two boys and fill all of our glasses with tea.
“Suck and sweet time,” Caulder says.
“What’s suck and sweet?” Kel asks.
As soon as Caulder starts to explain, there’s a knock at the front door. When I reach the door and open it, I’m surprised to find Julia standing in the entryway. Her presence has definitely become more intimidating since the first day I met her; especially after this afternoon when she found out about me being a teacher.
She looks up at me straight faced, with her hands in the pockets of her scrub top.
“Oh. Hey,” I say, trying not to appear as nervous as I am. “Kel just started eating. If you want, I’ll send him home as soon as he’s done.”
“Actually,” she says. She glances over my shoulder at the boys, then looks back at me and lowers her voice to a whisper. “I really wanted to talk to you if you have a few minutes.”
She seems a little bit nervous, which just makes me ten times more nervous. “Sure.” I step aside and motion for her to come in.
“You guys can eat in your room, Caulder. I need to talk to Julia.”
“But we haven’t said our suck and sweet for today,” Caulder says.
“Do them in your room. I’ll tell you mine later.”
The boys pick up their bowls and drinks and head to Caulder’s room, closing the door behind them. When I turn back to Julia her mouth is curled up in a smile.
“Suck and sweet?” she says. “Is that your way of getting him to tell you his good and bad for the day?”
I smile and nod. “We started it about six months ago.” I take a seat on the same couch as her. “It was his therapist’s idea. Although the original version wasn’t called suck and sweet. I sort of ad-libbed that part to make it sound more appealing to him.”
“That’s sweet,” she says. “I should start doing that with Kel.”
I give her a slight smile but don’t respond. I’m not really sure what she’s doing here or what her intentions are, so I silently wait for her to continue. She takes a deep breath and focuses her gaze on the family picture hanging on the wall across from her.
“Your parents?” she says, pointing to the picture.
I relax into the couch and look up at the picture. “Yeah. My mom’s name was Claire. My dad’s name was Dimas. He was half Puerto Rican—named after his maternal grandfather.”
Julia smiles. “That explains your natural tan.”
It’s obvious she’s trying to deflect for some reason. She continues to stare at the picture. “Do you mind if I ask how they met?” she says.
Just a few hours ago she was ready to rip my head off after finding out I’m Lake’s teacher; now she’s trying to get to know me? Whatever’s going on with her, I’m in no position to question her, so I just go along with it.
“They met in college. Well, my mom was in college. My dad was actually a member of a band that played on her campus. He didn’t go to college until a few years after they met. My mom was on a campus crew that would help set up their shows and they got to know each other. He asked her out and the rest is history. They married two years later.”
“What’d they do for a living?”
“Mom was in human resources. Dad was a . . . he taught English.” Just saying the word teacher in front of her makes me uncomfortable. “Not the best-paying jobs but they were happy.”
She sighs. “That’s what counts.”
I nod in agreement. There’s an awkward silence that follows while she slowly scans the pictures on the walls around us. I feel like she wants to bring up everything from earlier today, but maybe she doesn’t know how.
“Listen, Julia.” I turn toward her on the couch. “I really am sorry about what happened between Lake . . . between Layken and me. The position I’ve put her in isn’t fair to her and I feel terrible. It’s completely my fault.”
She smiles and reaches across the couch, then pats the top of my hand. “I know it wasn’t intentional, Will. What happened was an unfortunate misunderstanding; I know that. But . . .” She sighs and shakes her head. “As much as I like you and think you’re a great guy . . . it’s just not right. She’s never been in love before and it scares me when I think about the way she looked when she walked through that front door last Thursday night. I know she wants to do the right thing, but I also know she would do anything to get back to that moment. It’s the first time I’ve seen her that happy since before her father died.”
Hearing her validate that Lake’s feelings were just as intense as mine makes this whole thing even harder. I know she’s only trying to make a point, but it’s a point I’d rather not hear.
“What I’m trying to say is . . . this is in your hands, Will. I know she’s not strong enough to deny her heart what it wants, so I need you to promise me that you will. You’ve got more at stake here than she does. This isn’t a fairy tale. This is reality. If you two end up following your hearts and not your heads, it’ll end in disaster.”
I shift on the couch and attempt to think of a way to respond. Julia is obviously the type of person who can see through bullshit, so I know I need to be up front with her.
“I like her, Julia. And in some odd way, I care about her. I know I’ve only known her for a little over a week now, but . . . I do. I care about her. And that’s exactly why you don’t have anything to worry about. I want nothing more than to help Layken get past this—whatever it is she’s feeling. I know the only way to do that is to keep our relationship strictly professional from now on. And I promise you, I will.”
I hear the words coming from my mouth, and I would like to admit that I’m being one hundred percent honest with her. But if I’m being one hundred percent honest with myself, I know I’m not that strong. Which is why I have to keep my distance.
Julia rests her elbow against the back of the couch and lays her head on it. “You’re a good person, Will. I hope one day she’ll be lucky enough to find someone half as good as you. I just don’t want her finding it yet, you know? And definitely not under these circumstances.”
