CHAPTER XVI
WEBSTER, FRIEND IN NEED
At half-past two that afternoon, full of optimism and cold beef, gailyunconscious that Webster with measured strides was approaching evernearer with the note that was to give it him in the neck, proper, SamuelMarlowe dangled his feet from the top bar of the gate at the end of thelane, and smoked contentedly as he waited for Billie to make herappearance. He had had an excellent lunch; his pipe was drawing well,and all Nature smiled. The breeze from the sea across the meadowstickled pleasantly the back of his head, and sang a soothing song in thelong grass and ragged-robins at his feet. He was looking forward with aroseate glow of anticipation to the moment when the white flutter ofBillie's dress would break the green of the foreground. How eagerly hewould jump from the gate! How lovingly he would....
The elegant figure of Webster interrupted his reverie. Sam had neverseen Webster before, and it was with no pleasure that he saw him now. Hehad come to regard this lane as his own private property, and heresented trespassers. He tucked his legs under him, and scowled atWebster under the brim of his hat.
The valet advanced towards him with the air of an affable executionerstepping daintily to the block.
"Mr. Marlowe, sir?" he inquired politely.
Sam was startled. He could making nothing of this.
"Eh? What?"
"Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. S. Marlowe?"
"Yes, that's my name."
"Mine is Webster, sir. I am Mr. Bennett's personal gentleman'sgentleman. Miss Bennett entrusted me with this note to deliver to you,sir."
Sam began to grasp the position. For some reason or other, the dear girlhad been prevented from coming this afternoon, and she had written toexplain and relieve his anxiety. It was like her. It was just the sweet,thoughtful thing he would have expected her to do. His contentment withthe existing scheme of things returned. The sun shone out again, and hefound himself amiably disposed towards the messenger.
"Fine day," he said, as he took the note.
"Extremely, sir," said Webster, outwardly unemotional, inwardly full ofa grave pity.
It was plain to him that there had been no previous little rift toprepare the young man for the cervical operation which awaited him, andhe edged a little nearer, in order to be handy to catch Sam if the shockknocked him off the gate.
As it happened, it did not. Having read the opening words of the note,Sam rocked violently; but his feet were twined about the lower bars andthis saved him from overbalancing. Webster stepped back, relieved.
The note fluttered to the ground. Webster, picking it up and handing itback, was enabled to get a glimpse of the first two sentences. Theyconfirmed his suspicions. The note was hot stuff. Assuming that itcontinued as it began, it was about the warmest thing of its kind thatpen had ever written. Webster had received one or two heated epistlesfrom the sex in his time--your man of gallantry can hardly hope toescape these unpleasantnesses--but none had got off the mark quite soswiftly, and with quite so much frigid violence as this.
"Thanks," said Sam mechanically.
"Not at all, sir. You are very welcome."
Sam resumed his reading. A cold perspiration broke out on his forehead.His toes curled, and something seemed to be crawling down the small ofhis back. His heart had moved from its proper place and was now beatingin his throat. He swallowed once or twice to remove the obstruction, butwithout success. A kind of pall had descended on the landscape, blottingout the sun.
Of all the rotten sensations in this world, the worst is the realisationthat a thousand-to-one chance has come off, and caused our wrong-doingto be detected. There had seemed no possibility of that little ruse ofhis being discovered, and yet here was Billie in full possession of thefacts. It almost made the thing worse that she did not say how she hadcome into possession of them. This gave Sam that feeling of self-pity,that sense of having been ill-used by Fate, which makes the bringinghome of crime so particularly poignant.
"Fine day!" he muttered. He had a sort of subconscious feeling that itwas imperative to keep engaging Webster in light conversation.
"Yes, sir. Weather still keeps up," agreed the valet suavely.
Sam frowned over the note. He felt injured. Sending a fellow notesdidn't give him a chance. If she had come in person and denounced him itwould not have been an agreeable experience, but at least it would havebeen possible then to have pleaded and cajoled and--and all that sort ofthing. But what could he do now? It seemed to him that his only possiblecourse was to write a note in reply, begging her to see him. He exploredhis pockets and found a pencil and a scrap of paper. For some moments hescribbled desperately. Then he folded the note.
