We look at each other. He must have seen something in my eyes because his face warms up. It’s the first time I’ve seen him grinning boyishly, with no hints of wickedness or arrogance.
“What?”
Aleksey turns his eyes to the majestic view. “The way you’ve just looked at me. You haven’t ever looked at me like that before.”
“Like what?”
“With warmth. Like you care for me.”
“I c—“ I’m about to say care but restrain myself. “Um…have I ever treated you badly?
He sits with his legs dangling over the railing, and I imitate him. “You always act so cautiously around me. I wish you weren’t afraid of me.”
He has noticed. “But I am. That’s the reason I can’t accept your … training proposition. But thanks for the offer.”
The grave expression on his face speaks louder than words. Evidently, Aleksey isn’t used to hear the word no. Rey’s not an option anymore, but I’ll make him believe he still is. “I think it’d feel better with … my friend.” I look up to the dome. “I know him well and I trust him. I wouldn’t be nervous, and it wouldn’t be a one-night stand. And I was … falling in love with him but—” I shake my head. “I don’t have anything against casual sex, but I have expectations, and I won’t settle for less than the closest to my expectations.”
The conversation has ruined Aleksey’s good mood. His face reddens and his scowl reappears abruptly. Everything about him speaks of contained frustration and anger.
“Fine,” he says curtly.
I look at him in confusion“Fine, tell me exactly what your expectations are and I’ll … adapt.”
“You’ll adapt? To what? For what? I don’t understand.”
“I want your exclusive attention. I’m not having sex with anyone at the moment because you’re the only girl I want. You want me, too. You have my exclusivity, give me yours. I’ll meet your expectations, if you tell me what they are.”
“What’s the point? You said that you’re only interested in sex, and that’s not enough for me.”
“That was before I saw how decided you were to be with your friend.”
“But what is it to you? If Rey and I—”
His scowl deepens. “I’d rather you didn’t, Lila. I’ve noticed you don’t want me to have sex with other girls, either.” He takes my hand and kisses my fingers. “Let’s be exclusive.”
Wow. My mouth opens in surprise. For some moments I say nothing, struggling to find the right words. I run my hands through my bushy hair. “One of my expectations is to know my … partner. You’re a mystery, and I don’t get you, Mr. Fürst. What you ask sounds like a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, and you said you didn’t want that.”
“I don’t understand either, Lila. That day at the river, I knew I had to get you in my bed, under me. I yearn for you like I’ve never yearned for anyone before. I yearn to possess your body, but I also yearn for every bit of human touch you can offer me.”
I take his hand. “I’ll give you a good share of human touch, but—sexually ... I won’t ever meet your expectations. You can’t pretend you aren’t more interested in the sexual touch, than in the human touch.” I say softly.
There’s a soft breeze inside the dome that plays with his hair. “At the beginning, my interest in you was one hundred percent sexual. I thought you’d be an adventure like any other. I would have given you the kind of pleasure nobody but me can ever give you. You would’ve been grateful and satisfied even if you hadn’t seen me again. You would have preferred that to the alternative of never getting to know what a man like me can offer.”
The way he speaks so confidently about his sexual plans awakens my desire. His eyes scan the horizon. “I wanted to use you and then return to my normal life as though you had never existed. But you’re everything but easy. There’s no middle ground with you. It’s either your way or nothing at all. And I started to like you more because of that. Sex won’t be enough for me, now. I want more.”
If this isn’t a declaration, then what is? My stomach is full of butterflies. I can’t believe he’s been opening up to me.
He lifts my chin to force me to look at him. My eyes beg him to continue. “I gave you time. I thought you’d come around on your own. But you won’t be convinced solely on desire. It’s evident that you want something more: A mutually exclusive relationship. But I don’t know how to be with you in that way. I haven’t ever had a non-sexual relationship with a woman. And, Lila. Whatever happens between us, I won’t ever forget you.”
