Chapter 7
The moon hung above the mountain, its white light blanketing the valley. Shadows drifted across the fields, dancing together through the corn rows and scurrying behind rocks. I stared through them as if peering through a fog, knowing where I was, but unable to completely comprehend the situation. I blinked and shifted my bleary gaze to my feet, which were stepping forward in a slow, methodical rhythm, timed in near perfection with my breathing. I shivered involuntarily as icy pangs drifted across my skin and I felt myself rubbing my arms furiously to chase away the goosebumps. Was I awake? I raised my head and as my vision cleared, I realized why I was so cold. I was outside.
It took me a few seconds to determine whether this was really happening or I was dreaming. I looked up higher, above the corn field, and stared at the enormous familiar silhouette that loomed in front of me. I'd often had dreams where I was walking toward the mountain. I would usually get to the base of the foothills and start climbing, but that's when my feet would get too heavy to lift or keep sinking into the earth and I would wake up before I could ever reach the top.
I turned back, searching for my house, and found it to be where I expected, bathed in the moonlight, but dark inside. I couldn't remember leaving; I didn't even remember falling asleep. Staying awake had been my primary goal.
My mother had brought me some tea; she said it would calm me down after our discussion. Then I told my parents I was tired and went to my room, pretending I was going to sleep. However, I lay awake in my bed, watching the moon rise, and planning to leave as soon as they were sleeping. Then my head started to hurt and that was the last thing I remembered. Had she put something in the tea? Were they that determined to keep me prisoner in the house until the wedding? If that was the case, her efforts had been fruitless, because here I was up and leaving, though I couldn't recall how I'd left.
I stared at the house for a moment, and tried to decide whether I should go back for more clothing and supplies. A quick assessment of myself found me wearing my nightgown and my moccasins with only a shawl wrapped around me for warmth. I shivered and looked longingly at my house, thinking of my down filled winter coat and my leather fur-lined boots. But I couldn't risk going back. Who knows what I did while I was leaving. I could have woken them up; they might be looking for me right now, but only finding my empty bed. Any second the light of the lamp could be spilling from the window, the door opening and my wild eyed father stumbling out. No, it was best to get out of here immediately, while I still could. Besides, it would be warm at Jalya and Ashel's cabin.
However, I wasn't going in the direction of their house; I was headed east toward the mountain, not south to the river. The pulsing ache in my head told me why; it pulled me toward the hills with its usual intensity. I looked past the corn fields and into their curves with anticipation. Maybe I could go there first, climb over those hills and find what was calling to me. It wouldn't take too long, and then I would go to Jalya and Ashel's.
Before I even had the chance to decide on the best course of action, my fears were realized. My parents were awake. Light flooded the house and shadows danced across the window. My breath caught in my throat and I did the only thing that I could do. I turned and ran as swiftly and as quietly as I could toward the corn field. I was fairly close to it now and once inside they wouldn't be able to see me. They would have to wake up the neighbours and get together a search party. By that time, I'd be on the other side of the corn field and on my way into the hills. Once everyone was together, they would find out that Jalya was missing too. Then they would think we were both at Ashel's, but none of them would venture across the river at night to find us. They were too afraid of the evils that might be lurking in the woods.
I reached the first row of corn and pretty much dove inside, landing in the dirt on my hands. I turned around before I could regain my balance and fell hard on my butt. It hurt, but I didn't have time to slow down for the pain. I scrambled to my knees and peered out from between the corn leaves to see if anyone was following. I saw that the back door to my house was open, but no one was there.
Then, suddenly, a silhouette appeared and moved along the edge of the house. As the shape slipped back into the light of the doorway, I saw that it was my mother. She stood at the door for what seemed like forever. Had she seen me? By how far she had walked, it seemed like she would have opened the door while I was still running through the field. Perhaps she was too groggy with sleep to notice me, or perhaps I was concealed well enough by the shadows. I watched her as she stared from the doorway, not moving. What was she doing? Where was my father?
