CHAPTER XIX
JONATHAN HARKER'S JOURNAL
_1 October, 5 a. m._--I went with the party to the search with an easymind, for I think I never saw Mina so absolutely strong and well. I amso glad that she consented to hold back and let us men do the work.Somehow, it was a dread to me that she was in this fearful business atall; but now that her work is done, and that it is due to her energy andbrains and foresight that the whole story is put together in such a waythat every point tells, she may well feel that her part is finished, andthat she can henceforth leave the rest to us. We were, I think, all alittle upset by the scene with Mr. Renfield. When we came away from hisroom we were silent till we got back to the study. Then Mr. Morris saidto Dr. Seward:--
Say, Jack, if that man wasn't attempting a bluff, he is about thesanest lunatic I ever saw. I'm not sure, but I believe that he had someserious purpose, and if he had, it was pretty rough on him not to get achance. Lord Godalming and I were silent, but Dr. Van Helsing added:--
Friend John, you know more of lunatics than I do, and I'm glad of it,for I fear that if it had been to me to decide I would before that lasthysterical outburst have given him free. But we live and learn, and inour present task we must take no chance, as my friend Quincey would say.All is best as they are. Dr. Seward seemed to answer them both in adreamy kind of way:--
I don't know but that I agree with you. If that man had been anordinary lunatic I would have taken my chance of trusting him; but heseems so mixed up with the Count in an indexy kind of way that I amafraid of doing anything wrong by helping his fads. I can't forget howhe prayed with almost equal fervour for a cat, and then tried to tear mythroat out with his teeth. Besides, he called the Count 'lord andmaster,' and he may want to get out to help him in some diabolical way.That horrid thing has the wolves and the rats and his own kind to helphim, so I suppose he isn't above trying to use a respectable lunatic. Hecertainly did seem earnest, though. I only hope we have done what isbest. These things, in conjunction with the wild work we have in hand,help to unnerve a man. The Professor stepped over, and laying his handon his shoulder, said in his grave, kindly way:--
Friend John, have no fear. We are trying to do our duty in a very sadand terrible case; we can only do as we deem best. What else have we tohope for, except the pity of the good God? Lord Godalming had slippedaway for a few minutes, but now he returned. He held up a little silverwhistle, as he remarked:--
That old place may be full of rats, and if so, I've got an antidote oncall. Having passed the wall, we took our way to the house, taking careto keep in the shadows of the trees on the lawn when the moonlight shoneout. When we got to the porch the Professor opened his bag and took outa lot of things, which he laid on the step, sorting them into fourlittle groups, evidently one for each. Then he spoke:--
My friends, we are going into a terrible danger, and we need arms ofmany kinds. Our enemy is not merely spiritual. Remember that he has thestrength of twenty men, and that, though our necks or our windpipes areof the common kind--and therefore breakable or crushable--his are notamenable to mere strength. A stronger man, or a body of men more strongin all than him, can at certain times hold him; but they cannot hurt himas we can be hurt by him. We must, therefore, guard ourselves from histouch. Keep this near your heart--as he spoke he lifted a little silvercrucifix and held it out to me, I being nearest to him--put theseflowers round your neck--here he handed to me a wreath of witheredgarlic blossoms--for other enemies more mundane, this revolver and thisknife; and for aid in all, these so small electric lamps, which you canfasten to your breast; and for all, and above all at the last, this,which we must not desecrate needless. This was a portion of SacredWafer, which he put in an envelope and handed to me. Each of the otherswas similarly equipped. Now, he said, friend John, where are theskeleton keys? If so that we can open the door, we need not break houseby the window, as before at Miss Lucy's.
Dr. Seward tried one or two skeleton keys, his mechanical dexterity as asurgeon standing him in good stead. Presently he got one to suit; aftera little play back and forward the bolt yielded, and, with a rustyclang, shot back. We pressed on the door, the rusty hinges creaked, andit slowly opened. It was startlingly like the image conveyed to me inDr. Seward's diary of the opening of Miss Westenra's tomb; I fancy thatthe same idea seemed to strike the others, for with one accord theyshrank back. The Professor was the first to move forward, and steppedinto the open door.
