Part of an unreal world was unreal. Cliccai: I would have paid her attention however, even if its presence derived from my damaged brain.
«Hi small» I murmured.
«Where you are, dad?»
I showed him/it to him sending her image of myself on board of the vehicle; I sent her the images bidimensionalizzate of that that I perceived around me a collection of extraordinary spherical resumptions of the boundless space.
Observing that that I sent her I became distracted again me.
«. etto to call the doctor by radio. Do you feel me dad?» Daylight insisted.
«How?» I did me stunned.
«You turn on the radio!» Daylight exclaimed.
Berliz. The radio. How did he do? Ah, certain, by now I had made him so many times that the thing resolved alone him. I believe. The channel fried for an instant.
«Here Angel» I risked.
«Angel!» it howled doctor Berliz with frightened voice.
Its image placed side by side him to that of my daughter; it had such a suffering expression that desire almost came me to laugh. It seemed indeed the real Berliz that I knew centuries, millennia ago.
«Not to cut out me, Angel!» it said Berliz.
Left half open plain the eyes, trying to return the analytical usual shrink; but it had a problem, I knew him/it. You/he/she could not study my face, since I didn't have one of them: it had few which to stick and it had to proceed gropingly for understanding what happened me.
However it seemed proper Berliz.
My daughter, seemed then, really my daughter. This thing was not entirely perhaps unreal as I believed.
«Space.» The tolds work.
It was an application of help and it came out of alone. The same word seemed to give me pain. Berliz or the such one that it resembled to Berliz, iperventilò for some second.
«Agoraphobia» concluded the doctor.
I left the open channel, I taken to observe Daylight and I took no interest me of Berliz.
«Now you are able scollegarti, dear. Thanks» it said Daylight Berliz, with more heat than I expected me.
«He/she listens to doctor Berliz dad. You do the good one» it said my daughter, worried, but with that amiability that could not be that his. The finestrella that showed Daylight disappeared, that remained of only the physician. Inside of me a motion of disappointment that induced me to shake the braccettis for some instant was born.
«Angel» it said Berliz. «Repeat me your name.»
What imbecility was it? But". you I give the good one" you/he/she had said Daylight.
«Angel» I said.
«Again» it said Berliz.
«Angel» I confirmed.
«Continuous to repeat him/it.»
«Angel, Angel, Angel.»
The physician approved of chin. I continued.
«Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel.»
«Of accord, Angel. You/he/she can be enough.»
«Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel, Angel.» The still shot.
«Enough, Angel» it said Berliz, patient.
Something inside of me was unbalance toward the ridanciano: I increased the volume of my voice.
«ANGELANGELANGELANGELANGEL.»
Berliz twisted him on the armchair or that that it was, prey to a funny exasperated expression.
"You do the good one" you/he/she had said Daylight.
I had to complete a herculean effort to succeed in stopping me. I panted, or better, credetti to do him/it; it seemed me to hardly have concluded an endless run.
«Listen well to me, Angel» it said the psychiatrist. «You have too many stimuli. You reduce your visual field, it looks only in front of the vehicle. You reduce the ghost, only tightened gangs.»
Inside of me there was a strange spirit of rebellion, but again I obeyed as a little boy ammodo.
«He/she listens to my voice Angel. We will do what you/they do, unfortunately, many sensitive children too much. We will become autistic. Let's close again us in ourselves. Assembled on you, your vehicle and my words, it allows to lose the outside.»
I tried to give him straight line but something in me it rebelled him to that voice. I didn't say anything, but I visualized my old lips that silently repeated my name.
I saw with indifference doctor Berliz that the jacket removed from him and arranged better him on the armchair.
«Angel» it started. «We don't know very well each other, I fear, even if we have been working together for quite a lot time. Did you know that I am impassioned of Greek mythology?»
Not mottos answer, imbambolato as I was; but Berliz he didn't allow to discourage.
«Fetonte. this name thing suggests you? Does it have to that to do with your mission, knows?»
My curiosity was to the least historians: the oppressive enormousness of the made only there out also me complex to listen. I felt me small small, lost in that dreadful swarming of stars.
«You know who was? Child of Helium, god of the Sun, and of the nymph Climene. According to the myth, to let to the friends that Helium was to see really his/her father, Fetonte begged him/it to let the wagon of the Sun drive him; but it was not an experienced driver: it lost the control of it, the horses him imbizzarrirono and they raced madly for the celestial time. They climbed too aloft before, burning a line of the sky and giving so origin in the Milky Street; they went down too much then next to the earth and they devastated Libya, that became a desert. Zeus climbed on on all the furies: to save the Earth cast a lightning against Fetonte, killing him/it. It was a terrible hit, the legend describes him/it in apocalyptic way.»
