After about ten minutes, my tears had dried up so all I was left with was the hitched breathing and the blocked nose. I swiped angrily at my face, wiping the last of my tears. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my voice hoarse from all the crying.
“He looked like him, didn’t he?” he replied sadly. I nodded, biting my bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. “Whoa! Careful,” he scolded, grabbing a Kleenex and dabbing it on my lip gently.
I pushed his hand away. “We’d better get going if we have some stuff to pick up,” I said quietly, my voice still hitching from the last spasms of my sobs.
“We don’t have anything to pick up; I just said that so we could leave. You looked like you didn’t have much longer in you, and we made it just in time,” he explained, grimacing.
“Well, who called you?” I asked, confused.
“No one. I used the self-ringer,” he replied, smiling grimly.
Oh God, he did that to get me out of there before I broke down in front of everyone? I wrapped my arms around his neck again and hugged him gratefully. “Thank you,” I whispered. It meant a lot to me that he would do that; I would have hated myself if I’d broken down in front of Jack’s mom like I had in front of Ashton. He smelled so good that I didn’t want to let go yet, so I buried my face into the side of his neck and closed my eyes, enjoying being close to someone for the first time in over three years.
“It’s my job to take care of you, isn’t it?” he replied softly, hugging me back.
“Yeah, for as long as you’re here,” I croaked. Now he’d seen the real me, the crying, weak and hysterical girl, he’d be requesting that transfer any day now.
He sighed, tightening his arms on my waist. “Anna, I won’t leave you like the others, I promise. Even after my assignment’s done, I’ll still be there if you need me.”
“Yeah, okay,” I replied sarcastically. Everybody left eventually; I’d just hardened myself so that it didn’t matter anymore.
I lifted my head off his shoulder so I could look at him, but I didn’t move from his lap. I just sat there, soaking up the comfort and support that he provided, loving being close to someone again and having something else to think about, other than the gaping hole that was where my heart used to be. He smiled, and I just looked into his beautiful, green eyes. They were like an emerald green colour, flecked with both a lighter green and a hazel brown. They were easily the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen in my life. I dragged my gaze over his face, taking in every perfect inch of it – the line of his jaw, and the curve of his lip. His breath was blowing across my face and the hair on the nape of my neck prickled. The car seemed to be getting hotter, the air growing thicker somehow. I could feel the heat and desire coursing up through my veins and I gulped as my body started to tingle in places that hadn’t wanted anyone since Jack. I was longing for him to lean in and press those soft-looking lips against mine.
Suddenly my thoughts actually caught up with me and I realised just what it was that I was starting to fantasise about. Hatred and self-loathing hit me like a bucket of cold water. I hated the fact that I had looked at him like that and that I’d been untrue to Jack because, like it or not, I was actually attracted to Ashton.
I looked away, closing my eyes as I pushed myself up off his lap and climbed into the passenger seat. “Can we go home?” I whispered, not able to look at him again. I had no idea what was happening to me, or why he was suddenly making me feel like this. For three years, I’d felt nothing but rage, pain and grief inside me, but now I felt a little something else inside – and I didn’t like it one bit.
He nodded and started the car while I clipped on my seatbelt. The drive home was silent. I had no idea what to say or do, so I said and did nothing other than watch the trees whizz past. As we pulled into the driveway of my house, I gripped the hood of my sweater and pulled it up, partially covering my face. I didn’t want anyone to know I’d been crying. Ashton followed me silently through the house, with his hand on the small of my back the whole time. I knew he was only trying to be supportive, but I started to resent the fact that he kept touching me all the time, and that I allowed him to.
As I stopped outside my bedroom, I turned and shrugged. “I’m just gonna draw for a bit then catch an early night.”
He nodded and opened his mouth to reply, but I didn’t give him the chance before I slipped into my room and closed the door in his face. I needed privacy; the sadness was still churning in the pit of my stomach and I wanted to be alone so I could try and deal with it.
