It's twisted, but his words make me smile. I guess when you're pushed far enough, revenge becomes the only thing that could help you move on. That's not healthy. I know that and I'm sure Luke knows that. But knowing the difference between right and wrong doesn't change the way you feel. It just makes you feel guiltier that you feel that way.
I tuck myself into him and press my head against his chest. "Sometimes," I whisper. "I have these terrible thoughts..."
I stop speaking, because I'm not sure I should even say it out loud. Luke's lips meet the top of my head. "Tell me."
"You'll think bad of me."
"I could never."
I close my eyes, not knowing what Luke will think of my confession. But it feels good just getting it out--letting someone else know how much hatred I'm harboring. "Sometimes...I wish that just once...Asa would have to watch you fuck me. It's the only thing that would kill what's left of his soul. I sometimes wish he could somehow be forced to watch you take what he thinks belongs to him."
Luke doesn't respond for a long time. I start to grow embarrassed that I admitted that out loud. I don't want him to think I have this fantasy that involves Asa watching us for pleasure. It's far from that. With everything Asa has put me through, I know that this would hurt him more than anything. That's all that fantasy is--a way for me to get the ultimate revenge on him.
"Sloan," Luke finally says. "He did a lot to you that you didn't deserve. So much more than anyone should ever have to endure. It's perfectly normal for you to want him to suffer. Don't ever feel guilty about that. Ever."
I sigh with relief at his words. "What would be your ultimate revenge?"
Luke laughs a little. "My only revenge would be watching you get your ultimate revenge. I just want to see you vindicated. Justified. So I want whatever it is that would get you that."
I love him. I really do. So damn much. I pull my face away from his chest and say, "I love you, Luke."
He cups my face and says, "I love you too, baby." Then we kiss.
But then we stop.
Banging.
Loud banging on the center of the apartment door. I immediately feel the terror, the chills all over my skin, the shaking return to my hands.
Luke is standing now. I don't even know when he jumped off the couch. He throws me my T-shirt. He moves across the living room and grabs his gun off the counter.
More banging on the door.
He motions for me to get up and come stand by him. I do.
"Who knows we're here?" I ask him.
"Just Ryan," he says, walking to the front door. I follow him. He leans forward and looks through the peephole. He pulls back and presses his back to the wall by the door. "It's Ryan."
"Thank God," I whisper.
Luke doesn't move. His gun is still drawn and his eyes are boring into mine.
"What's wrong?"
Luke inhales a quick breath, then releases it. "He's not scratching his neck."
Sloan's whole face drops. She knows mine and Ryan's non-verbal signal for when everything is safe. And she realizes now that everything is not safe.
I glance out the peephole again, hoping I just missed the signal. But he's still not scratching his neck. And it's four o'clock in the morning. Why would he be here?
"Open the door, Luke," Ryan says. "I know you're in there."
Ryan is looking straight into the peephole. But I know him well enough to know that he's hoping I don't open the door.
If Asa is behind this, why would Ryan lead him here?
I look out the peephole again and I can see Ryan looking to his left, like he's listening to someone give him orders. Ryan inhales, then stares at the door again. "He took Tillie. If you don't open the door, he'll let them kill her. He's the only one who knows where she is."
"Fuck," I whisper, dropping my head against the wall. "Fuck."
I can't believe Ryan would put Sloan in this situation. I can't believe he would bring him here. There has to be something else to this. Ryan would put his own life in danger before he would risk anyone else's. I glance over at Sloan and tears are pouring down her cheeks. Her eyes are wide with fear. I look out the door again, just as Asa walks into the frame, pointing a gun against Ryan's head. "Don't forget to tell him who else I have," Asa says, loud enough for me to hear him through the door.
Ryan closes his eyes regretfully. "Luke," he says. "He has someone parked outside my little sister's house. I'm sorry, Luke. I'm so sorry."
I close my eyes. Ryan's little sister is the one thing he would protect more than anyone in this world. It makes sense now. And the fact that Asa was smart enough to pull that off makes me scared for Sloan's life. I reach for my phone to dial 9-1-1.
