"You're different," Gawyn said. "Anyway, you're right. I should have been here. I don't know what other apologies you expect me to make, though."
"I don't expect any apologies," Elayne said. "Oh, Gawyn, I wasn't chastising you. While I certainly could have used you, we managed. I also worried about you getting caught between defending the Tower and protecting Egwene. It seems that worked out as well. So, I ask. Why have you come here now? Doesn't Egwene need you?"
"Apparently not," Gawyn said, backing the boat. A massive draping willow grew from the side of the pond here, hanging down branches like braids to dangle above the water. He raised his oars outside those branches and the boat stilled.
"Well," Elayne said. "I won't presume to pry into that at least, not at the moment. You are always welcome here, Gawyn. I'd make you Captain-General if you asked, but I don't think you want it."
"What makes you say that?"
"Well, you've spent the majority of your time here moping around these gardens."
"I have not been moping. I've been pondering."
"Ah, yes. I see you've learned to speak the truth creatively, too."
He snorted softly.
"Gawyn, you haven't been spending time with any of your friends or acquaintances from the palace. You haven't been stepping into the role of a prince or Captain-General. Instead you merely . . . ponder."
Gawyn looked out across the pond. "I don't spend time with the others because they all want to know why I wasn't here for the siege. They keep asking when I'm going to take my station here and lead your armies."
"It's all right, Gawyn. You don't have to be Captain-General, and I can survive with my First Prince of the Sword absent, if I must. Though I'll admit, Birgitte is rather upset with you for not becoming Captain-General."
"Is that the reason for the glares?"
"Yes. But she will manage; she's actually good at the job. And if there's anyone I'd want you protecting, it would be Egwene. She deserves you."
"And what if I've decided I don't want her?"
Elayne reached forward, resting her hand on his arm. Her face framed in golden hair, topped by that matching crown looked concerned. "Oh, Gawyn. What has happened to you?"
He shook his head. "Bryne thinks I was too accustomed to succeeding, and didn't know how to react when things started to upend on me."
"And what do you think?"
"I think it's been good for me to be here," Gawyn said, taking a deep breath. Some women were walking along the path around the pond, led by a woman with bright red hair that was streaked with white. Dimana was some kind of failed student of the White Tower. Gawyn wasn't quite certain about the nature of the Kin and their relationship with Elayne.
"Being here," he said, "reminded me of my life before. It's been particularly liberating to be free of Aes Sedai. For a time, I was sure that I needed to be with Egwene. When I left the Younglings to ride to her, it felt like the best choice I'd ever made. And yet, she seems to have moved beyond needing me. She's so concerned with being strong, with being the Amyrlin, that she doesn't have room for anyone who won't bow to her every whim."
"I doubt that it's as bad as you say, Gawyn. Egwene . . . well, she has to put forward a strong front. Because of her youth, and the way she was raised. But she's not arrogant. No more so than is necessary."
Elayne dipped her fingers in the water, startling a goldenback fish. "I've felt the way she must be feeling. You say she wants someone to bow and scrape for her, but what I'd bet she really wants what she really needs is someone she can trust completely. Someone she can give tasks, then not worry about how they will be handled. She has enormous resources. Wealth, troops, fortifications, servants. But there's only one of her, and so if everything requires her attention directly, she might as well have no resources at all."
"I ..."
"You say you love her," Elayne said. "You've told me you're devoted to her, that you'd die for her. Well, Egwene has armies full of those kinds of people, as do I. What is truly unique is someone who does what I tell them. Better, someone who does what they know I'd tell them, if I had the chance."
"I'm not sure I can be that man," Gawyn said.
"Why not? Of all the men ready to support a woman of Power, I'd have thought it would be you."
"It's different with Egwene. I can't explain why."
"Well, if you wish to marry an Amyrlin, then you must make this choice."
She was right. It frustrated him, but she was right. "Enough about that," he said. "I notice the topic moved away from al'Thor."
"Because there was no more to say about him." "You have to stay away from him, Elayne. He's dangerous."
Elayne waved her hand. "Saidin is cleansed."
