Chapter 13
We’re all so hyped after the game; we fill the house with the thunder of our voices, “this is by far the best game you’ve played,” Melissa kisses Trevor and we all hoot in agreement.
We’re all huddled around the table eating ice cream from the carton, Melissa is so happy about the game that she doesn’t make a fuss. She scoops some Ben and Jerry’s in a bowl and waves a spoon at us, “I’ll be in my room watching delicious men on tv.” We all groan in unison.
Blake shovels a mouth full of ice cream, “hey,” he slurps and I cringe at the nasty sound, “how did you talk your mom into letting you stay here?” He’s looking at Evan and I’m also interested, seeing how she wasn’t exactly on board with him missing youth group, I especially didn’t know how he got away with being out late on a school night.
Evan shrugs, “if she wants to be ridiculous and miss such a big game, then I’m gonna keep on rebelling.”
Blake shakes his head and laughs, “bad boy, bad boy.”
We all laugh and Trevor tries some of my ice cream, “yeah I can’t believe she missed your game because she was mad. You should just stay the night here with us.” He opens his arms wide open as a sign of welcome.
Evan nods and says he will, and I want him to, but I also don’t want his mom to not like me anymore than she already does, “You remember our conversation in the car?” I shoot him a look and he looks a little sheepish, “well I don’t want things to get worse.” Blake and Trevor start chanting rebel over and over again and I shoot them ice glares.
Evan kisses the top of my head and then he wraps an arm around my shoulder, “she’ll love you when she meets you,” he sighs, “especially since you made such an excellent impression on dad after the game tonight.” I bite the corner of my lip relieved. After the game we all flooded the field at the amazing teamwork the guys pulled off tonight! It was such an epic game, everyone did awesome. Especially Trevor, Blake and Evan. I was never so proud. After the game Evan put me on his shoulders and ran around like an idiot until he found his dad. He was shouting here’s lady luck! Looking back at it now it was really embarrassing, but at the time we were all so stuck on the high of the game that I didn’t care who saw me or how I was acting. But I’m glad his dad didn’t seem to mind that I was wild from the game.
I feel loads of relief wash over my body, but I still feel a little uneasy at him rebelling against his mom, “I really want her to like me,” I pout and then I start making a fish face which basically makes us both laugh.
He nods, “oh alright I’ll go check in with her, let her know what I am doing and see when she wants me home,” he grumbles out of the kitchen and mutters something about how his dad needed to wear the pants.
I’m laughing at Trevor when my pocket goes crazy with buzzing. I slip it out and a big smile breaks my face when I see Kim is stopping by. I peek at Trevor and I turn over in my mind whether or not I should tell him or let him be surprised. I think he should know so he can get his game face on, but Evan stomps into the room before I can say anything. He looks at me and says, “Looks like I better go,” he shakes his head. Trevor and Blake mock him and I shoot them a look which only fuels their teasing. I follow Evan to his car and give him a hug.
He hugs me back and sniffs my hair, “bananas.” He whispers.
I laugh, “Bananas?”
He nods and ducks in his car, “You always smell like bananas.” I roll my eyes and wave goodbye as Kim rolls up.
Evan blows a horn and she gives him a thumbs up on the game tonight and I just smile. This is how life should be; full of friends and great memories. Then I start to worry a little because I didn’t exactly warn Trevor. Kim walks up to me and acts shy, “am I still welcome?”
I roll my eyes and drag her into the house. When I step into the kitchen with Kim it was like pulling the plug on avacuum; instant silence. Kim finally breaks it all, “hi,” she gives a wave and her voice is so small, the thick silence nearly swallows it whole.
Trevor’s mouth is hanging wide open and it would be funny but I’m just as nervous as he is. He jumps over the island causing some cartons of ice cream to topple over, which I busy myself righting them so I don’t pry on a private moment. I look at Blake and he isn’t one bit ashamed to watch the two lovers so I decide I’m going to watch too. Trevor takes three steps towards Kim and then stops directly in front of her, “hey,” he puts a hand on his hip and tries to act cool which causes me to giggle under my breath.
Kim flushes and looks at her feet, “I hear I can get some ice cream here.”
He motions his hands towards the island and ushers her like a guide, “of course we’ve got so many different kinds. We kind of went on a crazy ice cream shopping spree after the game and practically bought out the entire store.” He snatches a Ben and Jerry’s up, “Cherry Garcia your favorite.”