It didn't rub anything of it, curse. I tried to tell him him, but I felt a gigantic knot to the throat that I didn't have.
The physician refused to be silent. It jumped of pole in branch and it started to speak of astronomy.
«After the discovery of the first asteroids, the ancient existence of a planet was hypothesized set between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter; its fragmentation, following the dreadful impact with a comet, you/he/she would have explained the great number of objects distances orbitanti from the Sun very next among them. That hypothetical world had called Fetonte. appropriate name, would say.»
Berliz hoped in one intervention of mine, I knew him/it, but I was not prone to give him satisfaction. But yes, that continued to chatter. It was as a disagreeable musical foundation, it didn't have any possibility to shake me from my numbed numbness. Berliz the first button of the shirt unbuttoned him and the voice cleared him. It seemed it tried to reorganize the thoughts.
«Ehm, therefore: Fetonte. Yes, the law of Bode. The law of Bode is an empirical formula that expresses the length of the most greater semiassis of the orbits of the planets of the solar System. You/he/she had always been considered at the astronomers as a coincidence without meaning. There was then the discovery of Uranus, in 1781, that it seemed to corroborate her/it; so numerous astronomers turned their attention to the inclusive zone between the orbits of Mars and Jupiter, where the law of Bode foresaw the existence of a planet that had not been observed never. In 1801 it was open a lower case new world, Cerere, really to the correct distance from the Sun to satisfy the law of Bode; in the 1802 Heinrich Olbers it discovered Pallade, a second small body; in 1804 and 1807 other two objects: Giunone and Dresses. Olbers hypothesized that all how many independent elements but the fragments of an only planet were not, perlappunto Fetonte, that had gone destroyed in the impact with a comet. Meanwhile they continued to be found others of these fragments; the hypothesis of Olbers continued to acquire popularity, until new cosmological models they were not born to more solid theoretical base. For the the old Olbers had made anymore his/her time. The hypothesis Fetonte was forgotten. And we have reached our days Angel. The reactor Williamson, the hunger of iridium, a resumption of the activities of spatial exploration, approves the lack of iridium on the surface of the Earth. On the surface, however, and in the a
little deep layers. But do you know that the iridium is abundant in the terrestrial nucleus? It is a dense and heavy element, curtains to accumulate in the planetary cores because of the strength of gravity. Unfortunately it would not be cheap to dig for thousand of kilometers to the search of iridium. Easier it is to go to the space. The fallen meteorites on the celestial bodies are apportatrici of iridium; we have found him/it on all the worlds that we have visited, but in special way on Mars. On his/her surface, in the superior stratigraphy; which is already strange. But above all the asymmetry of its distribution is strange: the three quarters of the iridium Martian they come from the northern hemisphere. Also from a geographical point of view there is a strange difference among the two hemispheres: to north of the equator enormous lowlands are found covered by lava castings while to south the surface is covered from great plateaus marked by thousand of craters. Because? And still: because Mars has two natural satellites, Phobos and Deimos, captured with its strength of gravity and that they have a little stable orbits, as if Mars had acquired them in recent times? Finally, on Mars there is methane. But I return there among a moment, Angel.»
Doctor Berliz a moment interrupted him to drink a bicchier of water.
Where had you/he/she extracted these specialistic information? It was a psychiatrist not an astrophysicist. Then I understood. That sly person had talked to Daylight. I have always loved the space, from small I had a solar system in miniature with the planets in movement. You/they were done very well, I stayed to observe them for times reading the many books that my father bought me on the matter. Then the passion demands more practical cedette, but the charm of the space I kept on suffering him/it however.
Beh, that man had succeeded in attracting my attention and to make humor change me: now I wanted that he didn't stop, I needed the rhythm nenioso of his/her words. Berliz seemed to focus himself/herself/themselves to succeed in continuing. You smoothed the crinkled forehead looking for ideas, then it seemed to look at verse of me with renewed vigor.