"Of course he would say that."
"You hate him," Elayne said. "I can hear it in your voice. This isn't about Mother, is it?"
He hesitated. She'd grown so good at twisting a conversation. Was that the queen in her, or the Aes Sedai? He nearly turned the boat back toward the dock. But this was Elayne. Light, but it felt good to talk to someone who really understood him.
"Why do I hate al'Thor?" Gawyn said. "Well, there's Mother. But it's not just her. I hate what he's become."
"The Dragon Reborn?"
"A tyrant."
"You don't know that, Gawyn."
"He's a sheepherder. What right does he have to cast down thrones, to change the world as he does?"
"Particularly while you huddled in a village?"
He'd told her most of what had happened to him in the last few months.
"While he conquered nations, you were being forced to kill your friends, then were sent to your death by your Amyrlin."
"Exactly."
"So it's jealousy," Elayne said softly.
"No. Nonsense. I . . ."
"What would you do, Gawyn?" Elayne asked. "Would you duel him?"
"Maybe."
"And what would happen if you won and ran him through as you've said you wanted to do? Would you doom us all to satisfy your momentary passion?"
He had no reply to that.
"That's not just jealousy, Gawyn," Elayne said, taking the oars from him. "It's selfishness. We can't afford to be shortsighted right now." She began to row them back despite his protest.
"This," he said, "coming from the woman who personally raided the Black Ajah?"
Elayne blushed. He could tell that she wished he'd never found out about that event. "It was needed. And besides, I did say 'we.' You and I, we have this trouble. Birgitte keeps telling me I need to learn to be more temperate. Well, you'll need to learn the same thing, for Egwene's sake. And she does need you, Gawyn. She may not realize it; she may be convinced she needs to hold up the world herself. She's wrong."
The boat thumped against the dock. Elayne unshipped the oars and held out a hand. Gawyn climbed out, then helped her up onto the dock. She gripped his hand fondly. "You'll sort it out," she said. "I'm releasing you from any responsibility to be my Captain-General. For now, I won't appoint another First Prince of the Sword, but you can hold that title with duties in abeyance. So long as you show up for the occasional state function, you needn't worry about anything else that might be required of you. I will publish it immediately, citing a need for you to be doing other work at the advent of the Last Battle."
"I . . . Thank you," he said, though he wasn't certain he felt it. It sounded too much like Egwene's insistence that he didn't need to guard her door.
Elayne squeezed his hand again, then turned and walked up to the at-
tendants. Gawyn watched her speak to them in a cairn tone. She seemed to grow more regal by the day; it was like watching a flower blossom. He wished he'd been in Caemlyn to view the process from the start.
He found himself smiling as he turned to continue his way along the Rose March. His regrets had trouble taking hold before a healthy dose of Elayne's characteristic optimism. Only she could call a man jealous and make him feel good about it.
He passed thr
ough waves of perfume, feeling the sun on his neck. He walked where he and Galad had played as children, and he thought of his mother walking these gardens with Bryne. He remembered her careful instruction when he misstepped, then her smiles when he acted as a prince should. Those smiles had seemed like the sun rising.
This place was her. She lived on, in Caemlyn, in Elayne who looked more and more like her by the hour in the safety and strength of Andor's people. He stopped beside the pond, the very spot where Galad had saved him from drowning as a child.
Perhaps Elayne was right. Perhaps al'Thor hadn't had anything to do with Morgase's death. If he had, Gawyn would never prove it. But that didn't matter. Rand al'Thor was already condemned to die at the Last Battle. So why keep hating the man?
"She is right," Gawyn whispered, watching the hawkflies dance over the surface of the water. "We're done, al'Thor. From now on, I care nothing for you."
It felt like an enormous weight lifting from his shoulders. Gawyn let out a long, relaxed sigh. Only now that Elayne had released him did he realize how much guilt he'd felt over his absence from Andor. That was gone now, too.
