He certainly made it clear that communication was going to play an important part in our relationship, and there would be no room for misunderstanding.
In saying that, I wasn’t completely unaware of the current situation I had put us in. It was stressful, and the only time I truly felt at ease was when I was here, alone in bed with Julius. It was our time away from all the shitiness my life had wreaked on his.
And Julius was my champion. He took it all without complaint. I owed him so much that I steeled my unruly emotions and put a lid on them.
Everyone was entitled to a bad day. I certainly had a fair share of my own.
I would allow Julius this one day, but if when he awoke the next morning he remained withdrawn, we were going to have words. And if having words meant throwing a vase to force a reaction, I would do that, because Julius was worth fighting for, and throwing vases sent a solid message. I would tear the goddamn world apart to make things right with him.
We ate our late breakfast in silence. I nibbled at my toast while he shoveled cereal into his mouth. He read the newspaper, and I took the opportunity to look at him shamelessly.
After showering, he threw on a pair of charcoal-colored sweatpants and not a stitch more. He walked right past me without so much as a glance, and the indifference shook me to my core. Now I saw things I hadn’t seen before, or better yet, failed to notice. His handsome face looked strained, a two-day growth had set in that I ached to run my fingers over, and his full, kissable lips were stretched remarkably thin.
My heart clenched in sadness.
He was different today. He held himself differently, wore his features differently… he was just different. He was colder than he had been the day before, seemed unkind even.
My heartbeat stuttered, and my hope had receded.
It appeared all the progress we had made was gone.
Was he just now realizing I wasn’t worth the trouble I brought?
Shit.
I feared that most of all.
My plan was to show Julius how appreciated he was in hopes to fan the flame of desire he once held for me. The old Alejandra allowed people to walk all over her. The new Alejandra would tear the moon from the sky to provide a beacon of hope, and light the way for her beloved.
And Julius would have moonlight.
I wondered whether he knew the extent of what I would do to make him happy, what I would do to keep him safe. I thought my stance was obvious.
I was crazy about him.
This relationship of ours was a two-way street. I didn’t expect a free ride, nor did I want one. I desired to be an active member of our team, and I would show him my worth, given the opportunity. And as this sometimes cruel, often apathetic existence had taught me, in order to get shit done, at times, one must dirty her halo.
Placing the partially eaten toast back onto my plate, I asked carefully, “Will you send the video to my father?”
He didn’t need clarification of which video. My father needed to know his son and only heir was dead. But rather than looking at me, he shook his head. “No. It’s better to keep your father in the dark for as long as possible.”
“How long?” I queried, unable to believe he would wish for my father’s alliance with the Gambino’s to continue, given the death of my brother.
At that sullen question, he looked up at me from the newspaper. His eyes narrowed on me ever so slightly, and he muttered a hard, “As long as it fucking takes.” He gave me a once-over. “It’s not like you’re on a schedule. All you got is time.” Under his breath, he murmured, “Thanks to me.”
It was an insult, and it did as he meant for it to do. Hurt forced a crimson flush up my cheeks.
I decided that today was definitely not a day for defiance, and so I bit my tongue.
I wanted to tell him that he’d gotten himself into this marriage not only willingly, but he had put me in a position where, to save my life, I dared not object. I wished to remind him that Gio was my issue to deal with and that if he couldn’t handle it, to let me go so I could do it on my own. My tender heart battled with mentioning that I loved him very much and was so very sorry for all the issues my being here had caused him.
But nothing good would come of battling with my husband over something as trivial as hurt feelings, not in the situation that we found ourselves in. Regardless of the way he had spoken to me, I was eternally grateful for all he’d done for me.
Dinnertime came and went. We ate the thrown-together pasta I had cooked in order to appease the beast, and he ate quickly, scooping heaped forkfuls of food into his mouth as if he couldn’t get away from me quick enough. I gazed at him longingly as he retreated to his office, shutting the door behind him with a light slam.