_In manus tuas, Domine!_ he said, crossing himself as he passed overthe threshold. We closed the door behind us, lest when we should havelit our lamps we should possibly attract attention from the road. TheProfessor carefully tried the lock, lest we might not be able to open itfrom within should we be in a hurry making our exit. Then we all lit ourlamps and proceeded on our search.
The light from the tiny lamps fell in all sorts of odd forms, as therays crossed each other, or the opacity of our bodies threw greatshadows. I could not for my life get away from the feeling that therewas some one else amongst us. I suppose it was the recollection, sopowerfully brought home to me by the grim surroundings, of that terribleexperience in Transylvania. I think the feeling was common to us all,for I noticed that the others kept looking over their shoulders at everysound and every new shadow, just as I felt myself doing.
The whole place was thick with dust. The floor was seemingly inchesdeep, except where there were recent footsteps, in which on holding downmy lamp I could see marks of hobnails where the dust was cracked. Thewalls were fluffy and heavy with dust, and in the corners were masses ofspider's webs, whereon the dust had gathered till they looked like oldtattered rags as the weight had torn them partly down. On a table in thehall was a great bunch of keys, with a time-yellowed label on each. Theyhad been used several times, for on the table were several similar rentsin the blanket of dust, similar to that exposed when the Professorlifted them. He turned to me and said:--
You know this place, Jonathan. You have copied maps of it, and you knowit at least more than we do. Which is the way to the chapel? I had anidea of its direction, though on my former visit I had not been able toget admission to it; so I led the way, and after a few wrong turningsfound myself opposite a low, arched oaken door, ribbed with iron bands.This is the spot, said the Professor as he turned his lamp on a smallmap of the house, copied from the file of my original correspondenceregarding the purchase. With a little trouble we found the key on thebunch and opened the door. We were prepared for some unpleasantness, foras we were opening the door a faint, malodorous air seemed to exhalethrough the gaps, but none of us ever expected such an odour as weencountered. None of the others had met the Count at all at closequarters, and when I had seen him he was either in the fasting stage ofhis existence in his rooms or, when he was gloated with fresh blood, ina ruined building open to the air; but here the place was small andclose, and the long disuse had made the air stagnant and foul. There wasan earthy smell, as of some dry miasma, which came through the foulerair. But as to the odour itself, how shall I describe it? It was notalone that it was composed of all the ills of mortality and with thepungent, acrid smell of blood, but it seemed as though corruption hadbecome itself corrupt. Faugh! it sickens me to think of it. Every breathexhaled by that monster seemed to have clung to the place andintensified its loathsomeness.
Under ordinary circumstances such a stench would have brought ourenterprise to an end; but this was no ordinary case, and the high andterrible purpose in which we were involved gave us a strength which roseabove merely physical considerations. After the involuntary shrinkingconsequent on the first nauseous whiff, we one and all set about ourwork as though that loathsome place were a garden of roses.
We made an accurate examination of the place, the Professor saying as webegan:--
The first thing is to see how many of the boxes are left; we must thenexamine every hole and corner and cranny and see if we cannot get someclue as to what has become of the rest. A glance was sufficient to showhow many remained, for the great earth chests were bulky, and there wasno mistaking them.
There were only twenty-nine left out of the fifty! Once I got a fright,for, seeing Lord Godalming suddenly turn and look out of the vaulteddoor into the dark passage beyond, I looked too, and for an instant myheart stood still. Somewhere, looking out from the shadow, I seemed tosee the high lights of the Count's evil face, the ridge of the nose, thered eyes, the red lips, the awful pallor. It was only for a moment, for,as Lord Godalming said, I thought I saw a face, but it was only theshadows, and resumed his inquiry, I turned my lamp in the direction,and stepped into the passage. There was no sign of any one; and as therewere no corners, no doors, no aperture of any kind, but only the solidwalls of the passage, there could be no hiding-place even for _him_. Itook it that fear had helped imagination, and said nothing.