I didn’t get much drawing done though. Instead, I’d sat there for almost an hour, scratching, pinching and picking at the skin on the inside of my left elbow until my nails were covered in blood and my skin was red raw and sore-looking. I’d taken to self-harming not long after I was found at Carter’s house. Sometimes it helped me to release my emotions, sometimes, like today, it did nothing other than make me bleed.
Later that night, I fell into a horror-filled sleep, where I saw my boyfriend murdered over and over again by the man that haunted my every waking moment.
When Ashton burst into my room again, for the third night running, I just apologised and closed my eyes before turning my back on him, not wanting to see his pitying expression. Without asking, he climbed onto my bed with me and scooted close to my back, wrapping his arm over my stomach.
“You seem to sleep better with me in here,” he whispered. I didn’t answer. There was no answer for that. I did, there was no denying it. And to be honest, if his snoring stopped me from seeing Jack’s broken face again for the night, then I welcomed the distraction.
Chapter Nine
I woke in the morning with him still spooning me from behind. His arms were wrapped around me securely as his breath blew into my hair. I smiled to myself. For someone who has never spent the night with a girl, he sure is cuddly!
I closed my eyes and enjoyed the closeness of him. It felt nice having someone hold me who wasn’t after anything; if Carter had held me like this, it usually meant he wanted sex. I moved slightly to get more comfortable and his arms tightened around me. He sighed, and his leg tangled in with mine as his hand brushed against my thigh. My breath caught in my throat.
I gulped as unfamiliar feelings started creeping up on me, the same feelings that had started building yesterday in the car. My skin was prickling with sensation as my stomach fluttered. An unsatisfied ache, a longing for something unknown, filled my body. I’d never felt this kind of thing before, not of this magnitude anyway. The lust I felt inside was all consuming. I wondered what would happen if I turned around and kissed him, or if I ran my hand down his sculpted chest. Would he freak out and ask me what the heck I was doing?
Swallowing loudly, I rolled over to face him. The feelings of longing and need grew even more when I laid eyes on his beautiful, sleeping face. His body was so close, pressed against mine, and hard, toned and mouth-wateringly perfect. Before I even knew what I was doing, I’d bent forward and brushed my lips against his, just once, just needing to know what it would feel like. As soon as his lips touched mine, desire pulsed through my body. I laid my head back down and licked my lips, fighting the urge to kiss him again.
His eyes fluttered open, and a confused, shocked expression flitted across his face.
No! No, no, no, no! Oh my goodness, why did I do that? I gasped in horror because of what I’d just done – and the fact that I’d been caught doing it. My face flushed with embarrassment as I squirmed, trying to come up with words to explain my behaviour. I needed to apologise quickly because I’d just overstepped a line that should never be crossed.
“I-I’m really sorry! Oh God, I can’t believe I did that! I’m so sorry, Ashton.” I blushed like crazy and my voice wavered as I spoke.
Instead of answering, he bent his head and pressed his lips to mine again for a split second, before pulling back and looking at me cautiously. His expression was worried, nervous, scared even. It was almost as if he was waiting for me to freak out and
punch him in the face.
My eyes widened in shock. I literally had no idea what to do or think. The only thing that registered in my mind was how nice it felt and how soft his lips were. My whole body was tingling with desire, my lips burning. I wanted more. Without my conscious consent, my hand moved to the back of his head, threading through his soft hair as I guided his mouth back down to mine, needing him like I needed the air in my lungs.
As his lips pressed against mine, he made a soft moan in the back of his throat as he pressed his body to mine. My mind was whirling, spinning, not making any sense as the sensations and passion took over, making my body ache for something that I’d not dared to think about since Jack was alive. When his tongue grazed my lip, the kiss deepened and changed to something even more desperate and fulfilling. His taste and the way his body pressed against mine made me forget who I was. It was glorious.