I couldn't come up with any answers, because the questions had barely formed in my brain before they were interrupted. Loudly interrupted. My heart leapt into my throat as the gong of the church bell shattered the intense silence. Were they ringing it for me? There was no way that anyone else could possibly know that I was missing yet. Unless my father ran out the door before my mother did, while I was still running so I didn't notice. But there was no way that he would have made it to the church in that short of time.
I got up on my feet, still watching my mother, and rocked back and forth, preparing myself to plow deeper into the vegetation. Then I saw something that baffled me. My father appeared behind my mother in the doorway, as if he'd just woken up to the sound of the bell. I watched their tense interaction. I could hear him barking at her in strained tones, yet couldn't make out what he was saying. Then he took off into the field, looking around frantically, and then ran off in the direction of the neighbours who were also beginning to exit their homes.
It became apparent that now would be a good time to leave. I didn't know what the situation was, but if the men were going to be searching the village for whatever reason, I didn't want them to find me. I stumbled deeper into the field, row upon row, until the leaves were so thick that I could no longer see the houses when I looked back. I stopped and listened, but heard no one coming. I pushed on, trying to remember how long it had taken me to get to the other side when I'd made this same journey two days ago. It was hard to see; the clusters of corn leaves shut out the moonlight, but I forced myself ahead in the same direction. Finally, I could see some light peeking through the stalks in front of me and I slowly crept ahead, wary of anyone who might be on the other side.
I stood very still and listened to the voices that were coming from the village. There was a considerable amount of yelling going on, but I couldn't decipher much of it. But all the commotion seemed to be coming from behind me. The land ahead was quiet and still, except for the rustling corn leaves around my ears. I was about to break out from between the stalks and bolt full speed for the hills, when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Or rather someone...running. The figure was sprinting along the side of the hill swiftly, as if being chased, but no one was following. As it approached, it turned and began heading for the corn field, not far from where I was. Why did someone always find me in the corn field? Even in the dark?
But as the figure got closer, I realized that it wasn't one of the village men, but rather it had the shape of a woman, a young woman. Since she was alone, I decided not to run just yet. I could probably knock her out and still get away if I had to. She was so close now that I could hear her panting breaths and her feet pounding against the ground. She wasn't dressed like one of the people from the woodland clans, but really quite similar to myself. At least when I wasn't wearing my nightgown. What village woman would be out here, in the middle of the night, during an emergency call? My mind came to the proper conclusion just as her face came into view. Of course...it was Jalya.
I stepped out of the corn and into the moonlight, just as she reached me. Her face looked absolutely frantic; what the heck had happened?
"Jalya," I whispered and moved toward her, reaching out my hands to stop her. She jumped, apparently not recognizing who I was, and turned abruptly, plunging into the corn about ten feet away from me. I could hear the crunching and snap
ping of corn stalks.
"Jalya!" I allowed myself to say it a little louder. In all likelihood, I would be drowned out by all the shouting that was still coming from the village. "Jalya, it's me. It's Emerin."
The crunching stopped, and I heard nothing more. I knew she was still suspicious and waiting for confirmation. "It's me, Emerin," I repeated. "Jalya come out, there's no one else here but me."
A few seconds later the snapping began again, and Jalya's form emerged from the corn leaves. Before going any further, she stood frozen for a moment and peered through the darkness like she was trying to make sure it was my face.
"Jalya, what are you doing out here? What's wrong?"
Her fear suddenly melted away as she ran over to where I stood, grabbing my arms with her outstretched hands. "Oh, Emerin, I can't find Ashel." She stopped for a few seconds to catch her breath. "I fell asleep a couple of hours ago and then when I woke up, he was gone. I waited for a while, then I went and looked around the woods near the house and there was no sign of him." Her arms were shaking.
"You know, he probably couldn't sleep and just went for a walk," I assured her. "I'm sure he's fine. But we really need to get out of here." I looked around to see if there were any other figures in the dark, but saw no one. The shouting in the village had died down. If the disturbance was now over, they would probably be looking for me next. "It's not safe here; my father will be looking for me, and who knows who else."
Jalya nodded. "Where are you heading?"
"The mountain."
"That's what I figured," she chuckled. "I was going to your house to see if I could find you, but I should have just waited on the mountain. You'd no doubt show up there eventually."
