the most, I wonder? Being a grandma, or being a grandma of a baby of colour?’
Mrs Harrison went pale and stared at me. I’d shocked her and I wasn’t sorry either, but to tell the truth I was a little surprised at myself for being so blunt. It wasn’t like me but she really got on my nerves.
‘That’s not what I said,’ Andrew’s mum replied.
Yeah, but that’s what you meant!
‘Then how are Andrew and I – what was it you said? – “not right for each other”?’
‘Because . . . because you’re . . . just not.’
Coward! Why not be honest? Why don’t you just come right out and say it?
‘Jayna, I’m asking you to tell Andrew that you’ve changed your mind about going on holiday with him.’
‘But I haven’t. So why should I lie?’
‘Do you know what you are doing to my family? All any of us do these days is argue about you.’
That spiteful remark found its target. And it hurt. First home, now here. I stared at the resentful look on her face. I’d seen the same look earlier that day, on my mum’s face.
‘Jayna, I—’ The door was pushed open and Andrew strode into the room, only to stop abruptly when he saw his mum and me regarding each other. I looked down at the carpet, thrusting my hands deep into my jacket pockets.
‘I’m leaving now, Andrew. I’ll see you tomorrow,’ I said quietly.
‘Mum? What’ve you been saying?’ Andrew asked.
‘Forget it, Andy.’ I headed for the bedroom door and escape.
Andrew was glaring at his mum now. Me? I was tired. Tired of the stares and the glares and the quarrels. Tired, tired, tired.
‘I’ve had just about enough of this.’ Spots of fury dotted across Andrew’s cheeks. ‘Mum, back off. If I want to go out with Jayna, I will, and there’s not a damned thing you or Morgan or anyone else can do about it.’
‘Don’t talk to me like that.’ His mother frowned.
‘Mum, Jayna means a lot to me. I’ve told you that before. If you don’t like that fact, can’t you at least accept it – for my sake, if nothing else?’ Andrew grabbed my arm and pulled me after him past his mother. ‘Jayna, come on. We’re getting out of here.’
Did all parents swallow some kind of pill to turn them into twats? I wondered.
At that moment I missed my dad, very much. He would have been on my side; he always stuck up for me. OK, so Mum’s major objection was that she didn’t want me to get hurt, but Dad would have been more optimistic. He always said that if you went looking for grief or failure you were bound to find it. Mum seemed to think that my relationship with Andrew was doomed. It was funny how alike she and Mrs Harrison were in that respect.
Andrew was still pulling me along when we were out of his house and halfway down the road. The air was cooler now. A gentle breeze whispered across my face. I breathed in deeply and let out my anger with a sigh. The sky was a deep shade of dark blue by now and the full moon had turned the few clouds silvery. Here and there, stars twinkled faintly. It was lovely. I stared up at the sky as we carried on walking. When I tripped over a broken paving stone, I came back down to earth.
‘Andrew, you’re pulling my arm off,’ I complained.
‘They’re driving me nuts!’ Andrew hissed. ‘I’m beginning to wonder if Mum and Dad didn’t have Morgan, and then just found me next to their garden gnome a couple of years later!’
I’d been wondering similar things myself over the last few weeks but I didn’t say anything. Whenever Andrew was in this kind of mood it was best to let him get it all off his chest without interruption. Andrew was generally pretty laid back, but whenever his temper got ignited, stand back!
‘I’ve got Dad in one ear, telling me to give Mum a bit longer to get used to the idea of you and me. But then he gives me a lot of useless advice about handling women, especially black—Well, never mind.’
Never mind? I could hardly believe my ears. What was Mr Harrison suggesting? I opened my mouth to protest, but Andrew was still ranting away. His voice rose as he moved on to the other members of his family. ‘Meanwhile, Mum’s busy whining in the other ear. And then there’s Morgan, spouting off in both my ears. I swear, if it weren’t for Gran and my Aunt Heather, I’d go mental. God, I wish they’d all just leave us alone. These days I constantly feel like I’m drowning, except when I’m with you. Sometimes I feel this close’ – he held his thumb and index finger together – ‘to lashing out, breaking out. Breaking something . . .’
‘Andrew . . .’ I said softly.
He stopped marching and frowned at me. I kissed him, there and then. Usually, I didn’t go for that sort of thing in the street, but at that moment we both needed to be kissed. He sighed and just like that his tirade was over.
‘All the same,’ I said as we carried on walking together, holding hands, ‘I don’t think I’ll go back to your house again.’
‘Because of my mother? Don’t let her get to you. She’s not worth it. Besides, in three days’ time we’ll be on holiday. Together. Alone. Away from our families. Hallelujah!’
‘Your mum doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she dislikes me,’ I complained.
‘Forget her.’ He shrugged. ‘You’re not going to let her chase you away, are you?’
‘She’s very rude.’
‘So is your mum.’
I couldn’t argue with that. ‘So where are we going?’ I asked.
