“Are you guys sure you have to go?” Jackie was sitting on the bed with the sleeping child in her arms.
“Yes, I think we have to get on our way.” I tried to hide my eagerness to get away from what seemed to be a bipolar woman and a newborn.
I was inching out of the door ahead of the others. I started to pull Lauren with me, but Lauren flinched. I let my hand fall down from her arm, completely bewildered. I mean, she’s never done that before. She didn’t even meet me in the eyes as she started to head west like our plan. We weren’t going out, not that I was sure that the rules of dating could really be applied now, but still Lauren never cared about the small touches on the hand before. I mean, when we were first starting on this expedition, Lauren was the one grabbing my hand.
“Bye, Jackie,” the group spoke in unison over their shoulders.
Then we headed on our way with a small noise of a door closing. We kept walking in silence. I kept watching Lauren; she wasn’t speaking to me, Mandy was shy, Cole hated me, and Jill was a peacemaker.
“Lauren?”
“Yes, Sean.”
“Where did Jackie’s baby come from?” Sean asked, holding Lauren’s hand, his head titled up to see her face.
I wanted to laugh.
“Um…well the baby came from—”
“Her tummy,” answered Paige as she held Lauren’s other hand and peered around Lauren to look at Sean, “My aunt was pregnant last year and the baby came from her tummy.”
“Was that why Jackie was fat?” Sean asked innocently.
“She wasn’t fat Sean she had a baby inside her,” Lauren corrected.
“She still looked fat!”
“You shouldn’t say that to a girl’s face or they’ll pound you into the ground.” I paused as I picked up Sean and put him on my back. He held his well-worn stuffed animal tight. “You know, with that added weight, they could sit on you and crush you!”
He giggled.
“Nice thing to teach him, Aaron.” Jill snapped at me for what felt like the first time.
“It was just a joke, Jill,” I chuckled.
“Of course, since you guys can’t have children, it’s a joke!”
“Wait, I can’t have a baby? That’s not fair that girls can and I can’t!” Sean pouted.
“Trust me, little buddy, you should be happy about that.”
“Why?” Sean asked as he was close to my ear, curiosity was drenched in each letter.
“Yeah, why should he be happy about that?” Jill asked, using a tone that told me if I said the wrong thing, I was going to be killed.
I didn’t know how to answer that one. When you’re in a group of seven and only three of the people are guys, but only one of the guys likes you while the other wants your head on a wall, you really don’t know how to answer that. I glanced over at Lauren for help, but she wasn’t paying attention.
“Lauren, are you all right?”
Changing the subject is a good way to not have to answer the question!
“Yeah I’m fine, just not talkative today.”
The rest of the way was quiet as Jill was irritated with me. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with Lauren and her silence started to really get to me. Sean didn’t want to talk because he was annoyed about not being able to have babies when girls could. Mandy was just always quiet anyway and I just didn't want to understand Cole.
We finally stopped as night approached as the temperature dropped even more. I started a fire as we sat around and ate some of the berries we found after what felt like an hour of arguing over if they would be poisonous or not. Paige and Sean were the first to fall asleep in our laps so we put them on the ground so they could sleep more soundly. Lauren then curled into a ball as she watched the flames in the middle us. I scooted a little closer to her. Before I knew it, we were listening to Cole’s snores, knowing the rest were asleep. Lauren always seemed to have trouble falling asleep.
“Lauren, you want to tell me what’s really wrong?”
“I’m fine, it’s…” Lauren started, her voice drifted off leaving just stillness once more.
“It’s what?”
She let out a quiet sigh. I so didn’t want Lauren to be sick again. I don’t think our group could handle that and I wasn’t about to walk back to Jackie’s for Lauren to get better. I had a feeling that I would have become Jackie’s personal whipping boy if we went back.
“It’s probably nothing.” She sighed again, her eyes never leaving the fire.
There was a snap of a branch, glancing in the direction of the sound, I saw nothing.
“What was that?” Lauren looked nervous.
“How about you tell me what’s going on with you, and I’ll tell you there is nothing out there,” I responded, glancing back at her.
She was probably just over thinking something. So I wasn’t going to expect a big problem. I watched her as she continued to stare at the blaze before us.
“What did you mean when you said, ‘you’re to go through this sometime in the future’?”
I raised an eyebrow at her. I said that when Jackie was about to give birth; that I do remember.
“That’s what has been bothering you?” I asked, evenly.
That didn’t sound like a big deal.
“Yes, now what did you mean by that?”
She titled her head as she glanced at me with heartbreaking, befuddled, blue eyes. Then she turned back toward the flames, almost like she was unable to keep her gaze on mine.
“I thought that was pretty self-explanatory,” I answered, not seeing her point.
What was wrong with what I said?
She turned to stare at me now, really looked at me in the eyes so that I could see her racing emotions from within.
“Who said anything about me going to have children though?”
“Don’t girls want to have children?” I inquired with a shrug.
