While he wanted to cut the throat of his now ex-wife--Alura had filed for divorce and been granted it by the Trigon Court two weeks after his arrest--he couldn't bring himself to hate Ember.
Even now. Even though he really wanted to at times. Even though a part of him wanted to lay all of this at her feet and blame her.
He couldn't. And for that, he hated himself.
"I just hope you're happy."
Though it killed him to think about it, he prayed that whatever man she'd found to replace him gave her the love she deserved. That the lucky dog treasured her the way he should.
And that thought made his gut tighten. Worse, it churned up bitter emotions and memories.
You faithless, worthless bastard!
He flinched as a memory of one of Alura's more stellar tantrums intruded. She'd been so angry when she found out that he'd been arrested for assaulting Ember's rebound boyfriend. He hadn't meant to.
But there he'd been, back from patrol, when he overheard her sister Cin talking about how upset Ember was that her new guy had stood her up after they'd been dating for a couple of months.
Worse, he'd heard Ember's voice over the link as she cried to her sister. "Why can't anyone love me, Cin? What is so wrong with me?"
Next thing he'd known, he'd tracked the bastard down and had beaten the utter shit out of him.
Yeah, that had bent Alura into all kinds of pissed off.
But he didn't want to think about her right now. He needed to find some way to get free of this death sentence so that he could hand-carry one back to Barnabas.
Finishing up his shower, he left the room just as Jullien returned.
Jullien wore a peculiar expression before he gestured toward the towel Bastien had been molesting on his arrival. Not in a sexual way. But because it'd been so long since he'd last touched anything so soft and good-smelling. "You can have some of the towels, if you want."
Embarrassed that Julie had caught him in a moment of sad weakness, Bastien actually blushed. "Pathetic, right?"
"Not about to judge. You don't want to know how sorry my state was when my wife found me." He handed a tray of food to Bastien.
At first, he tried to eat like a human, but this was real food. It was warm and delicious. Before he knew it, he was attacking it like a savage and shoving it into his mouth by the handfuls.
Then he made the mistake of glancing to Jullien and realizing that his gluttony, like his towel molestation, had a witness to it.
I am an animal.
Horrified, Bastien wiped his hands off. "Sorry."
"Again, no apologies. Ever. I get it."
Sighing over what a pathetic mess he was, Bastien set the napkin aside. "Who would have ever thought this would be our lives, huh? As a boy, I thought by now I'd be ruling, in complete bliss." That was what his parents had planned for his future. A nice heiress in another empire.
But he'd wrecked that design the moment he met Ember.
"I never thought I'd live long enough to rule. Gods' truth to that. Every day I woke alive in that palace, I counted it a miracle."
Shocked by Jullien's confession, Bastien set the tray aside. "Seriously?"
He nodded. "Once Nykyrian was gone, I figured it was just a matter of time until one of my cousins grew brazen enough to take the fatal shot."
"That's why you wanted to live with your father?"
"Why else?"
Bastien let out a bitter laugh. "Your father thought it was a ruse of your grandmother's so that you could take his throne."
Jullien rolled his eyes. "Of course he did. All he had to do was marry and screw another whore for a son. I wouldn't have cared. I just wanted away from Andaria."
Scowling, Bastien gaped at him. "You know why he never did, right?"
"No idea whatsoever."
"Jullien ... he loves your mother. I mean, loves her. They were supposed to marry. Everything had been arranged, in spite of our grandfather. Uncle Aros was willing to give up his throne for her, then Nykyrian was killed and she went into an institution. After that, his father and the Triosan senate absolutely forbade it. They'd have imprisoned him as a traitor had he married her then."
He gaped as if that was news to him. "What? When was this?"
"Before I was born. But I heard my mother and your father and our grandfather fight about this most of my life. Aros categorically refused to ever take another bride--that was his FU to his father and his people over what they did to him by banning his marriage to Cairistiona. He has been loyal to your mother all these years. Your mother is his heart and soul."