I nod. “I don’t want that for her right now, either,” I say quietly. And that response is for certain the truth. If there’s anything I know for sure, it’s that I don’t want to burden Lake with all of my responsibilities. She’s young and, unlike me, she still has a chance at an untainted future. I don’t want to be the one to take that from her.
Julia leans back into the couch and looks at the picture of my parents again. I watch her while she stares at it. I can see now where Lake gets that distant gaze. I wonder if they were ever despondent before Lake’s father passed away, or if it’s a natural reaction after someone close to you dies. It makes me wonder if maybe I’m just as despondent when I think about my own parents.
Julia’s hand goes up to her cheek and she wipes at newly formed tears in her eyes. I don’t know why she’s crying, but I instantly feel her sadness. It exudes from her.
“What was it like for you?” she whispers, still staring at the picture.
I face forward again and look at their picture. “What was what like?” I ask. “Their death?”
She nods, but doesn’t look at me. I lean back and fold my arms across my chest, resting my head against the back of the couch again. “It was . . .” I realize I’ve never talked to anyone about what it was like for me. Other than the slam I’ve performed about their death, I’ve never spoken about it to a single person. “It was as if every single nightmare I’ve ever had throughout my entire life became reality in that single instant.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and clamps her hand over her mouth, quickly turning away.
“Julia?”
She’s unable to control her tears now. I scoot closer to her on the couch and put my arm around her and pull her to me. I know she isn’t crying because of what I said. She’s crying because of something else entirely. There’s something bigger going on here than just me and Lake. Something much bigger. I pull back and look at her.
?
??Julia, tell me,” I say. “What’s wrong?”
She pulls away and stands up, heading toward the door. “I need to go,” she says through her tears. She walks out the front door before I have a chance to stop her. When I make it outside, she’s standing on my patio crying uncontrollably. I walk over to her, unsure of what to do. Unsure if I’m in the position to do anything, even if I wanted to.
“Look, Julia. Whatever this is, you need to talk about it. You don’t have to tell me, but you need to talk about it. Do you want me to go get Layken?”
She darts her eyes up to mine. “No!” she says. “Don’t. I don’t want her to see me upset like this.”
I place my hands on her shoulders. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”
She breaks her gaze from mine, indicating I’ve hit the nail on the head. She’s not okay. She steps away from me and wipes her tears away with her shirt. She inhales a few deep breaths, attempting to stop more tears from flowing.
“I’m not ready for them to know, Will. Not yet,” she whispers. She hugs herself tightly and glances at her house. “I just want them to have a chance to settle in. They’ve been through so much already this year. I can’t tell them yet. It’ll break their souls.”
She doesn’t come out and say it, but I can hear it in her voice. She’s sick.
I wrap my arms around her and hug her. I hug her for what she’s going through, for what she’s been through. I hug her for Lake, I hug her for Kel, and I hug her for Caulder and myself. I hug her because it’s all I know to do.
“I won’t say anything. I promise.” I don’t even know how to begin to put myself in her shoes in order to empathize. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for her. To know that both of your children are possibly going to be left in the world without you? At least my parents didn’t know what was about to happen to them before it happened. At least they didn’t have to carry around the burden that Julia is carrying.
She finally pulls away and wipes at her eyes again. “Just send Kel home when he’s finished eating. I need to get to work.”
“Julia,” I say. “If you ever feel like talking about it . . .”
She smiles, then turns and walks away. I’m left standing in front of my house with the emptiest feeling in the world. Knowing what’s about to become of Lake’s life—it makes me want to protect her even more. I’ve been in her shoes before and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I sure as hell don’t wish it on the girl I’m falling in love with.
9.
the honeymoon
LAKE SLIDES OFF the bed and walks to the bathroom, wiping her eyes. This is such a bad idea. This is exactly why I don’t like bringing up the past.
“Lake,” I say, following after her. She’s looking into the bathroom mirror, dabbing a tissue to her eyes. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist, resting my head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
She looks at my reflection in the mirror. “Will,” she whispers. She turns around to face me and wraps her arms around my neck. “It’s just that I had no idea. I didn’t know you already knew she was sick.”
I pull her to me. “I couldn’t really come out and say it, you know. We weren’t even speaking at that point. Besides, I would have never betrayed your mom.”
She laughs into my shirt, causing me to pull back and look at her. “What?” I ask, confused about why she’s laughing through her tears.
“Believe me,” she says. “I know how your promises to my mom work. We had to suffer the consequences of that last promise you made for an entire year.” She throws her tissue into the trash can and grabs my hand, leading me back to the bed.
“I wouldn’t call it suffering,” I say, thinking back on last night. “In fact, I’m pretty sure it was worth all the waiting.”
She places her hand between her cheek and the pillow and we turn toward each other. I run my fingers through her hair and tuck it behind her ears, then kiss her on the forehead.
“Speaking of suffering,” she says. “You just wait until I see Gavin and Eddie again. I can’t believe they tried to set you up.”