"Well, we never will show up if we don't get out of here now." The voices of the men sounded closer and I wasn't sure if I heard footsteps.
Jalya turned her face in the general direction of the commotion. "Yeah, probably a good idea."
"Okay then....ready, set, go!"
We took off like rambunctious little kids, flying over the soft, cool grass, quickly closing the distance between us and the first hill. We trudged up the incline at a fast pace, pushing ourselves as hard as we could to get to the top. If we could get far enough into the hills, I knew the men wouldn't follow.
As brave as they were within the confines of the village, most were terrified to set foot outside of it. A lifetime of stories about savage woodland tribes, witchcraft, terrible beasts and other horrors of the forest had turned them into a bunch of cowards. I'm not sure why I wasn't afraid; I had heard all of the same stories, yet somehow I felt comfortable out here, invigorated really. And now that I was ascending the hill, I felt better than I ever had. We were almost at the top.
I'd made it to this hill before and even part of the way up, but someone had always found me before I made it all the way. The pain in my head subsided, and a fuzzy warmth took its place, like someone had poured warm milk over my head which absorbed and washed away my discomfort. The heat spread to the rest of my body as well, and I no longer felt the chill in the air. I couldn't wait to see what was on the other side.
I reached the top before Jalya. She lagged behind panting hard; probably hadn't yet recovered from her sprint around the village. When I looked ahead of us, I saw a small valley, and then two more hills beyond. The mountain rose up behind the last hill like a wall breaking from out of the earth. I wished that it was daytime, so I could have seen everything better. Jalya dragged herself up behind me.
"Can I collapse now?" she wheezed.
"We'd better keep going." I turned around to look back at the village, and realized just how high we had climbed. From here I could see the whole area: houses, fields, barns and men. They were splitting up into groups and heading in different directions. One of the groups was moving straight toward the corn field.
"Look," I said. "They're coming this way."
We ran down the hill and into the valley, which, thankfully, was much easier than going up. The valley was lush and smelled of vegetation and I was sure it would have been beautiful in the sunshine. The moon, however, only provided enough light to prevent us from tripping over anything that jutted out of this unknown landscape. We ran through a small grove of trees and over a field of tall grass which led us to the base of the second hill.
Jalya fell into the soft blanket of grass, her skirt splaying out awkwardly and legs kicking into the air. "Please tell me we're gonna rest now."
"We can't Jalya. I don't know if they're following us or not."
"You don't think they'd come out this far, do you?"
"I don't know. Most of the men, I doubt it. But my father, I just don't know. Let's just get to the top of this hill so we can see what they're doing. Then maybe we'll have time to catch our breath."
Jalya groaned, slowly crawled to her feet, and smoothed her skirt back down into its proper place. She began a determined march upward once again. I followed and realized that we were going to be much slower climbing this hill. My legs protested and burned with each step. It was almost like my dreams where my legs felt too heavy to lift and I wondered if we really never would reach the top. Somehow we made it, however, and when I saw the earth level out in front of us, I was so exhausted and grateful that I almost forgot to check behind us. Jalya didn't though, and by the time we reached the top, she had already turned around.
"They're not coming," she said confidently, but with a mocking tone to her voice. "What a bunch of wimps. Not that I'm complaining, but wow, what a bunch of wimps!" She looked like she wanted to say more, but she had to stop to take some deep breaths.
When I turned to see what she was talking about, I saw that this hill was higher than the last one and everything in the village was clearly visible from here. No one was coming up behind us. The men had come through the corn field and were just standing around on the grass in front of the hills. Some of them were staring up into the hills thoughtfully, while the others stood around chatting. I wondered what they were thinking. They might not have even realized that we had come this way. I wanted to keep it that way.
"Get down," I rasped and flattened myself against the ground on my stomach. Jalya did the same.
"I don't know how much they can see up here. The moon's pretty bright."
We waited for a few more minutes, never taking our eyes off the men below, watching for any sign of movement in our direction. But nothing happened. They talked amongst themselves for a while, then slowly dispersed, each going to his respective home. There were other groups near the church, Jalya's bridge and the northern and eastern edges of town. They too disbanded and the search, if that's indeed what it was, appeared to be called off.