A sigh escaped me when I sat my butt down on the sofa and lifted his laptop to rest on my thighs, opening the lid. Julius had given the password to me the day before and told me to order whatever I needed on one of his many credit cards. I spent the evening buying clothes and makeup online, having them sent to the PO Box he had also provided.
The more I bought, the more at home I felt. My inner turmoil abated with every additional purchase.
Julius wasn’t going to do anything rash, I was sure of it. Hell, he married me, moved me into his home and told me to stock up on things I wanted and needed. He was having a bad day, was all. It wasn’t as if he was going to throw me out on my ass.
I laughed at myself, chuckling at my unfounded nervousness.
Staring down at the open web browser, I contemplated doing something very stupid, something that would make Julius mad if he ever found out. But as the minutes passed, the compulsion that gripped me only held on tighter, and I knew I was going to do it—screw the consequences, should there be any.
My email login keyed in, the blinking curser dared me to make a move.
A single click was all it took, and when my inbox opened, my heart beat faster. Guilt had me looking out for any signs of approach, but with Julius tucked away in his office and Ling being God knows where, I held onto my bad decision and ran with it.
I clicked compose, typed in my father’s email address, and then wrote two words before hitting send.
I’m safe.
My heart begged me to add so much more, irrelevant little details, but my brain forbade it. I logged out as quickly as I had logged in then went on another designer website and ordered some more clothes, pretending that my life wasn’t falling apart around me.
When light fingers brush the stray hair off my forehead, my eyes open with a start and I gasp, jolting into a half-sitting position from where I lay on the sofa. The only indication I was asleep is having been rudely awoken.
I slump in relief when I find Julius sitting by me. His voice is just above a whisper. “Hey.”
My mouth is dry, and I swallow hard, blinking drowsily. “Hi.”
It’s been a long few weeks. My mind aches. My body aches. My bones ache. My goddamn soul aches. I’m exhausted in every sense of the word.
As I take in Julius’s soft expression, my selfish thoughts fade to nothing. “You okay?”
He glances over at me, and rather than answer with words, he trains his gloomy eyes on mine and shakes his head slowly.
Julius has thrown me a lifeline. I hold onto it, onto the optimism it brings.
Shuffling forward, I climb into his lap, facing him, and place my legs on either side of his. I reach up to cup his warm, stubbled cheek lovingly, inching closer to coax his lips with mine. His warm mouth neither welcomes nor rejects me as I press soft, closed-mouth kisses onto his full, tempting mouth.
He doesn’t respond to my touch, but his groin tells me he enjoys my attention.
What bothers you so, my love? Why won’t you speak to me, cariño? Let me help you.
My hands slide down his neck to cup his shoulders, and I squeeze, explaining quietly, “I need to believe everything is going to be okay.” He shakes his head at my naivety, but I don’t budge. “Go on. Ask me if everything
is going to be okay.”
With a light sigh, I refuse to show he’s broken my spirit. He holds me, his fingers gently stroking my back, and semi-sarcastically, he asks, “Is everything going to be okay, Ana?”
I blink, throwing him a look that tells him he’s clearly nuts. “How the hell would I know?”
Clearly surprised at my answer, he lowers his face, resting his forehead against mine in a show of closeness I silently preen under, and chuckles softly. With his face so close to mine, I clutch at his neck and hold him close, while whispering, “Everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
I mean, I can’t possibly promise something like that, because, quite frankly, the circumstances have all the hallmarks of a situation that is going to end in tragedy.
But Julius doesn’t call me out. Instead, he feeds the lie, as if he realizes how much I need for him to play along. “I know, baby.”
He reaches up, gripping my chin between his thumb and index finger, and assaults my mouth with a deep, punishing kiss that tastes like utter desperation on my lips, like a good-bye.
I don’t like it at all.
“Come for a drive,” he states roughly.
I lean back to look him in the eye, and he searches my face quietly. Making the inch across, I press a long, soft kiss to his stubbly cheek and mutter, “Of course.”
