CHAPTER V
PERSECUTION OF EUSTACE
"Good God!" cried Eustace Hignett.
He stared at the figure which loomed above him in the fading light whichcame through the porthole of the state-room. The hour was seven-thirty,and he had just woken from a troubled doze, full of strange nightmares,and for the moment he thought that he must still be dreaming, for thefigure before him could have walked straight into any nightmare and noquestions asked. Then suddenly he became aware that it was his cousin,Samuel Marlowe. As in the historic case of father in the pigstye, hecould tell him by his hat. But why was he looking like that? Was itsimply some trick of the uncertain light, or was his face really blackand had his mouth suddenly grown to six times its normal size and becomea vivid crimson?
Sam turned. He had been looking at himself in the mirror with asatisfaction which, to the casual observer, his appearance would nothave seemed to justify. Hignett had not been suffering from a delusion.His cousin's face was black; and, even as he turned, he gave it a dabwith a piece of burnt cork and made it blacker.
"Hullo! You awake?" he said, and switched on the light.
Eustace Hignett shied like a startled horse. His friend's profile, seendimly, had been disconcerting enough. Full face, he was a revoltingobject. Nothing that Eustace Hignett had encountered in his recentdreams--and they had included such unusual fauna as elephants in tophats and running shorts--had affected him so profoundly. Sam'sappearance smote him like a blow. It seemed to take him straight into adifferent and a dreadful world.
"What ... what ... what...?" he gurgled.
Sam squinted at himself in the glass and added a touch of black to hisnose.
"How do I look?"
Eustace Hignett began to fear that his cousin's reason must have becomeunseated. He could not conceive of any really sane man, looking likethat, being anxious to be told how he looked.
"Are my lips red enough? It's for the ship's concert, you know. Itstarts in half-an-hour, though I believe I'm not on till the secondpart. Speaking as a friend, would you put a touch more black round theears, or are they all right?"
Curiosity replaced apprehension in Hignett's mind.
"What on earth are you doing performing at the ship's concert?"
"Oh, they roped me in. It got about somehow that I was a valuable man,and they wouldn't take no." Sam deepened the colour of his ears. "As amatter of fact," he said casually, "my fiancee made rather a point of mydoing something."
A sharp yelp from the lower berth proclaimed the fact that thesignificance of the remark had not been lost on Eustace.
"Your fiancee?"
"The girl I'm engaged to. Didn't I tell you about that? Yes, I'mengaged."
Eustace sighed heavily.
"I feared the worst. Tell me, who is she?"
"Didn't I tell you her name?"
"No."
"Curious! I must have forgotten." He hummed an airy strain as heblackened the tip of his nose. "It's rather a curious coincidence,really. Her name is Bennett."
"She may be a relation."
"That's true. Of course, girls do have relations."
"What is her first name?"
"That is another rather remarkable thing. It's Wilhelmina."
"Wilhelmina!"
"Of course, there must be hundreds of girls in the world calledWilhelmina Bennett, but still it is a coincidence."
"What colour is her hair?" demanded Eustace Hignett in a hollow voice."Her hair! What colour is it?"
"Her hair? Now, let me see. You ask me what colour is her hair. Well,you might call it auburn ... or russet ... or you might call itTitian...."
"Never mind what I might call it. Is it red?"
"Red? Why, yes. That is a very good description of it. Now that you putit to me like that, it _is_ red."
"Has she a trick of grabbing at you suddenly, when she gets excited,like a kitten with a ball of wool?"
"Yes. Yes, she has."
Eustace Hignett uttered a sharp cry.
"Sam," he said, "can you bear a shock?"
"I'll have a dash at it."
"Brace up!"
"I'm ready."
"The girl you are engaged to is the same girl who promised to marry_me_."
"Well, well!" said Sam.
There was a silence.
"Awfully sorry, of course, and all that," said Sam.
"Don't apologise to _me_!" said Eustace. "My poor old chap, my onlyfeeling towards you is one of the purest and profoundest pity." Hereached out and pressed Sam's hand. "I regard you as a toad beneath theharrow!"
"Well, I suppose that's one way of offering congratulations and cheerygood wishes."
"And on top of that," went on Eustace, deeply moved, "you have got tosing at the ship's concert."
"Why shouldn't I sing at the ship's concert?"
"My dear old man, you have many worthy qualities, but you must know thatyou can't sing. You can't sing for nuts! I don't want to discourage you,but, long ago as it is, you can't have forgotten what an ass you made ofyourself at that house-supper at school. Seeing you up against it likethis, I regret that I threw a lump of butter at you on that occasion,though at the time it seemed the only course to pursue."
Sam started.
"Was it you who threw that bit of butter?"
"It was."
"I wish I'd known! You silly chump, you ruined my collar."
