He’d just spent the last two days angry and drunk, convinced that their falling out was her fault, but right now, with a little clarity and more blood than alcohol in his veins, he’d freely admit that everything could be laid at his feet. Everything.
Humiliation made his skin shrink. “I screwed up,” he said, despising himself more with each word. “I expected her to be something––someone––she’s not. Then I rejected the person she is.”
Lilliana reached out to run her fingers through the water as they walked past the fountain. “When I first came here, I did the same thing to Azagoth. I expected him to be a monster.”
“I remember.” He gave her the side-eye. “But he was a monster.”
“He was,” she agreed. “And in a lot of ways, he still is. But my point is that I knew what I was getting into, and I rejected him anyway because I didn’t give him a chance.” She stopped and turned to face him. “Did you give Vex any chance at all?”
He felt sick to his stomach, because no, he hadn’t. He’d judged her based on memories colored by blind love and guilt. A lot of guilt. He’d always blamed himself for not being able to protect her from being banished, losing her wings, or getting slaughtered.
And then, once he found her again, he’d insisted that Vex wasn’t the real her. That somehow, if he could just break through the outer Vex he’d find the inner Laura. He’d wanted her to be that sweet angel he’d loved, because if he could get her back, he could make amends and banish the guilt he’d been harboring for nearly a century. So in a way, he’d wanted to erase Vex, just like she’d said.
He’d been a selfish piece of shit.
How could he not have thought about how crappy her existence had been as Laura? He’d been the one good thing in her life. Now there were a lot of good things in her life, and he wasn’t one of them.
Son of a bitch.
Now he got it. Now he knew why Azagoth hadn’t told him that Vex was Laura. Vex was not Laura. She was Vex, just as he’d said. But at the time Zhubaal wouldn’t have accepted it. He’d had to learn that on his own, and he had, but not before royally fucking it up immediately after making love to her for the first time.
“Zhubaal?” Lilliana prompted. “Did you give her a chance?”
“No,” he croaked. “You know I didn’t.”
She reached into her jeans’ pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper. “Before she left, we got her personal information. For employment purposes, of course.” She winked. “She’s even got a Facebook profile. Says she’s single. You should probably go beg her forgiveness and then get her to change her status to in a relationship.”
Z’s heart gave a great, happy thump. “Thank you, Lilliana,” he said. “I’m glad Azagoth found you.”
Now he had to go find his mate. He just hoped he wasn’t too late.
* * * *
The moment after Azagoth closed his office door, he poured Rev and himself a stiff whiskey, an expensive label given to him by Revenant’s Horseman niece, Limos, and got down to business.
“The barriers that keep demon souls inside Sheoul-gra are failing,” he said, handing a highball glass to the Shadow Angel, “and it’s your fault.”
“My fault?” He put the glass to his lips and watched Azagoth from over the rim. “Have I been killing so many of my enemies that you don’t have room for them?” Revenant asked that question with a straight face and a deadpan voice, but Azagoth knew him well enough to know he was being sarcastic.
“No,” Azagoth said, just as reasonably. “But nice job with that. You’ve sent me some real bastards to deal with.”
“Thank you.”
Ignoring Revenant’s insincerity that only echoed Azagoth’s own, he explained. “The problem,” he began, “is that your policy of reincarnating only souls of lesser evil means that the Inner Sanctum is filling with highly malevolent demons, more than we’ve ever had to house at once. It’s causing an instability in the containment system itself, and it’s creating weak spots in the barriers. Demons who are in the right place at the right time, or who are evil and powerful enough to exploit the structural failures, are escaping.” He was also taking a huge hit in business. Before Revenant’s mandate, Azagoth had taken bribes of money, gifts, or favors in order to reincarnate high-level evil demons.
Even Heaven had taken notice of the instability in the Inner Sanctum, hence the visit from Jim Bob and Ricky Bobby. Oh, his Heavenly spies had come on other business as well, but Jim Bob had made it abundantly clear that the Archangels were starting to get their halos in a twist.
