CHAPTER 5
GRAMPY’S SICK
I was eleven years old when dad said, “Let’s sit down and talk.” My past experience indicated those words meant this was something serious. Dad looked like someone punched him in the gut. He went on,” Grampy’s sick.” I asked “Do you mean like a cold?” His voice trembled, “No, he is having trouble with his heart.” Everyone always said grandfather had a good heart. Apparently, they were referring to his loving generous nature and not the physical condition of his heart.
“He is in the hospital and we need to visit him.” Now this was sounding serious. Mom, dad, and I got into the car and made our way to the hospital. The entire way there my mind was racing. All kinds of thoughts were flying through my brain. Was he just a little sick? When would he be coming home? What if he didn’t come home? Was he dying? I’d never experienced death before. This was only something that happened to someone else.
Grampy had always been there for me. What would happen to me if he could no longer be there? Would dad and I be able to spend more time together with his busy schedule? I knew dad loved me, but I needed his physical presence. He needed to be my rock, the way Grampy had been. Could dad fill the huge void that was going to be created if Grampy wasn’t around?
Dad sensed my deep concern. He asked, “How are you doing?” I nervously answered, “I don’t know.” It was the best I could do considering all of the doubts I had. Dad knew he would have to help me get through this.
Dad looked at me and in the softest voice I ever remember him using he whispered, “Bill, I love you. You are the most important person in my life. I thank God every day for having you as my son. I will always be there for you. We will walk through life’s journey together. It will not always be easy but when you love someone you stick with them and ease their load. This is not an easy time right now, but we have each other. Let’s make an agreement. As we go through life, I will help you and you will help me. Would you be willing to help me, and I will help you?”
I threw my arms around him and gave him the biggest kiss on the cheek a kid could give a dad. With tears in my eyes I cried, “Yes, I love you.” His reassuring words were just what I needed. This helped alleviate some of my concerns. It didn’t ease my fears about Grampy, but I felt like I had someone else I could depend on. Dad had learned well from Grampy. Grampy taught dad that when things are tough you need to have responsibility. Responsibilities take the focus off of the problem and make you take positive action. This in itself makes you feel like you are doing something to solve the problem. It helps eliminate that hopeless feeling. Dad gave me the responsibility of helping him when he needed someone. It was a two way street.
We walked into the hospital and took the elevator to the floor where his room was. I was not ready for what I saw. Here was Grampy hooked up to tubes and machines. I was used to seeing Grampy up and around. He always had so much energy and life. Now he lay there with barely enough energy to speak.
He called me over and took my hand. Where was the strong grip, the man who used to bounce me on his ankle? Where was the man who could walk with me standing on his shoes, the man who could cast a rod as far as anyone I knew? His grip was so weak he could barely hold my hand. He had a distant look in his eye. Was this the look he had seen from those soldiers he helped so many years ago? Was it his turn?
Grampy wanted to talk. He looked at me and feebly began, “Bill, you know I love you. You’re the best. I have tried to raise your father and you as good, God fearing people. Bill, you are the most wonderful young man I know.” I felt the tears welling up. Then he said, “You know I have said we all have to go sometime, well this is my time.” It hit me. He was dying. Would this be the last time I would ever talk to him? It couldn’t be. With tears starting to roll down my face, I pleaded, “C’mon Grampy we have a lot more fishing trips to go on, a lot more hot dogs to roast.” He smiled and said, “I want you to remember all of the good times and be happy God gave us our time together. God puts people in our life for a reason. These people help us to develop into who we will be. Nothing stays the same. These people come in and out of our lives at different times. Use the lessons I have taught you. You will learn lessons from others around you. Use their lessons and examples to make you the best man you can be. Bill, don’t worry. Trust in God. It will be alright.” Now I was sobbing uncontrollably. It didn’t feel alright. No, it was all wrong. How could this be alright? I asked, through my tears, “How will I talk to you?” He said, “You talk and I will listen. I will hear every word you say. You know Bill you’re lucky because now you will have two angels looking over you: your guardian angel and me. It doesn’t get any better than that.” Grampy was getting weaker. Now I was holding his hand in mine. He couldn’t even grip my hand. I was the strong one. His eyes closed. I kissed him on his cheek. My tears fell on his cheek caressing his face as I said good bye.
Dad put his hand on my shoulder and softly said, “It’s time to go.” I didn’t want to go. I wanted to sit there with my Grampy. Maybe he would wake up and need me to help him. What if I wasn’t there for him? He was always there for me. Dad assured me the hospital would give him good care. Well they better because he was my Grampy and he deserved the best. I knew they couldn’t care for him the way I did. I was going to have to trust that they would give him whatever he needed.
The next morning dad told me Grampy was in heaven. Mom, dad, and I held each other and cried.