“So for the time you are in Starville you want … a relationship?”
He looks at me with an intensity that makes my insides melt. “I want exclusivity. I want your body, Lila. Badly. I want your consent even more. But don’t mistake exclusivity for romance. I want the sex part. The bestial part. This is a means to make you crave the sexual touch as much as I do. What do I need to do?”
My first impulse is to dance with happiness. Aleksey Fürst not only wants to have sex with me, he wants my company, my share of the human touch. Above all he wants my consent. And he’ll fight for it! That means, as rough as he is, he won’t rape me.
“Keep wrapping your arms around me at night, but remind me that we aren’t a real couple.” I take a deep breath and try to sound casual. “Above all let me know you. I hate that you know all my secrets, but I know nothing about you.”
“So do you agree to not have sex with that Diaz boy?” he asks, evidently disgusted with the thought.
Rey wouldn’t sleep with me without marrying, so why not? “Yes. Not him, not anyone. Maybe not even you, unless you answer my questions.”
A gasp escapes my lips when he pulls me into his arms in a firm embrace. I snuggle against his broad chest. It’s incredible how easily we changed from a sexual conversation to a display of the human touch. Long moments pass in which I’m happy to feel so small, so protected in his arms. And he seems to be happy that I’ve accepted his deal.
“What do you want to know?” he asks without breaking our embrace.
I’m dying to know who C.N. is, but I start with a less personal question. “Do you have a family? Parents? Children?”
I look up. A hint of the sadness he had the day I met him appears in his eyes. “I don’t have children. I haven’t seen my mother in years. I’m not as close to my father and siblings as you are.” And he shuts himself from other people. Aleksey is definitely the quintessential lone wolf. In response I reach up to touch his cheek and we stay like that for a while.
Later, he gives me a tour around the roof-garden while I attack him with more questions. His favorite color is purple; his mother taught him how to play the bass. He’s part of the Accord Unit orchestra. After the war ends, he’ll return to his residency in neurosurgery. Plenty of little details come to the surface and for the first time since I’ve met him: there’s not a barrier between us. He makes me laugh when he describes the first time he tried to train Tristan in Kung-Fu techniques. His funny side is utterly adorable.
By the time we’re back next to the elevator doors, the barriers I’ve built to push him out have collapsed, and I’m ready for everything. When I look up, the smoldering expression in his face sends thrills down every nerve.
Aleksey softly runs his hands through my hair and pulls me close to kiss me. It starts with a deep intimate kiss that I don’t return. But it turns possessive when I kiss him back, molding my body to his. Strong hands cover my hips and slowly slide their way up to my neck before cradling my face. Soft touches of his tongue caress my lips. His heady masculine scent, the way his long arms easily encircle me. It makes waves of electricity run through my body and concentrate in intimate places.
“Not yet. First, let’s go to a quieter place,” he whispers breathlessly in my ear, raising goosebumps all over my body.
“Quieter?”
“Where we could … relax and have some privacy. I know you’re dying of curiosity to see the rooms.”
“That’s neither here nor there and I think we better … whoa! Put me down!”
He scoops me up and carries me toward an elevator. I don’t resist. My body is burning with need, so it’d be pointless to play hard to get.
The elevator ride takes us to the sexiest place I’ve ever been.
Chapter 36
I nervously scan the lavish room. This room must cost thousands of continentals per hour. From a little sofa at the entrance to the enormous bed in the center of the room, every piece of furniture looks expensive. There’s a large bench made of a translucent material. Gadgets that resemble video cameras move in circles under the bench and around the four-poster bed. Multiple screens on the wall project all kind of imagery. Ocean waves in one, a beautiful lake in another, soft rain in a forest in another.
Some of the cameras show couples performing all kind of sexual acts on benches and beds like the ones in this room. I can’t stop looking at them. The sexual imagery not only turns me on but makes me feel extremely aware of his muscular arms around my body. Of his muscular chest so close to my head. The electrical current that his touch provokes becomes too much.