Revenant gazed into the fire, the flickering light casting shadows on his stern face. “You’re going to have to find a way to shore up the barriers.”
“Why? Why the fuck are you doing this?” Azagoth slammed his glass down on his desk and strode over to him. “Look, buddy, you’re new to this, but I’ve been handling souls for thousands of years. I keep the Inner Sanctum and Sheoul balanced. That’s always been the cornerstone of our Creator’s vision. Balance. The human realm is a balance of good and evil, but it’s weighted toward good. Sheoul is the exact opposite, weighted more heavily toward evil. If you mess with that, the results could be disastrous.”
“Thank you for the lecture about the fine balance between good and evil,” Revenant drawled. “It’s not as if I run Hell or anything.” He knocked back the rest of his drink, never taking his gaze off Azagoth. “You understand why I want only the lesser evil souls reincarnated and the more malevolent ones kept imprisoned, yes?”
“Actually, I’m not clear on that,” Azagoth said bitterly. This was his turf, and he didn’t appreciate being left out of the loop. “I’ve assumed it’s because you’re an angel, not a fallen angel, and you still have connections to Heaven. Or, you know, decency.”
“Decency?” Revenant snorted. “Those Heavenly bastards can suck my dick. I don’t care about them. What I care about is the fact that Satan’s prison will only hold for a thousand years.” He appeared to consider that. “Well, nine-hundred and ninety-nine now. It’s a prophecy that can’t be averted. When that evil hellratfuck bastard finally breaks free, it’s foretold that Armageddon will begin.”
“And you don’t want him to have an army of evil at his fingertips.” Revenant was smarter than Azagoth had given him credit for.
“Exactly. I might be the Grand Poobah of Hell, but that doesn’t mean I want evil to win the ultimate battle of all battles.”
It was sound thinking, but there was going to be a different kind of Armageddon happening if the Inner Sanctum’s walls fell and billions of demon souls spilled out into Sheoul and the human realm.
“Bottom line,” Azagoth said. “I can get mages and builders to reinforce the barriers, but there’s only so much they can do. We need a release valve.”
“Fine.” Revenant waved his hand dismissively. “Reincarnate more Tier three, four, and five demons, but not in the same numbers Satan allowed. Cut by two-thirds.”
Azagoth winced. He’d have preferred to cut only by a third, a half at the most, but he wasn’t going to complain. This would go a long way toward easing the explosive pressure of evil in the Inner Sanctum, for a little while, at least.
“I have another matter.” Azagoth spoke over the sound of a shriek coming from inside the closed soul tunnel. He hadn’t opened it yet this morning, and the griminions and their wards were getting restless. Idiots. Where most of them were going was far, far worse than where they were now. “I need your goons to lay off one of my employees. She’s a daemani, and she’s collecting souls who escape through the rifts in the barrier.” He glanced expectantly at Rev. “I assume you’re behind the collapse of the soul market.”
“Of course.”
Figured. And it made sense. High-ranking Orphmages and Charnel Apostles had formed a coalition against Revenant, and their prime source of spell power was the life energy from souls. Rumor had it that they were devising a demon version of a nuclear weapon to use against Revenant, and the moment Reve
nant heard that, he’d crushed the infant insurgency in its cradle.
“So you’ll make sure Vex is safe?”
Revenant inclined his head. “I’ll get the word out.”
Excellent. Now he just had to get Vex and Zhubaal back together. He hoped Lilliana made some headway already. He’d been rooting for the guy, had even done a little of his own investigating in an attempt to find Laura. But he believed in fate, and he didn’t doubt that two souls who were meant for each other would always find their way back no matter how many lives it took to do it.
And speaking of souls, Azagoth launched into the final piece of business he wanted to discuss with Revenant. “Before you go, I do have one more little thing. A gift.” Not out of the goodness of his heart, of course. Strings were definitely attached, and when the time came that he needed a favor, he’d yank those strings like a damned puppet master.
Revenant rubbed his hands together in glee. “I love presents. What is it?”