Time to focus on Egwene. He reached into his pocket, slipping out the assassin's knife, and held it up in the sunlight, inspecting those red stones. He did have a duty to protect Egwene. Supposing she railed against him, hated him, and exiled him; wouldn't it be worth the punishments if he managed to preserve her life?
"By my mother's grave," a voice said sharply from behind. "Where did you get that?"
Gawyn spun. The women he'd noticed earlier were standing behind him on the path. Dimana led them, her hair streaked with white, her face wrinkled around the eyes. Wasn't working with the Power supposed to stop those signs of aging?
There were two people with her. One was a plump young woman with black hair, the other a stout woman in her middle years. The second was
the one who had spoken; she had wide, innocent-looking eyes. And she seemed horrified.
"What is that, Marille?" Dimana asked.
"That knife," Marille said, pointing at Gawyn's hand. "Marille has seen one like it before!"
"I have seen it before," Dimana corrected. "You are a person and not a thing."
"Yes, Dimana. Much apologies, Dimana. Marille . . . I will not make the mistake again, Dimana."
Gawyn raised an eyebrow. What was wrong with this person?
"Forgive her, my Lord," Dimana said. "Marille spent a long time as a damane, and is having difficulty adjusting."
"You're Seanchan?" Gawyn said. Of course. I should have noticed the accent.
Marille nodded vigorously. A former damane. Gawyn felt a chill. This woman had been trained to kill with the Power. The third woman remained silent, watching with curious eyes. She didn't look nearly as subservient.
"We should be moving on," Dimana said. "It isn't good for her to see things that remind her of Seanchan. Come, Marille. That is merely a token Lord Trakand won in battle, I suspect."
"No, wait," Gawyn said, holding up a hand. "You recognize this blade?"
Marille looked to Dimana, as if requesting permission to answer. The Kinswoman nodded sufferingly.
"It is a Bloodknife, my Lord," Marille said. "You did not win it in battle, because men do not defeat Bloodknives. They are unstoppable. They only fall when their own blood turns against them."
Gawyn frowned. What nonsense was this?
"So this is a Seanchan weapon?"
"Yes, my Lord," Marille said. "Carried by the Bloodknives."
"I thought you said this was a Bloodknife."
"It is, but that is also who carries them. Shrouded in the night, sent by the Empress's will may she live forever to strike down her foes and die in her name and glory." Marille lowered her eyes farther. "Marille speaks too much. She is sorry."
"I am sorry," Dimana said, a hint of exasperation in her tone.
"I am sorry," Marille repeated.
"So these . . . Bloodknives," Gawyn said. "They're Seanchan assassins?" He felt a deep chill. Could they have left behind suicide troops to kill Aes Sedai? Yes. It made sense. The murderer wasn't one of the Forsaken.
"Yes, my Lord," Marille said. "I saw one of the knives hanging in the room of my mistress's quarters; it had belonged to her brother, who had borne it with honor until his blood turned against him."
"His family?"
"No, his blood." Marille shrank down farther. "Tell me of them," Gawyn said urgently.
"Shrouded in the night," Marille said, "sent by the Empress's will may she live forever to strike down her foes and die in "
"Yes, yes," Gawyn said. "You said that already. What methods do they use? How do they hide so well? What do you know of how this assassin will strike?"
Marille shrank down farther at each question, and began to whimper.
"Lord Trakand!" Dimana said. "Contain yourself."
"Marille doesn't know very much," the damane said. "Marille is sorry. Please, punish her for not listening better."
Gawyn pulled back. The Seanchan treated their damane worse than animals. Marille wouldn't have been told anything specific of what these Bloodknives could do. "Where did you get these damane!" Gawyn asked. "Were any Seanchan soldiers captured? I need to speak with one; an officer, preferably."
Dimana pursed her lips. "These were taken in Altara, and only the damane were sent to us."
"Dimana," the other woman said. She didn't have a Seanchan accent. "What of the sul'dam! Kaisea was of the low Blood."
Dimana frowned. "Kaisea is . . . unreliable."
"Please," Gawyn said. "This could save lives."