‘The multiplex?’ Andrew suggested. ‘There’s that thriller that I’d like to see. We could go to the late screening.’
I wrinkled up my nose. ‘Do we have to? I’m not in the mood for a blood-and-guts, crash-’em-up, slash-’em-up film.’
‘You can always hide your face in my armpit like you usually do,’ Andrew laughed.
‘I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t insist on dragging me to those kinds of films. You know I don’t like them. Can’t we go to the Burger Bar instead?’
‘Is Pete really going to be there?’
‘Probably.’ I shrugged.
‘Then I’m sticking to you like glue.’
I laughed. ‘What have you got against Pete?’ I did so love it when Andrew got jealous. ‘I thought you two were friends?’
‘We are. But I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’
> ‘Oh yeah? And what way is that?’
‘Like he’s always been into you and he’d like nothing better than to get into you.’
‘Andrew!’
‘Well, it’s true,’ Andrew said unapologetically.
‘Well, he can’t, ’cause I’m going out with you now, aren’t I?’
‘That won’t stop him from trying!’
‘Of course it will. Pete’s a gent.’
‘And if he isn’t?’
‘Then I’ll stop him.’
‘I’d still like to punch his face in, just to warn him off.’
Oh, hell no. I stopped walking to give Andrew the full benefit of my icy stare.
‘Why don’t you, then?’ I asked.
‘Because you wouldn’t like it,’ Andrew replied with a wry smile.
‘Too right! That sort of macho crap does not impress me. You start that kind of nonsense and I’m out of here.’ And I meant it too.
‘Besides, he’s bigger than me.’ Andrew grinned.
My hero!
5
WHEN WE WALKED into the Burger Bar, it wasn’t just the smell of burgers, pizza slices and chips that stepped up to greet us; all kinds of kissing, slobbering and lip-smacking noises also assailed us.
‘Wonders will never cease! What happened?’ Diane asked.
‘What d’you mean?’ I asked.
‘You two have stopped gazing into each other’s eyes for long enough to give your poor, neglected friends a moment of your time,’ she replied with a smile.
I smiled back, but we both knew she was telling it how it was. Diane and I had been like conjoined twins, joined at the hip, before I started going out with Andrew. Now I couldn’t remember the last time she and I had done anything together, just the two of us. When had we last sat down and chatted, really chatted? Embarrassed, I turned away from her, latching onto the first face in the crowd I saw.
‘Hi, Pete. How are you?’
Pete was gorgeous, the colour of strong coffee (no milk!) – just the way I like it! He had the whitest, most even teeth I’d ever seen away from the cinema screen. I’m into good teeth! He was six foot two and broad but not fat. All the girls in my year panted after him.
‘I’m OK. All the better for seeing you.’ He grinned, making everyone laugh. Except Andrew. Pete always talked to me like that. It was strange to think that Pete and I might have been an item now, if he hadn’t stood me up on our first date!
‘Budge up, then,’ I said, tapping him on the shoulder.
He shifted, squashing everyone else up. I sat down next to him and Andrew sat down directly opposite me. Andrew looked at me and I looked at him. I couldn’t resist a smile and a sly wink. I was sitting next to Pete! Andrew gave me a rueful look, then glanced at Pete before turning back to me. He looked . . . nervous. What did he think I was going to do? Explore Pete’s leg under the table? I smiled to myself, imagining Pete’s reaction. He’d probably jump out of his skin. I gave serious thought to testing out my theory, but decided against it – Andrew would only get the hump and I’d had enough grief for one evening. Besides, I wasn’t into playing games and I didn’t want my boyfriend to think I was.
‘Looking forward to your holiday?’ Pete asked.
I nodded, then shrugged. Did I look as self-conscious as I felt?
‘Is it all sorted out, then?’ he continued.
‘Not quite. My mum is giving me a hard time, but I’m working on her.’ I sighed. ‘So did Andrew tell you about our plans?’
‘That’s right.’ Pete glanced at Andrew. ‘He gave me all the details.’
I looked at Andrew. He was watching Pete carefully. Our holiday wasn’t a big secret, but I sort of wished Andrew hadn’t told anyone – at least, not until we got back.
‘You mean you’re actually going? Your mum is going to let you?’ Diane was amazed. Seeing my raised eyebrows, she explained, ‘Pete told me.’
I sat back in my chair. ‘Is there anyone in this place who doesn’t know my business?’ The question wasn’t altogether a joke.
Everyone laughed and started discussing our holiday. My friends talked about it as if Andrew and I were taking a trip to a supermarket rather than travelling across Europe. That helped a lot. After ten minutes or so, it didn’t seem quite such a big deal.
As I watched Andrew explaining our proposed route, I faded out to think of other things. He’d said he’d be happy to wait until I was ready, but I kept imagining what it would be like to make love with him for the first time. And the second. And the third!
Oh, we’d kissed and petted, but never to the point where I’d got totally carried away. Fumbling around with the lights off or in dark secluded places wouldn’t be the same as being alone and unhurried, with no threat of interruption. My stomach began to rock nervously at the thought. But I loved Andrew – very much – and I wanted him, all of him.