“The most recent escapee from the Inner Sanctum. I was going to punish her, but I thought she might be of some use to you. And if not, I’m sure you know someone who would salivate at the chance to make her existence hellish. A certain Horseman, maybe? All of them, since it’s their birthdays? Or Harvester, perhaps?”
“I’m intrigued.” Revenant’s voice went low, dark, and pure predator.
Azagoth willed a section of his stone wall to slide open, revealing a female standing in a cage, her gaze defiant. Bold. Until she saw Revenant.
“Revenant,” Azagoth said, “you might have already met my guest.”
Revenant laughed, a deep, dark sound that made the female cower at the back of the cage. “This couldn’t have happened on a more appropriate day.” He moved toward her, slowly, a panther stalking a rabbit. “It’s good to see you again, especially since your son killed you before I could do it. And he did it far quicker than I would have.” With every step, she shook harder, until the cage’s metal joints began to rattle. “But life and death is all about second chances, isn’t it, Lilith?” His wings snapped up with a crack that shattered Azagoth’s highball glass. “And don’t worry. I’ll be sure to tell the Horsemen their mother said happy birthday.”
Chapter Fifteen
Vex was never getting on Facebook again. Happy people and their grammatically challenged memes annoyed the shit out of her.
She slammed her laptop shut and tucked it into her bag. Today was moving day. Azagoth had offered to send Memitim to help her move some of her belongings into her assigned quarters in Sheoul-gra, and they’d have an easy time of it because she really didn’t have much she wanted to take. As long as her apartment was far away from Zhubaal’s quarters, she’d be happy.
Hades’s mate, a chick named Cat, had come by yesterday with paperwork for her new apartment, which shocked the hell out of Vex. Azagoth really did run his realm like a mayor, and apparently, Cat helped keep track of who lived where.
Memitim and Unfallen stayed in the dorms, Azagoth, Zhubaal, Razr, and a handful of Azagoth’s most trusted staff lived in his palace, and all other servants lived in apartments in other buildings. And now, thanks to Zhubaal, everyone got basic cable and two movie channels. Which was awesome, because she’d die if she couldn’t watch Game of Thrones. Now if she could just get The Walking Dead, leaving the human realm might not be so bad.
But there was no way she was going to deal with Zhubaal to get it.
Her heart clenched. How could she miss him so much when she’d only known him for a few days? Yeah, yeah, there was the whole bitchface Laura thing and their eternal, fated soul-mate bullshit, but she wasn’t buying it.
Oh, the fact that her soul knew his had no doubt hasted her feelings along, but when she saw him in her mind, she wasn’t seeing old memories. She was seeing him skipping a rock across a pond. She was seeing him laugh, the way his eyes sparkled and the muscles in his cheeks twitched as he smiled. She was seeing him kissing his way up her body and sheathing himself inside her for the first time, his expression filled with wonder at the tender intimacy they shared.
That was who she missed. Not the Zhubaal from some winged fairy tale life he’d said they’d had in Heaven.
A knock at the door startled her. The Memitim were here already? But no, when she opened the door, there were no earthbound angels standing on her porch. There was, however, a fallen angel she didn’t feel like talking to on her porch.
“Go away.” She slammed the door in his jerk face and turned, only to smack into his broad chest. Yelping in surprise, she leaped back. “Zhubaal! What the hell?”
Damn it, she knew she should have warded the house. Then she wouldn’t have to look at his handsome face as he stood there in well-worn jeans, a T-shirt that did nothing to hide hard-cut abs, and a black leather jacket that probably concealed an arsenal of weapons.
“Vex, we need to talk.”
“Oh, it’s Vex now? Not Laura?” She brushed past him to grab her bag. If he wasn’t leaving, she would.
“Please, Vex.” He caught her by the arm and pulled her around. “Listen to me. I love you––”
She yanked out of his grip. “You love Laura.”
“I did love Laura.” He jammed his hands into his jeans’ pockets and fixed his gaze somewhere behind her. “I loved her more than my own life. She was my world and my reason to live.” His gaze focused and shifted, catching hers. “But she’s gone. I understand that. And it’s okay because I have you.”