I’ll be glad for the diversion. Lord knows Julius needs one.
We drive for a long while, hours even, but I don’t question Julius on where we’re going. I’m just happy he wants me with him.
The roads are relatively deserted, being the early hours of the morning, and I like it that way. No honking horns or bright lights beaming in through the windows, completely uncrowded, free to drive at your own pace. Peaceful-like.
I begin to doze, only to be jostled awake when the car comes to a sudden, jarring halt.
Frowning at the abrupt stop, I look around, blinking blearily. The dark and desolate highway breathes chills down my neck, and the skin on my arms breaks out in goose bumps. I turn to Julius, who looks out at the road in front of him. We sit there a while with the car still running. The longer we sit, the faster my heart beats.
Just as I open my mouth to ask him what we’re waiting for, jaw steeled, he orders an emotionless, “Bounce.”
What?
My heart shrinks in on itself.
No.
My breathing comes in faster, and the blood rushes out of my face, leaving me pale and cold. This can’t be happening.
Sitting up in my seat, I ask a hushed, “What?”
His expression impossibly hard, he repeats himself, “Bounce.” I don’t move. I don’t believe him. He doesn’t mean what he’s saying. His words come out hoarse, as he utters a callous, “Get out of the car, Alejandra.”
I’m still sleeping. This is all a dream.
My body stiff with shock, I blink over at him, unable to speak. But I don’t need to. Julius speaks for the both of us, and it rips me to shreds. “Didn’t think hard enough about what it meant to be your husband. Never dealt with this kind of headfuck before. Every day you’re with me is a day distracted. No.” He shakes his head. “You gotta go.”
Oh, my God. He changed his mind.
I’m officially a returned bride, and he wants a full refund.
“We’re married,” is all I can think of saying, my stunned disbelief obvious. “I’m not a dog you can return to the shelter because it doesn’t fit your lifestyle, Julius.”
Look at me.
He continues to avoid my gaze, speaking in clinical directness. “You’ll still be my wife, in name. Granted all the protection that comes with that. But I’m done. You need to bounce.”
Look at me.
“Why are you doing this?” My rational tone abates, only to be replaced with sheer confusion. “Was it something I did?” My panic rises to new extremes as I huff out a shaky breath and try to reason with him. “You said I didn’t have to be afraid of you.” My panic turns to anger, as I cry, “That you’d stab me in the fucking front, Julius!”
My body begins to tremble in the leather seat.
He can’t do this!
But something tells me his mind is already made up on this matter.
Look at me, you fucking coward!
His eyes remain on the road ahead as he shakes his head lightly, his eyes closing for a moment. And I’ve had it.
“Look at me, goddamn it!” My shriek almost rattles the windows of the big, black SUV.
He takes in a deep breath and finally turns to face me. His eyes glacial, he mutters, “Get out of the car.”
“No,” I tell him, my manner one of disbelief.
There is no way he’s getting me out of this car. He’ll have to drag me out.
“Get out of the car, Ana.” His tone is deceptively calm.
“No!” I yell, my panic turning to fear.
Why is this happening?
Slamming his fist down on the steering wheel so hard that the horn blares into the open night, the veins in his neck bulge, as he roars, “Get out of the fucking car!”
I shake my head fervently, watching him pant in frustration, his lip curling. My quiet voice trembles. “No. No, I’m not going. I want to stay with you.” I begin to cry. “Please,” I beg on a shaky whisper. “Please, Julius. Don’t make me go. I want to be with you. Just you.”
My fear turns to cold, hard dread when he exits the car, moving around to the passenger side, my side. I frantically look for the locking mechanism, but can’t see a damn thing in the dark.
The door at my side opens an inch, and I let out a gasp when Julius reaches for me. I fight to save myself, gripping the door handle and pulling hard, attempting to close the door, but his hands get in the way. Panicked, I shout a broken, “You said you’d never leave me. You said it was you and me. You and me!” The tears come hard and fast. This is really happening. My throat thick with emotion, I choke out, “Oh, God, please don’t leave me, Julius. I need you.”
