His determination and raw vulnerability make me ache.
"Kat!" Emma's voice.
I twist to see the little girl standing in the back of the alley.
"Milla's in trouble," she says. "She's surrounded by zombies, and things aren't looking good. If you want to help Frosty, she has to make it."
"Crappity crap crap. It's worse than we thought," I say to Frosty. "She's alone, and they're surrounding her. She desperately needs your help, Frosty. You have to go to her."
"Who? Emma?"
"No, just--"
"Who?" he demands again.
I can't tell him. He'll refuse to help. "It shouldn't matter who she is." I stare up at him, projecting every bit of my concern and dread. "She's a human being, and she needs help, so strap on your big-girl panties, get to Shady Elms, and freaking help her! It's almost too late."
A moment later, I lose my bond to the natural realm and return to the holding zone, to watch... to wait... to pray Frosty does what needs doing. Otherwise, he's doomed.
CHAPTER FIVE
Frosty does what needs doing! He saves Camilla. And as the weeks go by, I'm amazed by his progress. I promised to visit him once a day, every day, as long as he worked with the girl, and he took my words to heart.
The shocking part: Camilla is helping Frosty! She forgot our tag team with the zombies in front of the carousel, as predicted, but she remembered her crimes against me. For that reason, among others that she's keeping to herself, she agreed to guard Frosty from the faceless woman in Ali's vision night and day. But...
I didn't tell her she would die in the process. I should have, I know. And I want to hate myself. I do. But that would be like hating a unicorn or a rainbow. I just can't.
If I continue to maintain my silence on the subject, I'm going to get in trouble. I might be barred from court first and kicked out of the holding zone second. I mean, if I can't be trusted to protect innocents, I can't be a responsible representative. But dang it, I'm stuck between a rock I love and a hard place I need.
Strangely enough, Camilla has been somewhat kind of maybe good for Frosty. He let her move into his apartment; he's no longer alone. He's fighting zombies rather than sleeping around and drinking himself into oblivion. He's even watching her... the way he used to watch me.
Even though I'm no longer romantically attracted to him, part of me is eaten up with jealousy. Give way to one negative emotion, and others will follow, I guess. Anyway. Camilla has hijacked my life!
I pace the bedroom of my new home. A gorgeous estate with a marble waterfall in the center of the living room, a hand-carved balustrade around the winding staircase, and a shaded balcony. There's an orchard in the backyard, boasting all my favorites: lemon and pecan trees, each and walnut, cherry, apple, and almond. My reward for helping slayers.
Yeah, but am I really helping slayers now? Let's face it. I pushed Frosty to hang around Camilla. To save his life, yes, but what if she's some kind of a plant?
Days ago, Anima sent a mole or Trojan horse--a teenage girl they recruited--to poison my friends. Because of her, Ali's abilities are suppressed, or just plain gone for good. Actually, most of the slayers have lost their abilities while Camilla has gained abilities. And these abilities hurt slayers, not zombies. She can lift her teammates into the air with only a thought, and somehow squeeze them until they pop.
Anima's way of having the good guys rid the world of themselves?
On the flip side, Camilla is plagued by dreams of burning alive and even wakes up covered in soot. Sometimes she's overcome by intense hunger... for the slayers. Just like a zombie, and yet she's not a zombie. It's weird.
What if she dies? Who will save Frosty? And dang it! Frosty can't lose another friend. Not that Camilla is his friend. She'll never be his friend. But I did mention he stares at her like she's an all you-can-eat-buffet and he's starving, right? He's defended her to the other slayers. He's protected her instead of letting her protect him. He's even laughed at her jokes.
My jokes are better! Right? Right.
Ugh! Why would he desire the scum of the earth?
I know, I know. Hate is bad, love is good. I need to forgive and forget. But Camilla isn't right for him. When she's not cracking her lame jokes, she's too serious. She encourages Frosty to march into dangerous situations despite the death vision hanging over his head. Most important, she has no future!
Being the proactive girl I am, I set Frosty up on a date with a civilian Ali knows. A date I'm not allowed to attend. Boo, hiss! But, according to Frosty, nothing happened. Also according to Frosty, I broke his heart.