He cupped my face as he guided me onto my back and hovered above me, pressing me down into the soft mattress. I whimpered as the desire built. My fingers dug into his back, clutching him closer to me as one of his hands slowly trailed down my neck, across my side until finally, his fingertips brushed against the skin of my stomach. He was doing everything slowly, as if waiting for me to stop him. His hesitancy caught me off-guard and made me doubt that this was a good idea. After all, I didn’t really want to be doing this with my new bodyguard, did I? My body answered for me. Yes, yes I did. As his hand pushed up under my pyjama top and headed up to cup my breasts, I let out a little moan and arched into him, needing to get him closer to me, to be consumed by him, to be one with him.
As the kiss finally broke and he trailed his tongue down my neck, I was panting for breath and my body was on high alert. I closed my eyes as he inched my pyjama top up slowly. He was moving and doing everything so slowly, as if he thought I was going to freak out at any second.
“You can stop treating me like glass, Ashton, I’m not gonna break,” I whispered, wriggling under him, trying to feel as much of his body on mine as I could. He paused, pulling back from me gently before he nodded in acknowledgement, gripped my shirt and pulled it over my head in one swift motion.
I gasped, shocked how quickly it had happened. My face filled with heat because I was now half-naked in front of him. Insecurity and nervousness made me wince as I looked up at him. Only one man had ever seen me topless, and that wasn’t my choice. But my concern that he wasn’t going to like what he saw was immediately diminished when his eyes narrowed and his bottom lip rolled up into his mouth. The little moan of appreciation that he made set what felt like a hundred butterflies loose in my stomach.
“So beautiful,” he croaked, dropping my shirt over the side of the bed and hovering above me again, looking straight into my eyes. “So, so beautiful.”
His lips pressed against mine as he settled himself on top of me. I smiled against his mouth, looping my arms around his neck. It was like a dream, a nice one, one that I didn’t ever want to wake up from. The attention from him made me feel special, attractive and desired.
As his hands lavished attention on my body, I took the opportunity to touch him too. My fingertips glided over his chest, feeling the little bumps of his muscles, tracing the lines of them. He shivered, pulling his mouth from mine, heading down and closing his mouth over one of my nipples. I gasped at the sensation, unaware that anything could actually feel this good with a man. The passion and need for him was incredible and all-consuming. My whole body was screaming for more.
His mouth headed lower. His hot tongue drew a circular pattern around my belly button before his teeth nipped gently at my overheated skin. When I felt the waistband of my shorts move, I raised my hips from the mattress in silent encouragement. This was all taking too long. I needed more, I couldn’t wait. I’d never wanted anyone like I wanted him, not even Jack. To be fair, Jack and I were so young that I hadn’t even known that this level of desire actually existed. Cool air hit my thighs as he eased my shorts down.
I was lost. Lost in the bliss of Ashton Taylor and the sensations and feelings he was causing within me. His hands and mouth on my body made me feel both hot and cold at the same time. My mind was whirling, unable to form any coherent thoughts other than one: please don’t stop.
When his mouth found mine again, he let out a little moan as one of his hands fisted into my hair. His excitement was evident as he ground his hips against mine. A shiver of desire made my eyes flutter shut as my whole body started to ache. My hands slid down his back, catching hold of the top of his boxers and pushing them down, trailing my nails across his pert, little behind as I did so. When the material was at his knees he kicked them off quickly, and one of his hands slid between our bodies as his mouth claimed mine in a kiss that was full of fire and passion.
My body jerked as his hand moved to the apex of my legs, brushing against my overheated skin. Little ripples of pleasure burst from within me, and he groaned. “So wet. Fuck, Anna,” he mumbled, pushing his hand down further. I gasped as his fingers pushed inside me gently. More of those little, pleasurable ripples erupted and I arched my back, gripping his shoulders for support.
He sucked on the spot just below my ear as his fingers started moving inside me slowly. My teeth sank into my bottom lip as my heart started to race. Not able to endure any more waiting, I shook my head, guiding his mouth back to mine again. “I’ve had enough foreplay, Ashton,” I mumbled against his lips, wriggling as my whole body seemed to get hotter and hotter by the second. Something was building inside me, some sort of frenzy.