Kim takes a spoon from the island and takes hold of the carton. She smiles, “thanks.” She takes a couple of bites and we’re all staring at her, we should probably stop, but we don’t.
Blake smiles wickedly, “good to have you back, Trevor has been a wreck without you.”
Kim lets the spoon drop in her ice cream, “is she here?”
Blake shakes his head, “she’s at a friend’s.”
Kim makes a face, “you should probably keep close tabs on her.”
If Blake is offended he doesn’t let it show. He just shrugs, “I’m not that type of man, I don’t need to be around her every waking minute,” he smiles, “if she wants to leave she is a free bird.”
Kim raises a brow and looks at Blake like she can see through him, “maybe she should keep tabs on you,” Kim lets her eyes linger on Blake for another minute and the two exchange a look that’s lost on me and Trevor.
Blake laughs and thumps the island, “I’m a one girl kind of guy,” he throws an arm around Trevor, “and contrary to popular beliefs so is my man Trev,” he gives him a noogie and looks at Kim, “love and let live.”
Kim gets busy eating ice cream and Trevor just watches her like a creep. I jab him in the ribs and mouth that he’s being a stalker and he just flips me off. Blake taps my shoulder and nods his head towards the living room for me to follow him so I do. He waits until we are in the living room before he speaks, “let them talk about stuff.”
I sigh and start pacing. Blake laughs at me and tugs at my sleeves, “if you’re going to pace let’s take a walk,” and without thinking any better of it I follow him out the door without protest.
It’s not until we’re outside that I feel a belated protest caught in my throat. The moon is hanging high and the stars are glittering low; and that protest is lying kind of thick and heavy in my throat, but I keep walking next to Blake. Then I think about Trevor and wonder how things are going. And it could honestly go either way, and that thought gets me to chewing away on my bottom lip, “you’re really worried aren’t you?”
I don’t even have to answer because it’s so obvious I’m worried, but I do, “I really like Kim and I hope it all works out.”
Blake nods, “it will or it won’t.” he sounds kind of gruff and to the point and for some reason it strikes a nerve in me. I hate it when people say stuff like that, like it doesn’t matter either way, because it does matter. I know that if they’re meant to be it’ll work out, I know that, just like I know if it doesn’t work out then they’ll both eventually find happiness. But knowing that still doesn’t make the in-between stages suck any less.
I trudge on in silence swatting unseen bugs away from me when they flutter against my skin. Clouds swirl angrily across the sky and everything gets a little dark. We keep walking and crunching the leaves under our feet, “too bad Evan had to go home.” Blake says a little randomly.
I shrug, “yeah,” and then the silence falls and we keep walking deeper into the woods. I stumble a time or two under rolling limbs or random freaking holes. I curse under my breath and then feel a little guilty because I remember talking about not cursing
in youth group.
“Coach said two scouts talked to him today and they’re interested in me,” a grin breaks my face and I go to congratulate him but before I can he continues, “yeah one’s from Texas and the other’s from state.” He kicks up some leaves with the toe of his shoes, “I get to fly out with the scout to Texas, I’m kind of stoked about it.”
My heart drops to my stomach and I feel sick and I can’t explain why the smile crumbles from my face, “oh?” I barely croak out.
He stops and I stop and we face each other, “of course I’ll just drive myself to state I mean it’s all of what thirty minutes from here?” I don’t say anything, I can’t say anything because I feel tears well in my eyes and it takes all I have in me to keep them from falling, “I think Trevor is flying with me, at least that’s the plan, to do the visit the same day.”
I swallow, “ah I see you guys are making this a mini vacation,” I bite my lip so hard I feel it split under my teeth, “are you two serious about going?” I try to play it off casually, but I think we both know we’re past casual. I’ve already allowed for too much emotion to slip and I can’t go back.
“yeah, well I don’t know I think it all really just depends on how things go with Kim,” I watch Blake reach up and scratch his head and I refrain from hugging him, “anyways I figured Trevor was going to ask you to come with him, but it looks like he could ask Kim so if you want to go with me you can you know.”
Confusion and excitement bubble in my chest, “go with you?”