That day, that moment, that second, that's when he began to distance himself from me... and soften toward Camilla.
Still. I remain determined to find him another girl. Anyone but Camilla, whose brother is in town.
My heart flutters in my chest. River is hotter than ever. He has pale hair like Camilla and golden eyes. In contrast, his eyebrows are black as night. He has flawless bronzed skin decorated with a multitude of black-and-white tattoos.
My reaction to him baffles me. I'm not in the market for a new boyfriend. And if I were, he wouldn't be on my list of possibles. He's living; I'm dead. He reminds me of Frosty... the Katless version of Frosty. He sleeps around, drinks too much, cusses too much. He plays with zombies before he kills them. With humans, he attacks first. Actually, attack is his default setting.
He is the bad boy my dad always warned me about.
But I'm not going to think about him. Nope. Not gonna do it. I'll visit Frosty. We'll talk and laugh, and I'll feel better.
I picture Frosty and appear... in a bedroom. This one is in Reeve Ankh's new house, where Frosty and Camilla have moved. It's better if the slayers stay together and watch each other's backs.
Heavy breaths and husky moans catch my attention. I search the room--and gasp. Frosty is pressed against Camilla. They are shirtless, both of them. She's braless too. One of her legs is wrapped around his waist while her nails cut into his back. They are kissing as if they'll die in the morning.
I'm rocked to the core. This can't be happening. He can't be kissing the girl who killed me. The girl who will die one day soon. If he falls for her, only to lose her... lose another girl...
"Frosty?" I say, my voice trembling.
"Kat?" His head snaps up, and his gaze lands on me. His cheeks are flushed, his lips kiss-swollen and glistening. He's panting. In a blink, his expression darkens. Pleasure gives way to guilt and panic.
I back away from him. I... I'm responsible for this. I'm the one who put him in Camilla's path. Me. I set him up for another heartbreak.
Not knowing what else to do, I return to my estate.
Frosty shouts for me. I hear his voice echo through the great distance between us. "Kat. Let's discuss this. Please."
To return or not? Hot tears cascade down my cheeks, and I don't want him to see me crying. But I can't leave him in the lurch either. He'll think I hate him. I could never hate him.
I picture him in my head... and appear in a different bedroom, no sign of Camilla anywhere. He's directly in front of me, and I wish I could touch him, wish I could shake him.
"How could you kiss her?" I demand. Ugh! I sound accusatory. This isn't his fault. It's mine.
His eyes narrow to tiny slits, and the muscles in his shoulders knot. "You can't have it both ways. You can't cut me loose and then act jealous when I'm with someone else."
I flinch. "I'm not jealous." Not much. "I just... I told you anyone but her for your benefit."
He scrubs a hand down his face, his anger deflating. "I like her. She's a good person, and she's had a crap life. She's my friend."
Friend? Friend! This is even worse than seeing her as a make-out partner! I know, I know. Everyone has hidden depths. Everyone has baggage, and Camilla Marks is no different. But this isn't a time for me to be rational. "Do you usually suck the air from a friend's lungs?" I snap.
"That's no longer your concern, is it?" he
snaps back.
Again, I know he's right. I wanted him to move on. I pushed him to do it. And now that he's on board with the plan, I can't whine about his choices without being a hypocrite.
I release a heavy breath. "I want you with someone, and I want you happy... but you can't be with her, Frosty. You just can't. Pick anyone else, and you'll get my gold-star stamp of approval."
He bares his teeth at me, clearly done playing nice. "I said I would love you forever, and that hasn't changed. I do, and I will. You're one of the best things to ever happen to me, but you're not my girlfriend. Not anymore. If I decide to be with Milla, I will be with Milla. You don't get a vote, and your stamp of approval isn't necessary."
Once, he loved my stamp of approval. Did everything in his power to get it, to make me happy. I've lost something precious today. My tears fall harder. "Frosty." I clap my hands together, creating a steeple. "Please, don't do this. You don't understand."
"Kitten--"
"You remember my cousin Teresa, right?" They can have a long, happy life together. "She's smart and pretty, and she has--"
"Kitten," he repeats. "Enough."
