I pretend to ignore her but maybe she has a point. Except I don’t know how to flirt.
We turn a corner and see Luke Rivers riding his pinto horse some meters ahead of us. I can’t believe I’m giving thought to this.
“You don’t have to do anything special. Don’t act as though you’d throw your knife at anyone who dares to look at you. Smile and be polite.”
I cringe. “Me? Smiling? It’ll look fake!”
“Fake my ass! You shouldn’t use the war as an excuse to not live your life. People are getting killed, but they’re also flirting, finding mates, and getting laid.”
I sigh. I might as well try it just to shut her up. Although, I’d prefer to jump into the river from the highest cliff than flirt.
When Luke notices me, my stomach somersaults violently. He ignores me during TCR meetings, and now I’m supposed to flirt with him? When he gets closer, Azzy nudges me. I almost back down but I don’t want to look too weird by changing direction abruptly, so I grin at him.
“Hi, Luke.” There. I did it. For an antisocial, quiet person like me, this is a triumph.
To my utter astonishment, Luke responds with a sincere grin and his voice is kind when he greets me, pronouncing my name with warmth. Correctly.
We pass him without either of us saying another word. My jaw is on the floor. I can’t believe it! I’m so used to dealing with bullies that I forget that there are good men around in Starville.
Azzy looks proud of herself. “How was that?” she asks smugly.
I hate her smug face. I shrug, trying to hide my smile.
“Try it again, Lila.” She looks genuinely happy for me. “Look, there’s Aleksey Fürst.”
Oh no! I won’t flirt with Aleksey; he’s always so quiet and moody. I’m afraid he’ll snap. Plus, he’s my voyeur peer, and I shouldn’t act too inviting around my voyeurmate.
Elena Rivers and Ava Peterson swarm around Aleksey, flirting covertly. They have money, so Starville rules stretch for them. Aleksey ignores them; his focus is on patrolling the streets. The girls wouldn’t pursue him if they were smart. His heroic acts don’t justify his links to the troops. And I don’t think they’d approve of his voyeurism.
At times, I like having him as a voyeurmate. At times, it’s embarrassing. How have things turned out this way?
The first time, I was too amazed to do anything. The second time, I thought of scaring him off, but I hesitated so long that he left before I did anything. By the third time, I realized I like his company. Most Starvillers hate me so much that I’m usually lonely. I’d rather be alone than hanging out with locals, but I crave for a different kind of company. Even if that company is a cop.
Azzy brings me back to reality. “My bread portion for a week.”
Aleksey strolls toward us looking at the other side. His cape is floating around his gigantic frame; his masculine face is set in his usual impenetrable mask. When his gaze turns to me, I grin at him, trying to put all the warm feelings I can muster in my smile. “Hi.”
His reaction astonishes me. Aleksey blinks and clears his throat. Then he turns his face away, giving me a strange gesture with his hand. The cop’s version of a wave.
He gracefully hurries away and disappears down the street while Azzy smiles with an I-told-you expression on her face. If I had used this approach with Rey, would things have turned out differently?
I use my new found charms on Tristan next when he drives an Accord ambulance past us. He looks amused. Maybe he can be my … partner for as long as he stays in Starville.
“Look at my sister the flirter! You’re the flirt ninja!”
“Look at you, Azalea. Teaching your older sister how to flirt to use men.”
“Men don’t care about being used.”
I scoff. “You said not all of them are the same.”
Rey’s not like all men. He’s made clear he won’t be used. And that makes me like him more than I should.
* * *
Today, Divine and Joey are in a romantic mood. They’ve placed orange flowers on the blankets and keep whispering how much they love each other.
My imagination has replaced Joey’s body with Aleksey’s. Aleksey’s the one I see taking off his shirt. I’ve only seen Aleksey’s naked once, but I haven’t forgotten a single line of his chiseled body.