"Very well," Dimana said. "Wait here. I will return with her." She took her two charges toward the palace, leaving Gawyn to wait anxiously. A few minutes later, Dimana returned, followed by a tall woman wearing a pale gray dress without belt or embroidery. Her long black hair was woven into a braid, and she seemed determined to remain precisely one step behind Dimana an action that bothered the Kinswoman, who seemed to be trying to keep an eye on the woman.
They reached Gawyn, and the sul'dam incredibly got down on her knees and prostrated herself on the ground, head touching the dirt. There was a smooth elegance to the bowing; for some reason, it made Gawyn feel as if he were being mocked.
"Lord Trakand," Dimana said, "this is Kaisea. Or, at least, that's what she insists that we call her now."
"Kaisea is a good servant," the woman said evenly.
"Stand up," Gawyn said. "What are you doing?"
"Kaisea has been told you are the Queen's brother; you are of the Blood of this realm, and I am a lowly damane" "Damane? You're asul'dam"
"No longer," the woman said. "I must be collared, great Lord. Will you see it done? Kaisea is dangerous."
Dimana nodded to the side, indicating they should speak privately. Gawyn withdrew with her farther down the Rose March, leaving Kaisea prostrate on the ground.
"She's a sul'dam?" Gawyn asked. "Or is she a damane?"
"All suldam can be trained to channel," Dimana explained. "Elayne thinks that fact will undermine their entire culture once revealed, so she's had us focus on teaching the suldam to access their powers. Many refuse to admit that they can see the weaves, but a few have been honest with us. To a woman, they've insisted that they should be made damane!'
She nodded back toward Kaisea. "This one is most troubling. We think she's intentionally working to learn the weaves so that she can create an 'accident,' and use our own reasoning against us if she does something violent with the One Power, she can claim that we were wrong to leave her free."
A woman who could be trained to kill with the One Power, who was not bound by the Three Oaths, and who had a determination to prove that she was dangerous? Gawyn shivered.
"We keep some forkroot in her most days," Dimana said. "I don't tell you this to worry you, but to warn you that what she says and does may not be reliable."
Gawyn nodded. "Thank you."
Dimana led him back, and the suldam remained o
n the ground. "How may Kaisea serve you, great Lord?" Her actions seemed a parody of Marille's subservience. What Gawyn had originally taken for mockery wasn't that at all instead, it was the imperfect efforts of one who was highborn to imitate the lowly.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" Gawyn asked casually, taking out the Bloodknife.
Kaisea gasped. "Where did you find that? Who gave it to you?" She cringed almost immediately, as if realizing that she'd stepped out of her assumed role.
"An assassin tried to kill me with it," Gawyn said. "We fought, and he got away."
"That is impossible, great Lord," the Seanchan woman said, her voice more controlled.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because if you had fought one of the Bloodknives, great Lord, you would be dead. They are the most expert killers in all of the Empire. They fight the most ruthlessly, because they are already dead."
"Suicide troops." Gawyn nodded. "Do you have any information about them?"
Kaisea's face grew conflicted.
"If I see you leashed?" Gawyn asked. "Will you answer me then?"
"My Lord!" Dimana said. "The Queen would never allow it!"
"I'll ask her," Gawyn said. "I can't promise that you'll be leashed, Kaisea, but I can promise I'll intercede with the Queen for you."
"You are powerful and strong, great Lord," Kaisea said. "And wise indeed. If you will do this thing, Kaisea will answer you."
Dimana glared at Gawyn.
"Speak," Gawyn said to the sul'dam.
"Bloodknives do not live long," Kaisea said. "Once they are given a duty, they do not rest from it. They are granted abilities from the Empress, may she live forever, ter'angreal rings that make them into great warriors."
"Those blur their forms," Gawyn said. "When they are near shadow."
"Yes," Kaisea said, sounding surprised that he knew this. "They cannot be defeated. But eventually, their own blood will kill them."
"Their own blood?"
"They are poisoned by their service. Once they are given a charge, they often will not last more than a few weeks. At most, they survive a month."
Gawyn held up the knife, disturbed. "So we only need to wait them out."