"No." I close my eyes, tears catching in my lashes. I have to tell him. I can't keep the secret any longer. He deserves to know the horror awaiting him. The horror I insisted on. "She's going to... Frosty, Camilla is going to die."
His smile mocks me. "Of course she is. Death is hereditary."
"Yes, but her death will come sooner rather than later. Ali's vision..." My throat quivers. "Camilla will save you... but she'll die doing it."
He loses the smile. He blinks, shakes his head. A moment later, the truth registers and rage explodes in his eyes. "Tell me everything you know about the vision. Every detail. Now."
I flinch but obey. "You're inside a building. You're cut, bleeding. Cole, Ali, and the others are lined up behind you. There's a gun trained on you, held in a very feminine hand. A series of shots go off. Camilla moves in front of you and takes the hail of bullets."
His hands curl into fists.
"I never thought you'd grow to like her." I should have told him sooner. So much sooner. Now he might never forgive me. "I thought she'd get what she deserves, and that would be that. I made Ali promise not to tell anyone, not even Cole, because I thought the end justified the means. I wanted you safe. More than anything, I wanted you safe."
"So you did to Milla what we crucified her for doing to us? You decided to trade one life for another, Kat. I can't imagine those higher courts would approve."
"They approve of sacrifice," I tell him. "When it's by choice."
He vibrates as the rage spreads through the rest of him. "But you haven't given Milla a choice, have you?"
I hear bitterness and despair, and I hate myself. I'm not a unicorn or a rainbow. I'm a troll. I have destroyed this boy again and again.
"No," I admit, "and for that, I'll be booted out as soon as Camilla... When she's gone."
"You need to go. Now."
"I'm sorry," I tell him. I would die in Camilla's place if I could. Seriously. Go ahead and wipe me from the world. She hurt me, yes, but she learned from her mistake and marched on. I didn't do the same. I used her mistake as an excuse for my own.
"You're sorry? You're sorry? Do you think that makes everything better? Do you have any idea how badly I suffered when you died? I was shredded, Kat. For all intents and purposes, I was dead. Milla brought me out of the abyss. She showed me again and again how to live, how to move on, and now you're telling me I'm going to lose her too. That I'm going to survive and watch, helpless, as another girl dies in front of me."
I wrap my arms around my middle, hoping to insulate myself from the darkness of his emotions. "If she doesn't take the bullets for you, you'll die."
"If you think I'd rather watch her bleed out, the way I watched you, you don't know me at all." He stalks to the far wall, as far away from me as he can get without actually leaving the room, and punches the wall, cracking the plaster. His knuckles slip, and blood spills out.
I gasp. When he raises his hand to throw another punch, I don't have the stomach to watch him hurt himself. To be honest, I don't want him to see my reaction. I return to my estate and drop to my knees, sobbing.
I can't blame Camilla for this. I alone am responsible. Me. If I'd told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth from the very beginning, this situation might have been avoided. Or maybe not. The two obviously care for each other, are attracted to each other. Maybe they would have ended up kissing... dating... despite the inevitable end. But he could have guarded his heart. He could have prepared himself for the end.
Now only suffering awaits him.
CHAPTER SIX
I stay away from Frosty, knowing it's for the best. In fact, I stay away from everyone, even Emma. At best, I'm a bad-luck charm. At worst, I can't be trusted to make quality decisions. In court, Anima can use my actions against me to win cases.
I never before realized the far-reaching consequences of my actions. Everything I do affects the ones I love, not just in the now, but in the future.
When I hear Milla has been hurt by Anima, that she almost died in a way that had nothing to do with Ali's vision, I decide to end my self-imposed exile. Sitting on the sidelines obviously isn't the answer to our problems.
And yeah, I'm calling her Milla now. And I'm calling myself Kathryn. I'm no longer a friend to myself. I screwed up my life--death--too badly.
Before checking on Milla, however, I visit Ali. I'll need her support if I'm going to convince Milla to welcome me back to the team. And I do want to be welcomed back. I got us into this mess, and I want to help get us out. But I'm done steamrolling and pushing my own agenda. This is her life, and I'll do things her way.