“yeah, yeah we get to take someone with us while we go check out the school. Normally you can bring whoever but they’re flying us out, so they only want us to take one.”
“Kammie didn’t want to go?”
Blake’s voice sounds a little shocked, “I hadn’t really asked her,” he quickly adds, “I didn’t know if her parents would even allow it and where Trevor is going to be there I knew there’d be no problem with you going,” he stops speaking for a minute and there’s an odd silence, I can’t say anything because I don’t know what he’s trying to say, “and I know you and Trevor are kind of attached at the hip so I told him I’d let you come as my guest even though you’d obviously be Trevor’s.”
“What about Melissa and your parents?”
Blake laughs, “If they really wanted to go that badly then they’d find their own way, besides this is just one visit if we’re serious about it we’ll go other times.”
A million thoughts race across my mind, “Blake, I—” I pause and close my mouth fighting back tears, “well are you all serious about going to Texas?” I wrap my arms around myself while I anxiously await his reply.
Blake is hesitant at first, “maybe. Like I said as for Trevor it all just depends on how things pan out with Kim.”
I nod, “And you?” I whisper.
Blake lets out a long sigh, “I’m kind of torn. Certain things are pulling me to Texas and certain things are grounding me to state.”
I rack my brain and try and think of all the things I could think of that could make him stay. I wasn’t ready for him to leave. I definitely wasn’t ready for Trevor to leave, “Texas is so far,” he doesn’t say anything, “Kammie will miss you.” I say.
Blake laughs, “Maybe, but we’ll more than likely break up once I graduate.” I’m not shocked at this revelation because Blake is always at our house or hanging out with me Evan and Trevor. And Kammie is hardly ever around. All this time I’ve assumed they’ve been together but in all actuality she’s been hanging out with her newly found friends—whoever they were.
We go back to silence and we’re both just standing there in the middle of the woods facing each other with the moonlight shining down on us. Blake opens his mouth a time or two to say something but then he closes it and I desperately want to know what he was going to say, but I don’t dare ask. A twig snaps in the night; my eyes flutter out of a trance, “so either way I’m skipping school and heading to Texas?”
Blake licks his lips, “definitely.”
Then I think about the moon, and Texas and how big of a state it is; how big the distance is from here to there and I almost start to cry. I think about all the reality shows I’ve watched that have taken place in Texas and all the wonderful things that can make a person fall in love with the state. Then I think of the gorgeous women that seem to be roaming all over Texas, and I think of how Texas has all the attractions a state could offer two nice looking guys. And before I can think better of it I collapse into Blake’s open arms and burry myself in his chest.
One tear falls and I don’t wipe it away. Two tears fall and I let them slip from my face. Three tears fall and I start to lose track. I just cry softly into his solid chest and he strokes the back of my head, letting his fingers get lost in my hair. He draws me closer, and I breathe him in.
My sobs get lost in the wind, “I really don’t want you to go to Texas,” I shudder a shaky breath, “Don’t take Trevor with you please,” I whisper over and over again until I swallow my sobs and start to shudder in the breeze. And then I whisper so softly and I can’t be sure if he can hear me because it’s so faint I don’t even hear it, “and I don’t want you to go.”
Blake pulls me away so he can see my face, his eyes glitter in dark and I don’t know if they’re watering or if it’s from the glow of the moon, but his nose is a little red, “Evan’s a good person,” I look up at him and nod, “he deserves the best,” I nod again because I know he does, “he’d do anything for anyone and he’d especially do anything for you.” I nod and I feel like I’ve hit rock bottom. I shouldn’t be walking a moonlit path with a guy who takes my breath away, but here I was crying in his arms and scheming up ways to make him stay.
I take a step back and get a grip on myself. I wipe strands of hair from my face and draw in a deep breath, “thanks for letting me be your guest.” I feel panicked like a caged bird. My chest starts to swell. They can’t leave for college and go to a different state, they just can’t.
Blake turns and waits for me to follow him and he starts to head back, “I think Texas will do me a world of good.” He says.
I nod and don’t really have much to say. If Texas is what he wants then I can’t stop him, and I’d be selfish if I tried. I mean what would I do if I did beg him to stay? Just keep him here for friendship? I think I’m just an emotional wreck and I’m afraid if Blake goes to Texas then Trevor would follow him. And that would be devastating for me. I didn’t even want to think about it. Just like I didn’t want to think about how Trevor wasn’t the only reason why I wanted Blake to stay.