"We'll look for her again tomorrow, Niel," one of the men called out, "when we can see a little better."
"Ahh, she'll be back in time for the wedding tomorrow," another voice followed. "Probably just has last minute jitters. Tell Ferine not to worry."
The voices got further away and I could no longer make out what they were saying. Slowly each of the figures moved in their own separate direction and eventually all the lights in the little houses were extinguished and peace, once again, fell over the valley. Jalya and I had been frozen to the spot on our bellies, barely daring to breathe while the men still wandered about. Now we both let out a simultaneous sigh, relieved that the immediate danger was over.
Jalya rolled over and sat up. She took what was apparently her first good look at me since we'd ran into each other. "Sheesh, aren't you cold? Why are you wearing a nightgown? Did they wake up and you had to get out of the house fast or something?"
I thought about it for a moment, wondering what strange series of events had led to my leaving the house. "I'm not really sure what happened at all. I was outside when I woke up."
"You were sleepwalking?" Jalya sat forward, intrigued. "Have you ever done that before?"
"No, I don't think so." I struggled trying to recall my lifetime of wandering events. "Not that I r
emember anyway. I think my mother may have put something in my tea to knock me out."
"She drugged you to keep you home?" Jalya gasped. "They must have been getting desperate. I guess that means that you couldn't convince them to contest the wedding."
"They wouldn't even consider it," I said in a barely audible whisper, my voice catching in my throat.
"Why....what happened?"
I stood up on my shaky legs, determined to keep going despite my lack of physical and emotional strength. "Come on, I'll tell you on the way."
"Just where are we going?"
"I'm not sure." The headache was surging again, every pulsing beat tugging at me. "All I know is I need to keep heading toward that mountain."
Jalya seemed pleased. "You know, I'd kind of like to see what's up there myself."
"Well, let's go then," I said. "And I'll bet by the time we're done, Ashel will be home."
A sad look crossed Jalya's face as we began our descent down the hill. "I hope so. You know when I left to go looking for him, I assumed that he'd sneaked into the village to find you, to see if you were coming to stay with us or marrying Callum or what. I know it was really bugging him last night after you left. He kept pacing the floor and mumbling nasty remarks about Callum, which was actually pretty funny at the time, cause they were so true, you know. But now I'm really worried; I mean when I heard the church bells go off........I was just so scared. What if it was because of Ashel; what if the men found him?"
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, they would just chase him off like they usually do." I thought about that and it actually seemed to be a likely scenario. "He's probably at home right now, worrying about you."
"Well, I left him a note, but....I don't know, Emerin, I feel like something's really wrong."
"I'm sure he's fine....he just went out to clear his head, that's all," I said, attempting to soothe her, though I wasn't sure that I believed myself. He'd been so worked up yesterday, about his mother and Callum and the whole situation. I hoped he hadn't been angry enough to try something stupid. I thought about Callum and wondered what he was thinking right now. I was sure he would have gotten up when the church bell starting ringing and gone out with the other men. That meant he would know by now that I was missing. Would he be angry or relieved when I didn't show up at the church tomorrow morning?
"So, anyway, what happened last night?" Jalya prodded.
"Oh, well, apparently the elders are planning to send me to Lock Up if I don't marry Callum and play the good wife and stop all my nonsense." I spilled the words out fast, because if I didn't, I feared I wouldn't get them out at all.
Jalya looked at me stunned as she pulled stalks of grass from her hair and threw them into the soft breeze. "What? Why would they do that? Lock Up's for criminals and crazies!"
"Yeah, well, guess which one they think I am."
She shook her head slowly. "Your parents actually agreed to this?"
"What could they do? I guess the elders have been discussing my situation for a long time. They think I'm some kind of threat to the security of the community. What if I start putting strange ideas into other young women's heads?"
"That's ridiculous. So why wouldn't they just banish you from the community then, like they did my mother?"
