He reminded himself that he was there to protect her, nothing more. He pulled his hand out of the blanket and grabbed the gun off the ground next to him. He held the gun over the blanket in front of him, his finger twitching under the trigger, ready to act if anyone dared to disturb them.
But he couldn’t ignore the way her body felt against him and how she clung to him for protection. For a moment he wondered if she wanted him as much as he did her. He hoped she didn’t, but given a choice to think about her or about the three friends he lost tonight, he preferred to keep her in the front of his mind.
“Did you kill any of them?”
Sara’s quiet question dragged him back into reality. Logan didn’t want her knowing the dirty side of things, but he also didn’t want to lie. “Yes.”
“How many?”
“Two.”
A long moment passed, and Logan worried he had upset her by being honest.
Sara gripped his shirt tighter and moved even closer to him. “Good.”
Her matter-of-fact answer did little to still his growing need for her. Logan closed his eyes and prayed sleep would soon find him to destroy all of his indecent thoughts about Sara.
Chapter Thirty-two
Sara stirred to life, but kept her eyes shut. Her stomach growled a bit. Though eager to get up and find some breakfast, if she was lucky, Stephen would keep her in bed for a bit longer. Smiling, she stretched her hands around his torso, slid her fingers down to his hips, and nuzzled her cheek into his chest, hoping he would take the hint.
The corners of her mouth fell and she realized she wasn’t cozied up with Stephen in her bed. His body never felt as good as the one she woke up against. Memories of Logan getting her up in the middle of the night and whisking her to safety colored her face and neck with a deep blush. She sealed her eyelids closed. Her embarrassment kept her frozen in place and she wished she could disappear. Maybe she could pretend to still be asleep.
“Sara? Are you awake?” Logan’s soft voice told her he either didn’t know she was awake or he knew and was offering her an out from the awkward situation.
She wished herself to disappear, but there she remained, her head against his warm body and her fingertips still grazing his lower back. She opted to play dumb and she popped off of him, her hands pushing him away.
“Good morning,” Logan said, with the same expression he always wore, the one that gave her no indication as to his thoughts.
“Morning.” Sara lowered her head so as not to look directly at him. She had to be a mess, having slept in the wilderness after a long race to safety.
“I have some water and granola bars for breakfast, if that’s okay.”
“That sounds great,” she said, as if he had offered up a large feast. “I, uh…” She looked around at their camp and saw she still wore his oversized socks on her feet.
“Our shoes should be dry by now if you need them.”
“I need to, um…” She chewed on her bottom lip and blushed again.
Logan reached for his bag and opened it up. He pulled out a roll of toilet paper and handed it to her. He dug around in his bag again and handed her a shirt and a pair of jeans. “I managed to grab a couple items out of your suitcase for you in advance, just in case we had to leave without your clothes. It’s not much, but—”
“It’s perfect. Thank you for doing that.” The words gushed out with a breath of relief. She reached for her shoes to put them on. “You’re very prepared.”
“I’ve never needed the go-bag before last night, but it’s definitely coming in handy.”
“I’m grateful for it. I’m going to… I’ll just be back in a minute.”
“Take your time. Head away from the trail and watch out for any wildlife, especially snakes.”
“Snakes. Of course.” Anxiety filled her chest at the mention of creatures. She hadn’t given them a thought last night when they camped out and she was now glad she hadn’t. She had never been a woodsy person and she didn’t intend on becoming one anytime soon.
“Do you want me to come with you? I can make sure it’s safe for you first.”
“No, I think I’m okay.” She started out of the structure, but paused and looked over her shoulder. “Thank you.”
He nodded and resumed rummaging through his bag.
Sara took a moment to stretch out when she exited their sleeping quarters. A crick had worked its way into her neck while she slept and she hoped it wouldn’t bother her all day. She stepped carefully through the trees, picking out landmarks to remember her location.
Morning birds chirped overhead and she paused to enjoy the sound. A small rustle in a nearby bush startled her. She held still, wondering if she should call for Logan. He had offered to help and he wouldn’t think twice about coming to her aid.
A rabbit jumped out of the bush and Sara sighed with relief. She continued on her way, determined to take care of this one thing herself. Ever since her mother passed away, men had told her what to do. They had carved out her life for her, always making sure she did the “right thing.” Much like with ditching her security detail, she had something to prove, a small demonstration that she could take care of herself without the help of a man.
Logan’s question if she wanted him with her struck her as being different than her father or Stephen. He had asked, whereas they always stated their intentions. Where to go to school, which friends she could have, what occupation to choose, who to marry, where to live. Even small things like when she should do a breathing treatment seemed to be planned.
But Logan asked. He gave her a choice. He had given her choices for most of the time he’d had her under his watch, except when he had to search her. It seemed such a small gesture, asking if she needed help versus telling her she did, but one that she appreciated more than he could possibly know.
On her way back to their camp, she prided herself on her ability to take care of herself. Almost like a new step in life, she wondered what else she could do with her newfound freedom. She could change careers, maybe even go back to school to try something new. She could buy a house on the beach. She could go on a vacation where she wanted. She didn’t have to marry Stephen.