We’re two steps from the front door when Blake says, “if I’m in Texas I can’t hurt good people.” I go to ask him what he’s talking about but he opens the door and I can see Trevor and Kim sitting on the couch in the middle of a conversation.
I step past Blake, “you still need some time?”
Kim smiles at me, “no we’re just finishing up,” she looks at Trevor and then back at us, “and we’ve decided to take things slow and just hang out as friends.”
I nod an approving nod and before I can say anything Trevor speaks up, “not dating anyone though.” He looks at me, then to Kim.
Kim smiles, “Not dating anyone at all no. Just being friends and working on ourselves and then we’ll go from there,” she looks at her lap and picks at a snag in her jeans, “I mean it’d be crazy to start back in a relationship and then have to end things if we go to different colleges.”
I lick my lips and flinch at the burn from where I split it, “so he told you about Texas?”
Kim nods, “yup, I’m kind of set on State myself but I don’t want to hold Trev back and if he goes to Texas and loves it,” she shrugs, “then I want him to go for it.”
Trevor stares at the TV that’s turned off, “but you’re not,” I smile weakly, “you’re not going to consider it.” I look at Kim, “I mean you’ve practically got Kim back,” my lip trembles when he doesn’t say a word, “and I’m here,” I’m a
lmost hysterical now, “I mean if you go to Texas I’ll never see you!” I say.
He just looks at me like a torn soul and he doesn’t say a word. I run up the stairs and slam my door. I jump on my bed and burry my face in my hands. And then I hear a creak in the floor and chills finger up my spine. I peek between my fingers and hold my breath and listen for someone to come into my room , but when the door doesn’t open I jump out of my bed and rip the door open, “Kim! Kim!” I scream in the dark hallway.
Within minutes Blake barrels into my room with Trevor and Kim close behind him. He grabs hold of me with a panicked look on his face, “what?”
I look up at him and flutter my eyes, “I-I was going to ask Kim to stay the night.”
Trevor holds his side, winded I guess from running up the steps, “she’s still scared from that movie.” He explains to the two of them.
“Good Lord!” Kim is doubled over and out of breath, “I thought someone was in your room,” She straightens herself, “and Blake knocked us down to get to you,” she and Trevor exchange a look.
I don’t draw attention to that fact, then I remember I’m in his arms and take a step back, “so will you stay with me?”
Kim gives me a look of regret, “I would most definitely but my parents aren’t a fan of Trevor at the moment and they’d think I was lying to spend the night with him.”
I close my eyes, “they’re going to have to meet me so they know that you aren’t lying.” She laughs and looks down at her phone.
“And I should be leaving or they’re going to be calling soon.” Trevor turns and walks Kim out.
Blake takes me by the hand and guides me to my bed, “get your bed clothes on,” he turns his back to me, “well hurry up.” He says.
I rip my jeans off and decide to keep my jersey on for the night, I slip under my covers, “you can turn around,” I prop myself on my pillow and watch him walk over to my bed and sit down. “What are you doing?”
Blake shakes his head, “I don’t know.” He gets up and flips the light off and I’m instantly scared he’s going to leave me here by myself.
But then I hear a rustling noise next to my bed and I hear shoes clunking on the carpet, “Blake are you still here?” I ask even though I know it’s him, I just need the assurance of his voice.
He laughs, “yeah it’s me.” And I hear him rolling around. I pull a cover and pillow from my bed and toss them in the floor. I hear a muffled thank you and roll over and close my eyes.
My phone vibrates and I pat around my bed before I remember it’s probably in my jeans. Blake hands it to me, “here, this thing was buzzing in my ear,” he stops for a minute and then fumbles for words but finally finishes his thought, “anyway it was buzzing.”
I take the phone from him giggling, “you liked it,” I whisper and then I see who it is. Amazingly it’s a text from my long lost friend Kammie. U up? I answer her and wait to see what she wants. My phone buzzes within minutes what do you think about sex? I look up at the darkness around me and send her a reply ? two seconds later and a message zips on my screen things r kind of slow with me n Blake…I’m thinking about sex. I look over in the floor and can barely make out a form. I stare long and hard. Funny, I’d never really thought about having sex with Evan. I mean we’ve never talked about it except for that one humiliating time and it’s never crossed my mind since then. I shake my head and text I mean that’s something entirely up to you two. I really don’t know what to think. I don’t really think about it.