She gaped. It had all sounded great until that last bit. “So I’m a consolation prize? You can’t have Laura so you’ll settle for me?”
“What? No! Never.” He gripped her shoulders and bent so they were eye to eye. “I’ve fallen in love with you because you’re Vex. Not because I thought you were Laura. She’s in the past now. I don’t want what she and I had. I want what you and I can have. We just need time and to get to know each other.”
Vex couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Or maybe she was afraid to believe what she was hearing. “You mean, if Laura was standing right beside me, and you had to choose––”
“I’d choose you.” He released her to pace around, jamming his fingers through his hair over and over. “God, Vex, I think I was so desperate to find Laura because I felt guilty about everything that had happened to her. And when I found you, I thought that if I could just get you to remember, I could somehow fix the past. But I was an idiot. We were so young when we made those promises to each other, but we’ve both grown into the people we should be. I’m not the person I was back then, either. You’re not Laura, and I’m glad.”
Tears spilled from her eyes, running down her cheeks in a stream. “Really?”
“Touch my soul, Vex.” Stopping in front of her, he took one of her hands and pressed it over his heart. “On my honor, it’s you I want. Only you. I would never erase you.” His heartbeat pounded into her palm as if it agreed.
On the verge of sobbing, she tried to lighten the mood. She’d never been good at the mushy stuff, anyway. “We have to have sex for me to touch your soul, you know.”
“I know.” His smile was pure, masculine hunger, and she was just as starved.
“Take us to your place,” she purred. “We’re going to play Hot Tub Sex Machine.”
“I thought it was Hot Tub Time Machine,” he said, adding a wry, “I have a better answer this time.”
Laughing, because he couldn’t possibly have a worse answer than last time, she dragged her finger down his abs to the fly of his jeans. “This is the porn version. If you’re okay with that, of course.”
Sure as shit, he was.
* * * *
Zhubaal couldn’t believe his good fortune.
An hour ago, he’d been at rock bottom, lost, angry, and a little hungover. Now he was sprawled on a bench in his hot tub, watching with admiration as Vex stepped into the water, her curvy body naked and waiting for him to do naughty things to it.
He might not have a lot of experience, but he’d had a
long fucking time to fantasize, so he figured there wouldn’t be much of a learning curve. And even if there was, well, his Ipsylum instructors said he’d always been an enthusiastic student and a quick study.
He’d kissed her senseless and teased her before they’d stripped, and even now, as she moved toward him, her eyes were glazed with passion. Passion he’d put there. And now he understood that no matter how many lovers she’d bedded in the past, he was the one who had ripped off her panties with his teeth and whispered erotic things against the glistening flesh between her thighs. He was the one who had put her at the brink of orgasm when he tasted her breast with his fangs, drawing tiny twin droplets of blood that didn’t come close to sating his hunger. And he would be the only one to do any of that ever again.
He took his straining erection in his fist and stroked, getting a kick out of that little catch in her breath as she watched him under the water. He pumped faster, adding a twist at the head, and she licked her lips. Oh, yeah, he could get used to having control over her like this, to rendering her speechless––
“I’m so going to suck on that.”
He nearly choked on his own tongue. Damn, he loved how audacious, uninhibited, and unpredictable she was. It caught him off guard...and kept him from getting too cocky.
Planting one knee on either side of his hips, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and sank down on his lap. Her folds cradled his shaft as she settled in and captured his mouth with hers.
There was nothing sweet and lingering about this kiss. No, this was raw and hot, punishing him for being a total ass while stoking the fire between them. She battled him with her tongue, nipped his lip and drew blood, rocked on his lap so his cock ground against her sex in the slippery water. He moaned as she raked his shoulders and neck with her nails and rubbed her breasts against his chest.
She was a master at balancing pain with pleasure, but he had a feeling she was letting the balance tip slightly in favor of pain this time. Not that he was going to complain––hell, he was going to beg her to do it harder.