Imaginary Aleksey is now completely naked and sweaty, slowly placing kisses on her pointed nipples. His lips travel their way down to her stomach, leaving kiss marks all along her torso. He gently bends her knees, leaving her completely exposed. I know what will come next, and I’m biting my thumb. He slowly kisses and licks her lower lips before moving up and entering her with his considerable length. Aleksey’s broad back and shoulders cover Divine’s body completely. Bulky biceps tense and bulge as his rounded, tight butt moves rhythmically. He thrusts into her again and again. At times in circular motions, at times, slowly, pausing. At times in fast jerks of his lower body that make her scream.
A deep, masculine voice growls behind me. “Miss Velez, you’re under arrest.”
I startle. Aleksey is here and he’s talking! His voice and presence are imposing. The way he says “arrested” with a caressing, guttural r shoots bolts of electricity to my core.
“On what charges?” I ask looking away. I’m afraid he knows I was watching him.
He inhales deeply as if searching for a particular smell. “Voyeurism. It’s illegal in at least twenty states.”
I’m still turned on by the undressed Aleksey in my mind as real Aleksey sits in his usual spot. Three feet from me.
I glance at the couple in the meadow. Imaginary Aleksey’s gone. The lovers are oblivious to the additional audience member, still ravishing each other’s bodies.
He takes a sip from his flask. I’ve never talked to Aleksey before. I breathe deeply before answering in a secure voice that I hope doesn’t reflect the mess I am inside.
“They’d arrest you, too. You’re watching the same show I am.”
“I’m not paying attention to them. Watching is not my kink.”
What is his kink then? I search my mind for a witty comeback, but I can’t think clearly in this situation. “Then you’re watching me watching. That should be illegal, too.”
“I’m a consenting adult. They’re consenting adults. Whereas you …” he says, watching me appraisingly.
“Hey!” I say defensively. “I’m a consenting adult, too. I might look younger, but I’m eighteen.”
I can’t believe we’ve just exchanged some full-length sentences. He’s a quiet person, and I’m not exactly talkative either. At least today he’s not wearing his usual I-hate-everybody face.
When the activity in front of us gets too intense, I get uncomfortable. Divine’s screams, the sound of bodies slapping, and this incredibly good-looking stranger watching me. I stare at my feet, feeling his penetrating gaze on me. The spectacle, the environment, the sounds are quite sensual. It turns me on, so he must be turned on as well.
“Don’t you have better things to do than to watch me peeping?” I ask to muffle the sex sounds. I get no answer.
A loud wail and a series of tremors announce that Divine has reached the sky, the stars, and beyond.
“The little death,” Aleksey mutters, looking fleetingly at Divine.
This is so twisted. How is it that I can’t walk away? I should hate him, but my body welcomes the physical turmoil he brings. But, the erratic heartbeats and the butterflies in my stomach don’t come only from arousal. They also come from fear. Perhaps because he reminds me of my mother’s attackers.
The activity in front of us gets intense again. Now he’s pounding her with so much force from behind that her breasts are bouncing. He digs his fingers in his hips and spanks her. As though Joey doesn’t care if he hurts her, although I know he does. He’s possessing her. He’s loving her with all he has and it doesn’t look romantic at all. It’s bestial, but erotic as hell.
But after fifteen minutes, I realize Joey?
??s exaggerating his ability to delay orgasm, and she’s almost tapping her feet. I won’t watch anymore. “Come on! Just cum already!” I mumble and suppress a laugh. Aleksey hears me. I swear he’s trying not to smile.
I lie down, closing my eyes. “Why do they call you Prince?”
“My surname. Fürst in German is a kind of prince.”
It suits him. If you look past his roughness, you can see a regal look that doesn’t belong to an ex-soldier.
“My best friend’s name is Rey, which means King; his sister’s name means Queen, and his brother’s name means Duke.”
“También hablo español, amor.” His beautiful accent caresses the Spanish words. His words don’t sound guttural, but so sexy that the butterflies in my stomach go berserk.