My face flushes hot and I’m thankful for the cloak of the darkness when Blake mutters, “someone’s blowing your phone up.”
I close my eyes and try not to sound so guilty, “yeah it’s your girlfriend.”
Blake doesn’t say anything at first and then asks casually, “does she know I’m here? I mean in your floor? Not that we’re doing anything.”
I sigh, “No we are talking about you though.” And then before I think better of it, I text does Blake say he wants to have sex?
“Oh really? And what about?” he asks.
I giggle nastily to myself, “You don’t want to know.”
“Yes I do.”
My phone buzzes and my eyes dart to the screen eager for her response he’s never brought it up. I’ve had to a time or two and all he says is we’re not that serious. Or he doesn’t think he should take my v card and then go off to college. But I’m going to keep trying. I don’t know why but her response makes me really giddy inside.
“Yes I do.” Blake says again.
I teeter back and forth in my mind and decide if he really wants to know, I’ll let him know. After all he is taking me to Texas and he is lying in the floor because I’m scared, “she’s asking me my opinion on sex.”
“What is it?” His voice cuts through the dark, it feels like snakes slithering over my skin. My breath catches, I’m startled that he wants to know my opinion.
“What?” I hear a rustling sound and I can see the outline of his body, he’s changed positions he’s now on his knees. I grip the covers with clenched fists; I hold them tighter to keep myself grounded.
“What is it?” he asks again.
I shrug, “well she’s asking me if she should have sex with you because things are going slow,” I frown, “which I don’t understand what’s wrong with slow—”
“Are things slow with you and Evan?”
I gather my covers under my chin, “you know he doesn’t want to have sex until he’s married.” I say.
“I didn’t ask that, and what do you want?”
“I—I don’t know I’ve never thought about it either way. I think I’m kind of young to be thinking like that.”
Blake snorts, “Well if you’re with the right person it really doesn’t matter, because the temptation will drive you wild out of your mind insane.”
“Oh so you think it’s impossible not to have sex with someone that you’re attracted to.” I laugh. “Besides, shouldn’t you be like Evan? Shouldn’t you want to wait until you’re married?”
Blake guffaws, “I never said that I just mean things won’t be slow. They’ll get messy; they’ll get out of control. You’ll lose your breath; you’ll lose your mind and it’ll take all you’ve got to just keep it all in balance and not give in.”
I cross my arms over my chest outraged at the thought, “you sound like you know what you are talking about.”
“I do.”
“Well, how many people have you had sex with?”
“None.”
“Then how do you know all of this?”
“Because all it takes is a kiss to know. And sometimes it just takes a look to be blown away. But the kiss, well that pretty much seals your fate.”
“A kiss? And you’ve had this kiss from your temptress?”
Blake laughs but there’s no doubt in his voice, “yes.”
Without missing a beat I ask before I can help myself, “is it Kammie?”
“no.” he says softly. My heart aches for her; and then it aches in a way I didn’t know it could. I wanted to know who this temptress was, and what did she have that I didn’t.
“Then why are you stringing Kammie along?”
He laughs, “trust me I’m not. I’ve let her know from the beginning I wasn’t in this for anything serious, I mean I’m going to college and well I just didn’t feel the need to leave things all messy,” I feel like I hear a shrug in his voice, “and she’s fine with it. She gets to go to prom and hang out with seniors,” now I hear him smiling, “she doesn’t seem so bummed about it.”
I should offer him support, tell him that she’s crazy about him, but I don’t. I don’t because I know it’s true, but then again he’s never seemed to be attached to her either. Then my mind races back to the temptress. I really wanted to know who she was and why he wasn’t dating her instead. Was it because he didn’t want to get serious before leaving for college? Who was she? She has to be gorgeous; funny, and probably knows all the right things to say. My
heart sinks, I want to be funny; gorgeous, I want to know all the right things to say.
“Are things slow with Evan?”
“Yeah, I don’t think about sex if that’s what you mean.”
“Do you kiss?”
I snort, I mean I know he’s seen us kiss before, “Uh yeah are you blind?”