"Will you take this to Miss Bennett?" he said, holding it out.
Webster took the missive, because he wanted to read it later at hisleisure; but he shook his head.
"Useless, I fear, sir," he said gravely.
"What do you mean?"
"I am afraid it would effect little or nothing, sir, sending our Miss B.notes. She is not in the proper frame of mind to appreciate them. I sawher face when she handed me the letter you have just read, and I assureyou, sir, she is not in a malleable mood."
"You seem to know a lot about it!"
"I have studied the sex, sir," said Webster modestly.
"I mean, about my business, confound it! You seem to know all about it!"
"Why, yes, sir, I think I may say that I have grasped the position ofaffairs. And, if you will permit me to say so, sir, you have myrespectful sympathy."
Dignity is a sensitive plant which nourishes only under the fairestconditions. Sam's had perished in the bleak east wind of Billie's note.In other circumstances he might have resented this intrusion of astranger into his most intimate concerns. His only emotion now, was oneof dull but distinct gratitude. The four winds of Heaven blew chillyupon his raw and unprotected soul, and he wanted to wrap it up in amantle of sympathy, careless of the source from which he borrowed thatmantle. If Webster felt disposed, as he seemed to indicate, to comforthim, let the thing go on. At that moment Sam would have acceptedcondolences from a coal-heaver.
"I was reading a story--one of the Nosegay Novelettes; I do not know ifyou are familiar with the series, sir?--in which much the samesituation occurred. It was entitled 'Cupid or Mammon.' The heroine, LadyBlanche Trefusis, forced by her parents to wed a wealthy suitor,despatches a note to her humble lover, informing him it cannot be. Ibelieve it often happens like that, sir."
"You're all wrong," said Sam. "It's not that at all."
"Indeed, sir? I supposed it was."
"Nothing like it! I--I----."
Sam's dignity, on its death-bed, made a last effort to assert itself.
"I don't know what it's got to do with you!"
"Precisely, sir!" said Webster, with dignity. "Just as you say! Goodafternoon, sir!"
He swayed gracefully, conveying a suggestion of departure without movinghis feet. The action was enough for Sam. Dignity gave an expiringgurgle, and passed away, regretted by all.
"Don't go!" he cried.
The idea of being left alone in this infernal lane, without humansupport, overpowered him. Moreover, Webster had personality. He exudedit. Already Sam had begun to cling to him in spirit, and rely on hissupport.
"Don't go!"
"Certainly not, if you do not wish it, sir."
Webster coughed gently, to show his appreciation of the delicate natureof the conversation. He was consumed with curiosity, and his threateneddeparture had been but a pretence. A team of horses could not have movedWebster at that moment.
"Might I ask, then, what...?"
"There's been a misunderstanding," said Sam. "At least, there was, butnow there isn't, if you see what I mean."
"I fear I have not quite grasped your meaning, sir."
"Well, I--I--played a sort of--you might almost call it a sort of trickon Miss Bennett. With the best motives, of course!"
"Of course, sir!"
"And she's
found out! I don't know how she's found out, but she has! Sothere you are!"
"Of what nature would the trick be, sir? A species of ruse, sir,--somekind of innocent deception?"
"Well, it was like this."
It was a complicated story to tell, and Sam, a prey to conflictingemotions, told it badly; but such was the almost superhuman intelligenceof Webster, that he succeeded in grasping the salient points. Indeed, hesaid that it reminded him of something of much the same kind in theNosegay Novelette, "All for Her," where the hero, anxious to win theesteem of the lady of his heart, had bribed a tramp to simulate anattack upon her in a lonely road.
"The principle's the same," said Webster.
"Well, what did he do when she found out?"
"She did not find out, sir. All ended happily, and never had thewedding-bells in the old village church rung out a blither peal thanthey did at the subsequent union."
Sam was thoughtful.
"Bribed a tramp to attack her, did he?"
"Yes, sir. She had never thought much of him till that moment, sir. Verycold and haughty she had been, his social status being considerablyinferior to her own. But, when she cried for help, and he dashed outfrom behind a hedge, well, it made all the difference."