She stopped walking with the thought. She didn’t have to marry Stephen. She didn’t need to be tied to someone she didn’t love for the rest of her life. She could be free to find someone else, to date for the first time. She had been bound by her father’s rules for so long that she wasn’t even sure what kind of man she was attracted to. Though Mary always talked about the men she found attractive, Sara paid only a little attention to it. She was never free to do much more than listen to the dreams of others. Did she even like men who looked like Stephen? Or would she go for someone different?
Taller, she decided. She knew for a fact she liked tall men and Stephen was an average height. Maybe a lighter hair color than Stephen. The hands were very important, too. She wanted strong hands, a bit calloused even. Hands that could make her feel safe, but desired at the same time. And blue eyes. Definitely blue eyes.
She giggled at herself. Stranded in the middle of the woods with her father sending men to kill her, and she was thinking about men. Mary had finally rubbed off on her. When she saw her again, she’d have to share it all with her. Mary wouldn’t hesitate to rush her off to the bars to find her blue-eyed, strong-handed man.
Sara ducked under the top of their camp and Logan looked up as she entered. He held out his hand to help her inside, and she hesitated. She had described Logan in her mind, down to the strong hands and light blue eyes.
She took his hand and crawled under the makeshift roof. She sat as far away from him as possible before handing him the toilet paper roll and her dirty clothes to put back in his bag.
“You okay?” he asked.
She shrugged, hoping he wouldn’t notice her ever-evolving attraction to him. “Everything was fine. No snakes. I can take care of myself.”
He frowned at her last statement. “Of course you can. I?
??m sorry if I implied earlier that you couldn’t.”
Sara wanted to strangle herself. She hadn’t meant any disrespect or to diminish his concern for her wellbeing. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, I’m not sure where it came from.”
His expression cleared. “Don’t worry about it. I know how stressful this situation is for you and I’m going to do everything to get your life back to normal. Well, as normal as it can be with the FBI poking their heads in it.”
“Thank you,” she said.
“For what?”
“You’ve done a lot for me and I’m sure you’ve sacrificed a lot. You’ve saved my life more than once now and I know I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you—”
“You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job to make sure you’re safe.”
“Right, your job.” Sara lowered her eyes and wondered if everything he did for her was only because of the job. “Still, thank you.”
“Are you hungry?” He held out a bottled water to her.
“Famished. You mentioned granola bars?”
He grimaced and dug around in his bag. “It’s not much. You have the choice of peanut butter or chocolate chip. I recommend the peanut butter ones so you get some extra protein.”
“I can’t,” she said. “I’m allergic to it.”
“That’s right, I forgot.” He handed her two packaged granola bars. “Chocolate chip it is then.”
“Can we go back to the house after we eat?” she asked, as she opened the plastic wrapping. “I need my inhalers.”
He reached into his bag and tossed her a small plastic bag. “You should have everything you need there. I also have a nebulizer in here and some EpiPens in case you accidentally eat the peanut butter granola bars.”
Sara smiled at his subtle joke. “How did you manage to get everything before we left the house?”
“I didn’t. I had Allie give me duplicates of everything just in case something like this happened.”
She took a small sip of her water. A pang of unfounded jealousy touched her at his mention of another woman’s name. “Who’s Allie?”
“Doctor Connors,” he said. “She’s a doctor at the Church. You’ll probably meet her when we take you in. She’ll want to look you over before you go with the feds.”
His words relieved the ridiculous envy that she had no reason to feel. “What’s the Church?”
“Our headquarters. You’ll see. For now, we need to get to a phone and talk to Schaffer, my boss. I need to tell him what happened and find out what he wants us to do next.”
“When are we meeting up with Jack, Charlie, and Les?”
Logan looked away and bit off part of his granola bar.
“We are meeting them, aren’t we?” she asked.
“No, we’re not.”
Her stomach dropped with his response. She didn’t want to ask any more questions, but she couldn’t stop them from flowing out of her mouth. “They’re dead?”
“Yes.”
Sara set her water down on the uneven ground and closed her slack jaw. She had held up so well under the stress, but knowing that the other three members of Logan’s team had been killed brought reality front and center in her mind. Her father was trying to kill her and he sent men to do just that. Instead of her, they killed three very capable men. She and Logan were beyond lucky to be alive.
“I’m so sorry, Logan.” She knew the words would do nothing to take away the rawness of his pain at losing his friends, but she had to say something. Then another thought entered her mind and she raised her fingers to cover her mouth. “This is all my fault,” she said, looking away from him.
“It’s not your fault.”
“Yes, it is. None of you would be here if it wasn’t for me and it’s my dad who sent people to kill us. It’s entirely my fault.”
Logan stared at her during an uneasy, tension-filled minute. Sara could not interpret his expression and tears flooded her eyes. She had gotten three men killed, three men that she had come to like, all of whom had saved her life. And still Logan was willing to put his life on the line for her. She couldn’t handle being responsible for his death, too.
