XLIII.
DETERMINATION.
"But alas! to make me A fixed figure for the time of scorn To point his slow unmoving finger at!"
--OTHELLO.
"Let me but bear your love, I'll bear your cares."
--HENRY V.
"Paula!"
They had reached home and were standing in the library.
"Yes," said she, lowering her head before his gaze with a sweet andconscious blush.
"Did you read the letter I left for you in my desk up stairs?"
She put her hand to her bosom and drew forth the closely written sheet."Every word," she responded, and smilingly returned it to its place.
He started and his chest heaved passionately. "You have read it," hecried, "and yet could follow me into that den of unknown dangers at anhour like this, and with no other guide than Bertram?"
"Yes," she answered.
He drew a deep breath and his brow lost its deepest shadow. "You do notdespise me then," he exclaimed "My sin has not utterly blotted me out ofyour regard?"
The glance with which she replied seemed to fill the whole room with itsradiance. "I am only beginning to realize the worth of the man who hashitherto been a mystery to me," she declared. Then as he shook his head,added with a serious air, "The question with all true hearts must everbe, not what a man has been, but what he is. He who for the sake ofshielding the innocent from shame and sorrow, would have taken uponhimself the onus of a past disgrace, is not unworthy a woman'sdevotion."
Mr. Sylvester smiled mournfully, and stroked her hand which he had takenin his. "Poor little one," he murmured. "I know not whether to feelproud or sorry for your trust and tender devotion. It would have been agreat and unspeakable grief to me to have lost your regard, but it mighthave been better if I had; it might have been much better for you if Ihad!"
"What, why do you say that?" she asked, with a startled gleam in hereye. "Do you think I am so eager for ease and enjoyment, that it will bea burden for me to bear the pain of those I love? A past pain, too," sheadded, "that will grow less and less as the days go by and happinessincreases."
He put her back with a quick hand. "Do not make it any harder for methan necessary," he entreated, "Do you not see that however gentle maybe your judgment of my deserts, we can never marry, Paula?"
The eyes which were fixed on his, deepened passionately. "No," shewhispered, "no; not if your remorse for the past is all that separatesus. The man who has conquered himself, has won the right to conquer theheart of a woman. I can say no more--" She timidly held out her hand.
He grasped it with a man's impetuosity and pressed it to his heart, buthe did not retain it. "Blessings upon you, dear and noble heart!" hecried. "God will hear my prayers and make you happy--but not with me.Paula," he passionately continued, taking her in his arms and holdingher to his breast, "it cannot be. I love you--I will not, dare not say,how much--but love is no excuse for wronging you. My remorse is not allthat separates us; possible disgrace lies before me; public exposure atall events; I would indeed be lacking in honor were I to subject you tothese."
"But," she stammered, drawing back to look into his face, "I thoughtthat was all over; that the man had promised silence; that you werehenceforth to be relieved from his persecutions? I am sure he said so."
"He did, but he forgot that my fate no longer rested upon hisforbearance. The letter which records my admission of sin was in hislawyer's hands, Paula, and has already been despatched to Mr.Stuyvesant. Say what we will, rebel against it as we will, Cicely'sfather knows by this time that the name of Sylvester is not spotless."
The cry which she uttered in her sudden pain and loss made him stoopover her with despairing fondness. "Hush! my darling, hush!" cried he."The trial is so heavy, I need all my strength to meet it. It breaks myheart to see you grieve. I cannot bear it. I deserve my fate, butyou--Oh you--what have you done that you should be overwhelmed in myfall!" Putting her gently away from his breast, he drew himself up andwith forced calmness said, "I have yet to inform Mr. Stuyvesant uponwhich of the Sylvesters' should rest the shadow of his distrust.To-night he believes in Bertram's lack of principle, but to-morrow--"
Her trembling lips echoed the word.
"He shall know that the man who confessed to having done a wrong deed inthe past, is myself, Paula."
The head which had fallen on her breast, rose as at the call of aclarion. "And is it at the noblest moment of your life that you wouldshut me away from your side? No, no. Heaven does not send us a great andmighty love for trivial purposes. The simple country maid whom you havesometimes declared was as the bringer of good news to you, shall notfail you now." Then slowly and with solemn assurance, "If you go to Mr.Stuyvesant's to-morrow, and you will, for that is your duty, you shallnot go alone; Paula Fairchild accompanies you."