The widest screen projects a live image of everything that happens in the bed. I can see my wide-eyed face when he puts me down to stand on a plush, velvet stool next to the four-poster bed.
Nervous tension paralyzes me. He walks confidently around the room and somehow turns off the screens except the one that reflects my trembling body as a mirror would do.
“If it makes you feel more secure, I can turn off that one,” he says, pointing to the camera that’s circling the bed’s ceiling.
“Don’t,” I whisper. I’m a voyeur; I want to see what we’re going to do. Whatever that is.
For what seems like an eternity I stand timidly next to the bed, not daring to look at him, but feeling his burning stare all over my body.
He takes off his cape and walks toward me intently.
“Maybe we can work it out …Your lessons.”
He kisses me slowly, deeply, biting my lower lip softly. “Relax,” he whispers in my ear, making me shiver. You can stop me at any time.”
“Mm … how … would it work,” I say breathlessly between kisses. “you … teaching me stuff, if your hands on me … may trigger bad memories?”
His face, his stance, becomes hungry. In a way, predatory.
“I guess I’d have to show you,” he whispers in a husky voice.
He leans in slowly as if waiting for my permission. His cheek touches mine before his nose nuzzles my face. My head falls back when his lips graze the skin of my neck and collarbone. A tingling, warm sensation radiates all over my body.
I feel his breath all over my shoulder. He inhales deeply, as though trying to not lose control before his lips make contact with my sensitive skin. The sensation of his breath brushing my skin produces a delicious current of electricity that washes through me. When his lips brush lightly against my shoulder, my skin is oversensitized. The contact makes a shiver course through my body.
I bend my head to the side to give him access to my neck. His lips barely press against my skin. They move from the shoulder to the pulse point on my neck, my jaw, back to my shoulder and my collarbone, then up again to my neck and jaw. Then my dress falls to the floor, and I’m wearing nothing but a corselet and underwear. He has used his lips and not his hands to undress me.
“You’re feeling it, too. You want my hands all over your body as much as I do,” he says while gently sucking the pulse point in my neck.
Trembling fingers fumble with his leathered armor. My voice comes out with a whimpering quality. “How do you take this off?”
Smirking, he scoops me into his arms and makes me lay on the bed. Standing near me, he takes his armor off, and his naked torso comes into view. All I can do is to stare in fascination. The chiseled lines of his strong muscles, his tattoos and scars. His bestial size. Every part of him exudes a brutish feral beauty.
I can’t bring myself to look at him anymore, so I turn to the screen. The differences in our heights, built, and sexual expertise is evident. I look like a scared doe about to be devoured by a lion.
With feline movements, he climbs on the bed and crawls until he’s on all fours over me. For some moments, we just stare at each other breathing forcefully. What will he do?
Tentatively, he places his hands on my waist and waits. When he sees I don’t panic, his hands smooth up my sides, sending shivers across my skin.
A maelstrom of pleasant sensations curls inside me when he slowly nibbles my ears. His husky whisper caresses my earlobe as much as his lips do, making me shiver. “It’s okay. Just relax.”
His nose tentatively skims my neck, tickling me with his breath. The loud beating of his heart, his jagged breath tells me he enjoys this as much as I do.
He alternates kisses in my mouth, the hollow at the base of my throat, as he makes my left knee bend. His hands run over my thighs slowly. He lowers his body, being careful to not crush me with his weight. I run my hands over his abs, chest, and shoulders, enjoying the contact. I can feel his erection pressing against me.
I trace his tattoos and scars with my fingers. He shudders and rolls me over him.
Expertly demonstrating that he knows what he’s doing, Aleksey tears the corset ties and takes it off.
I’m naked except for my underpants. Showcasing his considerable strength, he lifts me up above him and takes a moment to caress my body with just his penetrating gaze. It’s at the same time nerve racking and erotic. I’ve never been so naked and vulnerable in front of anybody. Except him.