"I wonder where I could get a good tramp," said Sam, meditatively.
Webster shook his head.
"I really would hardly recommend such a procedure, sir."
"No, it would be difficult to make a tramp understand what you wanted."
Sam brightened.
"I've got it! _You_ pretend to attack her, and I'll...."
"I couldn't, sir! I couldn't, really! I should jeopardise my situation."
"Oh, come. Be a man!"
"No, sir, I fear not. There's a difference between handing in yourresignation--I was compelled to do that only recently, owing to a fewwords I had with the guv'nor, though subsequently prevailed upon towithdraw it--I say there's a difference between handing in yourresignation and being given the sack, and that's what wouldhappen--without a character, what's more, and lucky if it didn't mean aprison cell! No, sir, I could not contemplate such a thing."
"Then I don't see that there's anything to be done," said Sam,morosely.
"Oh, I shouldn't say that, sir," said Webster encouragingly. "It'ssimply a matter of finding the way. The problem confronting us--you, Ishould say...."
"Us," said Sam. "Most decidedly us."
"Thank you very much, sir. I would not have presumed, but if you sayso.... The problem confronting us, as I envisage it, resolves itselfinto this. You have offended our Miss B. and she has expressed adisinclination ever to see you again. How, then, is it possible, inspite of her attitude, to recapture her esteem?"
"Exactly," said Sam.
"There are several methods which occur to one...."
"They don't occur to _me_!"
"Well, for example, you might rescue her from a burning building, as in'True As Steel'...."
"Set fire to the house, eh?" said Sam reflectively. "Yes, there might besomething in that."
"I would hardly advise such a thing," said Webster, a littlehastily--flattered at the readiness with which his disciple was takinghis advice, yet acutely alive to the fact that he slept at the top ofthe house himself. "A little drastic, if I may say so. It might bebetter to save her from drowning, as in 'The Earl's Secret.'"
"Ah, but where could she drown?"
"Well, there is a lake in the grounds...."
"Excellent!" said Sam. "Terrific! I knew I could rely on you. Say nomore! The whole thing's settled. You take her out rowing on the lake,and upset the boat. I plunge in.... I suppose you can swim?"
"No, sir."
"Oh? Well, never mind. You'll manage somehow, I expect. Cling to theupturned boat or something, I shouldn't wonder. There's always a way.Yes, that's the plan. When is the earliest you could arrange this?"
"I fear such a course must be considered out of the question, sir. Itreally wouldn't do."
"I can't see a flaw in it."
"Well, in the first place, it would certainly jeopardise mysituation...."
"Oh, hang your situation! You talk as if you were Prime Minister orsomething. You can easily get another situation. A valuable man likeyou," said Sam ingratiatingly.
"No, sir," said Webster firmly. "From boyhood up I've always had aregular horror of the water. I can't so much as go paddling without anuneasy feeling."
The image of Webster paddling was arresting enough to occupy Sam'sthoughts for a moment. It was an inspiring picture, and for an instantuplifted his spirits. Then they fell again.
"Well, I don't see what there _is_ to be done," he said, gloomily. "It'sno good my making suggestions, if you have some frivolous objection toall of them."
"My idea," said Webster, "would be something which did not involve myown personal and active co-operation, sir. If it is all the same toyou, I should prefer to limit my assistance to advice and sympathy. I amanxious to help, but I am a man of regular habits, which I do not wishto disturb. Did you ever read 'Footpaths of Fate,' in the Nosegayseries, sir? I've only just remembered it, and it contains the mosthelpful suggestion of the lot. There had been a misunderstanding betweenthe heroine and the hero--their names have slipped my mind, though Ifancy his was Cyril--and she had told him to hop it...."
"To what?"
"To leave her for ever, sir. And what do you think he did?"
"How the deuce do I know?"
"He kidnapped her little brother, sir, to whom she was devoted, kept himhidden for a bit, and then returned him, and in her gratitude all wasforgotten and forgiven, and never...."
"I know. Never had the bells of the old village church...."