«Therefore, Angel, Fetonte. Olbers would be pleased, today, because the existence of an ancient planet between Mars and Jupiter would explain a lot of things; its breakup would have watered the surrounding space of rubble. the asteroids. that been born by the bowel of Fetonte you/they would have sprinkled of iridium the surrounding worlds, especially Mars, that would have been able to be to great deal himself/herself/themselves next to the place of the disaster. The throw of material would primarily have struck a hemisphere of Mars, that from the part of Fetonte, therefore no distribution uniform of the iridium on the surface. A theory already proposed in 1980, and confirmed by scientific tests in 2008, it strengthens this thesis: the theory of a collision of the planet with an object of great dimensions happened on the northern hemisphere. As for the satellites of Mars. Phobos and Deimos could be two rocks ounces it departs integral of Fetonte, acquired by this to the action of his/her destruction or pieces of Mars removed in the impact. And the methane? We know that the methane can derive from volcanic activity, microbial forms of life or, it looks at case, fall of bodies containing methane from the space. However the methane is an unstable gas, that is decomposed by the ultraviolet radiation in 340 year-old one period under the conditions atmospheric Martian; therefore its presence relatively points out the existence of a recent source some gas. Recent; therefore volcanic activity is excluded: Mars is not more active from a piece. And the search of forms of life Martian able to produce methane is bankrupt. Therefore the methane has to originate from the impact with an external body.»
It kept on chattering for a beautiful po.' Parlava di Fetonte e delle ultime teorie; avevo ancora la tremarella, anche se lo ascoltavo con impegno. It was difficult to avoid to think to where I was me. I had never spoken, until then, so Berliz, that began to have a tired air, committed the small error to look for my approval. As skilled as it was always also a human being.
«Then Angel» it said puffing. «There is something on the matter that you want to ask me?»
I knew that if I/you had asked questions I would have put him in difficulty; you/he/she had certainly unloaded that given by the net and you/he/she had had time to read them to him, but if I/you had asked him something of precise you/he/she would have had to make a specific search before answering me. I would have pinched him. But despite the difficult moment I stayed a person of good heart however, figuratively, so I didn't rage.
«No, thanks, doctor» I answered.
Berliz tightened a few the eyes and me I followed his/her look, that diverted on something that was him near but outside the field visual. Certain. You/he/she was analyzing my voice. Even if synthesized, by now it was detector of my levels of tension as if you/he/she had been produced by true vocal chords. What he/she saw you don't have to satisfy him/it because he allowed to escape a smorfietta of disappointment: he/she knew that I was out still of head.
«I was thinking a thing» it restarted Berliz. «I wonder me if you have wondered because you have been select for this mission.»
I started to believe that Berliz had a lot some schizophrenic: it changed continuously matter.
To well to reflect us however concluded that, even though with awkward attitude, he was involving from manual: if he/she didn't succeed in distracting me with an antiseptic matter, you/he/she could have more success speaking of me. And it didn't intend to interrupt his/her fire of line: if you/he/she had broken the rhythm I would be ripiombato in a state of alienated apathy.
However you/he/she had asked me a question. I answered him with a point of malice, knowing that I would have upset him.
«Because I am a fifty-fifty man, sacrificabile» I said without bitterness.
It was an answer apparently depressed, but in reality I was certain that it was in good correct part: a mission of help failed with some corpse in more you/he/she would not have received a beautiful pleasure from the public opinion, better using someone that had few of human. Even in case of failure you/they would have convinced Daylight not to speak, tacitando the witnesses of the whole operation. Also for this the thing had been managed with so much discretion.
The cheek of Berliz had a lower case nervous wriggle that didn't escape me. The man widened in a forced smile.
«Street, Angel» it said. «Apart the human point of view, the city has run over on you. You are precious. No, it is that it served a fast intervention. Don't need a lot of oxygen, you are small and you don't hear again any acceleration. A minuscule shuttle was enough; you are in a cap armored to test of radiations, you/he/she has been to realize effortless one that suited him for the propellers of it. You/he/she is not had to create a special vehicle, what you have is very simple and it has a ridiculous mass. It will be easy for you to move you on Mars. You are light, you have a reactor incorporated Williamson that gives you the energy that serves you. You have good sensors and very smart six.»
«Unff.» The hisseds.
You/he/she was flattering me, I knew him/it, but my ego was not able whether to rejoyce. And the things that it said were reasonable. It almost convinced me. But you/he/she was discovered, by now I knew, whether to do for having that that I wanted, that had wanted always.
«You are kind, doctor» I said with attention.
They were the first words that came me to mind, and they were not important: wanting, I could give any intonation to my voice, I had an endless range among which to choose; I chose that that would mostly have disturbed Berliz: tension, control to the limit, a new fall of interest for his/her gossips. Berliz peered at to side and slightly turned pale.
«Ugh.» bofonchiò. «I don't want to annoy you with my preferred matters. Because you don't propose something you? I become me account that at times I exaggerate, with my chatters. Of thing you want to speak?»