A few minutes later I saw Morris step suddenly back from a corner, whichhe was examining. We all followed his movements with our eyes, forundoubtedly some nervousness was growing on us, and we saw a whole massof phosphorescence, which twinkled like stars. We all instinctively drewback. The whole place was becoming alive with rats.
For a moment or two we stood appalled, all save Lord Godalming, who wasseemingly prepared for such an emergency. Rushing over to the greatiron-bound oaken door, which Dr. Seward had described from the outside,and which I had seen myself, he turned the key in the lock, drew thehuge bolts, and swung the door open. Then, taking his little silverwhistle from his pocket, he blew a low, shrill call. It was answeredfrom behind Dr. Seward's house by the yelping of dogs, and after about aminute three terriers came dashing round the corner of the house.Unconsciously we had all moved towards the door, and as we moved Inoticed that the dust had been much disturbed: the boxes which had beentaken out had been brought this way. But even in the minute that hadelapsed the number of the rats had vastly increased. They seemed toswarm over the place all at once, till the lamplight, shining on theirmoving dark bodies and glittering, baleful eyes, made the place looklike a bank of earth set with fireflies. The dogs dashed on, but at thethreshold suddenly stopped and snarled, and then, simultaneously liftingtheir noses, began to howl in most lugubrious fashion. The rats weremultiplying in thousands, and we moved out.
Lord Godalming lifted one of the dogs, and carrying him in, placed himon the floor. The instant his feet touched the ground he seemed torecover his courage, and rushed at his natural enemies. They fled beforehim so fast that before he had shaken the life out of a score, the otherdogs, who had by now been lifted in the same manner, had but small preyere the whole mass had vanished.
With their going it seemed as if some evil presence had departed, forthe dogs frisked about and barked merrily as they made sudden darts attheir prostrate foes, and turned them over and over and tossed them inthe air with vicious shakes. We all seemed to find our spirits rise.Whether it was the purifying of the deadly atmosphere by the opening ofthe chapel door, or the relief which we experienced by finding ourselvesin the open I know not; but most certainly the shadow of dread seemed toslip from us like a robe, and the occasion of our coming lost somethingof its grim significance, though we did not slacken a whit in ourresolution. We closed the outer door and barred and locked it, andbringing the dogs with us, began our search of the house. We foundnothing throughout except dust in extraordinary proportions, and alluntouched save for my own footsteps when I had made my first visit.Never once did the dogs exhibit any symptom of uneasiness, and even whenwe returned to the chapel they frisked about as though they had beenrabbit-hunting in a summer wood.
The morning was quickening in the east when we emerged from the front.Dr. Van Helsing had taken the key of the hall-door from the bunch, andlocked the door in orthodox fashion, putting the key into his pocketwhen he had done.
So far, he said, our night has been eminently successful. No harm hascome to us such as I feared might be and yet we have ascertained howmany boxes are missing. More than all do I rejoice that this, ourfirst--and perhaps our most difficult and dangerous--step has beenaccomplished without the bringing thereinto our most sweet Madam Mina ortroubling her waking or sleeping thoughts with sights and sounds andsmells of horror which she might never forget. One lesson, too, we havelearned, if it be allowable to argue _a particulari_: that the brutebeasts which are to the Count's command are yet themselves not amenableto his spiritual power; for look, these rats that would come to hiscall, just as from his castle top he summon the wolves to your going andto that poor mother's cry, though they come to him, they run pell-mellfrom the so little dogs of my friend Arthur. We have other mattersbefore us, other dangers, other fears; and that monster--he has not usedhis power over the brute world for the only or the last time to-night.So be it that he has gone elsewhere. Good! It has given us opportunityto cry 'check' in some ways in this chess game, which we play for thestake of human souls. And now let us go home. The dawn is close at hand,and we have reason to be content with our first night's work. It may beordained that we have many nights and days to follow, if full of peril;but we must go on, and from no danger shall we shrink.
The house was silent when we got back, save for some poor creature whowas screaming away in one of the distant wards, and a low, moaning soundfrom Renfield's room. The poor wretch was doubtless torturing himself,after the manner of the insane, with needless thoughts of pain.