"If you call the police and have me arrested, they're both dead," Asa says. "Tillie. Ryan's sister. And Ryan. My guys have strict orders. I'm giving you three seconds to open this door."
Sloan is crying hard now, shaking her head, begging me not to open the door. I take two steps until I'm standing right in front of her. I brush my thumb across my bottom lip and whisper, "I'm so sorry, Sloan." Then I grab her arm and pull her to me, press the gun against the side of her head, and open the door.
Asa looks at Sloan first. Then his eyes meet the gun I'm holding to her head. "Son of a bitch," he says.
I back us both into the living room as Asa makes his way inside, holding the gun to Ryan's head. "Looks like we have a predicament."
I shrug. "Not really. What you have of mine is disposable. What I have of yours is not."
Sloan is shaking so hard against me, and it fucking kills me that I'm doing this to her. But she knows she's the only bargaining tool we have to work with. He would never want her dead, so I hope she realizes that this may be our only way out of this.
It's a risk, but we're out of options.
Asa's eyes are hard on mine. "Let her go, Luke. I'll release Ryan, Sloan and I will leave, and things can go back to how they're supposed to be."
I'll never push her into Asa's arms. Even if he has to kill me first.
"Asa," I say, backing her away from him. "Do you remember the last time we were locked up in a room together? You were very curious about the details of my first time with Sloan."
He swallows hard.
"You still interested in hearing about it?"
Asa cocks his gun in a threatening gesture, pushing it beneath Ryan's chin, forcing his head up.
I do the same to Sloan. It makes her cry even harder.
"The first time I kissed her was in your bedroom," I say. "Right next to your bed."
"Shut your fucking filthy mouth, Luke," Asa yells. "I'll blow his fucking brains out all over this apartment."
I nod. "If you do that, you'll see exactly what Sloan looks like on the inside."
He winces. I'm getting to him.
"You think I care if she dies?" I say. "There are a million more girls just like her, Asa. She doesn't mean shit to me. She got me closer to you and that's all I ever cared about. She's a white-trash cunt who used you for your money. Do you really think I would take a girl like that home to my mother?"
Asa lowers his head until his eyes are narrowed in my direction. "You think I believe that? Nice try, Luke. I know you want to keep her all to yourself or you wouldn't fucking be here with her. Now tell me what it'll take for you to give her to me. Alive."
"I can't do that yet, Asa. You're right, I don't want to give her up. I've only been able to fuck her once. She owes me a good fuck or two."
Asa pops his neck. I can see his focus changing more to me and less on Ryan. I push him a little further.
"You want to know what it was like the first time I fucked her or not? Last chance."
Asa shakes his head. "Not particularly. What I'd like is to not have to fucking kill you or your partner. What I'd like is for you to hand me Sloan so we can move on with our lives."
"You were passed out in your bed upstairs." I press my cheek against Sloan's, rubbing my face against her. I can feel her
tears and my fucking heart is regretting every second of putting her through this, but I have no other choice. "Sloan had just gotten out of the pool. Her bra and panties were soaking wet. Nipples were hard as fucking rocks. You know what she did, Asa?"
He doesn't respond, so I continue.
"She walked right up to me, pressed those hard nipples against my chest, and then she called me out on my bullshit. Said she knew I was undercover. She threatened to tell you. So I did what any guy would do in that situation. I pulled her to the side of the house, shoved her against the wall, and kissed her to shut her up." I force a smile. "She loved it, Asa. Moaned so loud I was afraid she might wake you up. Then she wrapped her legs around me, letting me know how much she wanted it. I carried her to my car and she straddled my lap. She fucked me in the backseat of my car while you slept upstairs. She fucked me, Asa. She didn't fuck Carter. She fucked Luke. The cop. She fucked me, knowing I was there to bring you down."
I push Sloan forward a step, getting just a little bit closer to Asa, digging that knife in a little bit deeper. "How does that make you feel? Knowing it turned her on more to know that I was an undercover cop building a case against you than it did when she thought I was just another dealer like you?"