The lovers are finally experiencing a shared orgasm, but Aleksey has long stopped paying attention. He’s been scribbling in his journal and seems to be thoroughly engrossed. He probably doesn’t even remember I’m here. I don’t want to be nosy, but he answers my unspoken question.
“I’m writing about the human touch.”
“If I asked you, would you explain to me what the hell the human touch is?”
His eyes turn to Joey, who is now tenderly taking branches out of Divine’s hair. “It can’t be explained, it has to be felt.”
I sit up. “The human touch sounds like a concept that doesn’t exist in Starville.”
Aleksey shakes his head and mumbles something that sounds like, Ask your brother.
I look at him wondering whether Aleksey is as skilled in bed as he is at playing music.
Is it my imagination? Or does scorching sexual tension crackle through the air every time we’re together? There are naked people in front of us performing a sexual ritual that I’ve been yearning to experience first-hand. He’s a man. I’m a woman, and I’m turned on by him. Since Rey won’t do it … why not to search for a private place in this glade and …?
I shake my head. What a gruesome thought! If I had sex with Aleksey, I’d be giving myself to a soldier. How would that be? I must be tight, and he’s remarkably big. Is it possible to break a woman from inside?
Then I get an idea. Maybe this voyeurmate thing can come in handy. “If you have so much free time to spare on your … hobbies, I was wondering if you … could do me a favor.” He regards me intently. Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think his eyes are greedy. I inhale to gather courage. “It has to be a secret.”
“I should not comply,” he says in a theatrical tone that doesn’t match his grave face.
My cheeks flush. “You don’t even know what I was going to ask.”
“It must be related to that conversation.”
“What conversation?” I ask guessing the answer. Ugh! Voyeur and eavesdropper.
“The one with your sister. At the clinic.”
I feel warmth coloring my cheeks red. Not only because I still remember how embarrassing it was when he learned of my V status, but also because he looks as though he’d say yes if I asked him.
I take a moment to calm myself before finding my voice. “It has to do with that … in a way.
“I’d help if I could, but I’m too intense for an innocent girl. I prefer positions that might be too deep, painful, and unromantic for an inexperienced girl—”
I bury my face in my palms. “Hey! I wasn’t going to ask you that!”
Aleksey continues as though he hasn’t heard me. “I’ve never had sex with a virgin. I never kiss during sex, and I prefer to not have sex in a bed. I’m into perversions that might be too advanced, kinky, and rough for you.”
Whoa! How can he say those things so bluntly to a complete stranger? Perhaps he’s taunting me. Am I supposed to laugh? I’ll rise to his challenge then. “Everything you’ve said leads me to conclude that you’re a bad lay.”
Any other man would feel offended. He must be extremely confident in his stud skills because he doesn’t look furious or affronted. A wicked glint shows in his now hungry eyes.
He looks at me with certain amusement, a coy smile crossing his customary scowling face. “Why would you think that?” he asks in a tone that seems to say: You’re too innocent to understand.
“Because if intense is the only way you do it and you favor only one position, then you’re limited.”
He leans closer, staring into my eyes mischievously and forcing me to lean away. “I do all positions, well … I do everything. I don’t think I could explain what I meant by intense without offending you. Your inexperience made you reach the wrong conclusion.”
“If you don’t kiss and you don’t use a bed, how will you ever please your partner?”
“Oh, little Miss Velez, if only I could show you.” His blue eyes look into mine mischievously, and I force myself to not look away. “Of course I wouldn’t ever … otherwise, I would take you to a quieter place.”
“I wouldn’t ever let you,” I retort, forcing my voice to sound casual. An angry tone would give away my true feelings: His negative response to a sexual encounter that I never asked for not only irritates me, but also intrigues me.
I whistle, and Poncho appears all wet from his bath. I don’t look back as we make our way toward the trees.
He walks right behind me. “You were going to ask me a favor.”
“In fact it’s more than one favor.” I turn to see him and catch a glimpse of Divine and Joey eyeing us suspiciously.
“You’ll have to whisper them in my ear,” he says in a low, husky voice, looking at me hungrily.