I came tiptoe into our own room, and found Mina asleep, breathing sosoftly that I had to put my ear down to hear it. She looks paler thanusual. I hope the meeting to-night has not upset her. I am trulythankful that she is to be left out of our future work, and even of ourdeliberations. It is too great a strain for a woman to bear. I did notthink so at first, but I know better now. Therefore I am glad that it issettled. There may be things which would frighten her to hear; and yetto conceal them from her might be worse than to tell her if once shesuspected that there was any concealment. Henceforth our work is to be asealed book to her, till at least such time as we can tell her that allis finished, and the earth free from a monster of the nether world. Idaresay it will be difficult to begin to keep silence after suchconfidence as ours; but I must be resolute, and to-morrow I shall keepdark over to-night's doings, and shall refuse to speak of anything thathas happened. I rest on the sofa, so as not to disturb her.
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_1 October, later._--I suppose it was natural that we should have alloverslept ourselves, for the day was a busy one, and the night had norest at all. Even Mina must have felt its exhaustion, for though I slepttill the sun was high, I was awake before her, and had to call two orthree times before she awoke. Indeed, she was so sound asleep that for afew seconds she did not recognize me, but looked at me with a sort ofblank terror, as one looks who has been waked out of a bad dream. Shecomplained a little of being tired, and I let her rest till later in theday. We now know of twenty-one boxes having been removed, and if it bethat several were taken in any of these removals we may be able to tracethem all. Such will, of course, immensely simplify our labour, and thesooner the matter is attended to the better. I shall look up ThomasSnelling to-day.
_Dr. Seward's Diary._
_1 October._--It was towards noon when I was awakened by the Professorwalking into my room. He was more jolly and cheerful than usual, and itis quite evident that last night's work has helped to take some of thebrooding weight off his mind. After going over the adventure of thenight he suddenly said:--
Your patient interests me much. May it be that with you I visit himthis morning? Or if that you are too occupy, I can go alone if it maybe. It is a new experience to me to find a lunatic who talk philosophy,and reason so sound. I had some work to do which pressed, so I told himthat if he would go alone I would be glad, as then I should not have tokeep him waiting; so I called an attendant and gave him the necessaryinstructions. Before the Professor left the room I cautioned him againstgetting any false impression from my patient. But, he answered, Iwant him to talk of himself and of his delusion as to consuming livethings. He said to Madam Mina, as I see in your diary of yesterday, thathe had once had such a belief. Why do you smile, friend John?
Excuse me, I said, but the answer is here. I laid my hand on thetype-written matter. When our sane and learned lunatic made that verystatement of how he _used_ to consume life, his mouth was actuallynauseous with the flies and spiders which he had eaten just before Mrs.Harker entered the room. Van Helsing smiled in turn. Good! he said.Your memory is true, friend John. I should have remembered. And yet itis this very obliquity of thought and memory which makes mental diseasesuch a fascinating study. Perhaps I may gain more knowledge out of thefolly of this madman than I shall from the teaching of the most wise.Who knows? I went on with my work, and before long was through that inhand. It seemed that the time had been very short indeed, but there wasVan Helsing back in the study. Do I interrupt? he asked politely as hestood at the door.
Not at all, I answered. Come in. My work is finished, and I am free.I can go with you now, if you like.
It is needless; I have seen him!
Well?
I fear that he does not appraise me at much. Our interview was short.When I entered his room he was sitting on a stool in the centre, withhis elbows on his knees, and his face was the picture of sullendiscontent. I spoke to him as cheerfully as I could, and with such ameasure of respect as I could assume. He made no reply whatever. Don'tyou know me? I asked. His answer was not reassuring: I know you wellenough; you are the old fool Van Helsing. I wish you would take yourselfand your idiotic brain theories somewhere else. Damn all thick-headedDutchmen! Not a word more would he say, but sat in his implacablesullenness as indifferent to me as though I had not been in the room atall. Thus departed for this time my chance of much learning from this soclever lunatic; so I shall go, if I may, and cheer myself with a fewhappy words with that sweet soul Madam Mina. Friend John, it doesrejoice me unspeakable that she is no more to be pained, no more to beworried with our terrible things. Though we shall much miss her help, itis better so.