I almost detect a smile in his voice when he says, “No I’m definitely not blind. Night.”
I roll over and fall asleep with a smile on my face. It’s not until I’ve been asleep for a while that I feel the bed bounce under me, I stir and open my eyes and close them when I feel Blake slip behind me under the covers. He must have not been able to sleep in the floor.
I’m too tired to protest and as soon as I feel him roll over with his back to me I fall asleep and decide it’s all harmless. The next morning I feel warmth seep in my chest and spread through my skin. I crack my eyes open to find Blake cradling me in his arms against his bare chest! I go to turn away, but he draws me closer and our legs are all tangled together. I start to panic because this will look really bad and wildly inappropriate.
I look up at Blake who’s sleeping like a rock, “Um wake up!”
His eyes open and he jumps back crashing into the wall, “sorry the floor was hard and I wasn’t getting any sleep and I’ve got a test today,” he scratches the back of his neck.
I jump out of bed, “it’s cool, no big. We’ll just never do this again,” I dig through my drawers and turn to find Blake staring at me. Then I look down and realize I was sleeping in my underwear. Blake throws his hands over his eyes and I put some clothes on at break-neck speed. I run a comb through my hair and throw it up in a bun. “I’m decent.”
I flinch when I hear Trevor yell up the stairs that Evan was here. I look panicked at Blake who is already dressed and halfway out the door, “what are you going to do or say?”
Blake shrugs, “we didn’t do anything.”
I slap a hand over my face, “I know but it wasn’t right and I don’t want him to think badly.”
Blake nods, “you’re right, I’ll just hang out in Trevor’s room.”
I nod and edge past him and run down the stairs taking the steps two at a time. Evan is sitting at the table eating a pop tart, “ready?” I ask as perky as I can and start tugging him out the door.
Evan smiles, “hey did Blake stay over?”
Trevor looks at me and has a shit-eating grin on his face, “yeah man.”
Evan looks at me and I glare at Trevor, “Does he do this all the time?”
I make a face, “No not all the time. I mean he’s over a lot, oh I don’t know. Let’s go I haven’t seen you in forever!”
Evan laughs, “You just saw me last night.”
It’s not until we roll into the school parking lot that I decide I can’t take the pressure from the guilt that’s bubbling up in my chest anymore. I turn to face him so I can read his every movement, “Hey, so Blake spent the night last night and he ended up sleeping in my bed.” I bite my cheek and wait for the worst.
Evan parks the car and rubs his face, he sighs long and hard, “I’d be crazy if I said I didn’t care but I do. Would you care if I spent the night with another girl?”
I thought about it and he was right. I knew it was wrong even though we didn’t do anything, of course. But would I be out of my mind jealous if he spent the night with another girl? I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t think I would like it at all, and I would probably just get out of the situation if it made me that uncomfortable. I mean if he is in a relationship with me he shouldn’t be spending so much time with other girls, “guess not,” I rest a hand on his arm, “I’m sorry.”
Evan nods a little numbly and it hurts when he doesn’t look at me, “at least tell me why?”
I fold my hands in my lap, “I don’t do so good with scary movies and I had begged Kim to stay but her parents are still mad at Trev so that was a no-go and Blake heard me asking her and—I don’t know I think he just felt sorry for me.”
Evan nods and he looks a little ticked, I tug on the sleeve of his arm and he looks at me and smiles, “get Kammie to stay next time, or what about Trevor?”
I nod and kiss his cheek, “I wish you could stay.”
He looks at me and we get out of the car, “I’ll work on it.” I give him a look, “well, it’s not like I can have you running into the arms of other people when it’s not their place.” He slams the car door shut causing me to flinch and he dismisses the conversation.
The rest of the day is kind of a lame blur. It’s not until the final bell rings that I feel excited. I don’t have plans, but it doesn’t burst my bubble in the least. I’ve just slammed my locker shut when Kammie takes me by the elbow which surprises me, “hey!”
I smile and it probably looks fake, because I feel like my skin is too tight for my body from all the different emotions welling in my chest. I’m stoked that she’s finally talking to me in the same way that I’m angry it’s taken her this long. It’s sad that we’ve drifted this far apart. “Hey.” I say.
She tucks her hair behind her ears, “so how you’ve been? It’s been a while.”