Jullien scowled at him as if he couldn't believe it. "Then why did he allow them to banish me and replace me as heir?"
"Truthfully? Aros thinks you hate him. He says that the first time he picked you up when you were an infant, you screamed like you were being murdered and didn't stop until he put you down. That anytime he tried to touch you, you cringed and recoiled, or ran away to hide. So he learned to leave you alone and focused on Nyk. After Nyk was gone, he didn't know what to do with you." Judgments that had always seemed harsh.
But Bastien also remembered how things were during his childhood. "Every time you visited, you and Aros always ended up in a bitter fight. So he thought it would be best if you stayed on Andaria. It's why he didn't fight them when they removed you from the line of succession. He thought you'd be happier on Andaria. That it would be best for everyone."
Jullien scoffed bitterly. "My father never bothered to get to know me at all."
Fair enough. He'd witnessed enough of their interactions to know that as truth. "I'm sorry, Julie."
"It doesn't matter. My parents orphaned me the day I was born. I never expected much from them, and sadly, they never failed to meet my low expectations." Jullien jerked his chin toward his closet. "Take whatever you need, brother. I'll make sure and bring supplies here whenever I pass through."
Jullien's unexpected charity brought a lump to his throat. God knew that it'd been so seldom given to the man in front of him that Bastien had no idea when or how Jullien would have learned it.
More than that, it'd been so long since anyone had thrown anything other than pain and misery his way that he was finding it difficult to not be suspicious. "Why are you being so kind to me?"
"Because I know what it's like to be left out in the cold. I don't want to do that to you. If I can find a surgeon who can remove your tag, I'll come back with him, too."
Those words almost broke him. Tears welled in Bastien's eyes before he pulled Jullien against him and hugged him. "Even if you leave and never think of me again, the fact that you offered ... I love you, my cousin."
Jullien pounded him on the back and released him. "I won't forget. I put my hailing numbers in while I ran my searches. If you come under attack, get sick, or need anything, you call me. I mean that. I'll return immediately. Anytime. Don't hesitate."
Bastien wiped at his eyes, despising the weakness he was showing. It really pissed him off that basic decency had come to be such a rare commodity in his life that it left him weeping like a baby.
Yet there you had it. And it'd come from the least likely source of all. His cousin they'd all written off.
Clearing his throat, he followed Jullien to the ramp where Thraix waited with extra ammunition and weapons.
The sight flabbergasted Bastien. No one gave up weapons without a fight, and this was a lot more than he could have ever hoped for. "I wasn't expecting all this."
Thraix grimaced. "Yeah, well, I wasn't expecting to let it go, either. But after what I saw in that building ... I reevaluated my opinion of you. It's not often I'm wrong. But I'm man enough to admit when I make a mistake. I made sure to conceal you, so you should be left alone."
Grateful to a level words couldn't even begin to convey, he inclined his head to them. "Thank you."
The woman whose name he had yet to learn joined them and handed Bastien what appeared to be some kind of prayer book. "I know you probably don't
read Andarion, but I want you to have this anyway, for the gods to watch over you and keep you safe."
It was only then that he realized the necklace she wore marked her as a religious leader. Though how Jullien had come to travel with her, he couldn't imagine.
Not that it mattered to Bastien. Only their kindness did. "I will treasure it, High Mother." He paused to meet Jullien's gaze. "Peace be with you, cousin."
"And you."
Suddenly, an alarm sounded.
Jullien scowled as he heard it. "It's Jup. He's under fire."
With no idea who that was, Bastien inclined his head to them. "Go. Help whoever. Thanks again, all of you."
Not wanting to keep them after everything they'd done for him, he sprinted down the ramp and returned to the shadows that had become his home.
From there, he watched as they departed, and whispered a prayer for their protection. While the gods had abandoned him, he hoped they'd stay with Jullien, and it meant a lot to him that he still had one family member who hadn't completely rejected him.
Jullien's presence today had given him something he hadn't had in a while.