I agree with you with all my heart, I answered earnestly, for I didnot want him to weaken in this matter. Mrs. Harker is better out of it.Things are quite bad enough for us, all men of the world, and who havebeen in many tight places in our time; but it is no place for a woman,and if she had remained in touch with the affair, it would in timeinfallibly have wrecked her.
So Van Helsing has gone to confer with Mrs. Harker and Harker; Quinceyand Art are all out following up the clues as to the earth-boxes. Ishall finish my round of work and we shall meet to-night.
_Mina Harker's Journal._
_1 October._--It is strange to me to be kept in the dark as I am to-day;after Jonathan's full confidence for so many years, to see himmanifestly avoid certain matters, and those the most vital of all. Thismorning I slept late after the fatigues of yesterday, and thoughJonathan was late too, he was the earlier. He spoke to me before he wentout, never more sweetly or tenderly, but he never mentioned a word ofwhat had happened in the visit to the Count's house. And yet he musthave known how terribly anxious I was. Poor dear fellow! I suppose itmust have distressed him even more than it did me. They all agreed thatit was best that I should not be drawn further into this awful work, andI acquiesced. But to think that he keeps anything from me! And now I amcrying like a silly fool, when I _know_ it comes from my husband's greatlove and from the good, good wishes of those other strong men.
That has done me good. Well, some day Jonathan will tell me all; andlest it should ever be that he should think for a moment that I keptanything from him, I still keep my journal as usual. Then if he hasfeared of my trust I shall show it to him, with every thought of myheart put down for his dear eyes to read. I feel strangely sad andlow-spirited to-day. I suppose it is the reaction from the terribleexcitement.
Last night I went to bed when the men had gone, simply because they toldme to. I didn't feel sleepy, and I did feel full of devouring anxiety. Ikept thinking over everything that has been ever since Jonathan came tosee me in London, and it all seems like a horrible tragedy, with fatepressing on relentlessly to some destined end. Everything that one doesseems, no matter how right it may be, to bring on the very thing whichis most to be deplored. If I hadn't gone to Whitby, perhaps poor dearLucy would be with us now. She hadn't taken to visiting the churchyardtill I came, and if she hadn't come there in the day-time with me shewouldn't have walked there in her sleep; and if she hadn't gone there atnight and asleep, that monster couldn't have destroyed her as he did.Oh, why did I ever go to Whitby? There now, crying again! I wonder whathas come over me to-day. I must hide it from Jonathan, for if he knewthat I had been crying twice in one morning--I, who never cried on myown account, and whom he has never caused to shed a tear--the dearfellow would fret his heart out. I shall put a bold face on, and if I dofeel weepy, he shall never see it. I suppose it is one of the lessonsthat we poor women have to learn....
I can't quite remember how I fell asleep last night. I remember hearingthe sudden barking of the dogs and a lot of queer sounds, like prayingon a very tumultuous scale, from Mr. Renfield's room, which is somewhereunder this. And then there was silence over everything, silence soprofound that it startled me, and I got up and looked out of the window.All was dark and silent, the black shadows thrown by the moonlightseeming full of a silent mystery of their own. Not a thing seemed to bestirring, but all to be grim and fixed as death or fate; so that a thinstreak of white mist, that crept with almost imperceptible slownessacross the grass towards the house, seemed to have a sentience and avitality of its own. I think that the digression of my thoughts musthave done me good, for when I got back to bed I found a lethargycreeping over me. I lay a while, but could not quite sleep, so I got outand looked out of the window again. The mist was spreading, and was nowclose up to the house, so that I could see it lying thick against thewall, as though it were stealing up to the windows. The poor man wasmore loud than ever, and though I could not distinguish a word he said,I could in some way recognise in his tones some passionate entreaty onhis part. Then there was the sound of a struggle, and I knew that theattendants were dealing with him. I was so frightened that I crept intobed, and pulled the clothes over my head, putting my fingers in my ears.I was not then a bit sleepy, at least so I thought; but I must havefallen asleep, for, except dreams, I do not remember anything until themorning, when Jonathan woke me. I think that it took me an effort and alittle time to realise where I was, and that it was Jonathan who wasbending over me. My dream was very peculiar, and was almost typical ofthe way that waking thoughts become merged in, or continued in, dreams.