I nod even though we’ve just seen in each other in some of our classes, which is really weird that we didn’t even talk much then. When I look at her, sadness wraps hold of me. We have the same lunch but we no longer sit together; I’m tired of pretending like I think it is all okay. “Why are you so distant?” I ask her unable to keep up the façade.
Kammie looks to the floor, “it’s weird! I mean, I can’t really be around you without being around Trevor.”
I roll my eyes, “so I have to be punished because it’s hard for you to be around Trevor?”
Kammie shrugs and hugs her books to her chest, “I didn’t want this to happen,” she shakes her head and her hair sways under the movement, “I knew we’d all be better off if he didn’t say anything.”
I close my eyes in irritation, “it was for the best that she knew.” I say.
Kammie gives me a look that I want to slap off her face, “is it?” She starts to walk down the hall and I follow her as we talk, “I mean we’re practically acquaintances.”
I stop for a minute so I can see her face, “You’re the one that never comes around,” I throw my hands up in the air, “I mean I’ve been reaching out to you and you’ve been shady and blowing me off. I’ve asked you over, which I’ve never had to do before! And you’re like ‘sorry I am with friends’.” We stop in the hall, people shoulder past us, but we don’t pay attention because we’re lost in our own world. “What’s the deal with that by the way? Huh? You just going to replace me with these new friends of yours?” I sound bitter, and that’s just fine because I am bitter and frustrated. We’ve been friends for a while, I thought we were more than that—I thought we were family. I thought nothing would ever happen to us, looks like I thought wrong. I should have known better though, if my own mother doesn’t stick around, why would anyone else? I should toss in the towel and give up now before I got hurt anymore than I already had. But I don’t. I don’t because I know I’m not a quitter and people don’t always leave; sometimes they stay. I learned that from Trevor and Melissa.
Kammie starts walking and if I want to keep up with her then I have no choice but to move along with her, “I already told you it’s weird being around Trevor, and it’s not like I can hang out with Kim.” She shakes her head, her glossy hair shimmers under the lights.
I let out a sigh and shield my eyes as we step out into the blinding sun, “have you tried to talk to her?”
Kammie digs in her purse and whips out her shades, “seriously?”
I don’t say anything. I just keep looking at her and she turns to me and smiles, “anyways I was asking if you wanted to hang out at some point.” She searches the parking lot and waves when she spots Blake walking to his truck, “we could go shopping or something.” She says.
I watch her walk across the parking lot and jump in Blake’s tr
uck. I stand there a few minutes until I jump out of my skin when Evan rolls up and yells out the window, “hey pretty girl.”
I smile and slide in the passenger seat, “hey,” I lean forward and kiss his lips. Then I remember Blake and his temptress with a mere kiss and I decide to deepen the kiss and see what tingles may follow. I inhale his kiss and slip my tongue between his lips and draw him closer.
The car shifts and he has to slam his breaks, but we keep going. I run my fingers through his hair and a moan rumbles low in his gut. He holds my face in his hand and his other slides low on my hip, but that’s where it stays. I break from the kiss and sit back in my seat. I close my eyes and wait for all the flutters and swirls to settle down because I do feel them, but they’re not overwhelming like I thought they would be. I mean I was perfectly fine with things going no further than a kiss. I don’t think Blake knows what he’s talking about. I lay my head back on the seat and close my eyes. The kiss was sweet; the kiss was perfect. Sex never crossed my mind, I crack an eye open and see Evan is smiling at me.
He drives out of the parking lot and we start talking about college and things we’d like to do. Evan wants to go on mission trips and change the world. I’m not sure what I want to do. “I don’t know where my place is just yet.” I say.
Evan nods, “well you will. I mean it kind of took me a while, but I figured things out.” And that’s when I got scared. Evan already knew where he was going, he had dreams and goals he wanted to achieve and all I knew was what was in the latest issue of Cosmo.
I mean as far as knowing what college I wanted to go to I always figured I’d go to State because it’s close, and as far as what adult job I wanted to do—I was at a loss. Evan already knew. He wanted to travel the world and go on mission trips, he wanted to study abroad. And all of that sounded so big and amazing, but it also sounded scary and a lot different from my non-planned life. I was quiet the rest of the ride home and listened to him go on and on about his plans, about how he knew we were going to do great things together. I smile, but it feels like ice in my throat.