He grips my arm and yanks hard, but I hold onto the seat, and all that manages to leave the vehicle is one of my shoes. He pulls at me, and growls, “Let go.”
“You’re all I’ve got.” My heart continues to race, and my vision blurs as big fat tears trail my cheeks. I clutch at the grab handle that sits above my head, one foot in the car, the other out.
His arm comes around my waist, and we scuffle momentarily, the sounds of our struggle echoing into the darkness. But my foot slips out of my shoe, launching me backward and out of the car. I fall into a heap onto the gravel at the side of the road with an unladylike screech, my thigh aching as the small jagged stones cut through my black yoga pants. I hiss out in pain and try to regain my composure, but it’s too late. Julius turns and walks away as if he doesn’t even care. And that’s where I’ve fucked up.
At one point, he did.
Without looking back, he moves around to the driver side and gets back into the car, locking the doors behind him.
My mind is a mess. Reaching up, I grab a fistful of my hair in bewilderment and close my eyes, muttering, “This isn’t happening. I’m dreaming. This is not happening.” Tears stream down my face and my chest heaves as I fight to take in a full breath through my body-wracking sobs.
When the low hum of the passenger window being opened sounds, my eyes shoot open and a small sliver of hope shines.
A black duffle is thrown out the window, along with my other shoe.
Julius stares unblinking, before stating, “You’re free, Ana. Fly away.” His gaze darkens, eyes hooding. “Fly far away from here.”
My arms come around me, and I hold myself tight in the cool air. Instead of pleading, I open my mouth and out comes heartbreak. My voice small and broken, I confess a hoarse, “I love you.”
But the window is already closing, cutting off my declaration.
The car switches into gear, and when I move to rush toward it, my foot catches a stone, and I let out a pained gasp, falling to my knees in the dirt. Th
e SUV moves away with such speed that gravel sprays beside me, and I have to raise my hand to protect my face from the stray pebbles being launched like missiles as the wheels spin for a second before the SUV takes off, screeching down the road as Julius regains control of the vehicle.
A mute numbness radiates through me. I stare after him, still in a state of shock. Melancholy soon follows.
So, that just happened.
Taking in a hitching breath, I stand, slipping my shoes on and reaching up to finger my now messed-up hair. Gripping the duffle in one hand, I reluctantly begin to move, hoping Julius might return, but knowing damn well he won’t. I throw the duffle over my shoulder, shuffling along the road, refusing to cry. I pass one block, then the next, and finally pass a third, when I turn toward the bright yellow and white flashing lights.
Vacancy.
With a sniff of despondency, I take a moment to swipe at the tears that rest on my cheeks, wipe my nose on my sleeve and walk toward the place where all of this started.
The Sunflower Inn.
I watch her stumble into the trashy-looking motel and smile at how fucked up she looks.
Didn’t see that coming, did you, bitch?
My phone rings in my lap, and I answer it without looking to see who’s calling.
“Watch her,” are the only words spoken before a gruff Julius hangs up.
When she makes it inside the building, I search my contacts and dial.
As the phone begins to ring, I wonder if this will all be worth dying for.
Bet you won’t see this coming either.
A harsh smile settles on my lips.
Fuck it.
If you’re going to go out, go out with a bang.
New York,
Two months into contract.
I knew Claudio Conti was going to be a pain in my ass even before I started looking for him. The problem? The asshole was a lush, and he loved to show just how wealthy he was. He had properties all over, most of which were secluded and private in every sense of the word. His security team was all ex-military. Everybody knew he was married, but nobody knew his wife. She didn’t have a name and was seldom seen. He rarely let people into his inner circle, and most of those he did ended up dead. Outsiders were considered a threat—man, woman or child. He didn’t trust anyone.