Asa's nostrils are flaring. He's staring at Sloan, hatred in his eyes. "Is that true, baby?" he says. Sloan is right. She's the only thing that can break him. "Did you know he was a cop when you fucked him?"
Sloan is staring at Asa, her fear forcing her chest to heave up and down. She nods. "It's true, Asa," she whispers. "And it was the best fucking orgasm of my life."
There's a split second when I can actually see her words breaking his heart. Cracking his entire soul right down the middle. His eyebrows draw apart and he blows out a quick breath, refusing to believe the words she just spoke to him.
That split second is all it takes to aim my gun in his direction. I pull the trigger, hitting him in the arm that's holding the gun. The second the bullet makes contact, Ryan breaks free and grabs Asa's gun, shooting him once in each leg to ensure he's immobile.
Sloan is wrapped around me, one of my arms holding her tight while the other is aimed straight at Asa's head. My finger is around the trigger and it's taking everything in me not to shoot him. To end his fucking worthless life for good.
Ryan can see it on my face. "Don't do it, Luke," he says.
Asa falls to the floor and Ryan is on top of him, cuffing his arms behind his back. "Where's Tillie?" Ryan demands.
Asa makes eye contact with him. He has three bullet wounds in his body--none of them necessarily life threatening--but he has a solemn look on his face, like he can't even feel the physical pain.
"Fuck if I know."
Ryan reaches back and smashes the barrel of his gun across Asa's face. Blood splatters on the wall. He grabs Asa's phone out of his pocket and says, "You're going to call them off! Right now! You're going to free Tillie and my sister, you piece of fucking shit!"
Asa is staring up at him, laughing. "Your sister was a lucky guess," he says. "Found her online. Looked up her address. I don't even have people at her house, you gullible piece of shit. That picture I showed you was taken last night."
Ryan stares at him long and hard. He pulls his phone out and dials a number.
"Are you okay?"
He pauses then says, "Tillie, are you fucking okay? This isn't a joke! Where are you?"
Ryan closes his eyes, and then in a split second, his gun smashes against Asa's head again. "You pathetic fuck!"
He hangs up the phone and calls his sister. "Hey," he says. "I'm sending police to your house. Don't freak out, I just need to make sure you're okay."
When he hangs up the phone, he looks at me. He shakes his head. "I'm sorry, Luke. There was no way I knew if he was lying or not. I couldn't take any chances."
"I would have done the same thing."
Ryan makes sure Asa's cuffs are secured to the mantel and then walks toward the door. "I'll call the station and have this sorry fucker picked up. I'll show them up. Keep your gun on him until they come get him."
As soon as the door is shut, I pull Sloan to me, squeezing her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that. I'm sorry I put a gun to your head and said those things."
She lifts up on her toes and kisses me. "You saved my life, Luke. Don't apologize, I knew what you were doing."
"Get the fuck off her," Asa grumbles.
We both glance over at him. He's handcuffed to the mantel, his jeans covered in the blood that's coming from his legs. But he still doesn't seem to care that he's been shot three times. He's staring at Sloan, rage in his eyes. All I can think about is Sloan and how relieved I am that this fucker is definitely going to prison now.
She'll feel safer, at least.
But she still won't feel vindicated.
Stupid cock-fuck. His hands are on her, his lips in her hair. My stomach feels like someone went after it from the inside with a fucking machete. Every time he touches her, I can taste vomit.
"Get your hands off her," I demand.
Sloan's eyes meet mine. She casually walks to the door and locks it, then walks back to Luke and presses her back to his chest. She pulls his arms around her waist. "I don't want his hands off me," she says. "He makes me feel things, Asa. Things you never could."
She lifts her shirt and slips one of his hands inside it.
What the fuck is she doing?
My breathing is getting real fucking hard to control right now. I've never hated something this much. If it took me going to church just so I could believe in a hell Luke would rot in, I'd never miss a fucking service.
Luke's eyes are locked with mine as he lowers his mouth to her neck. I can see his hand moving inside her shirt, straight up to her breast. He squeezes her breast and I fucking gag.
