CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Ryan tugs at my arm roughly as he pulls me through the darkened tunnel. He moves forward quickly and with purpose, not slowing when we reach the tighter sections or when I stumble in the darkness. It seems as though he knows his way well and he’s obviously not scared of the tight space we move through.
‘Of all the stupid things…’ he mutters to himself. I only just catch his words and they make me feel like I’ve been doused in a bucket of ice cold water.
The silence between us stretches and we continue to stumble wordlessly in the darkness. He obviously thinks I’m an idiot, but right now I couldn’t care what he thinks. He’s been lying to me about who he is, and that’s clearly far worse.
Once we’re out of the tunnel he veers away from the route I’d initially followed. Instead we enter a corridor that is much darker than the others I’d walked through earlier. The ground is more uneven and it seems to get colder the further in we walk.
I find it difficult to keep calm as the darkness continues to engulf us. My body goes rigid and I can feel panic beginning to slowly take form at the edges of my awareness. I imagine the panic is like a dark black sludge, slowly covering me, waiting for a crack in my façade through which it can seep in. I’m determined though, and refuse to let it get to me.
Eventually Ryan slows his rapid pace. As he does, he pulls out a torch from his pocket. I clearly hear the sound of a switch being flicked and a bright white circle of light appears on the ceiling. He shines the beam up and down the hallway, then, seeing we’re alone, he stops and finally lets go of my hand.
‘So you’re an official?’ I ask, gently rubbing the spot where he’d grasped me so tightly. It certainly would explain a lot.
He shines the torch directly at my face and I put up my hand to stop the light from blinding me. The light quickly drops from my face to the ground as Ryan folds his arms across his chest. ‘Not quite…’ he replies, keeping his voice low. ‘Look, there’s no time to explain. We have to get you out of here.’
‘So you’re not going to arrest me?’
He raises his eyebrows at me; as though he’s offended I had to ask. ‘Not tonight,’ is all he says. ‘What are you doing in the Old Wing anyway?’
‘My friend was taken tonight,’ I say. ‘I don’t really even know how it happened, but I somehow ended up here. Then, when I heard the voices of the officials I followed them and they led me to the entrance.’
He continues to look at me disapprovingly, like I’m the world’s biggest idiot. I probably am. There’s not that many people left to compete with.
‘I thought maybe Sebastian had been taken here,’ I say, my voice breaking as a tear escapes down my cheek.
Ryan sighs and steps closer to give me a hug. Once his arms are around me I begin to cry. Like really, embarrassingly cry. I can’t help it. Being shown kindness when I’m so sad only seems to make my sorrow worse. It was easier when he was being mean.
‘It’s alright.’ He rubs my back and makes gentle, soothing noises.
My tears begin to lessen and I step back from him embarrassed. I feel uncomfortable sharing such a broken part of myself with him. I trust him, but I don’t want him to think I’m so fragile.
‘Are you okay?’ he asks softly.
‘I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay. But the crying has stopped if that’s what you’re asking.’
He clears his throat and gives me an awkward pat on the shoulder. ‘You need to go back now,’ he says. I nod, quite happy to comply. ‘This area isn’t safe. Please promise me you won’t come back here.’
‘I won’t.’ He doesn’t need to convince me to leave this place. I’d just about do anything to get out of here.
He watches me for a moment as though analysing my reaction. Finally he gives a brief nod that suggests he’s satisfied I won’t return and he turns to continue down the hallway.
‘Do you know where they take the tainted?’ I ask, catching up with him.
‘That’s not something I can discuss with you,’ he responds quite formally. His answer isn’t ‘no,’ so he must know something.
I touch his arm lightly. ‘Please Ryan. I need to know.’
He almost growls when he turns towards me. ‘I can’t say anything,’ he says tightly. ‘Come on, I’ll walk you to the exit of the Old Wing. We’ll be in here for hours if we keep stopping this way.’
I drop my hand down to my side and suppress the tears that threaten to breach the surface of my eyes again. ‘Could you at least tell me if he’ll be okay?’
He pauses. I can almost see his mind whirring as he thinks it through.
‘Your friend is still alive.’
It takes over an hour to get back to the East Wing and by the time I reach the Atrium it’s the middle of the night. My feet are on autopilot as they drag me towards the North Wing, but I pause when I approach one of the surface screens. I stare at the turbulent wasteland and try to imagine where Sebastian is right now, and whether he’s somewhere where he can see the stars tonight—if that’s even possible. I wonder if he’s with his mum and his sister. I hope more than anything he is. That they’re taking care of him, wherever they are, and he will get well soon.
As I stare at the wastes a part of me considers what my life will be like now he’s gone. The thought is haunting though and I quickly dismiss it.
My CommCuff buzzes as a message comes through with a request that I attend therapy in the morning. I groan as I read the message. It’s hardly a request, more of a demand as I have no choice in the matter. I rub my eyes tiredly and decide it’s time to stop my exhausted, delirious musings and go home.
When I get back to my quarters I attempt to quietly open the door, not wanting to disturb Quinn who must surely be sleeping by now. To my surprise she stands in the middle of the room pacing, her face lined with worry. Seeing me, standing in the doorway, she rushes over.
‘I’ve been so worried Elle!’ She grabs my shoulders and shakes me slightly. ‘When you ran away I didn’t know where you might go. Adam was just lying there crumpled on the floor. I couldn’t just leave him … but then you didn’t come back and I tried to look for you in all your usual places, but you weren’t anywhere.’ She drops her arms from my shoulders and stands back.
‘Where have you been?’ she asks with ‘mother-like’ concern. I try to gauge how she is feeling before I respond. Her face is drained of its usual colour, her eyes are bloodshot and her hair is a complete mess—always a sure sign she’s not doing too well. She looks how I feel and I hate to think how I must look.
It’s clear she’s already been so worried about me. I can’t tell her about the Old Wing or about Ryan when she’s in this state. She doesn’t need to know.
I shrug in response to her question and say, ‘I was just walking around. I’m not really too sure where I was.’ At least there’s an element of truth in that.
She gathers me up in a hug. ‘You poor thing,’ she murmurs in my ear. When she pulls away she examines me closely. ‘How do you feel?’
‘I’ve been better,’ I say wearily.
Her eyebrows crease with concern. ‘Look at you. You’re dead on your feet.’ With that, I’m swiftly ordered to go to bed.
I hadn’t realised how tired I was. How could one evening drain me so completely? It doesn’t take much coaxing to get me into bed. Once sleep is mentioned exhaustion overwhelms me, and I can barely stand. As I curl into a ball under the covers, I am calmed by one clear thought. Sebastian is still alive.