I thought that I was asleep, and waiting for Jonathan to come back. Iwas very anxious about him, and I was powerless to act; my feet, and myhands, and my brain were weighted, so that nothing could proceed at theusual pace. And so I slept uneasily and thought. Then it began to dawnupon me that the air was heavy, and dank, and cold. I put back theclothes from my face, and found, to my surprise, that all was dimaround. The gaslight which I had left lit for Jonathan, but turned down,came only like a tiny red spark through the fog, which had evidentlygrown thicker and poured into the room. Then it occurred to me that Ihad shut the window before I had come to bed. I would have got out tomake certain on the point, but some leaden lethargy seemed to chain mylimbs and even my will. I lay still and endured; that was all. I closedmy eyes, but could still see through my eyelids. (It is wonderful whattricks our dreams play us, and how conveniently we can imagine.) Themist grew thicker and thicker and I could see now how it came in, for Icould see it like smoke--or with the white energy of boilingwater--pouring in, not through the window, but through the joinings ofthe door. It got thicker and thicker, till it seemed as if it becameconcentrated into a sort of pillar of cloud in the room, through the topof which I could see the light of the gas shining like a red eye. Thingsbegan to whirl through my brain just as the cloudy column was nowwhirling in the room, and through it all came the scriptural words apillar of cloud by day and of fire by night. Was it indeed some suchspiritual guidance that was coming to me in my sleep? But the pillar wascomposed of both the day and the night-guiding, for the fire was in thered eye, which at the thought got a new fascination for me; till, as Ilooked, the fire divided, and seemed to shine on me through the fog liketwo red eyes, such as Lucy told me of in her momentary mental wanderingwhen, on the cliff, the dying sunlight struck the windows of St. Mary'sChurch. Suddenly the horror burst upon me that it was thus that Jonathanhad seen those awful women growing into reality through the whirling mistin the moonlight, and in my dream I must have fainted, for all becameblack darkness. The last conscious effort which imagination made was toshow me a livid white face bending over me out of the mist. I must becareful of such dreams, for they would unseat one's reason if there weretoo much of them. I would get Dr. Van Helsing or Dr. Seward to prescribesomething for me which would make me sleep, only that I fear to alarmthem. Such a dream at the present time would become woven into theirfears for me. To-night I shall strive hard to sleep naturally. If I donot, I shall to-morrow night get them to give me a dose of chloral; thatcannot hurt me for once, and it will give me a good night's sleep. Lastnight tired me more than if I had not slept at all.
* * * * *
_2 October 10 p. m._--Last night I slept, but did not dream. I must haveslept soundly, for I was not waked by Jonathan coming to bed; but thesleep has not refreshed me, for to-day I feel terribly weak andspiritless. I spent all yesterday trying to read, or lying down dozing.In the afternoon Mr. Renfield asked if he might see me. Poor man, he wasvery gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and bade God blessme. Some way it affected me much; I am crying when I think of him. Thisis a new weakness, of which I must be careful. Jonathan would bemiserable if he knew I had been crying. He and the others were out tilldinner-time, and they all came in tired. I did what I could to brightenthem up, and I suppose that the effort did me good, for I forgot howtired I was. After dinner they sent me to bed, and all went off to smoketogether, as they said, but I knew that they wanted to tell each otherof what had occurred to each during the day; I could see from Jonathan'smanner that he had something important to communicate. I was not sosleepy as I should have been; so before they went I asked Dr. Seward togive me a little opiate of some kind, as I had not slept well the nightbefore. He very kindly made me up a sleeping draught, which he gave tome, telling me that it would do me no harm, as it was very mild.... Ihave taken it, and am waiting for sleep, which still keeps aloof. I hopeI have not done wrong, for as sleep begins to flirt with me, a new fearcomes: that I may have been foolish in thus depriving myself of thepower of waking. I might want it. Here comes sleep. Good-night.