Ali is--
Hubba hubba! She's kissing Cole as if she's dying and needs to suck the oxygen out of his lungs. Envy pricks at me. I miss kissing my guy... but it's not Frosty I'm thinking about right now. It's River, Milla's brother. He's so tall and strong he would dwarf me. Are his lips as soft as they appear? Will he taste like his favorite blueberry Pop-Tarts?
Oh... crap. What's wrong with me? I've got to get that boy out of my head.
I clear my throat, and both Ali and Cole jolt, ending the kiss. Their gazes find me. Cole scowls, and it does nothing to detract from his hotness. Seriously, he's third-degree-burns hot. He has black hair, violet eyes framed by a thick fan of lashes, and the face of a fallen angel. Like River, he's covered in tattoos. According to Ali, one of his nipples is pierced.
I wonder if River has any hidden piercings...
Enough!
Ali leaps to the wrong conclusion, asking, "What's wrong?"
"Only everything. But don't worry, I'm determined to clean up the mess I made with Milla, and you know I always sometimes accomplish my goals. This time I need your help. Since you don't want to delay victory, I'm sure you're champing at the bit to head to Milla's room with me."
She expels a relieved breath.
Cole plops onto the chair at the vanity and leans over, anchoring his elbows on his knees. "Why don't you come back in an hour? Or even half an hour?"
"Why don't you take care of yourself while Ali and I take care of business?" I ask. "And half an hour? Really? Maybe I need to sit you down and explain how the female body works."
Ali barks out a laugh. She pats her boyfriend on the cheek and says, "You heard her, Coleslaw. I can't delay victory. I'll be back."
He mumbles under his breath as we exit the room.
Milla's door is shut. Ali knocks, but there's no answer.
"Maybe she's--" Ali begins.
"Nope. She's in there." I sense her. "Break in."
She rolls her eyes but picks the lock. As soon as we're inside, we hear the shower running in the bathroom. We sit on the bed to wait.
Ten minutes later, Milla steps out of the bathroom. She's wearing a pink top with lace and a short white skirt, and she's breathtaking. No wonder Frosty couldn't re
sist her. Since I'm no longer looking at her through resentment-covered glasses, I can see the depths of her appeal.
"Hey," she says, her lack of condemnation surprising me.
She's a better person than I am, and that is upsetting. "Let's just get it over with," I say. "But first, let's procrastinate. You look pretty, Milla. Tough and pretty. And it's totally not fair. I kinda wish you were a toad." Okay, my attempt to lighten the mood blows chunks.
Her brow wrinkles. "Thanks?"
"We're not here to complain," Ali says with a pointed look at me.
"Right. We're here to, ugh, I can't believe I'm doing this, but... ugh." The moment I say the words, I'm locked in. I can't--won't--renege. I lift my chin and meet her gaze. I sigh. "Milla, I want to apologize."
She blinks at me, and it isn't the reaction I hoped for. "For what?"
Wait. My jaw drops, and I stare at Ali. "Fork!" I'm not a cusser. Never have been, never will be--obscenities bothered my mother--but "fork" is an F-word used by Ali's grandmother, and if ever there was a time to use it... "She still doesn't know?"
"Know what?" Milla demands.
"Good glory." Ali's shoulders slump. "I expected Frosty to tell you."
"He's not here." She looks between us. "You are. Explain."
I soooo want to kick Frosty's butt. And my own! I probably should have visited him before Milla to find out how he handled the situation and what he wanted--needed--from me, but I didn't. I'm here, and the bag of secrets has already been opened. I'm not going to backtrack.
And you know what? I change my mind. I'm glad I didn't visit Frosty first. Milla deserves the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I play with a lock of hair. "We told you that you'll save Frosty's life, and you will, but... you die doing it."
"Die." The color drains from her cheeks, leaving her pale and waxen.
"I'm sorry," Ali says. "I didn't know you when we first approached you, and granted, at the time I was angry with you, even hated you. You helped Anima hurt me. But I never should have--"
"Stop." Milla holds up her hand, palm out. "What's done is done. Now we move on and figure out what to do."
I'm utterly flabbergasted. She's not going to lambast us. She's not going to take a moment to weigh the pros and cons of losing her life in order to save Frosty's. What she is going to do? Save Frosty.