I abruptly stop walking and my jaw drops to the floor. He’s flirting! I’m so impressed that I stay glued to my place.
He leans in so his ear gets closer to my mouth. His eyes turn dark as he lends me an ear.
But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbor, and slayeth him, even so is this matter: For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.
Deuteronomy 22:25-27
Chapter 11
Except for the chair, and a full size mirror that Tristan lent me, my room is practically empty. I change for a workout. There’s plenty of frustrated energy inside me that I need to burn out.
My face flushes, but it’s not an effect of the workout. I feel humiliated by what I’ve just asked a perfect stranger and what he’s asked me in return. I don’t have too many choices, so it was natural that I asked … but at his price? I have to think carefully about this.
I’m ashamed that Aleksey knows my secrets. I feel distrustful of his soldier appearance and intrigued by the sadness I saw in his face the first time I saw him. I’m grateful because he’s helped me, and now slightly angry for what he’s asked. It’s difficult to keep up with so many conflicting emotions.
Sunset arrives in a succession of pushups, crunches, squats, and jumps. I’m determined to improve my chances of defending myself against soldiers. The first step is to become TCR’s top fighter.
I take a break and look at the window. My eyes meet an unusual image.
Aleksey sits on the clinic’s roof with his back to me, his muscular legs crossed. He seems to be contemplating the vastness of the woods below. It’s not unusual for him to go there when the clinic has little movement. What’s peculiar is that Olmo sits there next to him, imitating Aleksey’s somber face and sitting position while eating an orange. Quietly.
Apparently, Olmo has found a role model and enjoys his company, even if his hero rarely speaks. Poncho is with them, so I know Olmo’s relatively safe, but I hate the idea of him getting attached to this stranger.
Olmo disappears from my view when Dad calls him for another homeschooling session. If Aleksey has heard Olmo’s enthusiastic goodbye, he doesn’t show it. The cop intrigues me. Why is he always alone? How would he answer my requests? What shoul
d I answer to his? Perhaps it’s better to be prepared for a negative answer to both of my petitions. I’m still considering his, though.
I shake my head and return to my training. I haven’t lost hope of losing my V, so I exercise my inner muscles through Kegel exercises. I’ll clasp my partner’s penis so tightly that he won’t ever forget me. I just hope I won’t get raped before getting a partner.
* * *
The steep streets are strangely deserted for an early, drizzly evening. Poncho and the twins have gone home ahead of me, sick of waiting in line for hours to get some food—food which is now hidden in my backpack. I carry a knife hidden inside my cloak. Just in case.
The Accord unit sits on the curb drinking. I don’t know why they don’t go to the Canteen. Hell! I don’t know why they don’t do what they’re supposed to do: protect civilians from the abuse from the troops. I wish they would return to their countries.
Unlike the rest of them, their leader doesn’t laugh. Aleksey is scribbling in his leather-bound journal instead.
Remembering the events of the past days, I frown. Aleksey discovered my secrets and made fun of me. Then he made a strange proposition and hasn’t spoken to me since then. He hasn’t even bothered to answer my request properly. I hate to see him surrounded by drunken assholes. I intend to pass them, pretending they don’t exist.
Unfortunately, they don’t return the same courtesy. As I get nearer, someone chuckles.
“Prince Aleksey. Isn’t that the girl who has a pair of green oceans instead of eyes?” A raspy voice says with an amused tone. The cops respond with guffaws and catcalls. “No wonder she’s blushing.”
They are so drunk that I don’t try to find sense in their words. Aleksey doesn’t answer.
“Sir Tristan,” says Gary Sleecket adjusting his belt around his round belly. “The girl’s rolling her eyes at us. You and Prince Aleksey should teach her some respect.”
Someone drawls. “Sleecket, look at her, isn’t she more your type?”
Neither Tristan nor Aleksey participates in the mockery. From the corner of my eye I see Aleksey glaring at them, effectively making them shut up.