Ashton pulled away fractionally. A pained, disappointed frown lined his forehead. “I don’t have a condom. Do you have one?” he asked, still working his fingers inside me.
I couldn’t answer. The ripples of desire had turned into waves – giant, intense waves that crashed over me. He was pushing me towards something, and I knew it would be good whatever it was. My blood seemed to whoosh in my ears as my insides throbbed and twitched. My back arched off the mattress as I gripped his shoulders tightly, crying out his name. For a few blissful seconds, it felt as if I was flying, as the sensations drove me higher and higher, until my body sagged and a contented sigh left my lips and all that was left was the residual ebb of pleasure and the flutter of my inner muscles.
I swallowed, still panting for breath as I looked up at him a little confused. I’d never felt anything like that before. I’d never even dreamt that my body could feel like that. The only feelings that I’d ever had during sex were pain, disgust and shame. But at the moment, I felt incredible.
Ashton smiled down at me, his green eyes glittering with what looked like pride as he bent to kiss me again. “Do you have a condom, Anna?” he repeated, peppering little kisses across my cheek.
“No.”
He groaned quietly and pressed his face into the side of my neck, his shoulders slumping in defeat. Shifting one leg out from under him, I wrapped it around his waist, clamping him to me as I wriggled. At this point, I was past caring if I got pregnant. I wanted that flying, weightless, carefree feeling again. But this time I wanted to take him along with me. Gripping my hand in the back of his hair, I pulled his mouth to mine, kissing him almost desperately as I raised my hips in silent invitation, desperately needing more from him because I didn’t ever want this experience to end.
He groaned and shook his head, breaking the kiss. “We can’t. I want to, so bad, but we can’t,” he whined. His voice was pained. He almost looked as disappointed as I felt, almost, but not quite.
My heart sank as I pressed my face into his chest and let his delicious smell fill my lungs. “Please?” I begged, clutching him closer.
He dragged in a breath through his teeth as his shoulders stiffened under my hands. “I could pull out before I finish,” he suggested. I moved back to look at him, my pulse quickening at his words. “If you want I could do that,” he offered, looking at me curiously, his expression torn.
Oh hell yeah! I nodded eagerly as my body rejoiced. My leg un
consciously tightened around his waist as he shifted on top of me. He gulped and cupped my face in his hands, looking me right in the eyes.
“You really want this, Anna? You’re sure?” he asked, watching my face.
I wasn’t even sure I had the words to describe how much I wanted it. In fact, it wasn’t a want, it was a need. I needed it to happen. “Yeah,” I confirmed, begging him with my eyes. “Please, Ashton?”
He grinned and his hand slid down, gripping my thigh as he pushed his hips forward. My breath came out in one big burst as he slid home inside me and his hips met mine, filling me completely. He gasped, and his eyes widened as his fingers dug into my leg. “Fuck. So tight,” he grunted. “You okay?”
I bit my lip to stop myself from moaning too loudly at the pleasure of having him inside me. “Oh hell yeah,” I confirmed, tightening my leg around his waist like a death grip in case he changed his mind and tried to get away. He grinned – probably at my over-the-top enthusiasm. His mouth claimed mine in a scorching hot kiss that seemed to wake up every part of my body, parts that I thought were long since dead.
He built up a slow, steady rhythm. Every time he moved, my body tingled and throbbed. I was aching for something else, something more, but I didn’t even know what it was that I wanted. I actually had no idea what I was doing. Trying to match his movements, I raised my hips to meet his. My moans were bordering on obscene as I leant forward and bit his shoulder gently, moaning against his skin, muffling the sound. Every move he made was gentle and caring; his hands worshipped my body and his mouth never once seemed to leave my skin.
As perspiration glistened on his forehead and his back started to get slightly slick under my fingers, my body was screaming at me for something. Seeming to sense it too, he gripped my other leg and guided that around his waist too before his hand slid to the small of my back, lifting my behind off the mattress a little as he continued to thrust into me. The new angle changed the feel of it completely, seeming to allow him deeper inside me. I gasped, bending my head and kissing his chest gratefully.