"Rung out a blither peal. Exactly, sir. Well, there, if you will allowme to say so, you are, sir! You need seek no further for a plan ofaction."
"Miss Bennett hasn't got a little brother."
"No, sir. But she has a dog, and is greatly attached to it."
Sam stared. From the expression on his face it was evident that Websterimagined himself to have made a suggestion of exceptional intelligence.It struck Sam as the silliest he had ever heard.
"You mean I ought to steal her dog?"
"Precisely, sir."
"But, good heavens! Have you seen that dog?"
"The one to which I allude is a small brown animal with a fluffy tail."
"Yes, and a bark like a steam-siren, and, in addition to that, abouteighty-five teeth, all sharper than razors. I couldn't get within tenfeet of that dog without its lifting the roof off, and, if I did, itwould chew me into small pieces."
"I had anticipated that difficulty, sir. In 'Footpaths of Fate' therewas a nurse who assisted the hero by drugging the child."
"By Jove!" said Sam, impressed.
"He rewarded her," said Webster, allowing his gaze to stray nonchalantlyover the countryside, "liberally, very liberally."
"If you mean that you expect me to reward you if you drug the dog," saidSam, "don't worry. Let me bring this thing off, and you can have allI've got, and my cuff-links as well. Come now, this is really beginningto look like something. Speak to me more of this matter. Where do we gofrom here?"
"I beg your pardon, sir?"
"I mean, what's the next step in the scheme? Oh, Lord!" Sam's face fell.The light of hope died out of his eyes. "It's all off! It can't bedone! How could I possibly get into the house? I take it that the littlebrute sleeps in the house?"
"That need constitute no obstacle, sir, no obstacle at all. The animalsleeps in a basket in the hall.... Perhaps you are familiar with theinterior of the house, sir?"
"I haven't been inside it since I was at school. I'm Mr. Hignett'scousin, you know."
"Indeed, sir? I wasn't aware. Mr. Hignett has the mumps, poorgentleman."
"Has he?" said Sam, not particularly interested. "I used to stay withhim," he went on, "during the holidays sometimes, but I've practicallyforgotten what the place is like inside. I remember the hall vaguely.Firep
lace at one side, one or two suits of armour standing about, a sortof window-ledge near the front door...."
"Precisely, sir. It is close beside that window-ledge that the animal'sbasket is situated. If I administer a slight soporific...."
"Yes, but you haven't explained yet how I am to get into the house inthe first place."
"Quite easily, sir. I can admit you through the drawing-room windowswhile dinner is in progress."
"Fine!"
"You can then secrete yourself in the cupboard in the drawing-room.Perhaps you recollect the cupboard to which I refer, sir?"
"No, I don't remember any cupboard. As a matter of fact, when I used tostay at the house the drawing-room was barred. Mrs. Hignett wouldn'tlet us inside it for fear we should smash her china. Is there acupboard?"
"Immediately behind the piano, sir. A nice, roomy cupboard. I wasglancing into it myself in a spirit of idle curiosity only the otherday. It contains nothing except a few knick-knacks on an upper shelf.You could lock yourself in from the interior, and be quite comfortablyseated on the floor till the household retired to bed."
"When would that be?"
"They retire quite early, sir, as a rule. By half-past ten the coast isgenerally clear. At that time I would suggest that I came down andknocked on the cupboard door to notify you that all was well."
Sam was glowing with frank approval.
"You know, you're a master-mind!" he said, enthusiastically.
"You're very kind, sir!"
"One of the lads, by Jove!" said Sam. "And not the worst of them! Idon't want to flatter you, but there's a future for you in crime, if youcared to go in for it."
"I am glad that you appreciate my poor efforts, sir. Then we will regardthe scheme as passed and approved?"
"I should say we would! It's a bird!"
"Very good, sir."
"I'll be round at about a quarter to eight. Will that be right?"
"Admirable, sir."
"And, I say, about that soporific.... Don't overdo it. Don't go killingthe little beast."
"Oh, no, sir."
"Well," said Sam, "you can't say it's not a temptation. And you knowwhat you Napoleons of the Underworld are!"