I pull my hand away from her face and rest it on the bed between us. For some reason, I feel like I can’t touch her when I’m withholding truth. I break eye contact and roll onto my back. If she’s going to bring this up to Eddie, I might as well get it all out in the open now. Otherwise, we’ll all suffer.
“Um . . . Lake?” I say hesitantly. As soon as her name comes out of my mouth, she shakes her head and scoffs at me.
“You didn’t,” she says, her words laced with disappointment. She’s way too perceptive.
I don’t respond.
My silence prompts her to jerk up and grab my jaw, forcing me to look at her.
“You went on a DATE?” she says in disbelief.
I place my hand on her cheek in a heartening gesture, hoping my touch will soothe the words about to come out of my mouth. She jerks her face away from my hand and sits up on her knees, placing her hands on them.
“Are you serious?”
I laugh a nervous laugh, attempting to make light of the situation. “Lake, you know how forceful Eddie can be. I didn’t want to go. Besides, it was just one date.”
“Just one date?” she says. “Are you saying you can’t develop feelings for someone after just one date?” She spins around on the bed and stands up, dropping down into the desk chair beside the bed. She folds her arms across her chest, shaking her head again. “Please tell me you didn’t kiss her.”
I scoot toward her until I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. I reach forward and take her hands in mine and look her in the eyes. “I love you,” I say. “And I’m here. With you. Married to you. Who cares what happened on one silly date more than two years ago?”
“You KISSED her?” she says, jerking her hands back. She places her foot on the bed between my legs and pushes against it, rolling her and the chair several feet away from me.
“She kissed me,” I say defensively. “And it was . . . God, Lake. It was nothing like kissing you.”
She glares at me.
“Okay,” I say, wiping the smirk off my face. “Not funny. But seriously, you’re making a big deal out of nothing. Besides, you agreed to go out with Nick that next week. Remember? What’s the difference?”
“What’s the difference?” she says, enunciating each word carefully. “I didn’t go on a date with him. I didn’t kiss him. That’s a pretty damn big difference.”
I lean forward and grab the arms of her chair and pull her back to me until she’s flush against my legs. I place my hands on her cheeks and force her to look at me. “Layken Cooper, I love you. I’ve loved you since the second I laid eyes on you and I haven’t stopped loving you for a second since. The entire time I was out with Taylor, all I was thinking about was you.”
She crinkles up her nose. “Taylor? I didn’t need to know her name, Will. Now I’ll have a distaste for Taylors for the rest of my life.”
“Like I have distaste for Javiers and Nicks?” I say. She grins, but quickly forces the smile away, still trying to punish me with her ineffective scowl.
“You’re so cute when you’re jealous, babe.” I lean forward and softly press my lips to hers. She sighs a quiet, defeated sigh into my mouth and relents, parting her lips for me. I run my hands down her arms and to her waist, then pull her out of the chair and on top of me as I lean back onto the bed.
I place one hand on the small of her back, pressing her against me, and my other hand I run through her hair, grabbing the back of her head. I kiss her hard as I roll her onto her back, proving to her she has absolutely nothing to be jealous of. As soon as I’m on top of her, she places her hands on my cheeks and forces my face away from hers.
“So your lips touched someone else’s lips? After our first kiss?”
I fall back onto the bed beside her. “Lake, stop it. Stop thinking about it.”
“I can’t, Will.” She turns to me and m
akes that damn pouty face she knows I can’t refuse. “I have to know details. In my head all I can picture is you taking some girl out on this perfect date and making her grilled cheese sandwiches and playing “would you rather” with her and sharing seriously intense moments with her, then kissing the hell out of her at the end of the night.”
Her description of our first date makes me laugh. I lean over and press my lips to her ear and whisper, “Is that what I did to you? I kissed the hell out of you?”
She pulls her neck away and shoots me a glare, letting me know she isn’t backing down until she gets her way. “Fine,” I groan, pulling back. “If I tell you all about it will you promise to let me kiss the hell out of you again?”
“Promise,” she says.
the other date
WHEN THE DISMISSAL bell rings, Lake is the first out of the classroom again. The tension in the air between us is so thick, it’s like she has to run outside just to breathe. I walk to my desk and take a seat while the rest of the students file out.
“Saturday night. Seven o’clock good for you?” Gavin says. I look up at him and he’s staring at me, waiting for a response.
“Good for what?”
“For Taylor. We’re going on a double date and Eddie won’t take no for an answer.”
“No.”
Gavin stares at me for a few seconds, finding it difficult to comprehend my answer. It was a pretty clear no, so I’m not sure what the problem is.
“Please?” he says.
“Puppy dog eyes only work on your girlfriend, Gavin.”
He slumps his shoulders and lands in the desk in front of me. “She’s not gonna let it go, Will. Once Eddie gets something in her head, it’s way less painful to just go along with it.”
I shake my head. “No. I’m not going,” I say firmly. “Besides, you’re the one who put this idea in her head. You should have to suffer the