He moved closer to her and gently took both her arms. “I want you to listen to me. This is not your fault. Nothing that your father did last night, nothing he’s ever done, and nothing he does in the future is your fault. I don’t want you to think that for a second. As for the others, every time we leave the Church, we know there’s a possibility we won’t come back. All of us had the opportunity to reject this job and none of us did. We knew who we were up against and we all believed it was far more important to save your life than to walk away and knowingly let you die. This is not your fault.”
Sara’s chin quivered and tears jumped from her eyes. Logan climbed on his knees and gathered her to him. Meant as comfort, the gesture only succeeded in making her cry harder. She gushed out a series of muddy apologies against his shoulder. He didn’t speak, but held her tighter, his hand caressing her back and stirring up more guilt in her soul. It wasn’t her friends and colleagues who had died, but his. She shouldn’t be the one that needed comforting, yet she couldn’t help falling apart in his arms while he remained stoic and strong.
After she cried herself out, she pulled back from him and kept her reddened face hidden in her hands. Logan handed her a wad of toilet paper and she turned to the side to erase the evidence of the breakdown from her face.
“I’m sorry,” she said, as she wiped the remaining dampness off her cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Logan said. “You’ve been under an incredible amount of stress and emotional trauma. This just pushed you over the edge.”
“I still feel bad. I never wanted anyone to get hurt and now all these people are dead.” A thought entered her mind and she caught her breath. “Is Mary—”
“As far as I know, she’s fine. Her team moved her to a new safe house yesterday afternoon, where she was reunited with her parents. If Langston sent out a team to the safe house she was at originally, then the attack most likely would have been coordinated with the attack on our house. That way no one from either house could warn the others. Mary would have been long gone.”
“How do you know that’s what he would have done?”
“If I had planned it out, that’s what I would have done. It’s the smart way to hit your enemies in two locations without one having time to warn the other. Your father is incredibly smart and methodical in everything he does.”
Sara took slow, deep breaths and tried to calm herself. Logan’s words made sense and she had no reason to believe anything had happened to Mary. “So what are our next steps?”
“We’ll head down to the main road and follow it east, in the direction of the Church. We need to stay hidden in the trees on the side of the road. We can’t take a chance that they are still out here looking for us. We’ll find a phone and call Schaffer to get direction from there. No matter what, we have to get out of the open by tonight.”
“I know I don’t have my driver’s license, but I could stop by a branch of my bank and try to get money for a hotel for us—”
Logan held up his hand. “That’s a generous offer, but you can’t have any communication with anyone. Your picture is all over the place and the minute you try to take money from your account with a teller, the police and the feds will swoop in.”
“I thought the FBI knew about this.”
“They know we’re bringing you in and they know we had to bend the law to do it, but it’s a very small handful of people that know we’re involved. The agents searching for you don’t know anything about this. Neither do the police. If they find you, they’ll take you back home and I’d spend some time in jail waiting for Schaffer to bail me out. Once I got out, I don’t know if I could get to you again or how long it would be before they attempt another hit. It could be hours, it could be days, weeks, or months. I refuse to take a chance with your life.” br />
Sara offered a strained smile. “I don’t know how to thank you. I know you don’t have to stay with me, especially after what happened to your friends, but—”
“I won’t leave you, I promise. Not until you’re safe with the feds and on your way to a new life.” He picked up his water bottle and motioned toward her. “It’s going to be a rough day, so you should finish your breakfast.”
She had lost her appetite as soon as she heard about Logan’s team, but she nibbled her granola bar. As they ate in silence, she noticed dried blood on his jawline, a reminder of what he had done a few hours earlier to keep them safe. If they would be out in the open today, blood on his face would draw attention.
“You have some blood on you still,” she said, gesturing to the right side of her jaw to mirror the location of the blood.
He took out some toilet paper and wet it with a bit of water. He wiped at it blindly, missing it entirely.
Sara held her hand out. “Here, let me get it for you.”
He placed the damp paper in her palm and she rose up on her knees. She wrapped her hand around his jaw and turned his head so she could see the blood better in the light. Being so close to him again kick-started her nerves. Her fingers trembled as she touched the makeshift cloth to his cheek. The stubble on his cheek ripped through the paper, but she managed to get him cleaned up. She rotated his face in the other direction and held up his chin to check for other blood, but found none.
“I think you’re good now,” she said, grateful that she found no other blood so she didn’t have to keep touching him. Every time her fingers grazed the rough growth on his face, her heart dropped a little more. She wanted to run her hand over his skin and couldn’t stop imagining what it would feel like against her own cheek, neck, and other parts of her.
Her face heated up as she sat back down and sipped on her water. She had to stop thinking about Logan in terms other than a protector. Even though she knew she didn’t want to marry Stephen, she was engaged to him and shared a home with him. Her inability to love him didn’t matter. She still wanted to be faithful to him. While letting her lustful thoughts wander about another man took her mind off all the bad that had happened in the past few days, it also set her on a dangerous path.