Hope.
At least he had one person in the universe who still called him family and didn't believe the lies others had spread about him. Sad that his life had come down to this. That something so very little meant so very much.
Yet it did.
Bastien carefully put away his supplies, then thumbed through the prayer book. Thanks to Jullien, he recognized a few words, and through it, he learned the name of the woman, as it was embossed on the cover.
Unira Samari.
She'd also put her digits inside the book, along with a prayer card and a blessed necklace. And a small note for him that she'd written in Universal.
The gods have not abandoned you, my son. Though it may seem dark today, there will be a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes it takes a bitter storm to clear the land for a better, more abundant harvest. Should you need anything, even if it's nothing more than a mere friendly voice to keep you company, call me anytime. I promise not to preach, only to listen.
May the gods keep you wrapped in their eternal love and protect you always.
Unira.
Bastien clutched her card and pressed it to his chest. Then he tucked it so that it'd stay over his heart and put her necklace on. Such trivial things, really, yet the comfort they gave him were beyond measure.
But they weren't the only gifts that'd been left behind. He didn't discover the rest until he went to shut down his electronics.
Thraix had been generous, too, and left him a note of his own.
Tweaked your system a bit. No one should be without at least one good porn channel, sports feed, and a news feed. And it's locked tight so that no one and nothing will ever detect you. Stay safe, brother. You need anything, call.
T.
Man, Jullien had managed to find himself some decent companions. Far better than the bastards who'd fled from him like rats off a sinking ship.
But that wasn't all. Thraix had also included tactical scans and intel on Bastien's uncle and his new Kirovarian regime.
"You beautiful Trisani bastard ... if you were here I'd kiss you."
Because with this he could plan his attack on Barnabas and how he'd take them all down.
Hell's coming, Barnabas. And I'm delivering it personally.
CHAPTER 6
Bastien grabbed his blaster as he heard the sound of an engine. But after his heartbeat quit drowning the sound out, he realized it was Jullien making another supply run to him.
True to his word, he hadn't forgotten him. As often as he could, Jullien popped in with food, medicine, ammo, and weapons.
Thraix with porn, comedy, and top-notch alcohol Bastien was sure had to be banned in most systems.
And between those unlikely two was always Unira with her calm, mothering nature.
Bastien holstered his weapon as he headed outside to greet them.
As soon as the ramp lowered, Jullien's adopted son Vasili came running down to greet him. The boy was so thrilled to be added to the crew that he didn't even mind whenever Jullien gave him the crap tasks, hoping to make Vas rethink becoming Tavali.
"Bas!"
He embraced the eager teen who was also a blond Fyreblood Andarion like Unira and Jullien's wife Ushara. "Hey, kid. How you doing?"
"Good."
"Your sisters still making you crazy?"
Vasili screwed his face up as Bastien mentioned the half sisters Jullien had fathered with Vas's mother. "I love them, but ... yeah. One day you're going to meet them and see what a handful twins are."
Bastien laughed. He'd love nothing more than to meet Jullien's wife and toddler daughters. "And your mom?"
"Having another baby."
Bastien arched a brow at the teen's tone. "You okay with that?"
"I'm praying for a brother who can run some interference with the spider twins."
Ruffling his hair and laughing, Bastien stepped away to greet Thraix, Unira, and Jullien. But the moment he did, he caught the look on their faces that said they were bringing bad news to his door.
"What's going on?"
Jullien handed him a tactical pack. "Have you heard the latest?"
"About..."
"The Caronese have declared war on The League, and with them the Triosans, Andarions, Garvons, Gourish, and Exeterians."
"So basically The Sentella started the war and their nations are backing?"
Jullien nodded.
Bastien grimaced at the nightmare that had to be. "And The Tavali?"
"Two of the four Nations have already signed on. So far, the Gorts are not a part of it."
"Because Trajen won't let them fight it," Thraix said under his breath.