I cover myself with my arms, shivering slightly. He realizes I’m getting scared and pauses to give me time to adjust. For a moment he just cradles me against his chest. Then, with his hand firmly against my head, he kisses me gently. It doesn’t take long for me to invite him to continue.
“Look at me, Lila.” His eyes become dark and unfocused. I can see he’s fighting hard to control himself so I don’t run scared.
He moves my body so my breasts are hanging dangerously close to his face. To his lips.
When he sits up and makes me straddle him, my arms wrap around his neck. He tips my head back and trails kisses all over my chin, my jaw, my neck, down the collarbone and to the top of my breast.
“Ah,” I moan loudly when he takes my breast into his mouth and sucks it softly. Waves of hot pleasure travel from my breast to my core. I’ve never felt something like this before, not even in my dream.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers in a hoarse, deep voice while my breast is still in his mouth. His cool breath and soft lips deliciously tickle me. He nibbles my erect nipple before flicking his tongue over it.
“Oh, God!” I whimper. The foreign sensations are overwhelming me. If the throbbing, tingling pulse between my legs keeps building up, I’ll lose my mind.
With his mouth still on my breast, he moves my body so he is on top.
Aleksey's eyes search mine eagerly. As if looking at them gives him the same satisfaction than when he touches me. His mouth moves to my stomach, my hips, and my underwear.
The sensations are becoming so overwhelming that my mind makes a flip and my thoughts disappear in a strange haze. Something is happening to my mind.
When his fingers tease the ties of my underwear, time loses its meaning. I have difficulty breathing and the room disappears.
* * *
. The Accord Unit tells the international audience that everything was made according to Patriot law. They turn off their cameras and flee the University gym.
Fifty recruits, the majority of them girls, are placed on big stones.
I close my eyes revolted by the spectacle. Starvillers gasp and make sounds of revulsion. What is happening on that stage is making them groan in horror.
At times troops use a different kind of violence: the victim is drugged and forced into an orgasm. Nobody will believe later that she didn’t want any of it.
Just wh
en I think it’s over, Angie Weaver shouts. A sergeant drags her to the stage. Buck Weaver shouts that there’s been a mistake. She’s his wife. She has a marriage tattoo. The soldiers shoot him in the leg before taking turns to rape her with delicate, mechanical precision, massaging her in front of the whole town.
They make her come twice.
An enormous hand rests on my shoulders. I turn around and see Gary. “It’s your turn.”
I writhe and scream at the top of my lungs.
“Shh! It’s okay.” A masculine voice brings me back to reality.
I’m trembling. I study the cape covering my nudity. Somehow I’m still wearing my underwear.
He is very careful not to touch me when he passes me a hot beverage. “Drink this. Dr. Velez has to know you had another hallucination.”
I blush furiously. “No!”
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell Dr. Velez what we were doing.” There’s a sliver of concern in his blue eyes. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay. I want to drive our way back.”
He nods and walks out the room to let me dress.
This wasn’t a hallucination. For the most part all those things happened. I’m not sure if it was his eyes or his touch that triggered this memory, but I’m sure he caused it. If his touch will bring back memories of events I want to forget, what’s the point in having consensual sex before the troops rape me?
If Aleksey is disappointed because he’ll get blue balls tonight, he doesn’t show it. When we get back to the clinic, we get into his bed. He reaches his hand to touch my cheek, but I pull away. I won’t risk another hallucination. His face remains impassive, but my rejection, after everything that happened today, is a huge step back in our … friendship. We haven’t exchanged a word since we left the Gyges love-room. Does he suspect that I’m about to tell him that I won’t have sex with him because that means risking another flashback?
And even so, I need to know more about him. I have to ask him. Gary’s voice repeatedly replays in my mind. See if he dares to answer.
Tomorrow. We’ll have to talk tomorrow.