“Not all of us!” Lauren shrieked before her voice softened. “Well, maybe I did at one point, but I don’t think I would want to bring children into this kind of world!”
“The world has and never will be safe—”
“No, but at least before the children wouldn’t have been starving!” Her voice hitting a high pitch as she cut me off.
“You’re saying you don’t want to have children because you’re afraid for their lives?” I asked in an even voice. “That’s what parents do!”
“Not like this, Aaron. We don’t even know if more asteroids are coming to finish us off. Or if Manson is behind a tree right now, waiting to kill us in our sleep. I don’t think I could go through that kind of labor we just helped Jackie with. Only to have that child dies.” Her voice was small and frightened.
“I understand that, but the world needs people again,” I answered, trying to be sensitive to her stress level.
She wasn’t making sense. I mean, what was she so worked up about?
“No, it doesn’t. You’re not going forced me into something I don’t want to do.” I watched her jaw muscles tighten in the dancing flames.
“What am I forcing you into?”
“Into having children, and who are you going to try to breed with me?” She was full out angry now. “You?”
“I’m not trying to breed you! Wait! What’s wrong with me?”
What would be so wrong if Lauren and I had kids? Being patient and kind was no longer possible in this discussion. I tried, but that ship had sailed. I’d left to give us space because I thought we were getting too close, and I came back to realize I couldn’t really just wish away feelings toward Lauren. I’d come to terms with feelings I had, only to have Lauren pretty much tell me she was this disgusted even thinking about having kids with me.
“Forcing someone to have sex for the outcome of children only, is called breeding! So don’t try to pretty it up!”
I felt my blood boil.
“You didn’t answer my question,” I muttered between my teeth.
“And what was your question, you jerk?” La
uren growled through gritted teeth.
“What is wrong with me and you?” I asked, unable to hold back my tone.
“Us? Are you kidding me? First of all, we’re seventeen years old!”
“It’s not like we’re in school anymore.”
I stood up and she followed after, both of us narrowed our eyes at each other. The distance between us was just enough for us to stab each other in the chest with our fingers.
“So we should have children purely on the fact that the school is now a pile of rubble?”
“That’s not what I meant!”
“Then what did you mean?”
I wanted to shake her, but knew I would never lay a hand on Lauren or any other girl.
“I just meant that we’re adults now in this situation and we have to—”
“Have sex and bring children into a world full of disaster that'll make them wish they were dead?”
“Will you let me finish a sentence and stop cutting me off?” I snapped.
We tried to kill each other with our glares. We were whispering argumentatively instead of yelling as we were trying not to bring the others into this dispute. My hands were in fists by my sides while her arms where crossed over her chest tightly. I could feel the fury vibes radiating off her and I bet I wasn’t exactly sending calm vibrations either.
“If you weren’t being so ridiculous I wouldn’t have to cut you off!”
“I’m being ridiculous? I’m only talking about the future for us!”
“It doesn’t sound like you are talking far into the future!”
“Well, pregnancy is unexpected!”
“Only when you’re currently having sex!” Lauren pointed out.
I wasn’t going to let her know that she was right. I wasn’t going to let her win an argument even if I had no idea why we were arguing in the first place. It wasn’t like I said I wanted to have kids now either. I just said the future. She read too much into my words, which now caused a riff.
“Why do you care all of a sudden about having children?” Lauren asked.
“I don’t know. Having kids is just one of those things that people do.”
I didn’t know the answer to be honest. Sean and Paige grew on me?
“No, that’s not why people have children! A couple has children because they actually have some form of emotions toward one another and—”
“Who says we don’t have feelings for each other?!” I shot back at Lauren.
I thought back about how her eyes locked with mine when I had pinned her to the mattress before I left. Lauren had not fought to get me off of her, or any other time we touched each other in one form or another. Lauren had never argued or went against me with any of our other gestures before this.
“Well, how do you feel about me then?” Her tone softened as she gazed into my eyes. Her shoulders loosened.
Her eyes weren’t glowering balls of fury anymore, they were just a peaceful blue sky.
“I don’t…” I said, hearing the tone drop in my own voice.
“Argh! You’re so annoying!” She let out an irritated groan and stomped away from the group toward the wooded area.
“Where do you think you’re going in the dark?” I wasn’t sure if I was more panicked about what was out there or wound up there from our heated words.
“I need to let off some steam,” she yelled back not even turning to peek at me.
“Not in the dark!”
“Watch as my back disappears!” Lauren nearly shouted with a wave over her head in my direction.
“Just come back here and go to sleep.”
“I bet you would like me to go to sleep, you pervert!” she snapped back, turning to glare at me real quickly with her arms out wide.
I had the need to punch something as she walked into the shadows. I couldn’t believe she was doing something that stupid. Fine, go. See what I care if something happens! She’ll want to apologize tomorrow anyway. I lay back on the ground using my arm as a pillow. I glanced to see they all slept even through our quarrel. I fell asleep never to have felt or heard her come back.
Chapter Nine
Lauren