I’d sorted out all the embarrassing but necessary bits too. A month ago, I’d finally plucked up the courage to go to the local family planning clinic. It had been nowhere near as bad as I’d thought it would. They took my blood pressure and weighed me, then I’d had a long chat with one of the doctors. She had been really kind and sympathetic, had listened to what I had to say about me and Andrew and been totally non-judgemental. The end result was I had a contraceptive implant inserted into my upper arm and left the clinic with a lot of advice and a whole brown bag full of condoms. I had to be sensible. I was only seventeen, and I had my life all mapped out for the next ten years. I wanted to go to university, get an English degree, take a year out to go around the world, then train to be a teacher or maybe an advertising copywriter. I’d get my own two-bedroom flat, one bedroom for me, the other for all the musical instruments and books I intended to collect, and only when I was pushing forty would I think about settling down. Pregnancy and babies didn’t feature for years yet. But making love . . .
‘Hey, Jayna! Penny for them.’ Andrew’s teasing voice finally reached me.
‘They’re worth more than that,’ I said, ignoring the burning blush creeping across my face. Thank goodness no one could see it.
Andrew smiled, then kissed the palm of his hand and blew it in my direction. I caught the kiss and pressed it to my lips.
‘Someone pass a sick bag, please!’ Diane grimaced.
And everyone else joined in, making puking noises. I grinned at Andrew.
‘Ignore them. They’re just jealous!’ he said.
We were having a great time, a really good laugh. Even Diane started talking to me again. I began to unwind and it was wonderful. Relaxing and easy. Then I happened to glance towards the door and my heart dropped into my shoes. Every muscle in my body pulled taut. My skin began to prickle.
‘Oh hell!’ I muttered. There was going to be trouble.
Pete heard me. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Andrew’s brother Morgan and his mob have just walked through the door.’
6
‘ANDREW’S BROTHER? SO?’ Pete asked.
‘You don’t know Morgan,’ I replied grimly. ‘He’s a real pig. And remember, you heard it here first.’
Morgan looked around. I waited for him to see us. There would be bother now. I knew it. If I’d been alone I think that maybe, just maybe, I would have slid down into my seat or, at the very least, hidden my face behind a cupped hand.
I glanced at Andrew, who was sharing a joke with Diane across the table, then risked a surreptitious glance towards the door. Morgan was heading straight for us, his three stooges close behind him.
‘Hiya, little brother. I see you’re slumming again,’ he said, looking directly at me.
Odious git-faced toad! All conversation at the table faded and died.
‘It’s always great to see you as well, Morgan,’ I said, inflecting my voice with as much venom as possible.
‘Jayna, you look . . . the same as ever.’
Behind him, Morgan’s cronies grinned like idiots – as per usual. Morgan was dressed in his usu
al uniform – black jeans that only just made it past his hips, an open black shirt over a grubby white T-shirt, and sunglasses, even though it was now dark outside. He fancied himself something rotten, strutting around as if his clothes were really the business. I thought he looked ridiculous.
‘Morgan, leave Jayna alone.’ Andrew’s voice held patient amusement, as always.
I glared at him. It was always the same. Andrew joked with Morgan, smiled with Morgan – but never took his older brother seriously. He just laughed away all of his insults, like shooing irritating but harmless flies. I placed my hands on my thighs under the table and stretched out my fingers until they began to ache.
‘Andrew, have you thought of giving Battersea Dogs Home a call? I’m sure they’ve got a better class of bitch than the one sitting at this table.’ Morgan smiled at me. A nasty, contemptuous smirk.
‘But wait . . .’ Pete mumbled from beside me. And some of my other friends gasped, unable to believe what they were hearing.
Don’t let him get to you, I told myself – over and over. Don’t let him get to you. But he did. And I couldn’t let an insult like that go without a response.
‘Why don’t you go and play in the traffic?’ I said hotly. ‘Please. And don’t call me a bitch. I’m a woman, not a female dog.’
‘You! A woman?!’ Morgan’s laugh was grating and harsh.
‘Yes, me,’ I replied furiously. ‘And if you weren’t such a fart-faced, pea-brained dickhead you wouldn’t need to be told.’
‘Who are you calling a dickhead?’ Morgan hissed.
‘I got the rest right, then, did I?’
‘That remark is just what I’d expect from a slag like you.’
‘“Slag” is rather a big word for you, isn’t it – you cretinous pig!’ Really childish, I know, but Morgan always brought out the best in me. My friends started to giggle.
‘Morgan, leave it.’ Andrew shook his head. ‘You’re only going to lose. Once Jayna gets going, she’s deadly.’
Morgan looked around the table, then back to me. His bottle-green eyes glinted like cold marble. ‘No wonder your dad did a runner. I bet he couldn’t wait to see the back of you and your family, and who could blame him,’ he said scornfully.