"Ah, well, it's seven years ago. You would have had to send it to thewash anyhow by this time. But don't let us brood on the past. Let us putour heads together and think how we can get you out of this terriblesituation."
"I don't want to get out of it. I confidently expect to be the hit ofthe evening."
"The hit of the evening! You! Singing!"
"I'm not going to sing. I'm going to do that imitation of Frank Tinneywhich I did at the Trinity smoker. You haven't forgotten that? You wereat the piano taking the part of the conductor of the orchestra. What ariot I was--we were! I say, Eustace, old man, I suppose you don't feelwell enough to come up now and take your old part? You could do itwithout a rehearsal. You remember how it went.... 'Hullo, Ernest!''Hullo, Frank!' Why not come along?"
"The only piano I will ever sit at will be one firmly fixed on a floorthat does not heave and wobble under me."
"Nonsense! The boat's as steady as a rock now. The sea's like amill-pond."
"Nevertheless, thanking you for your suggestion, no!"
"Oh, well, then I shall have to get on as best I can with that fellowMortimer. We've been rehearsing all the afternoon, and he seems to havethe hang of the thing. But he won't be really right. He has no pep, novim. Still, if you won't ... well, I think I'll be getting along to hisstate-room. I told him I would look in for a last rehearsal."
The door closed behind Sam, and Eustace Hignett, lying on his back, gavehimself up to melancholy meditation. He was deeply disturbed by hiscousin's sad story. He knew what it meant being engaged to WilhelminaBennett. It was like being taken aloft in a balloon and dropped with athud on the rocks.
His reflections were broken by the abrupt opening of the door. Samrushed in. Eustace peered anxiously out of his berth. There was toomuch burnt cork on his cousin's face to allow of any real registering ofemotion, but he could tell from his manner that all was not well.
"What's the matter?"
Sam sank down on the lounge.
"The bounder has quit!"
"The bounder? What bounder?"
"There is only one! Bream Mortimer, curse him! There may be others whomthoughtless critics rank as bounders, but he is the only man reallydeserving of the title. He refuses to appear! He has walked out on theact! He has left me flat! I went into his state-room just now, asarranged, and the man was lying on his bunk, groaning."
"I thought you said the sea was like a mill-pond."
"It wasn't that! He's perfectly fit. But it seems that the silly asstook it into his head to propose to Billie just beforedinner--apparently he's loved her for years in a silent, self-e
ffacingway--and of course she told him that she was engaged to me, and thething upset him to such an extent that he says the idea of sitting downat a piano and helping me give an imitation of Frank Tinney revolts him.He says he intends to spend the evening in bed, reading Schopenhauer Ihope it chokes him!"
"But this is splendid! This lets you out."
"What do you mean? Lets me out?"
"Why, now you won't be able to appear. Oh, you will be thankful for thisin years to come."
"Won't I appear! Won't I dashed well appear! Do you think I'm going todisappoint that dear girl when she is relying on me? I would ratherdie."
"But you can't appear without a pianist."
"I've got a pianist."
"You have?"
"Yes. A little undersized shrimp of a fellow with a green face and earslike water-wings."
"I don't think I know him."
"Yes, you do. He's you!"
"Me!"
"Yes, you. You are going to sit at the piano to-night."
"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's impossible. I gave you my viewson the subject just now."
"You've altered them."
"I haven't."
"Well, you soon will, and I'll tell you why. If you don't get up out ofthat damned berth you've been roosting in all your life, I'm going toring for J. B. Midgeley and I'm going to tell him to bring me a bit ofdinner in here and I'm going to eat it before your eyes."
"But you've had dinner."
"Well, I'll have another. I feel just ready for a nice fat porkchop...."
"Stop! Stop!"
"A nice fat pork chop with potatoes and lots of cabbage," repeated Samfirmly. "And I shall eat it here on this very lounge. Now how do we go?"
"You wouldn't do that!" said Eustace piteously.
"I would and will."
"But I shouldn't be any good at the piano. I've forgotten how the thingused to go."
"You haven't done anything of the kind. I come in and say 'Hullo,Ernest!' and you say 'Hullo, Frank!' and then you help me tell the storyabout the Pullman car. A child could do your part of it."
"Perhaps there is some child on board...."
"No. I want you. I shall feel safe with you. We've done it togetherbefore."
"But, honestly, I really don't think ... it isn't as if...."
Sam rose and extended a finger towards the bell.
"Stop! Stop!" cried Eustace Hignett. "I'll do it!"
Sam withdrew his finger.
"Good!" he said. "We've just got time for a rehearsal while you'redressing. 'Hullo, Ernest!'"
"'Hullo, Frank,'" said Eustace Hignett brokenly as he searched for hisunfamiliar trousers.