Unira sighed. "For good reason. I'm glad he's keeping us out of it. I've no wish to start conducting funeral services over those I love."
Yet Bastien knew the gleam in Jullien's eyes that said his cousin had different plans. "Well, let us get to your supplies. I know you've been waiting on some of them."
When Bastien started after them, Thraix pulled him aside. "Just so you know, your loved ones are safe from the war."
Bastien's blood went cold at his words. "My loved ones are all dead."
Thraix's eyes lightened to an eerie, indefinable shade of blue. "Not all of them. Trust me. The day will come when you'll reunite. I just thought you should know you're not forgotten and your heart is safe."
Bastien wanted to believe that. Desperately. But he was sure Ember had moved on with her life. He'd long ago reconciled himself with the fact that she was no longer his heart. That what they'd had was over and done with. Nothing more than fading memories that haunted him.
Or worse, tortured him with the vivid memories of a warm body that was far from the cold pile of blankets on the floor that made up his bed nowadays. Still, he couldn't keep his treacherous mind from betraying him. Anymore than his body from craving hers.
Why? He had no idea. It was the worse sort of hell. Maybe that was his real punishment. Knowing she was out there and that he couldn't have her.
*
Ember cursed as fire rained down on them from League ships. Jay was at the helm and flying like the demonic bitch she was famed for. But their enemy was closing in.
"More fire at click eight!" she shouted into her mic. "Shore it up, ladies!"
The women were eerily silent as they fought. A far cry from the raucousness of Ember's sisters and the other Gyron Force troops she'd once fought beside. All she heard was the frantic beating of her heart and the recoil of their cannons.
Finally, they heard the sound they'd been waiting for.
"Drive's fixed! Hit it, Captain!"
An instant later, Jay went into hyperdrive, but not before one last volley of fire cut across their ship and sent them skidding sideways.
Ember cursed again as she slammed against the side hard enough to daze herself.
All of a sudden, as everyth
ing around her darkened, she was no longer in a space battle. She was home again on Kirovar.
She saw Bastien holding her as he inspected the blow she'd taken that had rung her bell pretty significantly. "Good thing you're hard-headed, huh?" He flashed that charismatic smile that could get him out of any and all trouble.
"You're not funny, Cabarro."
"That's only because you have a head injury. If you were running at your usual speed, then you'd know I'm hilarious."
"Only in your mind."
"And according to you last night, in bed."
She groaned at that. "Don't go there, Captain. I'm in enough pain. Don't need you adding to it."
With a gentle kiss that left her famished and wanting to strip him bare, he let go of her so that he could stand up and use the shadows for cover. Like a phantom wind, he went to the opening of the building they were holed up in. She took a moment to sweep a hungry look down his ripped body, and imagined what he'd look like without that uniform on.
Yeah, she definitely had a head injury. That was the only way to explain why she'd be this horny while they were in this much danger ...
Bastien scowled. "I'm not detecting any readings. I think we got--" He broke off as someone opened fire on him.
He was back at her side so fast that she hadn't even realized he'd moved. Scooping her up, he carried her and ran with a speed that defied belief.
"Ember?"
Blinking, she realized it was Jalyna Xever standing over her right now and not Bastien. The Fyreblood Andarion captain who ran their Tavali crew.
"Jay?"
"Yeah, Em. Where did you go, girl?"
Home. The word choked her as she remembered that her home no longer existed. Everything she'd once known was long gone.
Just like Bastien.
And that almost broke her into tears, but by sheer force of will she caught herself and shoved her emotions back down.
No doubt her suppressed feelings for Bastien were what had caused her vision. She'd learned just last night that he'd been killed two years ago. That he'd died alone at the hands of a ruthless League assassin.
That news had done more damage to her heart than she'd have ever thought possible. Stupidly, she'd believed herself to be over him. To have put that part of her past to rest years ago, and come to terms with it.
She couldn't have been more wrong.
Not since the death of her parents had anything hurt so much. All the regrets she had mounted to the point they were virtually debilitating.