I didn't answer him to beautiful mail. This did him/it worry more also.
«Angel» it said Berliz with vivacity. «Ehm, tries this way. To complete your mission is well that you know more something on yo
urself. You/he/she can be you useful, we don't know what you will find. I would say that it is the time to look at your inside Angel. We see together thing you are.»
Bingo. It was the time. You/he/she had come from dad. I had always asked him him some detail on the myself mechanic, but the physician always had svicolato. He/she knew well that I cared. That crisis was taken for making to capitulate him/it it.
«Of accord» I said.
I still used the voice in different way: share, energy, almost enthusiasm. Berliz ogled to side and breathed a light sigh of relief.
We worked together this way finally on the exabyte doing something that Berliz had always refused me,: we analyzed my hardware.
There was a whole file on me, I had glimpse him snooping for my account before being distracted from external events. I could not freely enter you, but Berliz had the password of it. The man unbuttoned him and under his/her guide I started to flow the information on me. I contemporarily opened five windows and I observed my schemes inside bioelettrici. I was fascinating, I have to say. Perhaps also a disgusting pochino. Inclusive only then the extraordinary job that you/they had done to the laboratory. I was a wired brain with endless possibilities. I was not particularly smart, I knew him/it. I had only a merit: an absolute adaptability. My brain had survived very well without body and potentially you/he/she could be interfacciato with any system, also to guarantee him oxygen and nourishment adjusted. Berliz piloted me among my ganglions showing me the interconnections and the terminal block, as they jokingly called her/it to the laboratory: the knot of junction among systems bioelettrici and voters pure. It was an object complicated fixture in my cerebellum; it had to guarantee the functionality, but also the safety towards unexpected events: omission or inversion of connections, overloads of the electric systems, synchronization among asyncronous elements, modificabilità in the time and autodiagnostica.
The modificabilità was a fundamental aspect: my brain changed continuously, slowly, suiting himself/herself/itself for the sensory characteristics and fattuali of the hardware that it was my body. But it was not everything so clear and evident as you/he/she could be believed: my real potentialities were unknown, as the influence of my emotional sphere on the whole system. Influence there was, eccome. The best breakthroughs in the dominion of my systems had done them following a push sensitive person produced by stimuli day-pupils.
This full immersion in myself lasted quite a lot, a lot of times, I would not know how to say how much. Berliz was untiring in to show me that that it interested more me, pushed by the demand to help me. In spite of his/her good wish I was him/it sfiancando, I knew him/it: I was accustomed to manage things and thoughts in parallel, contrarily to him. In more than an occasion I made him a gust of questions each uprooted from the others; every had to bring forth one different mental operation of mine, but Berliz started to sweat for succeeding in following me. I began me to explain to him: while I was flowing the contents of the database I spoke to him than I had learned until then. The physician was intelligent, but you/he/she was only a psychiatrist; certain the doctor Of the you/he/she would have known how to hold you/he/she makes a will me, my fisicità was more his/her subject.
Berliz panted but it was not given for defeated: you/he/she had succeeded in interesting me, he/she didn't want to lose the occasion to bring me to the extreme introspection.
Despite his/her fears and his/her trails reticences, didn't show particular uneasiness. I was a well oiled car devoted to the learning of itself same. Not said anymore a lot of weight to that that it made Berliz, only to his/her voice; notaries vaguely that the physician was sometimes granted of the food and of the water, when he saw me particularly absorbed him assentava for some instant (I imagine for freeing himself/herself/themselves of I did and urine).
From a certain moment in then his/her voice it did him hoarse, I started to notice a veil of bristly beard that covered his cheeks. Under the eyes it had two ample crisp purses, almost swollen, in the hand a coffeepot in permanent to reboil. I perceived all this in remote way.
More times Berliz suggested me to still tighten my field of perception, until the exabyte it didn't exist only.
I went alone by now on: the finestrella with the image of Berliz showed me a man destroyed by the tiredness, stretched out on a plain surface, busy to russicchiare without reservedness.
I studied, I studied, I studied, until the first symptoms of the sleep they began to consume my attention. I started not to understand as I was doing. The things mixed him among them, I didn't know more even thing I was me.
Was I an iron giant, a round metallic palletta or a simple grey sponge?
The memory of my old human body overlapped to the rest bringing me to a complete confusion. You/he/she was beginning that syndrome onirica that well I knew; by now I was in procinto to slip in the sleep, slowly, pleasantly.
I passed out with a great sense of liberation.