"I don't know. They wouldn't answer any more of my questions. I'm just as confused about it as you are. All I truly understood was the ultimatum that I was being given, and neither one of the choices was acceptable."
"Wow." Jalya still looked astonished. "Am I ever glad I'm not going back to that place."
"Yeah, me too," I muttered despondently. I thought about my mother in the doorway, staring out into the night, and I felt heartbroken once again. Did they really care that much about their place in the community to do this to me? Or were they just afraid? They didn't need to put up with this anymore than I did. Why couldn't we all just leave the village?
But I knew, sadly, that they never would. If they were going to, they already would have after the elders told them of their plans. I pictured my mother's shape in the doorway, dark against the amber glow of the lamp, saw her turn and shut the door behind my father as he left. In all likelihood, that would be the last time I would ever see her. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to etch the memory of her form and her face into my mind.
We walked in silence for a while, Jalya worrying about Ashel, and me wondering if I'd made the right decision. I could get to the other side of the mountain, find out what was there, and still be back by morning in time for the wedding. All I would have to do is suppress my urge to wander; I'd been able to do that before. I'd take facion bark when the pain got too bad, and if it knocked me out my mother could help me with the kids. Maybe having children would even change me somehow, and this affliction would get better on its own. Callum would stay that nice guy if I stayed in line, and who knows, maybe I'd grow to love him as my mother had told me so many times.
But could I do it? Could I live the rest of my life squelching down what I really wanted, pretending I was something that I wasn't? Could I look into the faces of my children day after day, and force a fake smile, hoping that they would believe I was happy and then they would be happy too? And what if I couldn't fight it? What if one day the desire became too much and I was pulled toward that mountain once again? Would the elders honour their promise and drag me away to Lock Up while my children watched? Would their tear streaked faces haunt my memories for the rest of my lonely life? I shook my head to clear it, and tried to convince myself that I was making the right decision.
Since I had nothing but gloomy thoughts, I focused my attention on the landscape instead. We had passed through a valley which was very similar to the last one and were now heading up again. This hill was not as high as the others, but much steeper, and my legs ached by the time we reached the top. I looked back to make sure that there was still no light or activity in the village, then forward to see how much further we had to go. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that this side of the hill did not plunge down into another valley, but instead rolled straight out ahead of us in a vast plain, which led directly into the imposing wall of the mountain.
Jalya's jaw dropped as she observed what still lay ahead of us. "You're proposing that we actually climb that thing?"
I was equally intimidated. I looked up to find the top, but I couldn't quite discern where the crags of the mountain ended and the sky began. I felt dizzy looking at it. "Well, maybe we could find a way around it instead."
We pushed through the grass and made our way closer to the mountain's immensity. It stretched out in front of us, its imposing stature becoming the only thing we could see anymore. Moonlight streamed from between the crags of the summit and spilled across the grass upon which we stood, revealing a stunning landscape.
From our valley, all that could be seen of the mountain were its rocky peaks and rings of trees further down, but from here I could see that the base was covered in grass and wildflowers, much like the meadows of our region. It was quite beautiful and if it weren't for the apparent lack of water in the area, I would have considered stopping here, building a house from the surrounding trees and spending my life looking down on those in the village. However, I imagined that there would be just as many stunning landscapes to come, if I only kept going.
We were almost at the end of the flat land and I began to search for a pathway that could lead us up or around the thing. There didn't seem to be an official place to walk; I'm not sure why I thought there would be. It's not like up the mountain was a common place to go, at least not for our people. So I just started climbing up the steep incline in what seemed to be the easiest route, and searched out the areas with the best footing.
Jalya fell into step beside me and eventually took the lead, her apprehension turning to excitement as we got higher. She breezed through grassy passages and hopped from rock to rock, throwing back encouragement to me as we twisted and turned through the uneven land. She skipped across a
flat passage, and, when there was nowhere left to go, pulled herself up a small rock ledge. She stopped long enough to make sure that I made it up as well, before rushing ahead to seek out the rest of the route. She disappeared around the side of a large rock, but when I followed around the bend I almost crashed into her as she had stopped quite abruptly.
My heart jumped as I noticed what she was staring at.