"Sloan," I say, my voice desperate. "Baby, stop. Stop letting him touch you like that, you don't like it." I'm yanking my wrists so hard, attempting to break this fucking mantel, they start to bleed from the cuffs cutting into my skin.
She leans her head back until it's resting on Luke's shoulder, but she's still staring down at me. "Remember the first time we had sex, Asa? The night you took my virginity?"
I shake my head, wanting her to shut up. That was special. Luke doesn't need to hear about that from her, it's mine. That night is mine to share. Good girls don't talk like she's talking right now. Only whores talk like this.
His other hand presses flat against her stomach and begins slowly sliding down. She moans right in front of me.
Fucking sick fuck.
"I told you I wasn't ready," she says to me. "But when I woke up, you were on top of me."
I shake my head. "Stop, Sloan. Don't talk like this to me, baby. You don't mean it."
"Every time I think about that night, I throw up bile. It fucking burns my throat every time I think about how you took something so special from me and treated it like it was yours to do with as you pleased."
My eyes watch Luke's hand as it disappears inside Sloan's panties.
I feel stuff on my face. Wet shit. Tears. I'm gonna fucking kill him so slowly until he begs me to take his life.
She begins to stiffen beneath Luke's hand.
Her arm goes up behind her and she snakes it around his neck. "I hate you, Asa. I hate you so fucking much. When you would have sex with me, I would cry. When you would come to bed at night, I would pray that you didn't put your hands on me. When you kissed me, I wondered if death tasted better than you."
She spins around and leans against the couch, pulling Luke to her. She lets him kiss her while his hand is still inside of her.
I can't fucking watch.
I turn my head.
"Open your eyes, Asa," Luke says.
"Fuck you!"
I hear him march across the floor and then I feel him grab my hair. He bashes my head into the mantel behind me and holds it there until I look up at him.
"You'll fucking watch or I'll staple your goddamn eyes open!"
/>
He walks back over to Sloan and pulls her panties down to her ankles. She kicks them off.
I would turn away, but I still don't believe she'll do it. There's no fucking way she would do this to me. She doesn't have it in her.
Oh, God.
She won't do it.
She won't let him inside her.
She would never do that to me.
Sloan grabs his hair with both hands and says, "Fuck me, Luke. Fuck what's yours now."
I can't breathe.
She reaches in his pants.
Puts him inside of her.
God. No.
"Luke," she breathes.
No.
Baby, no.
My chest hurts.
Fuck.
Fuck.
No.
No, no, no!
I'm dragging in breaths, trying to find enough air to beg her to stop, but I can't fucking speak.
I bash my head against the mantel behind me.
Once.
Make her stop.
Twice.
Make him stop.
"Luke!" she says. "I didn't know it could feel this good."
Three times.
Four times.
The physical pain doesn't even come close to what she's doing to me. She wraps her arms around his neck. "I love you," she lies to him.
Her teeth meet his shoulder when he says, "I love you too, baby."
I bash my head again for the fifth time.
Sixth time.
She says, "I'll love you forever, Luke. Only you."
And then she fucking rips my heart out of my chest. She throws her head back and moans.
I want to die.
I hear him groaning. Groaning against her neck, buried inside her, not even using a fucking condom. He's tainting her. Ruining her.
I want to fucking die.
I close my eyes so I don't have to see the aftermath. "Kill me," I whisper. "Just fucking kill me."
I hear sirens.
Fucking goddammit! The last thing I want to do is live with these visions in a fucking prison.
I open my eyes just as Sloan is pulling her panties back on. "Fucking whore," I mutter. Then I scream. "You fucking whore! Just kill me!"
Sloan presses her lips to Luke one more time, and then she stands up straight and walks toward me. She bends down in front of me. I would reach out and strangle her, but I'm fairly certain I've lost too much blood to even lift my arms now.
"No one is going to kill you, Asa. For the rest of your life, every time you close your eyes in that prison cell, I want you to see me. With Luke. Making love to Luke. Marrying Luke. Having Luke's babies."